Completely Random Wednesday Thoughts

- Francisco Liriano sucks. I can't recall watching a pitcher so terrified to throw the ball over the plate.

- Is it just me, or does Justin Morneau swing at every single breaking pitch from a lefty? He's not nearly as bad as Cuddyer, because with Morneau most of them are at least near the plate and he can foul it off if he has two strikes, but still. I swear he swings at every slider. Of course, as I type this he takes a fastball right down the middle for a called third strike with two on and nobody out.

- I am going to be playing in a college basketball fantasy league this year. The rules aren't set yet, like I don't know which stats we are using and I don't know what kind of restrictions on conferences, if any, will be in play, but it sounds awesome and it also sounds terrifying. It also doesn't help that I can't find any websites with any kind of lists that help. So far I think my list goes
1. Luke Harangody, even though I hate him
2. Cole Aldrich
3. Craig Brackins
4. Sherron Collins
5. Kalin Lucas
6. Evan Turner
7. Devan Downey
8. Greg Monroe
9. Kyle Singler
10. Manny Harris

That's about as far as I can get. When do I take Ralph Sampson do you think? Round 2? Round 3?

- Does anybody else just turn the game off when R.A. Dickey makes an appearance?

- Who's more disappointing than Grady Sizemore (on my fantasy team) this year? Not counting guys who have been injured almost the entire season like Jose Reyes (on my fantasy team). Career lows this season in average, on-base pct, and slugging, including a huge drop in doubles and home runs.

Check this. Career: .281/.372/.496, OPS+ of 126 (equivalent to Justin Morneau in his career)
This year: .227/.326/.433, OPS+ of 96 (equal to Nick Punto last year)

I might be crazy here, but I'm going to go ahead and toss out the steroids card.

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but last year didn't Gardy throw a fit about how you couldn't blame Guerrier for melting down at the end of the season because he was overworked? And, once again this season, there is essentially nobody who is good in the bullpen, to the pathetic point that Guerrier is actually important again. So, tell me why, oh why oh why you put Guerrier in when you are down 8-1 in the 8th inning?

- I know I've bashed Shark Week on here more than once or twice, and yes, once again this year it is pretty week, filled with 90% shark attack reenactments which are a complete waste of time, but I did find a big ole gem. The show is called Deadly Waters, and it's exactly what Shark Week used to be; cool new footage with some science mixed in. It's beautiful. It's everything I want out of my shark week. It's straight up awesome. They are replaying it on Discovery at 5pm on Saturday. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

- Direct quote from Dusty's Facebook page, "Toughen up??? I was born tough!"

BIG TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Quick Site news:

1. Delmon Young sucks. Worse than Al Nolen, even.

2. If you search 'Joe Mauer Steroids' on google we come up fifth.

3. We are now the proud sponsor of Mo Sanford's page at www.baseball-reference.com (well, we aren't up there yet, but it's paid for and we will be as soon as it's processed). Go get 'em, big fella.


Meredith Leroy "Mo" Sanford (born December 24, 1966, in Americus, Georgia) is a former Major League Baseball pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds, Colorado Rockies, and Minnesota Twins.

Sanford pitched five games for Cincinnati in August 1991, but was not in the majors in 1992. He was selected by Colorado with the 62nd pick in the 1992 expansion draft, and appeared in 11 games, starting six, in the Rockies' inaugural season. After a season in the minors, Sanford pitched 11 games in relief for Minnesota in 1995.



Meredith. lol.

Breaking News All Over the Place!!!!!!!!11!!!1

Ok, so not so much breaking news, but news worth a little chat nonetheless. Three little nuggets:



1. Sammy Sosa was on steroids. Wait. Wrong file. That's not in my "breaking news" file, that's in my "no shit, sherlock" file. Everybody already knew this, didn't they? The only guy more obvious than Slammin' Sammy was Bonds.

You gotta respect a guy who is willing to cheat in all kinds of different ways, though. Not only did he bring the roids, but if you recall he was busted using a corked bat, too. He might as well have just gotten an aluminum bat that was painted like a wooden one. That's genius, actually, scratch that. It's like playing Madden and using the rewind button if you throw a game-losing interception, but then hitting the reset button too. And claiming it was an acccident.

