Sick of the Gophers

First of all, just let me say I have no idea what was going on with Tubby's substitution patterns tonight.  I also don't know what is going on with the Hollinses, but they were inexplicably terrible tonight.  This game was everything we saw against Northwestern, Iowa, Nebraska, and Illinois all over again and reminded me of how frustratingly bad this team can be.  They're probably still in the NCAA Tournament but at this point barring a huge Big 10 Tournament run they'll be somewhere in the 7-10 range which means even if they somehow won their first round game they'll just get smoked in round 2.  Just.  I don't know.  I should write more but I'm sick and after watching that game I really don't feel like it.  So here's what I wrote before the game, previews and stuff. 


MISSOURI VALLEY CONFERENCE
Oddly this is the only tournament kicking off Thursday, particularly since I remember Thursday always used to be the biggest day of the week.  It seems a lot of the conferences have switched to Friday or Saturday starts (particularly the SoCon and the Colonial) in order to maximize their attendance and revenue which makes total sense for them but sucks for me so I hate it.  Anyway, there's no real intrigue here because Wichita and Creighton are probably both in even if they get dropped in the first round, and nobody else has a chance at an at-large (Indiana State was borderline for a while, but dropped 5 of 6 to close out the season).  Even so there should be some good basketball in this one.
FAVORITE:  Creighton.  At the beginning of the year Creighton was the big swinging dick of the MVC, then they hit a bit of a rough patch and all of a sudden Wichita was the bee knees, then the Blue Jays gave the Shockers a nice beatdown to not only reassert dominance, but also to grab the #1 seed in the tourney.  By the way I still haven't figured out how good Doug McDermott really is and I have no idea what I'm going to do with Creighton when the brackets come out - which I guess is the same as every other team because I'm kind of an idiot.
SLEEPER:  Illinois State.  The Redbirds were supposed to be a MVC sleeper this year, and appeared to be good enough to make my top 68 teams preview at #52, but they struggled a smidge in conference play, dropping their first six MVC games.  They finished out at 8-4 and with Jackie Carmichael have the guy who'd be a shoo-in for conference player-of-the-year if Doug McDermott didn't exist, and he's not even the leading scorer on his own team. 
W's PICK:  Northern Iowa.  The MVC is loaded this year (9th best conference) and with the top two squads already assured of NCAA bids you can be the rest of the teams will be in crazy survival mode and that's when weird things happen.  So why not take the team with the experienced coach (Ben Jacobson) and senior leadership (3 senior starters) who finished hot (won 7 of their final 8 conference games which included wins over Wichita, Creighton, and Illinois State)?  Plus weird shit like this always seems to happen to annoying teams like Northern Iowa.

In meaningful games for Thursday night, we have Kentucky (@ Georgia) and Virginia (@ Florida State) both face pretty much must win road games to keep their bid chances alive, while Butler is on the road as well at UMass and even though they seem pretty solidly in at this point they'd be much better off not losing and giving the committee a reason to reconsider.  The best game of the night (bubble wise) is Oregon @ Colorado in the Pac-12.  Both are in solid shape, but the winner of this one pretty much punches their ticket, while the other will need to pick up another win elsewhere.  Of course the real best game of the night is Wisconsin @ Michigan State, which will matter for seedings and all that jazz and should be entertaining as long as Wisconsin doesn't control pace and gets killed.  Pretty slow for a Thursday, but there are games all day starting at 11am with the last one tipping off at 10:30pm, so who am I to complain?  I love March.

DWG College Hoops Preview: Teams #18-#12

I wasn't able to go to the Gopher game tonight, so instead here are a few more NCAA Hoop Previews (we're almost done!).  But first, a quick check on the Big 10 teams and how they've done in the exhibitions that have been played so far.

Illinois 79-47 over Lewis and 75-66 over West Chester.   The Illini had 21 turnovers vs. just 7 assists against West Chester.  Safe to say their issues with ball-handling haven't been resolved just yet.

Indiana 86-57 over Wesleyan.  Maurice Creek led the Hoosiers in scoring with 12.  I would have sworn that dude had graduated already.

Iowa 100-54 over Quincy.  Hawks forced 31 turnovers in this game, and based on possessions in the game it looks like Iowa might be converted over to a run-and-gun, press the whole game type of team.  Tom Davis would be proud.

