Monday's Musings (Twins, British Open, Tomlin, TV, Noodle Arms, etc.)

Well it's begun already.  I suppose it was inevitable.  I was listening to the telecast of the Twins first game and they were talking about the Twins possibly making any moves at the trade deadline.  You probably already know where this is going.  So Bert says, he says, "You know, with Span and Kubel about to come off the DL and Morneau down the road (ED:  yeah right) the Twins don't really need to make a move, getting those guys back is already better than making a trade.

Yes.  It's true.  You knew it was coming.  I'm pretty sure you'll hear that same sentiment at least three more times from various announcers/coaches/scribes/radio dudes, and every time you should know it makes me die a little inside.

Speaking of the Twins and dying how freaking bad is Matt Capps?   Meanwhile, in case you're curious, Wilson Ramos is hitting .257/.333/.442 with 9 homers for the Nationals and has thrown out 36% of would-be base stealers.  What that essentially means is he's a Drew Butera who can hit.  I'm not exactly sure of the wording yet, but I'm pretty sure if I end up killing myself in the next month or so I want that on my tombstone.  That or sausage and pepperoni and green pepper.

-  The British Open was kind of interesting in a boring way.  Once again it proved itself to be nearly impossible to predict.  I mean, look how many top guys missed the cut here:  #1 Luke Donald, #2 Lee Westwood, #8 Matt Kuchar, #10 Nick Watney., #11 Graeme McDowell  I guess in retrospect it shouldn't have been surprising that Donald missed it because he's a bit of a dandy, but the other three were definite surprises.  But it makes sense.  Look at who has won this thing lately:  Darren Clarke, Louis Oosthuizen, Stewart "gayest golfer on the tour" Cink.  Before that were two for Paddy and two for Tiger, but this tournament is definitely most likely to be won by a stunner.  Tom Watson's almost win.  Todd Hamilton who I could have sworn was a figure skater.  Ben Curtis.  John Daly.

I'm not even sure it's real golf over there.  But there's no doubt that there are a few guys who you can never count out in a major no matter how badly they look like they're playing in the previous weeks:  Phil, Dustin Johnson, Anthony Kim, Y.E. Yang - always a threat in majors.  Just like guys like Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald, and Ian Poulter have proven it doesn't matter how they're playing or how they're trending or what they're course history is - they can miss a cut at any time.

And the saddest thing of all?  Jim Furyk and Retief Goosen used to be in group 1, but now I think you gotta put them in group 2.  Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

-  As I pointed out last week, Indians' starter Josh Tomlin has a chance to become just the 16th pitcher to qualify for the batting title and finish the season with more home runs allowed than walks allowed.  He took another step towards history on Friday when he allowed 3 home runs to the Orioles against just 1 walk, bringing his season totals to 18 HR allowed and 15 BB allowed.  Additionally, with 11 wins so far he has a chance to become the second most winning pitcher who gave up more homers than walks behind Robin Roberts 19 wins in 1956.  He won't catch Roberts but if he can get to 17 wins he'll pass Greg Maddux, Jose Lima, and Rick Reed to hold the solo second position.  I dunno.  Seems significant.

- Speaking of dominant pitching did you see Jeff Karstens threw a 83-pitch 5-hit shutout for the suddenly playoff-contending Pirates on Friday?  I don't know which part is weirder - that somebody actually only needed 83 pitches to finish a game or that it was Karstens who has thrown a complete game since 2008 because he's usually too busy getting schellacked.  Since I know you're wondering I looked it up and this is the 15th time since 2000 that somebody has thrown a 9-inning complete game using 83 pitches or less.  So I guess it's not as unbelievable as I thought, especially since included in that group are Carlos Silva (74 pitches in 2005) and Scott Baker (79 pitches in 2007) and I don't remember either of them.  I guess my whole equilibrium is just off since the Pirates are in contention.

-  I don't think I've mentioned this before, but the kids' show Phineas and Ferb is one of the five best shows on TV.  Parks and Rec, Community, Game of Thrones, Curb, and Phineas and Ferb.  If you have kids, get them hooked on this immediately.  Whereas I want to stab my own face off after more than one episode of most kids' shows - especially Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - I could sit and watch Phineas and Ferb by myself for hours, so it's actually not torture to sit and watch with Wonderbaby^TM.   The Bear got a few episodes with us a few weeks back and he laughed out loud a couple of times, and he hates everything, so you know it's good.

-  Honestly, if you grabbed 100 random people from local softball leagues how many of them do you think would have a better arm than Ben Revere?  I wouldn't - I'm a kick-ass infielder - but how many out of 100?  I know Snacks has a better arm and a couple other guys I play/played softball with do.  I'm willing to bet it's at least 25%.  I love Ben Revere and all - he's 10x the center fielder Span was and twice Gomez - but that arm is terrifyingly bad.