I'm glad Stammerin' Sammy finally got outed officially though, since apparently there were some people who didn't know. Never liked him. His whole joyful act when McGwire broke Maris's record was the phoniest thing I had ever seen until Kobe and his teammates celebrated their new NBA title as if every single one of those guys wouldn't have shanked Kobe in the kidney if they thought they could get away with it.

2. The Twins finally did to Jesse Crain what they should have done to Matt Guerrier last year, and shipped Jesse Crain down to AAA when Glen "Perk" Perkins came off the DL. Crain has been an absolute nightmare this season, sporting an ERA of 8.15 (397th of 415 pitchers with at least 10 ips) and a WHIP of 1.92 (385th) and basically has made Guerrier look like Juan Berenguer. Ideally, he will spend his time in Rochester fixing whatever is wrong with him and get back to his 2005-2006 form, although it wouldn't surprise me if we don't hear from him again (Hi Jack Cressend!).

Of course, Crain hasn't been in the minors since 2004, so I'm assuming this is pretty humiliating for him and maybe it will motivate him to get in gear. Although when a guy sports a chin warmer and a sea-shell necklace like some kind of outcast frat boy who just got action for the first time from a 250 lb. drunken behemoth in cancun who just puked, I'm guessing he doesn't have a lot of shame left in him.



3. Finally, the big news we have all been waiting for. After a lengthy battle for his services, which I'm assuming involved a lot of money under the table, free cars, and copious amounts of willing and available trim, your hero and mine Travis Busch has signed on to attend (and apparently play basketball at) Colorado State next season (due to his hustle, he was granted a waiver and doesn't have to sit out next season and becomes eligible immediately.)

What? How did this happen? I thought he was going to fall down a lot and be scrappy for a D-2 type school like Winona or Metro State, but now all of a sudden he's heading not only D-I, but to a team in the Mountain West? It's not exactly a power conference, but it's not the Summit League either. I know they lost there ball-hoggy scoring point guard guy so they need scorers, but I don't think Mr. 2.6 points per game is really the answer here. Actually, I'm pretty sure a 6-3 (yeah right) 210 lb. power forward is the answer to anything, unless the question is "Who can dominate at the local YMCA adult pick-up?"

Do you remember just a few years ago Colorado State had three seven-footers? And now they are going to bring in a six-foot power forward who couldn't guard a black guy to save his life (he should do ok against BYU and Utah). It's pretty clear Tim Miles has run that program into the ground, or whatever is below the ground; Magma - I don't know, I'm not a geologist, all I know is these quotes from Miles really speak for themselves:

"We are excited to have Travis join us. He is a person who values education, he's got a dynamic personality, and he is a relentless basketball player. He will be a great fit for our program."

"I expect he will step out of his role of a complementary player and into a leadership position on our team. He's got the tools and work ethic to make big things happen for Rams basketball"

I swear I didn't make either of those up, although they are damn close to what I would write if I was making them up - but with more references to falling down. When reached for comment, Devron Bostick said, "He do b hustlin."


Also I'm very sad that Austin Daye stayed in the draft, I hit a home run at softball last night, Jason Kubel is still awesome, and this food on a stick thing at the State Fair has got to stop. I just saw a show that profiled the Rueben on a stick and Spaghetti and Meatballs on a stick. Ridiculous. Just knock it off. Although I also learned that the Meat Raffle was invented in Minnesota. Awesome.

If you're lucky I might have a US Open preview tomorrow.

Wednesday Wankings

- I'll start tonight's post with what I am supposed to be here for, and that's Gopher hoops talk. Scouts, Inc's Antonio Williams released yet another breakdown of the 2009 recruiting classes around the nation, and once again Tubby and the Gophers came out ranked very highly.

