I wasn't going to live blog this one because that shit is stressful, but then Boris Diaw hit a huge three and I had another drink and it's 72-71 Miami because Supernintendo hit a bank 3 at the buzzer there. This is crazy basketball and, with only a minimal amount of hyperbole, this is why you watch sports. Plus somebody said something nice about my Game 6 blog which I thought was sweet and made me feel important.
12:00 - I have a small bet on anybody but Lebron winning the MVP (which means I'm a Spurs fan), a smaller bet on Spurs +5.5, and a seething hatred of both Lebron and Lebron haters because let's face it the dude is completely awesome. Money always breaks the tie, so I'm a Spurs fan first, and a Miami fan by less than 6 second. Also, that banked three is going to be the difference in the title. You watch.
11:32 - Battier hits his fifth three of the game. The Heat might win another title while Battier plays hero? Just fucking kill me.
11:08 - Manu on Lebron. Uh oh. James, like an idiot, takes a three and continues to work on building that homeless shelter with all those bricks so your mom and sister will have a place to sleep.
10:28 - I really don't like where we're going with this. Heat role players are starting to do a lot of good things, and all they're going to need is Lebron to take over in the end here. With luck Wade and Bosh will screw it up like they have most of this series. Come on Spo, put in Bosh!
10:07 - This is crazy but Lebron just got called for a foul and he totally doesn't think he should have been called for anything. Stunning.
9:42 - If that god damn freak Birdman guy gets one more offensive rebound I'm going to sit here and bitch about it some more. I DO NOT like the vibe right now. 77-73 Los Heat.
9:18 - Tony Parker's body is too fast for his mind right now. Turning into a fumble machine. I know it's cliched to make a french army joke when Tony Parker struggles in the clutch......so I won't do it.
8:40 - Ha ha Shane Battier missed and he's old and stupid and crappy and I heard his degree from Duke is in something gay like communications.
8:40 - Text from Snacks "I've decided I can't watch." He does this all the time with the Gophers or if the Twins actually make the playoffs, but he seriously has no stake in this game. Not a fan of either team, not a hater of either team (other than the Heat like everyone else but not, you know, like it was Wisconsin or anything), and no significant wagers. What a weirdo.
8:34 - UPDATE: Apparently he really, really hates the Heat after watching the ref bitching from Wade and Lebron all series. Tough to argue with him here, other than the not watching thing.
7:45 - Danny Green and Mario Chalmers trade absolutely horrible three pointers that both miss. I'd make an NBA Faaaaaaaaaaantastic joke but really it's actually been a pretty great series. Also Danny Green really needs to stop doing anything that isn't shooting a spot up three pointer.
6:53 - Two biggest X-factors were Wade and Ginobili. Wade has been outstanding. Ginobilli just literally let the ball slip through his fingers and go out of bounds. Luckily, Chris Bosh (0 points so far) just got called for an offensive foul prior to Ginobilli proving me wrong. 81-77 Heat. Shane Battier is still a huge douche.
6:03 - Ginobili passes it straight out of bounds. Dude is just completely out of control and it's not working.
5:37 - This Lone Ranger movie looks pretty awesome.
5:37 - Just kidding.
4:53 - I'm going to say right now that Duncan looks completely dialed in. I think shits about to get real for Miami. If they can keep scoring they'll win. If they keep letting Bosh shoot the ball, they won't. 83-79 Heat.
4:04 - Danny Green has started believing in his own legend. What a stupid shot.
3:27 - Why would you ever give the ball to an unstoppable Duncan against Bosh? Effing Battier with another three. Ballgame.
3:10 - Three point play by Duncan (told you). 88-85 Heat. Time for a stop. Probably want to make sure Splitter isn't in there, eh.
2:37 - Uh oh.
2:00 - Leonard with a huge three and it's a two point game. If the Heat are going to win can it at least be on another Ray Allen buzzer beater? I might actually enjoy that. A little.
1:35 - Supernintendo misses two free throws, Bosh somehow gets the offensive rebound, and then is stripped by Leonard. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
1:30 - Lebron back on Parker. Somebody else is going to have to do something. Like absolutely brick an open three, Leonard.
1:06 - Wade stupidly keeps the ball the entire possession then bricks a jumper, Lebron gets a huge offensive board and finds your boyfriend Shane Battier for a wide open three pointer which he luckily misses, there's a battle for the board and the Spurs come up with it and there was so much happening so quickly I paused it and now that I look up I see Danny Green dribbling and I know this will not end well.
0:48 - Duncan misses an open chance to tie the game. Wow. That was it, right there. That was it. And he knows it.
0:28 - Lebron jumper puts Miami up 4. Oof. Duncan looks beaten already. I feel a little tiny bit sick. It's weird because I thought I always hated Tim Duncan but, well, here we are.
0:23 - Ginobili turnover basically ends it. Fitting. Congrats to all Yankee, Patriot, and Duke fans out there. You guys deserve this.