-  I just bought these shoes because I need something for casual Fridays at work.  Thoughts?

- Joe Mauer, as of this second, has six hits in this doubleheader.  That's pretty impressive, but what really stands out to me is that one of those hits is a double.  I mean, do you know how rare that is for the "Singles King of Minnesota?" (he's like Abe Froman but different). 

-  I don't like this new Eric on True Blood.  I also don't understand what's up with these "faeries. And Pam is way less hot now. "  I also don't think Anna Paquin has gotten naked yet this season, which is stupid because it's probably 25% of why I watch this show.  Another 25% is hoping Jessica will do a nude scene already. 

The remaining 50% is because Mrs. W is hoping to see some Alcide wang.  True story.

-  Pretty good debut by Scott Diamond here (Twins trailing 2-1 in bottom 6), and it damn well better be since he cost them Billy Bullock.  You know, the same Billy Bullock who was a 2nd round pick and was a rare minor league arm in the system who could strike people out from the bullpen.  In case you're curious in AA for Atlanta this year he's pitched 37 innings, allowed 29 hits, walked 19, and struck out fucking 53.  Good thing they don't need him though.

-  Looks like while I was taking out the trash/slicing some celery/making a drink the Twins tied it up and then left Diamond in for too long, brought in Phil Dumacrap, and now they're about to get swept in this double-header, the exact double header they could have used to basically slingshot start into a second half pennant run.  Nice.

-  Speaking of Wonderbaby^TM back whenever I mentioned her she's now somehow gotten to the age where going to bed is equivalent in terribleness to the holocaust.   Honest to god I think she's insane.  She will completely agree to "Ok, one more Phineas and Ferb and then it's bedtime.  No whining, no crying, no fighting" and say those exact words and everything but the minute that show is over and I tell her it's really bedtime we're looking at meltdown city.  This one time she actually grabbed the scimitar I keep on the counter and took a swipe at me.  True story.

-  Requisite picture of my idiot kids:

And here's a picture of my kick-ass son trying to house a chicken wing despite being significantly tooth-challenged:

-  Is it insensitive to say that Chuck James looks like he has either the AIDS or the cancer?  Because if it is then I totally didn't say that, it was a friend of mine who wanted to know.

-  Pitches like one too.

-  Freakin' Babe Plouffe indeed.  Too bad everyone else on the team sucks more balls than your mom.

-  I hate the Twins and I hate all of you.

Twins MLB Draft Review

Last night was the big MLB draft, and even though I know very little about it, I nonetheless feel pretty much just as qualified as most morons who write about sports on mainstream sights, so I'm going to break it down anyway.

- Stephen Strasburg, unreal stud RHP out of San Diego State went first overall to the Nationals in what was apparently a no-brainer. Of course, no brainer pitchers early in the draft are always a guarantee. I mean the last ten first overall picks who were pitchers have been David Price, Luke Hochevar, Brian Bullington, Matt Anderson, Kris Benson, Paul Wilson, Brien Taylor, Ben McDonald, Andy Benes, and Tim Belcher. Not exactly an all-timer list, and Taylor was probably the biggest bust in history - more so even than Ryan Leaf. All the talking head people assure us that he is the real deal and is already all the way polished thanks to his time throwing in college, but I remember hearing the same things about Mark Prior. So everything sounds good, and he was definitely the no-brainer pick at #1 - and could even possibly hit the majors this year, but let's all just settle down and not start handing out Cy Young's just yet.

- The #2 and #3 picks were the only other two people I have heard of in this draft, not counting that one Gopher guy who is good. The Mariners took CF Dustin Ackley out of North Carolina at #2 and the Padres took CF Donavan Tate, a high school kid, with the #3 pick. The only thing I know about these two is that Ackley is that he is pretty much unanimously considered the best pure hitter in the draft but is also coming off of Tommy John surgery and has had to play first base for the Heels because of it. Kind of a big question mark, but if he can hit, I have no doubt a place will be found for him. I know even less about Tate, but he sounds like an incredible athlete who hasn't really learned to hit yet. After watching Gomez for a year and a half, I'd pass on this kid faster than Al Nolen passes on an open jump shot.

- The #4 pick was the Pirates, and they took some kid I've never heard of, a catcher from Boston College the likely made up name Jorge Sanchez, even though I they already have Ryan Doumit, maybe their best player, behind the dish and I had heard they were going to go after some latino shortstop with three names. Whatever. Enough of all these people I haven't heard of and don't care about. On to the Twins.

