Monday Musings

I know, I'm a terrible blogger.  But it's really not my fault.  Gopher basketball is in a dead period for recruiting, so there's nothing to talk about there, and the Twins are sucking the life out of me once again on their way to another probably 90+ loss season.  How depressing is it that they're at .500 at the quarter mark of the season, but it feels like they're overachieving on a massive level?  It just feels like they're about to go on a 3-17 streak.  Anyway, since I have a bye in softball tonight, might as well put the time to good use.  I mean use.  Here's some stuff:

-  I suppose the biggest news locally is that Kevin Love has come out and said he won't sign an extension with the Wolves and plans to test free agency after next season - which means there's no chance in hell the Wolves end up signing him.  It was somehow both completely expected and a huge stomach punch at the same time.  Kahn really fucked us by not giving Love that fifth year (plus the whole out clause thing), and the only hope was that Flip could somehow trick him into staying.  Looks like it didn't work, so it's time to shift into getting as much as the Wolves can for him.  I would prefer it happen prior to this year's draft since it's so loaded, but Love wants to go to a contender and it's hard finding one of those with both young and promising players and draft picks, and assuming nobody will trade for him unless he agrees to sign a long term deal with them Love's going to need to be on board with his destination.  Some possibilities:

• LAKERS:  The long rumored destination given Love's ties to LA, this is going to be a tough one to make work.  The Lakers have a ridiculous amount of money tied up in Kobe ($30m) and Gasol ($19m) and would almost certainly have to include Gasol to make the money work and that does the Wovles very little good.  They also have basically zero interesting young players with the possible exception of Kendall Marshall.  They do have the sixth slot in the lottery in this year's draft, but they've already traded their 2015 and 2017 first round picks, which means they can't trade 2016.  No chance Love gets to the Lakers without a third team getting involved.
• CHICAGO:  Taj Gibson and Jimmy Butler are a decent starting point to get a trade done, and the Bulls have #16 and #19 in this year's draft, and Chicago has 2015 first rounders from both Sacramento and Cleveland.  Gibson, Butler, and four first round picks would normally be enough to get it done but both those 2015 picks have some weird protections on them that actually mean they're either going to be non-lottery picks or no picks at all.  Probably the front-runner.
• GOLDEN STATE:  The Warriors can offer the best package of players, giving either Harrison Barnes or Klay Thompson as the centerpiece and maybe including either David Lee or Andrew Bogut.  They have zero draft picks to trade, however, having given up their 2014 and 2017 already.  The Warriors would likely need to get a third team involved, but starting with Barnes or Thompson is a good jumping off point.
• BOSTON:  I'm assuming the Wolves have no interest in Rondo, but Boston can still start with Jeff Green and Kelly Olynyk which is a decent enough start.  More interestingly, the Celtics have the #5 spot in the lottery in 2014 and the #17 pick as well, along with three 2015 firsts, and two first in each of 2016, 2017, and 2018 (thanks Brooklyn!).  I'm not sure if Boston's involved at all, and they're further from contention than anybody else on this list, but the combination of draft picks and the ability to use Rondo to entice a third team to throw some stuff in makes Boston the team I'd most like to see Love traded to (also it's nice to have traditions, and Minnesota stars going to Boston is a tradition as old as time).  
• PHOENIX:  The Suns have the last spot in the lottery this year and picks 18 and 27 as well, and will get the Wolves pick if it falls to #14.  They also have the Lakers' 2015 first rounder.  Assuming they won't give up Erik Bledsoe there isn't much here player wise, but I can already see the Wolves trying to talk fans into some combination of the two Morris twins and Archie Goodwin.  
• KNICKS:  They're going to come up because they're New York, but they have no chance of getting a trade done.  Their only asset is Tim Hardaway, because they've completely traded away their next three drafts.  The Knicks' only hope is that a trade doesn't get done and they can get him as a free agent.

Best case scenario is some of these teams and others get together and somehow the Wolves end up with a huge haul.  Something like the Wolves get a bunch of the Celtics picks, and the Celtics ship Rondo to the Bulls who then throw an extra pick or Jimmy Butler or somebody the Wolves way.  Of course, I've been a Minnesota fan for long enough to expect a terrible trade.  They'll probably deal him straight up for Andrew Bogut.

