Holy cow does two weeks of vacation fly by. I can't believe it's over and I'm back doing real life things. Real life sucks, and Minnesota doesn't have an ocean or bars that stay open until 4am. I have no idea what I'm doing here. But a whole lot happened in those two weeks, and as I sit here and watch the Gopher NIT game and pretend to not care what happens, I'll write some of those things down.
- By the way, I have the Gophers +6, Rodney Williams over 19.5 pts+rebs, Austin Hollins over 1.5 made 3s, Reggie Johnson over 7.5 rebs, and both teams combined over 13 made 3s. Some people may say that's a lot of bets for one game, and this is where I'd refute that but I got nothin'.
- The Chicago trip was awesome as usual, even if it was just one night this year because Bogart has to take his stupid family on vacation. Nothing too crazy to report, but the night did end with Dawger trying to act like a fake bouncer at some bar and bothering people for their IDs before he passed out in a chair outside and then challenged Bogart's 17-year old (male) ward to a wrestling match when we got back to his place at 3am. So that was weird. Or actually pretty normal.
- We join the Gopher game in progress with them winning 6-0. Can we just call the game right here?
- I apologize for not knowing this but I've been on vacation and also haven't really wanted to pay any attention to the Gophers, but is Ralph hurt or something? Or just benched because he sucks and is graduating anyway?
- Once again my bracket is in shambles with two Final Four teams (Mizzou and FSU) bounced and that certainly doesn't help, but UNLV and Memphis getting smacked in the first round when I had both making Sweet 16 runs killed me, along with Belmont who I also had in the 16. Naturally my wife is kicking my ass and could win the whole thing if Kansas takes it, and my bracket blowing up in my face during the first weekend, I've been informed, is now considered an annual tradition of the Chicago trip along with wings at the Dayton Bar (or a brat if you're Dawger), yelling at strangers at the W bar, or Coldplay at the Yahtzee bar. No, I don't know the name of any of the bars we always go to, just know them by nickname. Seems more insider and hip that way.
- I can't be the only person who hears D.J. Cooper's name (of the Ohio Bobcats) and thinks "For D.B. Cooper and the money he took, you can look for answers but that ain't fun, now get the pit and try to love someone bawitdabadabangdabangditty." Right?
- Jesus this game is sloppy. It's like watching a sea otter make love to a mop. The Gophers are so bad I want to kidnap every single one and send them to Clem Haskins basketball camp. Or something. I don't know, somebody who can teach how to not turn the ball over and also doesn't hate shooting. You know who else hated shooting? MLK, and look what happened to him.
- I really hope you watch the Walking Dead, or if you don't you weren't one of those jackasses who bailed on the season when things were moving a little slowly, because the show just had its season finale and the last handful of episodes were bad-ass and were going a little Game of Thrones-y just killing people off. Not to mention an orgy of zombie killing to kick-off the last episode. Just an awesome last few hours, including the death of an annoying but main guy, the death of a main important guy, the deaths of a bunch of filler dudes, Daryl continuing to morph into a badass, some ninja showing up with two armless walker pets or something and saving Andrea, a look at a giant prison where they're heading which is supposed to be badass according to people who read the Walking Dead comics and no I'm not one of them, and Rick reminding everyone why he's in charge and he's the leader. Just awesome. Other than that mom lady and that idiot kid this show suddenly rocks again in every way.
- Gophers lead by 12 at half. No, I'm not remotely excited. In case you've ever wondered if it's better to win the NIT or make the NCAA Tournament and lose in the first round, the latter is considerably better and it's not close. That means the second one, dummy.
- It's been a while since I've officially dedicated a post to a chick, but this one is dedicated to Becki Newton who plays Quinn on How I Met Your Mother. The show started out the gate with Cobie Smulders hotter than the sun, but she faded a bit and Alyson Hannigan somehow went from cute and funny to straight up hot (note: pretty sure it was the bigger boobs after she had a kid). They've also had guest stars like Sarah Chalke and Rachel Bilson who both rate in the top 20 or so hottest chicks going today, but Newton might be the hottest of them all not counting Chalke.
- Speaking of hot chicks I was going to post a youtube video of when Christina Aguilera, who is still hot shut up I don't want to hear it leave me alone, performed at the vmas with Fred Durst and was headbanging and how it was so sexy and stuff like that. But it's not there the way I remember in any of the videos I found after searching for 3 minutes. I feel dumb. Like you probably do every day.