Michigan 83-47 over Northern Michigan.  Trey Burke was suspended for this one which clearly didn't matter.  Two of the three vaunted freshmen hit double figures.  Tim Hardaway had 5 assists and zero turnovers.  Luckily he still shoots like shit.

Michigan State 85-47 over Northwood and 62-49 over St. Cloud State.  Derrick Nix looking like he's come to play this year with a 13 & 8 and 14 & 7 in these two.  Then again, I doubt teams of that caliber have anyone who can handle someone as wide as Nix in the paint.

Nebraska:  yet to play.  They can't even figure out scheduling properly.

Northwestern:  yet to play.  You'll never make the NCAA Tournament this way.

Ohio State 83-71 over Walsh.  DeShaun Thomas scored 25 and got up 17 shots with nobody else on OSU putting up more than 9.  The man is just a scoring machine.  Breathtaking.

Penn State 79-54 over Philadelphia.  D.J. Newbill, a transfer from Southern Miss, scored 15 them and Tim Frazier scored 17 with 8 assists.  Frazier is insane.  How he can put up the kind of numbers he did last year with no help is baffling.

Purdue 70-61 over Montevallo and 109-68 over Newberry.  They have three guys named Johnson (Ronnie, Terone, and Anthony) who were the three leading scorers against Montevallo.  That's hilarious.

Wisconsin:  yet to play.  Slackers.

Anyway, on with it.  And don't forget to check out the post directly below this one for TRE's Western Conference Preview which I totally just stepped all over.

18.  Creighton Blue Jays.  You're going to hear a sickening amount about Creighton this year, and not without reason, but you know how much ESPN loves their little teams that could and Creighton is the top qualifier this year (since Gonzaga and Memphis have done it so long and no longer qualify - well maybe Gonzaga).   This is a team that beat Alabama in the first round of the NCAA Tournament last season and has nine of its top ten guys back including Doug McDermott who is somehow a National Player of the Year candidate.  The guy they lose is a big one in Antoine Young who has been their PG for three years, but he didn't even lead the team in assists last year so they'll probably be ok.  The real problem is that schedule.  They have a couple of so-so teams on there (North Texas, Cal, St. Joe's) but the only real team is Wisconsin and they just lost their PG for the season.  So it's very likely they will enter the MVC schedule undefeated and should run through there with only 1-2 losses.  Can you hear the media coverage already?  Can't you already hear Dickie V screaming about McDermott and Creighton?  Ugh.  I'm sick of it already and it hasn't even started yet.

17.  Kansas Jayhawks.  These guys rank 7th in both polls so I might be underrating them, but losing both Tyshawn Taylor and Thomas Robinson is huge - that's 34 points, 14 boards, and 7 assists just gone.  Then again, the year prior they lost the Morris twins and made the Championship Game, and the year before that they lost Sherron Collins (what happened to that guy?), Cole Aldrich, and Xavier Henry and still made the elite 8.  So I guess, what, Kansas is kind of a basketball factory?  Man, why am I always the last to know?  You know they're going to be involved on some level because you know they're always going to play defense, and even more fun is that big dopey surfer dude, Jeff Withey, is back with his 3.6 blocks per game from last year.  Man I love shotblockers.  Remember Antoine Broxsie?  God was I excited when he transferred to the Gophers.  Whiffed on that one.  He's the starting PF on my all-disappointing Gopher team (PG: Adam Boone, SG: Rico Tucker, SF: Rick Rickert , PF Broxsie, C Ralph Sampson, and Voshon Lenard's senior year should be on here somewhere too)

16.  Arizona Wildcats.  Arizona looks to be back, finally, and I for one am happy about it.  To have the alma mater of Sean Elliott and Sean Rooks be a giant suckhole was not good for my brain, man, but they're back.  A monster recruiting class (ranked #3 in the country by ESPN with four dudes in their top 100), a big-time transfer (Mark Lyons from Xavier who averaged 15 points and 3 assists per game last year and is immediately eligible thanks to that post-graduate rule that everyone who has ever used has been doing in order to further their academic career), and a couple of studs in waiting back will have Arizona back in the NCAA Tournament after their streak of I don't know like 25 years in a row or something ended last season.  FUN FACT:  Lyons was recruited to Xavier by then head coach Sean Miller.  Sean Miller is now Arizona's coach.  Good thing Arizona offered a post-grad degree Lyons was after that Xavier didn't.  What a happy coincidence. 