- Mrs. W just asked if I wanted to get Grey's Anatomy Season One from Netflix. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

- The Twins first pick, #22 overall, ended up being RHP Kyle Gibson out of U of Missouri (Arty Johnson U, holla). He's a very interesting pick, and one that LaVelle brought up previously on his blog at the Star Tribune site. According to Mr. Neal, Gibson was ranked as the fourth best prospect in the draft (he neglected to cite his source and I neglected to look one up due to Mr. Vodka), but slipped for two reasons. The first was concerns he would ask for a huge bonus. Knowing the Twins as well as I unfortunately do, I assume they made sure to get this figured out before they drafted him. Second, he's dealing with a stress fracture in his pitching arm - always a positive sign for a pitcher. But apparently the kid is the shit. He hits 94 with his fastball at times, but is more of a sinking fastball type with two other plus pitches in his slider and changeup. If that wasn't enough to convince you he is Twins' material, check out this line from last season: 99 innings, 18 walks (123 strikeouts to boot). Sounds pretty good if the injury checks out. I'm giving this a cautious thumbs up.

- We're watching some weird show about weird religious people with a billion kids right now (well, the Mrs. is, I'm obviously blogging about very important social issues) and this super naive religious guy was talking about taking medicine and he called his wife "The Master of Swallowing." I don't care who you are, that's funny.

- The Twins second pick just came through, their "sandwich pick" for losing Dennis Reyes, which is pretty funny when you think about it - because he's fat, you see. It would probably make me hungry, but I made the World's Greatest Chili^TM tonight so I'm good. What was my point? Oh yeah, with the #46 pick (which seems incredibly generous for getting rid of Reyes) the Twinks took LHP Matthew Bashore out of Indiana U. Seeing as this is a Gopher blog, you'd think I'd be familiar with some of the pitcher's around the Big Ten. Well, you're super wrong. But I CAN tell you what the internet says about him.

Bashore dealt with arm issues in the off-season, being relegated to the bullpen in the Cape Cod League of Summer Catch fame, in what is seemingly a conscious draft theme at this point, but recovered once he got back to the Hoosiers to post five quality starts in his last six outings - I have no idea if that is impressive or not in college. The scouting sounds pretty solid, as Bashore is reported to have four good pitches including a nice splitter and is said to be a very polished college player. So yeah. Go team.

- As we wait for the last Twins pick of the day I think I don't really remember I just remembered the fourth guy I had heard of. His name is Aaron Crow, and he's a pitcher who was actually drafted at #9 last year but didn't sign. He then decided to go play in the independent league for the Fort Worthless Cats which makes me angry all-over again about how much that god forsaken city sucks, but it seems he pitched pretty well for the newest stopover for top prospects, supplanting the Saint Paul Saints (Luke Hochevar and Max Scherzer pitched their previously).

Crow pitched three games, totaling 17 innings with 17 strikeouts and just five walks, while opponents hit just .196 against him resulting in an ERA of 1.06. Pretty solid. What I read had him as the #2 pitcher on the board (after Strasburg), yet he fell all the way #12, the eighth pitcher taken, falling right in Kansas City's lap. With Greinke, Hochevar, and now the potential of Crow, KC is poised to possibly make some noise in a couple of years. Although Hochevar will flame out, Crow will end up as a middle reliever, and Greinke will be a Yankee. Hooray MLB Draft!!!!

- The Magic shot 75% in the first half tonight, and they are up only five at the half. Christ, this garbage is pretty much over.

- Ok, the Twins have taken their next two selections, their last for tonight. They went with another couple of pitchers, this time RHP William Bullock out of Florida and RHP Benjamin Tootle out of Jacksonville State. Tootle has powerful stuff, and although he was a starter in college most scouts see him as a reliever in the pros (is he ready, like, today, by any chance?). He continues a theme of banged up players in the draft for the Twins - he battled some kind of crazy virus (swine flu?) when he was in the Cape League, causing him to slip. Billy Bullock is similar to Tootle, but without the flu problem. He is called the best bullpen guy in the draft from the SEC by Baseball America, and can hit 97 on the radar gun. Given the Twins problems in that area, I am happy with these last two picks.

- Home run #16 for Morneau. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Mrs. W always refers to Morneau as "big head" and refuses to refer to him as anything else. That's all.

- Delmon with an RBI already tonight and it's only the fifth. That gives him 15 already on the season. And it's still early.

- Kobe missed a layup. Nice job queer.

- Delmon Young's middle name is Damarcus.

- Kobe misses free throws. Nice job queer.

- I got nothin' left. In penance, I offer up this picture of Alyssa Milano in Twins' gear:

If we aren't square after that, I don't know what else to do.