Williams gives the Gopher class a B+, second in the conference behind Indiana's A-, and has this to say, "With only two seniors on the roster last season, the Gophers continue to add talent to their already good team. Coach Tubby Smith has made it a priority to keep in-state talent at home, and he passed that test with flying colors thanks to this class" among other things. He also breaks down each of the four players signed (ignoring Allen), but it's pretty much the same old same old we've been hearing on these guys forever.

With this #2 ranking in the Big Ten, combined with the main ESPN ranking of #2 and a Rivals.com ranking of #3, I think it's safe to say this class is as good or better than last year, at least on paper. As long as they perform up to expectations and everyone continues to improve and Al Nolen sits on the bench a lot, this should be a fun year.

- Staying with the Gopher recruit theme, I wrote about Clumsy Heights guard Jacob Thomas before, mentioning how although he's a highly regarded recruit and considered one of the best shooters in the Midwest for 2010, he was still without a single offer and that made me nervous. An article from GopherIllustrated clears things up a bit, with this quote from his coach, "Right now the way it looks for Jake from an academic standpoint, Jake has a lot of work to do to qualify," Braziel explained. "The Gophers requested the transcripts and the like. We still talk to the Minnesota coaches a lot and we are all on the same page."

He's lighting up scoreboards en route to leading Howard Pulley to a win in the St. Louis Eagles Invitational, and it's clear he can score (he was box-and-one'd in the championship game) and can shoot to what sounds like a Devoe Joseph-level or better, but the academics are obviously in pretty rough shape if nobody has even extended an offer yet. I always get a little excited for high quality shooters, so hopefully Thomas can get it together in time to replace Westbrook in 2010.

- Staying within the college basketball theme, suddenly the predictions of Brandon Jennings' defection to Europe causing a trend have a little bit of ammo, with two big-time college players heading to Europe next year instead of remaining in college in Florida's Nick Calathes and Clemson's Terrence Oglesby.

Calathes will be heading to Greece to play next season, despite having two seasons remaining to be a Gator, and Oglesby is heading to either Spain or Italy.

Seriously though, although weird, these two situations are very different than that retard Jennings (who, if you remember, couldn't qualify so he went to play in Europe and then spent the whole season crying about how much it sucked). Both Calathes and Oglesby have citizenship elsewhere along with the U.S. (Calathes in Greece, Oglesby in Norway), both have family ties overseas (Calathes's bro plays in Greece, Oglesby's father played in Europe), both have overseas experience by playing in the FIBA under-20 championships, and neither expects to be a first round NBA pick. Calathes had a chance, but his contract in Greece will pay him over $1 million and Oglesby had no chance to make the NBA but will get a nice contract somewhere instead.

In summation: Calathes and Oglesby - a little weird but do what you got to do. Jennings - a complete and total moron. Also this is what the girls at Florida look like:


- So those two clowns are leaving their teams, but there have been a few transfers of note in the beloved Big Ten that will affect things. PG Anthony Crater is shipping out of Ohio State and will play for South Florida in 2010-2011. Jermain Davis has left Iowa and will go down a class to play for Mankato State. Kelvin Grady is out of Michigan, and has yet to pick a school to transfer to. Jake Kelly (Indiana State) and Jeff Peterson (Arkansas) are out of Iowa, and Indiana has lost Malik Story (Nevada) and Nick Williams (Ole Miss).

Iowa is in the worst shape as Lickliter continues to do everything he can to destroy that program, bringing in not only the possible worst class in the conference, but Kelly and Peterson were the Hawkeyes first and third leading scorers last season, accounting for over a third of the team's points (and Jermain Davis also chipped in with 20 minutes and a few points and boards per game). Good luck, corn humpers.

Indiana is also hit kind of hard, Williams and Story were big contributors, but they are bringing in what is being universally hailed as the conference's top recruiting class, so they probably aren't too concerned about two guys who were worse than Verdell Jones last year.

Michigan probably isn't thrilled with Grady leaving, he made a solid backup point and torched the Gophers in a game last season, but his playing time really dwindled towards the end of last season and it's probably best for him to move on. He was #107 on the Rivals150 when he came out two years ago and has played some pretty decent games in his time at Michigan. I'm predicting a landing place of Xavier, with one of the directional Michigan schools a good contender if he decides to go more after PT than winning.