-  I suppose I may need to do a Phil Hughes breakdown at some point, given that he's been lights out in his last four games.  Seriously, a 1.37 ERA, a WHIP under 1.00, an opponent's slash line of .230/.228/.300, and 20 Ks vs. 0 BBs in 26 innings is really impressive stuff.  He'll throw again on Wednesday in San Diego, and if he throws another gem, which seems likely given both the opponent and the park, I'll put up a post looking at his results a little more in depth.

-  Remember how I hit the trifecta in the Kentucky Derby and was going Sizzler?  Well I hit it for the Preakness too.  Same bet, same risk amount.  Big difference, however, in payout.  The Preakness had 10 horses, while the Derby had 19, so odds were significantly reduced already, and then the Preakness had 3 big favorites hit the first three spots while the Derby at least had one significant longshot sneak in there.  So the Derby payout was $1,541.  The Preakness payout?  $38.  No joke.  Was quite the letdown, but at least I've hit two now so I'll be playing for my own Triple Crown in a couple weeks.

-  Looks like Justin Morneau's skull seems to finally be ok seeing as he's off to a hell of a start.  He's hitting .327, which ranks 5th in the NL, with 9 homers (6th) and 32 RBI (4th).  Seriously once teammate Troy Tulowitzki finally gets hurt Morneau might be the front runner for MVP.  His power is way up, with an ISO near his career high in his MVP year, and although you can at least partially credit Coors for that, Morneau deserves the credit for cutting his K rate nearly in half and getting back down to where it was in his prime years.  He's being more aggressive, particularly at balls in the strike zone, and is hammering them pretty good.  His HR/FB rate is probably unsustainable so the home runs will probably taper off a bit, but he's in line for a pretty damn good season.  Here's a nerdy article talking about how he's one of the top players when it comes to hammering the ball compared to last season.

-  Among major league starters the Twins' have three of the highest 15 WHIPS -  #1 Kevin Correia at 1.68, #10 Ricky Nolasco at 1.53, and #15 Kyle Gibson at 1.47.  That, of course, doesn't include Mike Pelfrey who got shut down with a fake injury with a WHIP of 1.99.  I mean that's just like what?  Doesn't something need to be done at this point?  From the constant injuries that go from day-to-day to season ender without a trip to the DL, to the jettisoning of any talented player if they don't play "the Twins way", to this constant need to go back to the same shitty veterans like Matt Guerrier and Jason Bartlett just because they've been Twins before, to the in season roster mis-management that leads to not having a center fielder but having four shortstops this organization is a complete mess.  I need to write a whole post on this before I find myself down the rabbit hole here.  To sum up:

-  I was going to try to hit on the Gophers recruiting targets for 2015, but holy hell are Richard Pitino and the boys busy.  According to 247sports.com they have 26 offers out to 2015 unsigned players and I just really don't feel like going through all of that right now.  There are various levels of interest from the recruits, so I'll just hit a couple of the highlights (all rankings from 247 industry composite number) -

PG Jarvis Johnson (Minneapolis, MN), #81 overall/#18 PG - A De La Salle kid and the first legitimate shot for Pitino to keep the border closed on the players he wants. At all but the top programs keeping the borders closed on your top talent is a good way to build a program, and a guy like Johnson is good enough to boost the Gophers without being so good he's got programs you can't say no to after him - although Michigan State did just get involved so gulp.  The Gophers are considered a pretty big favorite over Wisconsin for his services, but the whole Sparty thing throws everything off.  Pretty important recruit here.

SG Jimmy Whitt (Columbia, MO), #96 overall/23 SG - This guy is piling up offers left and right, and although Arkansas is considered the favorite I've seen his name pop up around the Gophers a couple of times and there are so many teams involved things are still pretty murky.  One wrinkle is it looks like he digs Kansas but they haven't offered yet, so most likely once Kansas misses out on some of their top targets they'll move on to Whitt and he'll sign immediately even though he acted like he liked all these other schools because Kansas is jerks.

SF Danjel Purifoy (Centreville, AL), #43 overall/#10 SF - Worth noting as he's the highest rated player who is given "Warm" interest in the Gophers by 247, along with every SEC school and Maryland, Michigan, and Wichita.  Yes, Kentucky has reportedly offered but I'm guessing he's a back burner type for them, just given Calipari's ability to grab top 10-ish recruits at every position every year.  Purifoy should get you seriously excited given he's an absolutely insane athlete who can handle the ball.  He'd come in and immediately start for the Gophers and he can score, defend, and rebound already.  His jumper isn't very good right now but when nobody can stop your drive you can be a bit more patient with that.  This guy, we want.