Showing posts with label Spurs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spurs. Show all posts
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Game 6 Live Blog
Hey guys. Since I can barely ever figure out anything to write about since the Gophers are in the offseason and the Twins suck (actually I have a Twins post in the hopper, should be up tomorrow) I'm going to just live blog Game 6 because hopefully their won't be a Game 7 because I've come to loathe Lebron James. Go figure. Also somebody once emailed me to tell me that these aren't really live blogs because the reader can't follow along in real time and they should be called running diaries. He had a good point, so I tracked him to his house and beat him to death with a chainsaw. Anyway, we're picking up the game here with 5:50 left in the first quarter, San Antonio up 18-16.
5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face. I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner. He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better.
3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat. Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA. Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.
2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in. Of course they love the guy, he's white. But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter. And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other. Some hate never dies.
0:53 - Danny Green missed. That was weird.
2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground. So gritty.
11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it. It's so ridiculous. I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.
9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats. Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.
7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call. What are the odds?
6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh. And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him. I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.
4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers. It's been surreal watching him in this series. He's become Joe Coleman. You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.
4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd. He's Puntonian.
2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her. By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late. She's never dyed her hair that shade again. That's bullshit, right?
1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible. Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score. So ugly. All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed. Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie? I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.
0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh. Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.
3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3. Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody. I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately. Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem? I dunno.
10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him. Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.
8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else. If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary.
7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.
5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound. Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people. Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it. While played, Stoner. Well played.
5:54 - Good hair, too.
4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires? I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II.
3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs. This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here. Spurs 71, Heat 58.
3:22 - Lebron on Parker. Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3. Interesting.
1:36 - Awesome. After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out.
4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points. He's pretty much kept them in the game. Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game. Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.
10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3. I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?
7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense. Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.
7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame. 82-80 Spurs.
6:34 - Tie game. Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game. Kind of fascinating.
4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat). It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed. I know all.
1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3. I keep forgetting to type stuff.
1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.
0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two. This is fantastic. I just wish I was drunker.
0:37 - Holy crap. James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead. What a turnaround.
0:28 - Lebron airball. This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy. And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled. Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game? Was that when shit fell apart?
0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs. The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more. I don't know what to root for. Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening. Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke? This is important.
0:19 - Leonard misses the first. Shit just got real.
0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course). Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here. Please hold. Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer. Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound.
0:00 - And we're heading to overtime. Well shit.
0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win. Otherwise they lose. Somebody bet me.
4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer. What a dummy. Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime? That's outrageous. Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous. Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.
3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game. Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed. I'm an idiot.
2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there. Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act? Effing Wade and Lebron. It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead. HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS? Now he's terrible.
1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode. He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot. If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars.
0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving. Also, that ball was off Lebron. Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.
0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick. I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.
0:02 - So bizarre. Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand. Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble? Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3? Fuck me. Heat win another championship.
Lame
5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face. I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner. He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better.
3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat. Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA. Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.
2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in. Of course they love the guy, he's white. But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter. And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other. Some hate never dies.
0:53 - Danny Green missed. That was weird.
2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground. So gritty.
11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it. It's so ridiculous. I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.
9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats. Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.
7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call. What are the odds?
6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh. And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him. I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.
4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers. It's been surreal watching him in this series. He's become Joe Coleman. You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.
4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd. He's Puntonian.
2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her. By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late. She's never dyed her hair that shade again. That's bullshit, right?
1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible. Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score. So ugly. All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed. Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie? I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.
0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh. Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.
3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3. Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody. I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately. Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem? I dunno.
10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him. Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.
8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else. If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary.
7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.
5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound. Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people. Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it. While played, Stoner. Well played.
5:54 - Good hair, too.
4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires? I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II.
3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs. This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here. Spurs 71, Heat 58.
3:22 - Lebron on Parker. Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3. Interesting.
1:36 - Awesome. After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out.
4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points. He's pretty much kept them in the game. Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game. Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.
10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3. I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?
7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense. Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.
7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame. 82-80 Spurs.
6:34 - Tie game. Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game. Kind of fascinating.
4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat). It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed. I know all.
1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3. I keep forgetting to type stuff.
1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.
0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two. This is fantastic. I just wish I was drunker.
0:37 - Holy crap. James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead. What a turnaround.
0:28 - Lebron airball. This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy. And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled. Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game? Was that when shit fell apart?
0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs. The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more. I don't know what to root for. Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening. Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke? This is important.
0:19 - Leonard misses the first. Shit just got real.
0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course). Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here. Please hold. Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer. Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound.
0:00 - And we're heading to overtime. Well shit.
0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win. Otherwise they lose. Somebody bet me.
4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer. What a dummy. Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime? That's outrageous. Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous. Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.
3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game. Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed. I'm an idiot.
2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there. Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act? Effing Wade and Lebron. It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead. HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS? Now he's terrible.
1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode. He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot. If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars.
0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving. Also, that ball was off Lebron. Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.
0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick. I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.
0:02 - So bizarre. Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand. Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble? Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3? Fuck me. Heat win another championship.