Lastly, Crater couldn't even beat out the world's biggest douche P.J. Hill to play point for the Buckeyes, so I seriously doubt they're going to miss him or even notice that he left. Hell, Thad Matta probably typed up the transfer papers himself, forged Crater's signature and then drove him out of town himself.

- I know you desperately want a preview of the Crowne Plaza Invitational, but I don't feel like typing up anything overly formal and it's in Fort Worth which is a sucky town, but I'll give you something so here's a bit of a top five:
1. Zach Johnson. I'm kind of getting sick of this guy, but he keeps doing it and doing it and doing it well. Represent Drake but kickin' ass out in Texas. Jesus that was brutal. Replace that with something funny.
2. Jim Furyk. He's played well at Colonial before. He's not having the best year of his life, but I always believe he can win at any time.
3. Luke Donald. Pretty sure he's still one of the best golfers out there, and his wrist should have healed by now. It's kind of a weak field and it's the kind of course where Donald can thrive.
4. Rod Pampling. You probably won't see him on any other fancy pants expert lists on the web, but that's why you come here for true hard-hitting analysis. Pampling likes Colonial, and he made a run late at the Bryon Nelson last week. Don't be surprised.
5. Stephen Ames. Another guy who doesn't get much pub, but he plays well in Texas year after year despite looking like kind of a retard. Pulled down a top 10 at the Valero and likes this course as well. I kind of wanted to put Sean O'Hair in this spot, but then I remembered he has daddy issues.

- Baseballwise, last night Zack Greinke pitched nine innings and gave up just one run - and raised his ERA to 0.84. Good god. He is going to be a star for the Yankees or Red Sox soon.

- Lastly, you people need to wake up. The response from the two people I talked to about Mauer possibly being on steroids: "Now way, no way, no way." and "Oh, he'd never do that." Come one people, open your eyes. We've seen a boost in power, a little roid rage, and a little acne. I'm not saying I guarantee he is on HGH (although it's pretty likely), but at least admit, to yourself if to nobody else, that if this was some other hitter on some other team, you'd have your suspicions. You know you would. Just like you also know, deep down inside, that you hated Travis Busch.

Is Joe Mauer on the Roids?

Oh settle down. It's a legit question. I have no doubt you are currently swearing at your computer and calling me every simple minded insult your tiny brain can come up with, causing your co-workers to once again question your sanity and intelligence level, but stay with me here.

I'm not accusing your hero of anything, I'm just saying that if this entire state didn't worship Mauer to a level usually reserved for criminally insane cult leaders there would be some questions raised, but since nobody even dares hint at it, if falls on me to do the digging.

The numbers, simply put, are enough to raise the question, as any but the most hard-headed homer Mauer-loving fan would admit. This season, after hitting a pinch two-run home run yesterday, he has hit eleven ding dongs in just 81 at-bats. This is up against just nine all of last season in 536 at bats and a career high of just 13, back in 2006.

Before this season, Mauer hit a home run every 47 at bats. This year, he is hitting one every 7.4 at bats. That's about a 6.5 times increase in his home run rate. The most obvious example of a hitter taking the juice is always Brady Anderson, who hit fifty home runs in 1996 despite a career high of just 21 before that season, and never hitting more than 24 after that. Anderson came into 1996 with a home run rate of one HR every 49 at bats. In that season, he hit one every 11.6 at bats - a 4x increase. This means that so far this season, Juicin' Joe has increased his home run hitting ability MORESO even than Brady Anderson - the poster boy for a roid-aided season.

So what has changed? Simply put, Mauer is hitting more fly balls, and a higher percentage than normal of those fly balls are going over the fence. In his career, of the balls Mauer has put in play, 27.4% of them have been fly balls - this season he is at 36.6%. Of those fly balls, in his career 10.4% of them leave the yard - this year he is at a staggering 38.5%.