15.  Gonzaga Bulldogs.  I've come way around on the Bulldogs.  When they started winning a bunch of games I initially hated them the same way I currently hate Davidson - an annoying little brother winning a few too many games after hitting a lucky streak that the national media wants to make out with at all times - but now I've decided I'm a big fan.  You can't have this run of success by accident, and it's impressive how they've managed to keep it going and, stop me if you've heard this before, this season might be their best.  As per usual they're loaded in the back court with Kevin Pangos and Gary Bell, and these guys are just sophomores so you can expect them to be good for at least another few seasons, and Elias Harris is back and was good again last year so there's no reason to think he won't jump up another level in his final college year.  The key to this team's success may end up being center Sam Dower, a junior from Osseo (yes, Osseo, MN) who apparently the Gophers didn't need.  He's had a couple of nice seasons as a back-up and with Robert Sacre gone he's primed for a breakout year.  Gonzaga highlights on SportsCenter are literally going to kill me this year.  Yes, I said literally.

14.  North Carolina Tar Heels.  Normally a team starting two freshmen and two guys coming back off knee surgery would be cause for concern, but you know the deal once you start getting to this caliber of team - these aren't exactly mediocre talents.  James McAdoo, who for some reason is always called James Michael McAdoo which I am not going to do because it's annoying, could have been a Top 10 NBA pick last season if he had left despite playing just 15 minutes per game with UNC because apparently nobody remembers Marvin Williams, but he chose to stay and is immediately one of the favorites for ACC Player of the Year.  Seriously these guys will be fine.  The back-ups who played 10 minutes per game last year were all like, Top 50 recruits who were just biding their time, and they bring in the 8th ranked recruiting class which included stealing two guys (Marcus Paige from Iowa, J.P. Tokoto from Wisconsin) out of the midwest so seriously F these guys.  The only reason not to completely hate Carolina is because at least they aren't Duke.

13.  Memphis Tigers.  Guess which team hasn't won an NCAA Tournament game the last three years (no not the Gophers I mean a team that's supposed to win those games)?  Well obviously it's Memphis otherwise why would I bring it up?  That will have to change if Sam Weir look-a-like Josh Pastner wants to stay comfortable as Memphis jumps to the Big East next season, because this Memphis team is finally loaded the way those all Caliparian teams were.  They've got a very talented back court including former McDonald's All-American Shoeless Joe Jackson, Adonis Thomas (another former McD's AA who was hurt the majority of last season) is also back and healthy, and in the paint they grabbed another McD's AA in Shaq Thomas.  So yeah, I'd say Pastner's recruiting has finally caught up to what Calipari was doing when he was at Memphis.  Expect sanctions any day.

12.  Baylor Bears.  It's pretty incredible that Baylor can lose Perry Jones, Quincy Acy, and Quincy Miller all to the NBA and still have a shot at being a top 10 team this year, but Baylor has turned into a pretty incredible program.  Pierre Jackson is back to run the show after being named Honorable Mention All-American last season and was tabbed as the Big 12 Preseason Player of the Year, and his back court mate Brady Heslip is back as well to knock down a billion threes.  Add in Deuce Bello, A.J. Walton, and Gary Franklin and it's safe to say there are no questions about Baylor's guard play.  Losing the entire front court could hurt, but Baylor could easily go three guards and there's plenty of incoming talent as well.  Particularly Isaiah Austin who is the best incoming center in the country and a top-5 overall recruit - the kind of guy lesser schools would call a "program changer" but just business as usual at Baylor.  Plus J'mison Morgan is somehow still around.  I swear that dude is older than Mbakwe.


Previous:
Teams #68-60
Teams #59-53
Teams #52-47 
Teams #46-39 
Teams #38-34 
Teams #33-26 
Teams #25-20 
Team #19 (GOPHERS)