Lame
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday's Musings
I promise that I plan to get back to doing the week in review type posts every Monday, but Easter weekend was hectic as all hell and by the time I finally got to sit down on a stupid computer it was late Sunday and I just didn't have the energy or care enough to slap together something. Plus, that wouldn't live up to the fine tradition I've started here of high quality postings every single time. I couldn't possibly betray you that way, gentle reader, so I just didn't type up anything. Instead I'll just put together my thoughts into this evening's post. Just like this:
- Tip o' the ole cap to our buddy Grandslam for bringing this to my attention, but guess how much money Kyle Lohse is going to make this year. Go ahead, guess. You're way low. It's $12 million. Nope, not in his career, but this year alone Lohse will make $12 mother-effing million dollars. And in 2009 and 2010 combined he made about $16 million to deliver right around a combined 200 below-average innings to the Cardinals. This, my friends, would be why you don't suddenly throw a 4-year, $41 million extension at a pitcher with a history of mediocrity simply because he has one slighly above average season, especially when advanced metrics can tell you, if you take the time to put down the binoculars and game worn miniature scorebook pencil, that he was a little bit lucky and you can fully expect him to regress back to the same mediocre pitcher.
Now Lohse is off to a 3-1 start and coming off a gem of a 2-hit shutout against Washington (WASHINGTON!!), and has a low ERA and WHIP, but honestly you don't need advanced metrics to tell you he's not that good (note: he's been very, very lucky so far). He's an average pitcher at best who has just enough of a live arm that he's going to jump up and give you a good start or two here or there - he did it for the Twins, he did it for the Phillies, and he's done it before for these very same Cardinals. But guess what? There's not a chance in hell he's worth $12 million.
Want to know the best part? When they extended him they also gave him a full no-trade clause. L-O-freaking-L. Who's running this team, McHale? I'm expecting another extension any day.
- And since we are on the subject of former Twins' pitcher who define mediocrity (or worse) guess who currently has a no-hitter through five innings against the Yankees? Phil freaking Humber. I know there's no way this can last more than another batter or two, but could there possibly be a bigger kick in the nuts? Player acquired for former superstar who the team couldn't afford to keep who washes out pitches a no-hitter for a hated division rival against the old team's arch nemisis that's bounced them from the playoffs the last three times they've been there? Honestly, the only way you could possibly make this worse is to have it be a playoff game. But yeah, this will do. Ouch.
- Greivis Vasquez plays a meaningful role for the Grizzlies? I had no idea (but I guess why would I when it pertains to the Memphis NBA team). I've been watching this game for about four game minutes and he's hit two buckets as well as a three-pointer. I think he might be MVP.
- Humber now through six. Still hitless. If he can get through the seventh (Granderson, Texeira, A-Rod) he'll have a chance. Of course, that still lives Cano. Wait. I got it. He's going get all the way to the last out, which will be Jeter. Jeter will break it up. All announcers/journalists everywhere will collectively mess their shorts to race to their typewriters to write up an article about how tough he is and his intangibles. One journalist will out-crazy them all by writing about how he believes "some part of Jeter really didn't want to break that up, because he knew what a great story it was, but he's such a competitor that the though of lying down never crossed his mind." Book it.
- I just realized A.J. Burnett is on the other side of this, and he's only allowed 2 hits and one run. This is like bizarro-world. There must be a five-hundred mile per hour wind blowing in, the infield grass must be three times longer than normal, and whoever is umping home plate obviously is calling everything a strike tonight. That has to be it, no?
- Moment of silence of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, who died nine years ago today. You may remember her as the crazy as shit broad from TLC who burned down Andre Rison's house, but what you might not remember is that Andre Rison died exactly four years ago today. Creepy, right? But I should mention that I actually have no idea if Andre Rison is dead or alive, and if he is dead he probably didn't die on this date. But he could have, and that's creepy.
- I just read that a judge or something lifted the NFL lockout. I'm not going to lie to you. I have no idea what this means. All I know is I want scab players in at least one NFL game. Come on. Tell me you don't want to see Adam Weber throw a TD pass to some 33-year old slob who was selling cars or schlepping concrete last year. How much fun would it be to go through the rosters and see guys you remember as the third WR on Michigan in 2002 and be all like, "Ronald Bellamy! I remember that guy! He's a fag!" Seriously, it would be like Christmas.
- A-Rod breaks up the no-hitter with one down in the 7th. I feel both relieved and saddened at the same time.
- That Joe Mauer/Troy Polamolu commercial creeps me out.
- I know what you're wondering. You're wondering what's going on with the NBDL right now. Well I'll tell you. They've reached the finals (which is a best of three affair) and the Iowa Energy are up on the Rio Grande Valley Vipers after taking game one by a score of 123-109. Iowa was led by Curtis "The Curt Man" Stinson who notched a triple-double (29-10-10). Also apparently Stinson was MVP of the D-League. How proud of that would you be? I'd say it's kind of like getting into Harvard and getting a communications degree. I mean, it's better than slinging crack or living off welfare, but even so you gotta feel like you didn't quite get everything out of life that you maybe should have.