PF Alex Illikainen (Grand Rapids, MN), #65 overall, #17 PF - If you could say the Gophers have one traditional recruiting strength regardless of coach, it's been out state Minnesota kids.  I'm trying to remember a non-city kid from the state who the Gophers wanted and didn't get and I can't think of one.  The closest I can come is Cody Johnson who ended up at Iowa State but I don't think the Gophers really recruited him.  I guess you could count J.P. Macura if you wanted but I meant more country kids, not places like Lakeville, and the whole coaching change thing makes it a crap shoot.  In any case, the Gophers should be in decent shape for Illikainen, although the competition isn't from anyone who strikes particular fear into my heart (Cal, Creighton, Iowa State, and Indiana are the other schools who have offered and he's shown interest in).  He's a perfect stretch four who can also run the floor well and finish in transition, so he not only is from Minnesota but he'd fit Pitino's system perfectly.  He's pretty much a Gopher Hole wet dream, and in this case I can't blame them.

C Akolda Manyang (Duluth, MN), #1 overall JUCO, #1 overall JUCO C - Pulling kids from Junior College is always a crap shoot as their are some incredible success stories and some disasters and everything in between, but he's highly rated, he's seven feet tall, and he's at least got some other high majors after him (Oklahoma, Arizona State).  I promise if things heat up I'll try to track down some kind of scouting or more info on him, but for now he's really tall and some people like him.


Honestly if Pitino got an all Minnesota class (with Manyang, Illikainen and Johnson) that would be a pretty good class and make those weirdos who want the team to be like, only Minnesota kids happy too.  Two top 100 kids and the top Juco would be a nice step up for the program and a natural build, made all the easier by it being local kids.  That being said, Pitino is so aggressive and he has so many offers out to so many top kids I'm hoping that after so many near misses last year he finally lands somebody that is like wow - #22 Allonzo Trier, #39 Eric Davis, #42 Jalen Adams, #21 Brandon Ingram, #6 Chieck Diallo, #27 Moustapha Diagne, and #16 Doral Moore are all in play to various degrees.  Hopefully he gets one (or more).

Thursday Thoughts

-  So the "big" news of the day in Gopher land is that the Big 10/ACC Challenge match-ups were announced and the Gophers got screwed.  No, it's not Florida State for the 12th time, but they ended up getting slated to go on the road to Wake Forest.  Despite finishing 7th in the league, the Gophers get last season's 11th place Demon Deacons who are probably going to be even worse.  At the same time, the 6th place Hawkeyes get North Carolina, and Illinois and Indiana, who both finished below the Gophers, get much more favorable match-ups in Miami and Pitt, and last place Purdue got a fun match-up in NC State.  This is horseshit.

There are 14 Big Ten teams.  There are 15 ACC teams.  Should be pretty straight forward, although with the realignment I suppose they had some leeway to play with things, but this is bullshit.  No chance in hell Purdue, 12th in the Big Ten, should get NC State, who finished tied for 7th.  If things were fair, horrible shit box Virginia Tech sits out (not Notre Dame) and based on records you get:

Virginia vs. Michigan
Louisville vs. Wisconsin
Syracuse vs. Michigan State
Duke vs.  Nebraska
UNC vs. Ohio State
Pitt vs. Iowa
Clemson vs. Maryland
NC State vs. Minnesota
FSU vs.  Illinois
Miami vs.  Indiana
Wake vs.   Penn State
Georgia Tech vs.  Northwestern
Notre Dame vs.  Purdue
BC vs.  Rutgers

Way better and much more fair.  Fucking NCAA Fascist bastards.  Wake sucks, and they might even be worse next year.  One of their top bench guys is transferring, and they're losing two starters.  It's probably not all bad because their two leading scorers are back and they've got some decent young players, but I'm crabby so I'm bitching because the Gophers clearly got screwed because they're looked at as a bottom tier Big Ten program.  Maybe they are but shit, you don't have to out of your way to fucking remind me.  I need a drink.

-  Going with Knob Creek.