- I don't have a huge opinion on Dwight Howard deciding to stay in Orlando, at least for another year, but there was something I liked about him coming out and apologizing to his fans for created a circus and that they didn't deserve that. I also liked how he mentioned that he "got some bad advice" and was now running from it, as compared to LeBron who got some bad advice and embraced it as the best idea ever. This was like Goofus and Gallant from highlights magazine. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
- In case you care Peyton Manning signed or will sign or is about to sign with the Broncos, so you can take your stupid Tebow jersey and light in on fire and then shove it up your ass. I don't know why I wrote that so meanly, but if you own a Tebow jersey you don't really care you just turn the other cheek as your weak Jesus taught you and take it like you're some dork in Madison who just sits there and lets Dawger slap your slice of pizza out of your mouth. That's why the black jesus is better. I have no idea where I was planning on taking the sentence, but here we are. I think it was supposed to have something to do with Demaryious Thomas, who is apparently now the black jesus just so I can pretend I didn't get lost in my own thought, never to return that that chick from Pan's Labyrinth.
- There's no doubt the Gophers blow this lead, right?
- I had two units on the Rodney bet, by the way and he's just 1 pt or reb away from a win. Between the double bet on that and the double on the game if I can win those two I can cancel out all of my super shitty bets that suck.
- Osenieks falls down after taking an inadvertent head butt to his temple. He still manages to take the ball and get it to a guard, which proves to me he's more of a man than Justin Morneau who probably would have fallen down immediately like a girl and sat out the next two years. Thank god Osenieks isn't from Canadia. Seriously, between Morneau, Koskie, and Sidney Crosby I'm starting to think the tough guy reputation for Canadians is as overblown as white guys having smaller dinks. *points down, pelvic thrust*
- If you aren't reading this you really should. It's the story of a dude who taught his cat to use instant messager when he's at work. Just read it.
- Ok so the Gophers are up 15 now, and assuming nobody transfers or Rodney doesn't do something stupid like go pro we're basically watching next year's team + chuck buggs and whatever that white kids name is because Ralph is nowhere to be seen (and I'm assuming no Mbakwe sixth year). I have to admit I don't really hate what I see. I don't love it, necessarily, because the outside shooting is just atrocious, but Andre Hollins is really growing into that point guard role (scoring point, but still) and Coleman and Austin Hollins both show a nose for scoring the ball that I really like. And speaking of that where the hell is Chip? Apparently there is so much going on with this team it's impossible to keep up. God this is just like school all over again.
- And Dre Hollins basically just went for back-to-back heat checks and canned them both. I freakin' love this kid. He's got 20 point per game potential by his senior year written all over him. Assuming there's a different coach of course, I can't imagine Tubby allowing a 20 point per game scorer on this team.
- Dammit, I think I left my beef jerky in Bogart's basement. Instead I'll have one of these Nathan's Famous kosher dill pickles, which, as a connoisseur of pickles, are the second best I've ever had behind my aunt and uncles homemade spicy pickles. Really, if you like pickles go buy these. I'm from a polish family so grew up eating pickles with every meal including breakfast (and still do), I'm compelled to order a pickle from any sandwich shop that sells them (Jimmy John's are better than Potbelly's, for the record) and I once won twenty bucks off a guy in college (WSCT QB, who I know occasionally reads here) by drinking a jar of pickles juice, which I did in one tip back and about 20 seconds and it was easy. I know my pickles. Go buy these. Even better than Claussen, and that's saying something.
- It's amazing how good this team is when they just get to let loose.
- Early Sweet 16 leans:
Cuse -4 over Wisconsin (Wisky too dependent on the three against that zone)
Michigan State -4.5 over Louisville (Sparty peaking, but this is one I may switch up on by gametime because L'ville is too)
Cincy +7.5 vs. Ohio State (Buckeyes are flawed and this Cincy team is athletic enough to stay with them)
Marquette -1.5 vs. Florida (maybe I'm dumb because Florida beat Virginia despite being terrible from the perimeter, but Marquette isn't UVA)
Xavier +6 vs. Baylor (Xavier always keeps em close and Baylor is a choker team)
Ohio +10.5 vs. UNC (Marshall out will hurt, but I'm still wary here)
Indiana +9 vs. Kentucky (weird line that feels like a trap since IU beat UK earlier, but I guess I'm falling for it)
NC State +8 vs. Kansas (I don't think Kansas is built to blow out a good team, and NC State is a good team)
The only one of these I love is Cincy, so throw your money that way. Despite my bracket being in a shambles (as usual) I do well gambling (as usual) so hopefully that keeps up.
- Oh good, Gophers go into a stall. That always works for this team.
- Anybody ever gone to Coastal Seafood in Mpls or St. Paul? Looks like they have shrimp and seafood from all over including Rhode Island Monkfish which I'd love to have a chance to cook. Color me interested, which is like a greenish yellow.
- Gophers win 78-60 in a game that they dominated from the start. If this wasn't the NIT I'd say this bodes well for next year. I mean, look at Wichita State - nice run in the NIT, nearly the entire team back, and they made a nice run in the NCAA Tournament this year. NIT success vs. NCAA success the following year - it's nearly a perfect correlation. Can't wait for 2013. And I can't believe I have to watch this again on Wednesday. I feel like Lady MacBeth.
IT'S STILL THE NIT, DUMMIES!