- I don't know how anybody could root for the San Antonio Spurs. You have the world's most boring superstar surrounded by a bunch of commies and some ooh la la frenchman who probably smells like Drakkar. Gross.
- Speaking of Drakkar, Memphis is about to be up 3-1 on the Spurs tonight and I can't help but a feel a bit of a pang of jealousy. I know this would be their first playoff series win ever, and they picked up their first playoff win ever earlier, and I also know the Wolves did have that nice run the conference finals, but Memphis being successful when the Wolves are in the pooper makes me, and baby jesus, cry. How can Zach Randolph become a leader? How can a backcourt of O.J. Mayo, Mike Conley, and Tony Allen do, well, anything? And the Wolves are not just worse, but significantly worse. That feels like a place to end. Plus I have to go stab myself in the temple with a crossbow quarrel, but before I go I want to leave with this piece of wisdom...."The eyes are the groin of the head."
- Wait, I just realized I didn't even put a picture in here. So here's a pic of Alison Brie. Top 10, easy. Should also drive some traffic because cash money ya'll.
- Tip o' the ole cap to our buddy Grandslam for bringing this to my attention, but guess how much money Kyle Lohse is going to make this year. Go ahead, guess. You're way low. It's $12 million. Nope, not in his career, but this year alone Lohse will make $12 mother-effing million dollars. And in 2009 and 2010 combined he made about $16 million to deliver right around a combined 200 below-average innings to the Cardinals. This, my friends, would be why you don't suddenly throw a 4-year, $41 million extension at a pitcher with a history of mediocrity simply because he has one slighly above average season, especially when advanced metrics can tell you, if you take the time to put down the binoculars and game worn miniature scorebook pencil, that he was a little bit lucky and you can fully expect him to regress back to the same mediocre pitcher.
Now Lohse is off to a 3-1 start and coming off a gem of a 2-hit shutout against Washington (WASHINGTON!!), and has a low ERA and WHIP, but honestly you don't need advanced metrics to tell you he's not that good (note: he's been very, very lucky so far). He's an average pitcher at best who has just enough of a live arm that he's going to jump up and give you a good start or two here or there - he did it for the Twins, he did it for the Phillies, and he's done it before for these very same Cardinals. But guess what? There's not a chance in hell he's worth $12 million.
Want to know the best part? When they extended him they also gave him a full no-trade clause. L-O-freaking-L. Who's running this team, McHale? I'm expecting another extension any day.
- And since we are on the subject of former Twins' pitcher who define mediocrity (or worse) guess who currently has a no-hitter through five innings against the Yankees? Phil freaking Humber. I know there's no way this can last more than another batter or two, but could there possibly be a bigger kick in the nuts? Player acquired for former superstar who the team couldn't afford to keep who washes out pitches a no-hitter for a hated division rival against the old team's arch nemisis that's bounced them from the playoffs the last three times they've been there? Honestly, the only way you could possibly make this worse is to have it be a playoff game. But yeah, this will do. Ouch.
- Greivis Vasquez plays a meaningful role for the Grizzlies? I had no idea (but I guess why would I when it pertains to the Memphis NBA team). I've been watching this game for about four game minutes and he's hit two buckets as well as a three-pointer. I think he might be MVP.
- Humber now through six. Still hitless. If he can get through the seventh (Granderson, Texeira, A-Rod) he'll have a chance. Of course, that still lives Cano. Wait. I got it. He's going get all the way to the last out, which will be Jeter. Jeter will break it up. All announcers/journalists everywhere will collectively mess their shorts to race to their typewriters to write up an article about how tough he is and his intangibles. One journalist will out-crazy them all by writing about how he believes "some part of Jeter really didn't want to break that up, because he knew what a great story it was, but he's such a competitor that the though of lying down never crossed his mind." Book it.
- I just realized A.J. Burnett is on the other side of this, and he's only allowed 2 hits and one run. This is like bizarro-world. There must be a five-hundred mile per hour wind blowing in, the infield grass must be three times longer than normal, and whoever is umping home plate obviously is calling everything a strike tonight. That has to be it, no?
- Moment of silence of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, who died nine years ago today. You may remember her as the crazy as shit broad from TLC who burned down Andre Rison's house, but what you might not remember is that Andre Rison died exactly four years ago today. Creepy, right? But I should mention that I actually have no idea if Andre Rison is dead or alive, and if he is dead he probably didn't die on this date. But he could have, and that's creepy.
- I just read that a judge or something lifted the NFL lockout. I'm not going to lie to you. I have no idea what this means. All I know is I want scab players in at least one NFL game. Come on. Tell me you don't want to see Adam Weber throw a TD pass to some 33-year old slob who was selling cars or schlepping concrete last year. How much fun would it be to go through the rosters and see guys you remember as the third WR on Michigan in 2002 and be all like, "Ronald Bellamy! I remember that guy! He's a fag!" Seriously, it would be like Christmas.
- A-Rod breaks up the no-hitter with one down in the 7th. I feel both relieved and saddened at the same time.