- A little more news that might be of interest to Gopher fans is that Naadir Tharpe is transferring from Kansas.  You may remember Tharpe from blogs such as this one because at one point he was ranked #90 overall and the #20 point guard in the country and all things pointed to him being a Gopher.  If you don't feel like reading back, Tharpe had a two school list of Minnesota and Rutgers and then Rutgers signed Myles Mack so he canceled his official to Rutgers and the Gophers were in the driver's seat.  Then Josiah Turner signed with Arizona (which did not work out well - DUI, kicked off team, transfer, reneg on transfer enter NBA draft, not drafted) which meant Kansas didn't have a point guard in their incoming class so they called Tharpe and about five minutes later, without even a visit, he was a Jayhawk.  Once again, I don't need to be reminded constantly how the Gopher program ranks nationally.  Thanks again, Tum Tum Nairn (who did almost the same thing).

Now, after 3 so so years in which he's made pretty good progress each year (1ppg/1apg to 6ppg/3apg to 9ppg/5apg) he's out.  Kansas is fairly loaded at guard, and Tharpe actually lost his starting spot for a few games, but Tharpe is transferring to be closer to his daughter in Massachusetts (I think) who has been having some health issues.  I would assume BC, UMass, and any of those Rhode Island schools are in play, and who knows, maybe UCONN.  This is a pretty clear case of somebody who deserves a hardship waiver to be immediately eligible.  So he's probably 50/50.  The NCAA is neat.

-  It's been awfully hard to keep up with the Twins this year considering they never seem to play, when they do it's almost always day games, my vpn trick to make mlb.com think I'm in California so I can watch their games on my computer has stopped working, and the pitching staff is once again horrible.  Who could have possibly predicted that trying to upgrade the starters by signing two mediocre or worse starters and resigning a terrible one wouldn't have worked?

The team's starters post an ERA of 6.08, a WHIP of 1.64, a FIP of 4.74, and a xFIP of 4.95, numbers that are second worst, worst, second worst, and worst in the majors and this was coming into the day not even accounting for Pelfrey getting destroyed.   Every single one of those numbers is worse than last year.  Look at this rotation (ERA/FIP/xFIP/WHIP):

• Ricky Nolasco:  6.67/5.36/4.32/1.75
• Phil Hughes:  5.14/3.42/3.72/1.39
• Kevin Correia:  7.33/4.21/5.24/1.67
• Mike Pelfrey:  7.32/8.22/6.87/1.88
• Kyle Gibson: 4.34/3.55/4.79/1.55

As Ian Malcolm once said, "that is one big pile of shit."  Gibson's the only one who has looked halfway decent but his last two outings have been pretty bad and I fear his hot start was mostly fluky.  Hughes has been far and away the second best starter on this team so far.  Phil Hughes!  The good news is most of these guys aren't quite as bad as they've looked since with one exception their FIPs and xFIPS are lower than their ERA, which suggests that either luck or bad defense is making things worse and considering the team's horrendous corner outfielders it could be that, but they aren't suddenly going to get better.  The bad news is that Mike Pelfrey might actually be worse than he's looked.  Worse!  

They're clawing around .500 thanks to an offense that has been putting up a shocking amount of runs ranking fifth in the majors, but man does that ever feel like fool's gold.  Second in the majors in walks (after finishing 7th last season) should hold up and the team likely will keep putting runners on base, but there feels like to much fluky, timely hitting bringing in all those runs especially since they were a bottom six run scoring team last year.  Sam Fuld (who I thought was brought in to be a fifth/sixth outfielder, not an every day starter), Trevor Plouffe, and Chris Colabello are all probably playing way over their heads, and I find it unlikely that Brian Dozier really has the kind of power he's showing so far.  Now Joe Mauer and Aaron Hicks should probably be better than they're showing (can you believe Chris Herrmann pinch hit for Hicks today?  Talk about a career low point) so it could kind of even out a bit, but if this team's going to do anything it's with pitching.  And this pitching sucks.  At least

-  The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and I'm always big fan and have given you jerks picks each of the last four years.  Four years ago I hit Super Saver and two years ago my wife picked the winner with I'll Have Another, so you know what that means - I'm practically guaranteed to pick the winning horse.