Week in Review - 12/12/2011

There's no Gopher talk below because meh.  I'm sorry, they blew out St. Peter's which is exactly what they're supposed to do.  I just don't care.  I could probably break down all the players' shit or whatever but again, it was against St. Peter's so it's all basically meaningless.  Well not totally meaningless, I mean it's nice to see them work over a shitbox team they way they should so that's encouraging.  And I know this is a Gopher blog and I should write up every single game but in my defense fuck that shit.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Anaheim Angels.  Ok so yeah, the Pujols' contract is probably too long and the C.J. Wilson contract is probably a little much for somebody who hasn't shown he can be a true ace, but the Angels just grabbed the best hitter and best pitcher on the market.  As someone who thinks a team should spend as much as they can and as much as they want to win and doesn't get all revved up about big market vs. small market discrepancies (I don't hate the Yankees and Red Sox because they have more money, I hate them because they're assholes), I think it's an awesome move to say "Yeah, this is probably more than these guys are worth, but we can afford it and it makes us better."  Pretty sweet week to be an Angel fan, and with Pujols, Kendry Morales assuming he's ok, and Mark Trumbo now on board they have a pretty sweet trade chip which, if they're lucky, they can use to also persuade somebody to take Torii Hunter or Vernon Wells' contract.  And now they have Wilson, Dan Haren, and Jered Weaver at the front of the rotation.  Yeah, nice.  I'd say this makes up for the Napoli thing.


2.  Indiana Hoosiers.  Well that was a pretty awesome game.  Huge win for the Hoosiers, and they're definitely on the way back but I'm not convinced they're good.  I mean really they shouldn't even have won that game but John Calipari was too busy counting his illegal monies to actually coach.  Do you realize Indiana was down 2 with 6 seconds left and Kentucky had TWO fouls to give.  So you wait until the guy catches the ball in the back court, let him get 2-3 dribbles down and foul.  Then, when they take it out on the side, you waste another second and foul again, and at this point Indiana has like one second left and the ball out of bounds on the side at mid-court.  Boom.  You can choose to blame Calipari or you can choose to blame his players instead, but I contend that Calipari coached those players so IN YOUR FACE.   

3.  Michigan State Spartans.  Pretty good weekend for the B1G 10 (outside of Ohio State) and Michigan State's win over Gonzaga in Spokane (or wherever the hell Gonzaga is) was a very good one.  What I found most interesting was Draymond Green's line.  Usually he's all like, I'm gonna grab a bunch of boards and dish some assists and score some points and just kind of facilitate the offense, but in this one he just took the hell over and scored 34 of their 75 points (no other Spartan hit double figures) and really didn't do anything else (2 rebs, 3 asst) and was like a completely different person than usual.  I don't know if that's good or bad.  Like one time I had this friend who was a huge drunk and he was hilarious but he drank like all the time and then he stopped drinking and we were like good for you that will make you so much healthier but then he wasn't funny any more and was kind of lame and I haven't talked to him in a long time.


4.  Devoe Joseph.  Royce White is probably the best player in the Big 12 (FACT!!), Justin Cobbs is a valuable member of Cal's almost certainly NCAA Tournament squad, and now Devoe makes his debut for Oregon and leads them in scoring with 18, throwing in 4 assists (to 1 TO) to boot.  That's always fun.  I'm fucking pissed at Devoe.  I liked him too much for him to just turn his back on me like this, then show up with some west coast hippie dude looking sexier than ever.  That was a metaphor.  Also, because I don't know where else to put this and I can't remember my twitter password, I just want to mention that I'm alone in my basement and I'm choosing to watch The Next Iron Chef rather than football.  Does that make me gay?

5.  Rob Gronkowski.  Do you remember how when you used to play Tecmo Super Bowl sometimes Christian Okoye would be in "excellent" condition and then when you'd run with him you'd actively look for defensive players to just run over and bounce them right the fuck out of the screen?  That's like Gronky, he's just sick.  Completely untackleable.  It doesn't even matter if it's some pussy ass little safety or some big fat defensive lineman, nobody can bring this dude down.  And he's not just some big bruiser, he's got hands that are baby soft.  I once saw Randy Johnson whip an egg at his head at 98 mph and he just cradled it in and the thing didn't even break.  Then he humped a porn star and when he was done she was all like "you're the best I've ever had" and he was all like "yeah don't call me."  True story.


WHO SUCKED


1.   Joe Webb Fans.  Are you people serious?  After a very nice day at the bar with Dawger and Bear (ps suck it $nake), I happened to be listening to the after game call-in show or whatever for the Vikings and I'm pretty sure people are completely out of their damn minds.  Hosts and callers both, because there was apparently a for real debate about whether Webb or Ponder should be the Viking QB of the future.  Guess what geniuses, Joe Webb sucks at throwing a football.  Did you even watch the game?  He was missing open receivers by five freaking yards and I'm not exaggerating.  He's not Mike Vick bad or even Terrelle Pryor bad, he makes them look like me playing bar league football - dead on balls accurate.  Yes he's fast.  Fun.  But Ponder might be an actual real life QB, even if that throw across the body crap was the worst throw in the history of football.  Webb is a bit and you're dumb.  You know damn well you love him, don't lie to me.