- That Joe Mauer/Troy Polamolu commercial creeps me out.
- I know what you're wondering. You're wondering what's going on with the NBDL right now. Well I'll tell you. They've reached the finals (which is a best of three affair) and the Iowa Energy are up on the Rio Grande Valley Vipers after taking game one by a score of 123-109. Iowa was led by Curtis "The Curt Man" Stinson who notched a triple-double (29-10-10). Also apparently Stinson was MVP of the D-League. How proud of that would you be? I'd say it's kind of like getting into Harvard and getting a communications degree. I mean, it's better than slinging crack or living off welfare, but even so you gotta feel like you didn't quite get everything out of life that you maybe should have.
- I don't know how anybody could root for the San Antonio Spurs. You have the world's most boring superstar surrounded by a bunch of commies and some ooh la la frenchman who probably smells like Drakkar. Gross.
- Speaking of Drakkar, Memphis is about to be up 3-1 on the Spurs tonight and I can't help but a feel a bit of a pang of jealousy. I know this would be their first playoff series win ever, and they picked up their first playoff win ever earlier, and I also know the Wolves did have that nice run the conference finals, but Memphis being successful when the Wolves are in the pooper makes me, and baby jesus, cry. How can Zach Randolph become a leader? How can a backcourt of O.J. Mayo, Mike Conley, and Tony Allen do, well, anything? And the Wolves are not just worse, but significantly worse. That feels like a place to end. Plus I have to go stab myself in the temple with a crossbow quarrel, but before I go I want to leave with this piece of wisdom...."The eyes are the groin of the head."
- Wait, I just realized I didn't even put a picture in here. So here's a pic of Alison Brie. Top 10, easy. Should also drive some traffic because cash money ya'll.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Week in Review - 5/10/2010
Well the Players Championship was pretty lame. Nobody within sniffing distance of the lead played well on Sunday with the exception of Tim Clark, letting that weird little midget and his gay-ass long putter to end up taking the win. I refuse to acknowledge he is awesome despite the fact that I was planning on bestowing that status on whoever won at Sawgrass, because I refuse to compliment anyone who uses a long putter - and little people creep me out. Also amongst the things done by creepy little people that I won't be acknowledging is Dallas Braden's perfect game against the Rays on Sunday. To throw a perfecto against that lineup would normally be amazing, but every since his little 12-year-old-boy-like outburst against A-Rod for "stepping on my mount" I can't stand the little guy. Plus his name is Dallas.
Actually, I suppose I could just put an entry for "Dwarves" in the Who Was Awesome section and talk about these two, but I don't really want to get into it because I have a couple of small friends and I'm not sure what side of the normal/freaky line they fall on. So let's just ignore these oompa loompas this week and move on. Agreed? Agreed.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Nick Blackburn. Pretty tough to ignore the week Blacky pulled out, going 2-0 with a complete game against Detroit earlier this week and then following it up with seven shutout innings on Sunday against Baltimore. I really don't know what to make of him. He doesn't strike anyone out (just 9 this year in 40 innings), but he doesn't walk anybody (11) either, and when he keeps the ball down and gets batters to keep it on the ground he can be very effective, like in that CG against Detroit where he got 22 ground balls to just 11 fly balls. Of course, when he's bad and batters are hitting the ball in the air, he generally gets shelled. All said, he's a good middle of the rotation starter, just like every other Twins' pitcher not named Liriano. In other words, he's good enough to win more than he loses, and with this team's offense should have a solid year.
2. LeBron James. Wow, talk about making a statement. After the Celtics stole game 2 in Cleveland to even the series at 1-1 there was a lot of chatter about how the Celtics were going to win, and the Cavs choked and were likely to choke the series away and blah blah blah. I'm guessing LeBron heard that, because he absolutely took the Celtics behind the woodshed on Friday and showed them his dark secret. He scored 21 points in the first quarter on something like 9-11 shooting, grabbed every rebound, and assisted on several other Cav baskets in route to a huge 1st quarter lead that ended up in becoming a huge blowout win. I've really never seen anything like it. Against a very good defensive team, James could literally do anything he wanted. I don't watch a ton of NBA, but now I know what all those NBA dorks are talking about with the "greatest ever" talk. Just wow. Of course.....
3. Rajon Rondo. Thanks to Rondo, you can't count the Celtics out just yet, because just as when LeBron is on nobody on the Celtics can stop him, the Cavs don't have anyone on their roster who can stop Rondo when he gets it going either. Paul Pierce absolutely sucked on Sunday, but it didn't matter since Rondo basically became LeBron (who, by the way, gets every single call to the point of embarrassment), putting up 29 points, grabbing 18 rebounds, and dishing 13 assists. Like James in the previous game, Rondo could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. And as impressive as LeBron was, there's still a sense that he could do it whenever he wanted and sometimes coasts on his jumper. With Rondo it was more impressive, because you really got that "raising his game" vibe. Very fun to watch.