My favorite bet is Intense Holiday at 16/1.  He fits the profile of your typical derby winner - solid year at age 2 with improvement at age 3.  He's also one of the best closers in the field.  If he can stay middle of the pack for most of the race he should be able to make a late charge.  Like this horse a lot.  Also put down on Danza at 9/1 and Medal Count at 25/1.  Danza is coming in hot and is a fast horse, but also has a lot of stamina in his pedigree, could very well be a wire to wire winner.  Medal Count is similar to Danza in that he has a lot of stamina, but similar to Intense Holiday in that his best bet is to win with a late charge because he's not as fast as Danza.  Long shot to win but I'll take a closer with stamina at 25/1.  My kids chose Candy Boy (25/1) because hey, candy, and the wife went with Vicar's in Trouble because "he sounds British."  So there you go.  I'll probably do some kind of trifecta or exacta or something with my three horses and one of the front runners.  Looking to win big this year.

BOATLOADS!

(ended up doing an trifecta box with Danza, Intense Holiday, California Chrome, Commanding Curve, and Wildcat Red)

Thursday Thoughts

-  Can anyone explain this Derrick Rose thing?  So with the Bulls up 3-2 they have a chance to close out New Jersey in Chicago, knowing a loss sends this back to a game 7 in Jersey so this is basically a do or die game.  Both Kirk Hinrich, who started at PG in place of Rose all year, and Luol Deng, probably the team's best perimeter defender, are out and in case you forget New Jersey has Derrick Williams.  In Game 5 in a similar situation (no Hinrich) Williams abused Nate Robinson for 23 and 10 assists, and as I write this mid-way through the second quarter he already has seven assists.  All this could potentially be handled by Rose, you know the former MVP and all, coming back and playing which, by the way, his doctor's have cleared him to do.  It's just weird. 

- I'm all over Revolutionary for the Derby on Saturday (10/1 right now I believe).  He's got good results, he's ridden by Calvin Borel (the pimp daddy of all jockeys) and he drew a position near the rail but not on it (#3) which is where Borel loves to be.  There's also a good possibility of rain and Revolutionary rates as the 2nd best wet track horse in the field (behind Oxbow) and Borel likes sloppy tracks as well.  Everything sets up well for Revolutionary, which actually kind of scares me a bit, but I put a good amount on him to win and boxed him up with Normandy Invasion and Orb in a trifecta.  I also let the wife pick a horse (Goldensoul because she's a hippy at heart) and let the daughter pick one as well (Charming Kitten because she's five) while throwing a bit on Will Take Charge as my longshot and still hold a WIN ticket on itsmyluckyday that I put down on a couple of months ago.  I hit the winner 3 years ago (Super Saver) and wife hit it last year (I'll Have Another) so I think we're due for another win.

-  I made the decision not to get HBO this year in order to save money and I knew Game of Thrones was going to be the biggest test.  They tried to suck me in with the free preview that let me watch episode 1 but I held strong.  Then I spent the night at Snacks' place and he's got HBO and has all the episodes and we watched two over there and I thought I was screwed, but luckily I remember that all HBO subscribers get access to HBOGO so I can used Snacks' ID and stuff and watched the last couple to get all caught up and my god this show is just so amazingly good.

I am a huge fan of the books and I never, ever imagined they could have done it this well.  All the cool shit from the books was done right and all the stuff they changed, added, or eliminated has been done exceptionally well to the point where I honestly don't have any complaints.  There's tons of hot chicks and boobs and butts and stuff which is of course welcome, but honestly the story and the drama completely sucks me in even though I know what's going to happen already.  Daenarys with the unsullied, Jamie's hand, the fight at Craster's, even something with no action like Sansa discussing Joffrey with Margaery (hot as fire) and Lady Tyrell are all good enough to be the biggest moment of the season in pretty much any other show, and we ain't seen nothing yet.  If I had to pick the best 3 non-comedic tv shows in history I'd go with Lost (the first 3 seasons or so), Walking Dead, and Game of Thrones, and GoT is so far beyond those other two it'd be like if Jim Thome raced a horse.  A good horse.  Also no, I have never seen The Wire or Breaking Bad (although I plan to eventually) so shut it.