2.  Creighton Blue Jays.  Could be the return of the curse of DWG, or could just be that Creighton sucks balls because after getting out to a blistering start that actually had me complimenting a Missouri Valley team, Creighton sucked big-time this weekend getting rolled by St. Joseph's.  Creighton allowed St. Joe's to shoot 49%, sent them to the line 29 times and got there just 9 themselves, and was out-rebounded 37-24.  They also allowed someone named Carl Jones to score 29 points.  I don't really have else to add since I don't really know that much about either team or care, but I did bet a decent amount on Creighton to win this one so I'm a little peeved.

3.  Memphis Tigers.  Speaking of betting oh my god I suck at betting so much when it's not props.  How the hell could Memphis possibly lose to Murray State at home?  Murray State isn't even good.  They're not even mediocre, and that's why Memphis was an 11 point favorite but instead of winning by eleven they just flat out lost.  Which made sense because I got raped like an Egyptian geisha this weekend.  But really, could Pastnor have learned from Calipari any better?  Recruit great athletes, stress defense, refuse to run anything remotely resembling a real offense and just hope your players can outplay your opponent - exactly like Kentucky these days.  Too bad Murray State is boring and disciplined.  I hate that shit.

4.  Manchester United.  Wow.  Just wow.  How do you lose to Basel, and how do you get knocked out in the Group Stage in Champions League?  This is the first time since 2005 Man U hasn't made it to the knockout round.  Also I told the swamp donkey to sock it before I gave her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and had her lick my yarbles.

5.  The Xavier/Cincy Fight.  As someone who continually rips hockey because most of the "fans" of the "sport" care more about the fighting than the game I need to weight in here and say that the fight was stupid and dumb and stupid.  But you know what's even more stupid?  The people who are trying to blow this thing out of proportion and act like programs should be shut down and players should be kicked off teams.  Yes, punching some ugly white dude in the head isn't a good thing and stomping on some guy who's already on the ground is probably not a resume builder, but this is the ugliest rivalry in college hoops and has been for years.  The whole game (and pre-game really) was chippy and bitchy and you could see this shit coming when the refs didn't step in like asap.  Yes, it's a black mark on the game but it's not like somebody was engaging in a little horseplay in the showers here so let's settle down.  Also those people who are condemning Holloway for his "gangster" comment need to fucking relax.  He's not saying they're Crips for christ's sake, it's called his vernacular.  Relax, whitey.


By the way, this Tebow shit is ridiculous.  Every week it's the same thing - suck badly and embarrassingly for 3.5 quarters and then tear shit up in the last 6 minutes.  Once again it happened this week.  When I left the bar the Broncos were down 10-0, the offense had done nothing, and Tebow had 45 yards passing.  When I got home it turned out the Broncos won and Tebow threw for over 200 yards.  I mean how does this shit happen every single week?  It's crazy, and I gotta tell ya I think I've gone from Tebow hater to semi-on the bandwagon.  Seriously if he wasn't silly religious I'd probably be all aboard, but who am I to question god?  And if I was going to I'd probably start with the platypus anyway, then move on to general human misery and/or specific events like the holocaust or that tidal wave thing, and then eventually get to Tebow.  That sentence kind of got away from me.  Anyway, has there ever been such a lock for #2 in MVP voting?  Every single writer is going to go Rodgers #1 and Tebow #2.  And if they pick somebody other than Rodgers they're going to go that guy #1 and Tebow #2.  He's going to finish in second with zero #1 votes.  Right?  Because nobody would voluntarily vote him #1, right?  RIGHT?

Also I have $2 on Tebow to win MVP which would get me $200 so I'm on board.  Choo choo.

Week in Review - 12/5/2011

There's a preview of Appalachian State, the Gophers next opponent, at the very bottom of this post.  Huzzah!

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Rodney Williams.  I've been waiting forever for some positive feelings about Williams, and now I am finally feeling them.  He seems like a completely different player at the 4.  It's like before he was Mikey in the beginning of Swingers and now he's like Mikey at the end doing the twirly-whirly dance with Heather Graham and hanging up on that manipulative bitch Michelle.  Really though, he's always had the tools like the bear - the big fangs and those fucking claws or whatever - and he just didn't know how to kill the bunny.  Now he knows how to kill the bunny and dunk right on it's stupid head.  Good god, that's the perfect analogy.  Sometimes you people who read this should really be sending me money for that kind of insight.