4. Purdue. With JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore having put themselves in the NBA draft but not hiring an agent, there was a pretty clear best and worst case scenario here. If Johnson and Moore stayed in the draft, the Boilers would become Robbie Hummel plus talented question-marks and would likely be a fringe NCAA type team with a Sweet 16 upside and an NIT downside. If those two pulled out of the draft, the become a national title contender where a Sweet 16 elimination would be a failure. Since I'm putting this team in the Awesome category, you can probably guess that Moore and Johnson have decided to return. Actually, with Talor Battle, Mike Davis, and Demetri McCamey all doing the right thing and coming back to school, the Big Ten is only losing Evan Turner and that dumbass Manny Harris to early entry. Great. I love it when the conference gets stronger.
5. Vladimir Guerrero. Monster week for Vlad. It seemed like every time I was watching Sportscenter they were showing a Vlad home run this week. And he certainly was ripping the ball, hitting .360 and slugging .840 this week with 4 home runs and 13 ribbies in the 7 games, probably because he's feeling threatened by the awesomeness that is Justin Smoak. Whether it's Smoak-related, the change of scenery to Tejas, or health related, it's working. After a disastrous 2009 where he hit just .295 and OPSed .794 with 15 home runs (all career worsts) , his stats this year are at a much more robust .348 average with an OPS of .941, numbers much more suited to his prime years. Ponce de Leon was wrong. The Fountain of Youth isn't in Florida. It's in Texas. At the Alamo. In the Basement.
WHO SUCKED
1. Clayton Kershaw. Kershaw, a big-time SP propect for the Dodgers, had a very, very nice season last year - his second in the bigs. He was just 8-8, which doesn't really matter, and in 171 innings pitched he allowed just 119 hits while striking out 185. Those are pretty incredible numbers, which makes his struggles this year even more confusing. Going into Sunday he was sporting a 4.99 ERA this year (it was 2.79 last season) and a WHIP of 1.70 (it was 1.23 last year), and he hit his nadir (at least thus far) in a disaster of an outing last week against Milwaukee, where he lasted just 1 and 1/3 innings, giving up five hits and seven runs before getting yanked. I've watched Kershaw pitch a couple of times, and the kid has electric stuff. I'm not sure what the issue is, but I'm sure he'll get it figured out and start making morons look like fools at the plate again soon. Or he's in a death spiral and will be out of the league in two years. Since he actually bounced back with a really nice outing on Sunday and out-dueled Ubaldo, I'm betting against the death spiral thing.
2. Atlanta.. Starting with the Hawks, who are now down 0-3 to the Magic, and haven't even been close in a game yet, losing by 43, 14, and 30, and I literally watched three Hawks watch a missed Orlando three pointer bounce right back to the shooter, then continue watching as he waltzed in for an uncontested dunk. They can't shoot either, with their best shooting performance in the three games has been just 40%, and "star" Joe Johnson has practically torn-up the max contract someone was going to give him this offseason by chucking it up some stinkers: 10 pts (4-11 shooting) and 5 TOs in game 1, 5-16 shooting and just 2 rebounds in game 2, and just 8 points on 3-15 shooting in game 3. He's helped to guarantee that this is the most boringest series of the most boringest NBA playoffs ever. Seriously, three of the four series suck. At least Phoenix/LA and Cleveland/Orlando should make for a pretty good Final Four - as long as LA doesn't win again. And although the Braves haven't been terrible, they did toss out a couple of clunkers this week. First, they almost get perfected by Scott Olsen on Tuesday, and then on Friday night they let old man Moyer toss a complete game two-hitter against them, just his second shutout in the last seven years. And don't forget, this is the team that was no-hit by Ubaldo earlier this season as well. The Braves might not be a horrible team overall, but at their worst, they hit like a collection of nine Puntos. Or Kubels, at this point, jesus.
3. Tiger Woods. Well he made the cut at the Players, which is good, but had to withdraw in the middle of the fourth round due to a neck injury, which is bad. And his swing right now is all kinds of F'd up. Not only can he not hit a fairway to save his life (he only 6 last week at Quail Hollow), but he can't hit for distance either - he was dead last in driving distance this week at just 258 yards. Seriously, Brad Faxon thinks Tiger hits the ball like a girl. Clearly, he rushed himself back a bit early, and if he's smart he'll shut it down for a bit and maybe target the PGA Championship for his return. Of course, he won't be able to stay away from the rest of the majors, at a minimum, but I really think he needs to take a lot of time, and get himself back into the same shape he was before his wife lost her mind. He's at a very interesting crossroads, that's for sure. Can't wait to see how this goes down.
4. San Antonio Spurs. Speaking of boring series, I knew the Spurs window was closing, but I wasn't expecting it be slammed shut on their fingers with a 4-0 sweep by the Suns. I guess when, except for a couple of guys, every contributor on the team is either old or white Father Time can catch up pretty quickly. You might be tempted to chalk it up to the fact that they were playing the Suns and their unusual-ish style, but the Spurs have basically owned the Spurs over the years. Getting swept by the Sun in round 2 is probably more damaging and soul-baring than getting swept in the first round by the Mavs would have been. Realistically, they can hold on and be a non-threatening playoff team for a couple of years, but if they're smart it's time to start trying to get all the value they can out of whichever pieces they can move, otherwise they'll be looking at a long fall down the line.