- So Kahn out, Flip in, eh?  Tough to fault it, and I'm sure Glen Taylor pours himself a drink every time he watches Steph Curry score 16 points in a quarter and then thinks about Jonny Flynn is probably on the And 1 Tour at this point.  Really, outside of Darko over Melo and Wade and Oden over Durant that might end up the worst draft pick of this generation.  Unfortunately, because otherwise Dawger will rake me over the coals in the comments, I have to admit that I thought Steph Curry was on the fast train to bustville.  I was convinced his big numbers at Davidson were because he played sub-par competition and his team was so dependent on him that he was going to score big no matter what, but I though his absolute upside was a spot up shooter like Steve Novak or Craig Hodges.  My oh my was I ever wrong.  The guy is a completely dynamic scorer and one of the best shooters I've ever seen.  If he ever figures out how to drive to the rim he's going to be unstoppable, and he kind of is already.  It takes a strong man with a great character to admit when he's wrong, and that man is me.

-  So Byron Buxton hit another home run tonight.  That's his fifth for Cedar Rapids and coming into the night he was hitting .383/.510/.667 with 5 doubles, 3 triples, 4 HRs, and 10 steals in 14 attempts.  Simply put - he's killing low A ball in just his second year and he's just 19 years old.  I know you don't want to rush a teenager, but it's just silly.  He's walking more than he's striking out, hitting for a huge average and showing massive power while stealing bases like crazy.  He leads the Midwest league in slugging, OPS, runs, and walks, is #2 in average and OBP, and is top 5 in homers, total bases, steals, RBI, and triples. Between him and Miguel Sano (.368/.435/.747 with 9 homers) the Twins might end up with two top 10 prospects when the mid-year Baseball America prospect ratings come out.  Pretty cool shit.

- I still can't believe Joe Johnson was ever a max deal player.

Derby Picks

I tried to write a real post tonight.  I really did.  I started and then stopped like 4-5 times.  I don't know, I think when the only thing to write about is Twins' futility it gets kind of boring.  I'll get back into the swing of things I swear.  I'm planning on doing a weekend review for your Monday pleasure because at least that will get the ole writing juices going, at a minimum.  As an apology, please accept my Kentucky Derby picks as my apology.  Keep in mind that I have done pretty well on the Derby since I started taking it semi-seriously the last three years, including hitting Super Saver 2 years ago at 14-1. 

Your best bets for the odds:

Gemologist at 6-1: of the favorites, he's my favorite
Daddy Nose Best at 15-1:  he's a closer and coming from a track that's produced Derby Winners in the past
Hansen at 10-1 and Trinniberg at 50-1:  both are big time front-running speed, and although they're likely to jump out in front and then fail (particularly Trinniberg) we've seen wire-to-wire winners before. 

If it turns out this is going to be a muddy track, throw some coin down on El Padrino at 20-1.

If you're playing a Trifecta, I think your best horses are Gemologist, Daddy Nose Best, and Dullahan.  For a superfecta, go ahead and throw Union Rags in there.

Personally, I'm taking the four horses above along with Dullahan to win, then throwing a trifecta box out there with Gem, Daddy, Dullahan, Hansen, and Union Rags.  Good luck to all.  Please buy me something nice or at least some White Castle when you win the big bucks.  Here are some good pictures for no good reason:

 

Week in Review - 05.09.2011

I was all set to write up something about Ralph Sampson staying in the draft, Tubby Smith sabotaging Gopher basketball, and idiotic decisions, but I've now see some tweets that indicate he may have pulled out at the last minute (unlike his dad) so I'll save that speculation for later in the week when something more concrete comes out.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Justin Verlander.  Remember when I picked Verlander to win the AL Cy Young?  I'm pretty sure that his no-hitter on Saturday proves that I was right.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking he only struck out four guys and I just recently downplayed Liriano's no-hitter for a lack of domination so how can I praise this one?  Well first off Francisco Liriano fucking sucks while Verlander is a god of pitching.  Second, Verlander only walked one dude and threw about 70% of his pitches for strikes while Liriano treated the strike zone as if it was .  Thirdly, did you watch the game?  Justy Just completely dominated fools.  The Blue Jays only hit two balls remotely well and really after about two batters you knew Verlander had a shot at doing it.  Just so good.  So dominating.  I swear every time I watch him pitch he makes me hate the Twins and every time Leyland let's him pitch his 125th pitch of the game I hate Gardy.  I hate everything.