2. Ohio State Buckeyes.  Nobody cares that the beat UT-Pan American by 30 even without Sullinger because I mean, come on, it's UT-PA, but that win over Duke earlier this week was like woah.  I mean, I did expect the Buckeyes to win and a double-digit win wouldn't shock me, but this was a thoroughly kick their ass from tip to final whistle pick your score kind of game.  I was impressed by OSU after they beat Florida in kind of a grind it out game, but they didn't quite have the look of a National Champion in that one.  Not so against Duke, where they looked like the most complete team in the country.  Really, there's just so much talent here.  Take away their two best players (Sully and Buford) and they're still probably a top 10 team.  Ridiculous.  With Duke and Florida out of the way, only the game at Kansas on Saturday stands in the way of an undefeated non-conference slate.  And hell, they win that one they might very well finish the year unbeaten, because they're far and away better than anybody else in the Big 10.  Which probably means they'll lose to Northwestern or some such nonsense.

3. Xavier Musketeers.  I feel like I talk about Xavier too much but I just really like that program and what they do year after year, and I really really like Tu Holloway (although I liked him better when he went by Terrell).  Their win over Purdue at home on Saturday was more of a ho-hum kind of win, not because it's not a quality victory but because it's what they were supposed to do (although falling behind by 19 in the second half and coming back to win probably says some positive things), but add that in with a very nice win at Vanderbilt that included scoring the final 4 points of the game to send it to OT and then scoring the first 12 points of overtime.  Xavier is a perennial sweet 16 team, and I've kind of been waiting for that big breakthrough squad to get them into the Final Four.  Is this the year?  No.   

4.  Missouri Valley.  For some reason I've always disliked the MVC.  I don't know why since I like all the other smaller conferences.  It's just like a rainbow - nobody can explain why it happens, it just does.  With that being said, however, the MVC is looking tough and annoying again like the old days.  This past week alone Creighton went to San Diego State and got a tough road win (and they stomped Nebraska) and Wichita State beat UNLV by 20 - yes, the same Rebels who beat North Carolina.  Additionally, Northern Iowa has just one loss and Indiana State finished third in the Old Spice Classic.  Things fall off in a hurry after those four teams (sorry Drake guy), but at the very least both Creighton and Wichita should be in the hunt for an NCAA bid, while UNI and Ind State can get in the conversation with a strong run through the league.  All of which means we'll probably have to hear a bunch of annoying crap about how good the MVC always is.  Like this post, which I guess means I'm part of the problem.  Talk about self-loathing.

5.  Oklahoma State Cowboys.  Although part of me feels like I should give Indiana some propers to the Hoosiers for their 8-0 start and tough road win at NC State, I'm going to go with a more wait and see (as in let's see if they can keep it within 20 against Kentucky this weekend) and instead give some props to screwed over Oklahoma State footballers, who stomped the rival Oklahoma Sooners 44-10 in the Big 12 Championship to finish the year at 11-1 and will now have a shot at the National Title against LSU - except not really because the BCS is instead giving everyone a rematch of a game played earlier this year between LSU and Alabama and the Cowboys have to play Stanford in the who cares Bowl instead.  So stupid.  LSU already beat Alabama, so let's say Bama beats LSU - can they really claim to be the best team?  They split.  If LSU plays Okla State it's still not as good as a tournament, but still better than a damn rematch.  Honestly, the end of the year crap is probably reason #1 that I don't get into college football as much as I do college hoops or baseball.  Actually reason #1 is my wife would kill me, but the end of the year stuff is a strong #2.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Dayton Flyers. Jesus Christ, Dayton, could you guys fuck things up any further?  You're a terrible team and a terrible program with terrible fans and no matter you'll never be more than 2nd class in your own conference, but hey, winning the Old Spice Classic, although not against top tier talent, is still some nice momentum.  Then you turn around and lose to Buffalo AT HOME by 30!!  And then lose by 20 at Murray State?!?!?!!  Instead of fighting for an NCAA bid, this team will be lucky to get an invite to the CIT, and they're who beat the Gophers?  This is the shitty shit box team who destroyed Trevor Mbakwe's career and the hopes and dreams of all the children of the world?  Is there any doubt that Dayton = satan?  It even rhymes!  If I go to Chicago again for the NCAA Tournament I'm burning that Dayton bar to the ground.  After I have their tasty wings of course.