5. Jason Kubel. As you probably know, I am Kubel's biggest fan. However, he is starting to lose even me, going just 3-15 this week and is still hitting just .209 this year and is still sitting on two home runs - the same amount as Orlando Hudson. He's still walking, which shows he hasn't completely lost it, and he isn't striking out significantly more often, but he just isn't hitting. I haven't seen a lot of hard hit balls right at people or miraculous plays to rob hits, it's more a bunch of super weak tappers at infielders and infield pop ups (he's doubled his IF popup % from last year) and he's now losing at-bats to Thome. I know one of these days he'll be back, and when he does he's going to be white hot, you can count on it. I just don't know when. So I'm going to try to jump start his season for him - we'll be benching him in fantasy this week. That practically guarantees he's going to break out. Or at least he better. I don't want to have to burn my Kubel shirt. It cost me like fifteen bucks.
Finally I'd like to add a couple more people that are awesome in honor of Mother's Day: Mama W and Grandma W. You both rock, and have been a huge influence on the person I have become.
Shame on you.
Actually, I suppose I could just put an entry for "Dwarves" in the Who Was Awesome section and talk about these two, but I don't really want to get into it because I have a couple of small friends and I'm not sure what side of the normal/freaky line they fall on. So let's just ignore these oompa loompas this week and move on. Agreed? Agreed.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Nick Blackburn. Pretty tough to ignore the week Blacky pulled out, going 2-0 with a complete game against Detroit earlier this week and then following it up with seven shutout innings on Sunday against Baltimore. I really don't know what to make of him. He doesn't strike anyone out (just 9 this year in 40 innings), but he doesn't walk anybody (11) either, and when he keeps the ball down and gets batters to keep it on the ground he can be very effective, like in that CG against Detroit where he got 22 ground balls to just 11 fly balls. Of course, when he's bad and batters are hitting the ball in the air, he generally gets shelled. All said, he's a good middle of the rotation starter, just like every other Twins' pitcher not named Liriano. In other words, he's good enough to win more than he loses, and with this team's offense should have a solid year.
2. LeBron James. Wow, talk about making a statement. After the Celtics stole game 2 in Cleveland to even the series at 1-1 there was a lot of chatter about how the Celtics were going to win, and the Cavs choked and were likely to choke the series away and blah blah blah. I'm guessing LeBron heard that, because he absolutely took the Celtics behind the woodshed on Friday and showed them his dark secret. He scored 21 points in the first quarter on something like 9-11 shooting, grabbed every rebound, and assisted on several other Cav baskets in route to a huge 1st quarter lead that ended up in becoming a huge blowout win. I've really never seen anything like it. Against a very good defensive team, James could literally do anything he wanted. I don't watch a ton of NBA, but now I know what all those NBA dorks are talking about with the "greatest ever" talk. Just wow. Of course.....
3. Rajon Rondo. Thanks to Rondo, you can't count the Celtics out just yet, because just as when LeBron is on nobody on the Celtics can stop him, the Cavs don't have anyone on their roster who can stop Rondo when he gets it going either. Paul Pierce absolutely sucked on Sunday, but it didn't matter since Rondo basically became LeBron (who, by the way, gets every single call to the point of embarrassment), putting up 29 points, grabbing 18 rebounds, and dishing 13 assists. Like James in the previous game, Rondo could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. And as impressive as LeBron was, there's still a sense that he could do it whenever he wanted and sometimes coasts on his jumper. With Rondo it was more impressive, because you really got that "raising his game" vibe. Very fun to watch.
4. Purdue. With JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore having put themselves in the NBA draft but not hiring an agent, there was a pretty clear best and worst case scenario here. If Johnson and Moore stayed in the draft, the Boilers would become Robbie Hummel plus talented question-marks and would likely be a fringe NCAA type team with a Sweet 16 upside and an NIT downside. If those two pulled out of the draft, the become a national title contender where a Sweet 16 elimination would be a failure. Since I'm putting this team in the Awesome category, you can probably guess that Moore and Johnson have decided to return. Actually, with Talor Battle, Mike Davis, and Demetri McCamey all doing the right thing and coming back to school, the Big Ten is only losing Evan Turner and that dumbass Manny Harris to early entry. Great. I love it when the conference gets stronger.
5. Vladimir Guerrero. Monster week for Vlad. It seemed like every time I was watching Sportscenter they were showing a Vlad home run this week. And he certainly was ripping the ball, hitting .360 and slugging .840 this week with 4 home runs and 13 ribbies in the 7 games, probably because he's feeling threatened by the awesomeness that is Justin Smoak. Whether it's Smoak-related, the change of scenery to Tejas, or health related, it's working. After a disastrous 2009 where he hit just .295 and OPSed .794 with 15 home runs (all career worsts) , his stats this year are at a much more robust .348 average with an OPS of .941, numbers much more suited to his prime years. Ponce de Leon was wrong. The Fountain of Youth isn't in Florida. It's in Texas. At the Alamo. In the Basement.