2.  Vancouver Grizzlies.  Gotta admit out of all the surprising things in the sporting world, including VCU  making the final four and Alexi Casilla once getting a hit, Vancouver's playoff run thus far is way up there.  Of course a big part of that shock is because I had no idea Vancouver was in the playoffs until like Game Three of the first round, but they're gettin' it done now.  Knocking off the #1 seeded Spurs was surprising, but not as surprising as the semi-dominant fashion in which they did it (and my favorite part was watching Zach Randolph kick the crap out of that old man whiny bitch Tim Duncan.  Honestly the guy would send back soup at a deli)  Now they're up 2-1 on Oklahoma City after stealing game 3 with a furious second half comeback and surprisingly dominant performance in overtime.  With the Lakers getting bounced and the Grizz up, it's suddenly not ridiculous to think Memphis might end up making the finals.  Read that again.  Now set your own face on fire because Memphis is a title contender while the T-Wolves should just be contracted.

3.  Cliff Lee.  Clifford is always fun to watch pitch, but you never know which version you're going to get.  There's the don't-walk anybody, let the batter hit your pitch right where you want it version, and then there's the don't walk anybody, strike everybody out version.  Both are dominant in different ways, and both are fun to watch.  However, more accurately the version where he just strikes everybody the hell out is way more fun and that's the version that showed up this weekend to throw against the Braves and strike out 16 guys.  Of course the bad news is that he gave up 9 hits and 3 runs and they lost which may make some people wonder why I'd give him credit for being awesome.  Those people should just shut their big fat faces.

4.  Dirk Nowitzki.  God I love watching this guy.  He's too slow to be devastating, but he can shoot the lights out, he's six foot thirteen, and he knows how to use his body to create open shots.  I don't know if I love that slow motion spin and fade better or if I prefer the weird, awkward step back fadeaway that looks more like something that a dude who had never played basketball before would do, but it's impossible to stop and I'm pretty sure he shoots like 90% with that one.  He's just unstoppable and sweet.  And the best part is, as Bill Simmons laid out in a recent column, once he gets to the point where he can't carry a team anymore he's going to have a role as a more deadly version of Sam Perkins.  Probably with the same amount of pot though.  

5.  Andre Ethier.  Yes his 30-game hit streak came to an end over the weekend but it should still be recognized because a 30-game hit streak is really pretty remarkable.  More importantly have you seen this guy?  You look at his adonis like looks and his hair, realize he's a multi-millionaire who plays baseball and lives in Los Angeles, and I'm assuming he's basically beating gorgeous girls off with a stick.  His list of conquests must be epic.  Of course, it's tough to beat Derek Jeter who has gone out with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Adriana Lima, Jordana Brewster, and Minka Kelly.  Then again, while I assume Ethier is a tender and considerate lover you know Jeter is just using these chicks - using them to cover up that he's a raging homosexual, I mean.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Los Angeles Lakers.  Wow, talk about a gutless performance.  Not only did the defending two-time champs - and defending two-time champs with nearly the same entire squad back - get bounced in round 2 but they got swept.  And not only did the get swept but they got ugly swept, losing the first two games at home and then getting run by 30 in the deciding game four.  No other word for it but pathetic.  The Lakers might be the most talented team, especially in the West, but it was clear they weren't 100% engaged in round 1 and they couldn't just flip the switch when they suddenly ran into a better than we thought Dallas team.  And that, in a nutshell, is the biggest reason Kobe will never be the next Michael Jordan.  Other than a very good game 1 (36 pts) Kobe basically was completely disinterested and finished the series with averages well below his season averages for the series in literally every category.  What a douchebag.  By the way, a rapist, a homophobe, and a black guy walk into a bar.  Everybody there was like, "Hey Kobe."

2.  Kentucky Derby.  Not so much for the race, because watching Animal Kingdom shoot from the middle to the front for the win was actually pretty exciting, but it was just kind of meh.  There was no great horse in this field and no great stories so there was no good lead-ups, so much so that most of the Kentucky Derby rubes I know said this was the least interesting derby in years.  Even the whole Calvin Borel, winner of three of the last four derbys, angle was lame because he ended up sitting on a horse that everybody knew was a shitbox.  Didn't help that I didn't win money (although I know Bogart was on Animal Kingdom so congrats there).  I hit a bunch of the mid-range horses and with Mrs. W's pick (Stay Thirsty) and Wonderbaby's first ever pick (Soldat) I basically had everybody covered as long as a long shot (other than Santiva) or the favorite didn't win.  Then this freaking dirtbag horse who has never even raced on dirt before and whose regular rider was out with an injury (yep, an injury to a jockey.  WTF has never seemed more appropriate) goes out and wins.  Least satisfying Derby ever.  And Animal Kingdom has no shot at even contending for the triple crown.  None.  Lame.  Gay.  Stupid.