2.  Washington Huskies.  Pretty sad considering how much I love the brand of circus ball the Huskies play, but it's becoming clear this just isn't a very good team this year.  Well I suppose I could be overreacting because they are 4-2, but they've only had two opponents who even resemble good teams and they lost to them both - St. Louis a week or so ago and Nevada this weekend.  I suppose it's awfully difficult to replace Captain Circus Ball (Isaiah Thomas) and then keep playing the same kind of circus ball, especially when one of your new main ball handlers is a freshman (Tony Wroten, currently averaging 4.5 turnovers per game) and the other is still trying to work his way all the way back from an ACL tear (Abdul Gaddy).  But the good news is they still play stupid fast and the Pac-10 is awful so they'll probably be back in the NCAA Tournament to thrill us with a couple games that go 190+ combined.  Don't expect too much though, there's little chance they survive the first weekend.  No matter how much I want them to.

4.  Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets.  Why, oh why, does Georgia Tech always suck so bad?  I have such fond memories of Lethal Weapon 3 (the original - Anderson, Oliver, Scott - not the stupid imitation shitty South Carolina group who tried to steal the nickname) that I still have some leftover fandom for the Jackets, but they're just terrible this year - again.  They're 4-4 and we aren't even at conference play yet, and the losses are against St. Joe's (bad), LSU (terrible), Northwestern (ok), and Tulane (bad).  If it wasn't for that win over VCU in the Charleston Classic, they'd be in the running for worst BCS Conference team in the country.  I mean not only did they lose to Tulane, but they were actually the underdogs.  Embarrassing.  Freshmen Julian Royal, sophomore Jason Morris, and juniors Mfon Udofia, Glen Rice, and Kammeon Holsey are all top 100 types of recruits.  Talent - yes.  Experience - yes.  Results - emphatically no.  This would be why what's his face got fired.

5.  Houston Cougars.  It's like something out of a book or a movie, isn't it?  Lightly recruited QB out of high school goes to to his hometown school, the only D-I program to even offer him a scholarship.  After redshirting his first year, he's in a big QB competition his second year which he finally wins towards the end of the year, and then dominates his sophomore year, winning the Conference Player of the Year.  After another great season, he goes into his senior year with a chance to break all kinds of NCAA records, but ends up tearing his ACL.  After being granted a sixth year by the NCAA, he breaks those records and goes on to lead his undermanned team to a an undefeated season by directing the top scoring offense in the nation, and puts his team in a position to make a BCS Bowl for the first time I assume.  All that stands in their way is the Conference USA Championship Game at Southern Miss, so the QB takes his heavily favored squad up against the Golden Eagles and THEY GET FUCKING LIT UP like the Vikings in an NFC Championship Game.  Seriously, Houston got destroyed and scored the fewest points they have all year.  Nice job, Keenum.  Enjoy the CFL.


So anyway the Gophers play Appalachian State Tuesday night and yawn.  App State is actually supposed to be one of the best teams in the Southern Conference, but unfortunately this isn't the same SoCon from back when Davidson was Tournament Killer and Charleston was upsetting people all over the place, and the rest of the conference has become cupcake city.  In fact, the SoCon ranks as one of the handful of worst conference in America according to kenpom.com (23rd out of 32), and its best win outside of those two schools is Elon's upset of a terrible South Carolina team.

So yeah, a mid-tier team from a low tier conference.  Great.  The Mountaineers are 4-3 this year, but two of those wins are over non-D1 schools and the other two were versus Tennessee Tech and Greensboro.  Also the best team they've played this year is East Carolina who is awful and they beat Appalachian State by 20.  The only exciting part about the game, other than watching the Gophers of course, is that the Mountaineers do have preseason SoCon Player of the Year candidate Omar Carter, a senior guard whose scoring average so far this year would be his career low since he suddenly can't shoot anymore.  Although he has gone 15-26 shooting the past two games, so maybe he's on his way back.  I could go on and describe several other decent players, but who cares?  Cupcake city, baby.

Gophers 80, Mountaineers 53

Also I had a whole conversation with Bear about the Gophers and how good "Rodney White" has looked recently and he didn't realize until he sent me an email this morning that he had the name wrong lololololol.