WHO SUCKED
1. Clayton Kershaw. Kershaw, a big-time SP propect for the Dodgers, had a very, very nice season last year - his second in the bigs. He was just 8-8, which doesn't really matter, and in 171 innings pitched he allowed just 119 hits while striking out 185. Those are pretty incredible numbers, which makes his struggles this year even more confusing. Going into Sunday he was sporting a 4.99 ERA this year (it was 2.79 last season) and a WHIP of 1.70 (it was 1.23 last year), and he hit his nadir (at least thus far) in a disaster of an outing last week against Milwaukee, where he lasted just 1 and 1/3 innings, giving up five hits and seven runs before getting yanked. I've watched Kershaw pitch a couple of times, and the kid has electric stuff. I'm not sure what the issue is, but I'm sure he'll get it figured out and start making morons look like fools at the plate again soon. Or he's in a death spiral and will be out of the league in two years. Since he actually bounced back with a really nice outing on Sunday and out-dueled Ubaldo, I'm betting against the death spiral thing.
2. Atlanta.. Starting with the Hawks, who are now down 0-3 to the Magic, and haven't even been close in a game yet, losing by 43, 14, and 30, and I literally watched three Hawks watch a missed Orlando three pointer bounce right back to the shooter, then continue watching as he waltzed in for an uncontested dunk. They can't shoot either, with their best shooting performance in the three games has been just 40%, and "star" Joe Johnson has practically torn-up the max contract someone was going to give him this offseason by chucking it up some stinkers: 10 pts (4-11 shooting) and 5 TOs in game 1, 5-16 shooting and just 2 rebounds in game 2, and just 8 points on 3-15 shooting in game 3. He's helped to guarantee that this is the most boringest series of the most boringest NBA playoffs ever. Seriously, three of the four series suck. At least Phoenix/LA and Cleveland/Orlando should make for a pretty good Final Four - as long as LA doesn't win again. And although the Braves haven't been terrible, they did toss out a couple of clunkers this week. First, they almost get perfected by Scott Olsen on Tuesday, and then on Friday night they let old man Moyer toss a complete game two-hitter against them, just his second shutout in the last seven years. And don't forget, this is the team that was no-hit by Ubaldo earlier this season as well. The Braves might not be a horrible team overall, but at their worst, they hit like a collection of nine Puntos. Or Kubels, at this point, jesus.
3. Tiger Woods. Well he made the cut at the Players, which is good, but had to withdraw in the middle of the fourth round due to a neck injury, which is bad. And his swing right now is all kinds of F'd up. Not only can he not hit a fairway to save his life (he only 6 last week at Quail Hollow), but he can't hit for distance either - he was dead last in driving distance this week at just 258 yards. Seriously, Brad Faxon thinks Tiger hits the ball like a girl. Clearly, he rushed himself back a bit early, and if he's smart he'll shut it down for a bit and maybe target the PGA Championship for his return. Of course, he won't be able to stay away from the rest of the majors, at a minimum, but I really think he needs to take a lot of time, and get himself back into the same shape he was before his wife lost her mind. He's at a very interesting crossroads, that's for sure. Can't wait to see how this goes down.
4. San Antonio Spurs. Speaking of boring series, I knew the Spurs window was closing, but I wasn't expecting it be slammed shut on their fingers with a 4-0 sweep by the Suns. I guess when, except for a couple of guys, every contributor on the team is either old or white Father Time can catch up pretty quickly. You might be tempted to chalk it up to the fact that they were playing the Suns and their unusual-ish style, but the Spurs have basically owned the Spurs over the years. Getting swept by the Sun in round 2 is probably more damaging and soul-baring than getting swept in the first round by the Mavs would have been. Realistically, they can hold on and be a non-threatening playoff team for a couple of years, but if they're smart it's time to start trying to get all the value they can out of whichever pieces they can move, otherwise they'll be looking at a long fall down the line.
5. Jason Kubel. As you probably know, I am Kubel's biggest fan. However, he is starting to lose even me, going just 3-15 this week and is still hitting just .209 this year and is still sitting on two home runs - the same amount as Orlando Hudson. He's still walking, which shows he hasn't completely lost it, and he isn't striking out significantly more often, but he just isn't hitting. I haven't seen a lot of hard hit balls right at people or miraculous plays to rob hits, it's more a bunch of super weak tappers at infielders and infield pop ups (he's doubled his IF popup % from last year) and he's now losing at-bats to Thome. I know one of these days he'll be back, and when he does he's going to be white hot, you can count on it. I just don't know when. So I'm going to try to jump start his season for him - we'll be benching him in fantasy this week. That practically guarantees he's going to break out. Or at least he better. I don't want to have to burn my Kubel shirt. It cost me like fifteen bucks.
Finally I'd like to add a couple more people that are awesome in honor of Mother's Day: Mama W and Grandma W. You both rock, and have been a huge influence on the person I have become.
Shame on you.
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