3.  Brandon Lyon.  Can anyone explain to me why this dingleberry keeps getting closing jobs?  He's fucking terrible, which he proved once again this week by trying to close a game against the Reds, a game in which he dudes he faced went walk-single-single-single-double and suddenly a 2-0 lead was a 3-2 loss - a game that would have been rookie Aneury Rodriguez's first career W.  Although I don't know why anybody would be surprised since Lyon has sucked every year.  He sucked with the Diamonbacks, sucked with the Tigers after they gave him a nice 1-year deal and then said thanks but no thanks, and has sucked with Houston the last two years (after their inexplicable 3-year/$15 mil contract) and leads the league in blown saves this year.  Not since Ambirorix Burgos has a worse player been given the ball to close games.  Except maybe Matt Capps.

4.  Carl Pavano.  Hey, do you guys remember when there was all that talk about signing Pavano long-term, and everybody was like damn dude, you gotta be careful with this one because his margin for error is razor thin and at his advancing age things could fall apart in a big ole hurry?  Well I'm not saying he's done done, but there are some ominous signs.  And I'm not even talking about the really obvious stuff like getting slapped all over the yard in consecutive games by the Royals and Red Sox (2 games combined:  10 innings, 22 hits, 13 runs).  No, the scary part here is in those two outings Pavano tallied as many strikeouts as hits Joe Mauer's had since April 12th - a big fat zero.  Now, Pavano's never been a big time K pitcher but he's generally been around 5-7 per 9 ips.  Last year he set a career low at 4.8, and this year he's been even lower at 4.1 (before today's game).  That' a terrible sign.  Am I saying he's going to be terrible the rest of this year and probably end up waived before we even get to year 2 of his contract?  Yes.  Yes I am.

5.  Justin Morneau.  Sigh.  No doubt you are aware he's been bad this year, but do you know just how bad he was this week?  He hit .105 (2-19 and obviously no extra base hits).  Guess how many of his teammates had a worse average for the week?  Nobody.  At all.  Butera hit .143.  Casilla hit .125.  Repko, Tolbert, and Revere all beat him.  Unfortunately he's cooling off (if that was even possible) right as Cuddy, Span, and Valencia are starting to remember how to hit and the team just added the shortstop of the future in Trevor Plouffe, who probably deserves a spot in the WHO WAS AWESOME section but I forgot about him until just now.  This team can't win without Morneau's bat.  I mean, they can't really win with it either, but at least with him going they have a chance, however small.  Maybe somebody needs to just smack him in the head with a tire iron and joggle everything back the way it was before.  I'll volunteer.


In conclusion the Lakers suck are a punch of punks led by King Punk Kobe.  Although I have to give him credit for not being the biggest little bitch on the team in this series.  That honor would to to Andrew Bynum who pulled this move at the end of the shellacking the Mavs put on them to cap off the sweep:


I'm not even sure what my favorite part is, but I can narrow it to five parts:

1.  Steve Blake not really trying to get through a screen while guarding Barea.
2.  Ron Artest making zero effort to help out on said screen or when Barea starts to drive.
3.  Shannon Brown's "help defense" which consisted of a half-assed swipe at the ball.
4.  The biggest guy on the court (Bynum) completely destroying the littlest one while he's defenseless (but in Bynum's defense he was the only one who played any kind of defense on that play).
5.  And, of course Bynum taking off his jersey for some reason.

Basically just class personified right there.  In summation, fuck you Lakers!  I couldn't be happier.

Kentucky Derby Advice

Hit these three:

Jackson Bend 15-1:  Odds are lower than they should, but he finished second twice recently, both losses coming to the horse that would be the Kentucky Derby favorite if he wasn't a scratch.

Super Saver 14-1:  Has a top jockey, top trainer, and has won at tracks like Churchill Downs before.

Backtalk 50-1:  Smarty Jones was his dad, which is good enough for me.


Obviously, odds are none of these horses win (smart money is on Lookin' at Lucky at 3-1) but if you're looking to toss a low wager with high odds at something, like I am, these are your best bets.