What does that mean? We can mostly ignore the fly ball percentages, as both the career number and this season's number fall in a normal range, and on the low end to boot. The home run/fly ball percentages are very interesting, however. His career number of 10.4% is on par with guys like A.J. Pierzynski (9.0), Russel Martin (9.6), and Johnny Damon (9.0) - nice, dependable mid-teen home run hitters who might rarely get to twenty. The 38.5% this season is more like Ryan Howard (33.0), Jim Thome (27.6), and Barry Bonds (25.1). Look at those two sets of names again. That my friends, is what we call, "a huge leap."

We only have data on HR/Fly ball going back to 2002, so we can't look at Brady. Luckily, we have another excellent candidate in Adrian Beltre. Beltre came into 2004 with a career high of 23 home runs, hit 48 that year (a contract year, no less), and then never hit more than 26 again. That year his HR/FB rate jumped from a career number of 13.5% all the way up to 23.3% - a huge jump, but no where near as high as Mauer. A-Rod, who has admitted to being on roids when he was with the Rangers, posted higher than his career HR/FB rates in both years with Texas we have data for.

Look, I'm not here saying Mauer is on steroids. I actually don't think he is, and tend to think more like this article from Fangraphs which thinks this month has just been a blip or this from Aaron Gleeman which compares Mauer to Wade Boggs. Then again, I didn't think A-Rod or Manny were on roids either, and was legitimately surprised when I heard the news.

So enjoy this from Mauer, chances are we won't see a power display like this from him again. But don't surprised if bad news comes at some point. You have been warned.

(I also find it pretty damn hilarious that now that Mauer is finally hitting like a #3 hitter, Gardy finally moves him to #2. It almost has to be intentional, doesn't it?)

So Now I'm in Philly

The city of brotherly suck. Out here for four days for our national sales conference. Which means I will be in meetings all day, and "functions" all night. And since I've only been with this company for under two months, I know all of like four people. This could monumentally suck. Rumor has it one of the functions is going to be a "1920s Prohibition party." That better not mean no alcohol. There's no way I could deal with these people without alcohol. I'd rather die.

The one very cool thing is it is confirmed we will be attending a Phillies game on Tuesday. It's always cool to check out other parks, and I've only been to the Gaydome and Fenway, so I'm excited to check out whatever this park is. I know it used to be Veterans Stadium, but at this point it's probably a new park or been renamed. Pitching matchup is Aaron Harang vs. Adam Eaton, which is as big a snooze as possible. Was hoping to get Cueto, Volquez, and/or Hamels, but whatever. At least it isn't Jamie Moyer, and as I wrote before, the Reds are a very exciting young team and it will cool to get a chance to see Jay Bruce.

Even better, is Griffey Jr. is at 599 homeruns. If he doesn't hit one the next two nights, it will be very cool to be there to possibly see him hit #600. Then I would have been at both his 600th homerun game, and Cal Ripken's 3,000th hit game. I would also like to mention here that when Ripken got his 3,000th hit, Dawg refused to stand and applaud, and actively yelled at those of us who have a respect for history who cheered. Although he's not alone in his feelings. The radio dude on the way to the airport this morning was bitching about fans cheering and standing for Manny's 500th in Baltimore last night. His big example, "Do you think if a Yankee hit a milestone in Boston they would stand and cheer?" Even if they wouldn't, and I think it's 50/50 they would - remember, they gave Pedro a standing O when he came back to pitch - do I really have to explain the differences between Boston/Baltimore and New York/Boston? I mean, really? That's your example? And that's not even getting into the fact that Boston has billions of "fans" in a whole bunch of other cities. I'm guessing with Baltimore's recent history, there were more Sox fans than Oriole fans there. In conclusion, people are morons and so is Dawger.

Back to Griffey, it's pretty incredible to think how good he's been, without even a hint of the Steroids taint. I'm going to run some nerd numbers and delve into this a bit further at some point.

And what's the deal with the NBA Finals not starting up until Thursday? I mean, I know what the deal is - ratings and money - but come on. Five days between games? I've already been over inundated with enough stories about the classic Celtic/Laker battles to last me two lifetimes, and now we're going to get five more days? At least cover the games, not the nostalgia. Like who is going to guard Kobe, Pierce or Posey? If Pierce, how will that affect his offensive game? Which Ray Allen will be there? Who is going to stop KG, and will he assert his dominance or keep playing the unselfish superstar role? Will they try Odom on him? Can Fisher handle Rondo and vice versa? Will Kobe revert to me-first ball to try to establish himself as the next Jordan? And hundreds more, but all they are giving us is rehashes of the same old Bird/Magic and company highlights. And I loved those teams, and loved that rivalry - but I'm already sick of it. Play a damn game already.

Be back later. I'm supposed to go meet some people at the bar now. Also, Sidler, Snake, and Dawg if you're reading this try to post something this week since I'm likely going to be very busy.

Back. Not drunk. Sad face. The Mets game is on ESPN game right now, and the first thing I see is a graphic on how Johan led the AL during a five year stretch in wins, strikeouts, ERA, and BA against. Depressing. Jon Miller then brings up how some people thought there was a little erosion in his numbers last year (true) to which Joe Morgan replies "It was mental. Minnesota wouldn't sign him, so his head wasn't in it." Jesus. Too depressed to continue.

Holy Crap is this Awesome

Watch it. Right now.

Friday Night

I'm a loser and I'm home at 9:49 on Friday night. I've also been out drinking and still have a bunch of beers here, so maybe I can get drunk enough to make this entertaining. But probably not.

- I'd like to point out this article, wherein superstar F.P. Santangelo admits to his HGH use and says things like, "I made this bed and now I have to lie in it" and how he didn't want to be one of the first guys named when the Mitchell Report came out and was summarized on ESPN. Hey guess what F.P., honestly, nobody other than your family gives two shits that you were on HGH, and there wasn't a chance in hell you'd be one of the first guys mentioned on ESPN. Your career OPS+ was 89 and you never had more than 427 PAs in a season. You're basically Denny Hocking. You're completely irrelevant, unless you have info that your '96-'98 Expo teammate Vlad took roids, which I highly doubt. But good job getting yourself as the lead story on ESPN.com.

- My father-in-law gave me my Christmas present tonight. A $100 giftcard to the local liquor store. As awesome as that is, it also scares me a little.

- Drake beat Iowa by five. We had Drake -2.5. Awesome. Also awesome is how much Iowa sucks. And Tony Freeman played. 22 minutes, 3-14 shooting, 0 assists to 2 turnovers. Brutal. That team is a complete mess, and the Gophers only get to play them once, which sucks.

- Six bets down for tomorrow: Kentucky -6.5, Louisville +1.5, Xavier -3, Butler -3.5, UIC +9.5, Akron +1.

- MLB Power Pros is an awesome game for PS2. I highly, highly recommend it. I don't think they make it for PS3, but if you're one of those rich bastards with a PS3 you can just go F yourself anyway.

- Here are my NFL picks for the week, and I'm already 0-1. I don't know what I was last week, because I really don't pay attention. I never bet on the NFL, that's for suckers. These picks are coming with zero research, or any thought, to be honest:
Cincy -8.5 @ San Fran
New Orleans -3.5 vs. Arizona
Atlanta +13 @ Tampa Bay
Baltimore -3.5 @ Miami
Cleveland -5.5 vs. Buffalo
Green Bay -8 @ St Louis
Pittsburgh -3 vs. Jacksonville
New England -22 vs. NY Jets
Carolina +7.5 vs. Seattle
Tennessee -4 @ Kansas City
Indy -10 @ Oakland
Detroit +10 @ San Diego
Dallas -10 vs. Philly
NY Giants -4.5 vs. Washington
Chicago +10 @ Minnesota

- This headline, "Model sues Nets star for alleged groping", makes me laugh.

- Remember R Jay Soward? The former USC WR who went to Jacksonville? The Bear freakin' loved that guy, but turns out he was pretty much an alchoholic. He was suspended by the league so many times, that he hasn't even bothered to refile for reinstatement since his only year in the league in 2000, and finished his career with a grand total of 14 catches (Chris Walsh had a career total of 67, so what does that tell you?) He did play in the CFL for a few years, and once, after scoring a touchdown, ran to the concession stand setup behind the endzone, grabbed a bag of popcorn and shared it with the fans. That's just awesome.

- You know who would have been awesome? Tim Biakabutuka. Seriously. He was always hurt though. He was more fragile than Theory or LunnDale on our touch football team. But more awesomer.

- Watching season five of Cu rb your Enthusiasm. This show is just way too funny. They found work for Blossom. Miyam Bialik. Blossom from Blossom is on this show. That's funny in and of itself.

- Six was hot.

- Jesus there is nothing going on tonight and I'm bored. So I'm going to see if Andre Dawson or Kriby Puckett was a better baseball player.
PUckett: 12 seasons, 2,304 hits, 207 HR, career OPS+ = 124
Dawson: 21 seasons, 2,774 hits, 438 HR, career OPS+ = 119

Hmmm. Close. Longevity, which does matter, favors Dawson by quite a bit at this point. How about single season greatness?

Puckett: 1988 - .356/.375/.545, 24 HR, 121 RBI, OPS+ = 152
Dawson: 1987 - .287/.328/.568, 49 HR, 137 RBI, OPS+ = 130

Jesus, neither of these guys had any idea of what the strike zone was, but that's why they make a good comparison to each other. It's pretty close. Puckett was better in their prime, by a pretty good amount, but Dawson's not getting blindness makes it closer than it should be. Puckett has a huge advantage in hitting women and groping random chicks over Dawson, and also leads 1-0 in the category of being creepy to ugly, fat admins who I used to work with when they are shopping at Peter's Billiards. He also leads in the category of deaths, 1-0. All this being said, I would chose Puckett over Dawson, because Puckett is quite seriously one of the best right-handed hitters in the history of baseball, no matter what his personal deal, and Andre Dawson is really just pretty annoying.

- Sweet. It's 12:20 now and they're replaying Drake v. Iowa. This will be the only game all week I've watched on TV. I hate Christmas break. Screw the "students." They should have to play basketball for my amusement. And what's up with all the "academic incentives" in Tubby's new contract? F that crap. I don't care if he graduates a single player, just win baby. Clem is still the best coach in the history of the Gophers, despite the "unpleasantness."

- Iowa basketball is sponsored by Panchero's. If you've never tried it I can't recommend it more highly. It's a burrito joint, and there's one in Block E and probably other places too. If you like Chipotle, this place will make you hate Chipotle for not being Pancheros.

- I really can't believe how bad Iowa is. Alford really should never, ever have a job again. Last year's Gophers would have beaten this year's Iowa team, on a neutral court, by 15 (assuming Molinari was coaching, if Monson was coaching it would have been Iowa by 2).

- College soccer is on ESPNU right now. As tempting as that is, I'm going to keep watching Drake kick the crap out of Iowa. Seriously, if you're a betting man, just bet against Iowa all year long.

- Seriously, FP Santangelo came out to talk about taking steroids. $20 says he has a book out within a year.

- Drake has Klayton Korver, the Ozzie Canseco of college basketball. Seriously parents, if you're going to go with a name as messed up as Clayton, why go with the K instead of C?

- By the way, Oz Canseco only had 65 career major league abs, with zero homeruns. Seems weird.

- I know this game already happened, but Iowa has 21 at half, only because Freeman hit a three with three seconds left in the half. Also, Drake has never won in this building. Stay tuned.

- I can't stress nearly enough how bad Iowa is.

- Snake - this was for you.

- Dammit last beer.

- Louisville is going to beat Purdue by 137 tomorrow.

- I'm bored and runk.

Steroids = Bad

So the Mitchell report came out, and it names a whole assload of players who took/purchased steroids - I know, I couldn't believe it either. Who would dare cheat the pure game of baseball, with its proud tradition of nobody cheating ever and no stories told with a chuckle of people cheating. Such pure wholesomeness must be protected and preserved at all costs. Tradition means everything.

Seriously, this report isn't really all that big of a deal. I mean, no shit a whole bunch of players were/are taking steroids. Hey baseball, you mean there's something out there that will help people make millions of dollars, you don't bother to test for it or even say it's against your league rules, and a bunch of people took it? Get right out of town. Baseball should really just shut up and try to let this story go away instead of pushing it out to the forefront. Bud Selig used to be known as an idiot because of contraction and the tie in the All-Star game, now his legacy is just going to get worse.

This report probably didn't even get a third of the players taking them, it names a total of 86 players. I'm no legal expert, but I'm guessing there have been a whole hell of a lot more players on the sweet, sweet Roids than that. I haven't read the damn thing because it's 400 pages and half of it is "steroids are bad." But here's the list of players mentioned, broken out in arbitrary categories assigned by me.

I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THESE GUYS (15):
Tim Laker
Mark Carreon
Cody McKay
Adam Riggs
Bart Miadich
Mike Bell (not the football player. I checked)
Gary Bennett
Jeff Williams
Howie Clark
Mike Judd
Ricky Stone
Ryan Jorgensen
Steve Woodard
Todd Williams
Stephen Randolph

GUYS WHO WERE PROBABLY USING A PLACEBO INSTEAD BECAUSE THEY SUCKED (32):
Dan Naulty
Armando Rios
Marvin Benard
Bobby Estallela
Jeremy Giambi
Randy Velarde
Larry Bigbie
Josias Manzanillo
Matt Franco
Jason Grimsley
Gregg Zaun
FP Santangelo
Ron Villone
Chris Donnels
Todd Pratt
Mike Lansing
Kevin Young
Kent Mercker
Phil Hiatt
Adam Piatt
Jason Christiansen
Matt Herges
Jim Parque
Chad Allen (Go Twins!)
Brendan Donnally (He once humped some groupie on a balcony of the house he was sharing with several other minor league teammates and ended up with crabs. True Story)
Nook Logan
Paxton Crawford
Darren Holmes
John Rocker (I'm shocked)
Jerry Hairston, Jr.
Ricky Bones
David Bell

GUYS WHO WE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT (8):
Barry Bonds
Jason Giambi
Gary Sheffield
David Segui
Ryan Franklin
Rafael Palmeiro
Ken Caminiti
Jose Canseco

GUY WHO TOOK STEROIDS AS PRESCRIBED BY A DOCTOR FOR A MEDICAL CONDITION (1):
Paul Byrd

The players in the above lists I would have to label "Who Cares?" as a group. They either are insignificant, or we already knew about it. That covers 56 out of the 86 players in the report. The remaining 30 I would say are somewhat more significant, and can be broken out into three categories:

NOT AT ALL SURPRISING (5):
Brian Roberts
Rondell White
Roger Clemens
Eric Gagne
Gary Matthews, Jr.

SOMEWHAT SIGNIFICANT (18):
Benito Santiago (no wonder he played for 40 years)
Lenny Dykstra (although I'm guessing he'd put about anything in his body)
Jack Cust
Todd Hundley
Hal Morris
Chuck Knoblauch (really?)
Glenallen Hill
Denny Neagle (Go Gophers!)
Mike Stanton
Paul LoDuca
Fernando Vina
Derrick Turnbow
Jay Gibbons
Scott Schoenweis
Ismael Valdez
Rick Ankiel (how's that feelgood story now?)
Jose Guillen
Wally Joyner

That leaves 7 guys in the entire report who actually matter. 7. On the whole thing. That everyone is freaking out about. 7.
Andy Pettitte
David Justice
Mo Vaughn
Miguel Tejada
Kevin Brown
Troy Glaus
Matt Williams

Only three of these guys are even still playing. And they're old. No A-Rod. No Pujols. No Vlad. No Santana. No Peavy. No Ryan Howard. No Josh Becktt. So what's the big deal? Talk about anti-climactic.

If anything, this report is a boost to guys like Bonds, Clemens, McGwire and Sosa (where are those two on the list, by the way?) because of how many players took the juice and still sucked ass. If you want to call baseball a joke, do it for this ridiculous report or for the fact that David Eckstein got $4.5 mil for one year, not because of steroids.