Sharknado: The Return of Tara Reid (a DWG Live Movie Blog)

A movie called Sharknado.  About sharks and tornadoes or sharks in tornadoes or tornadoes made of sharks or something awesome like that.  Starring my old flame Tara Reid, and the never aging Ian Ziering?  Written by the guy who wrote, produced, and directed Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood! (exclamation point actually part of the title)?  Of course I'm in.  I'm a bit worried that rather than take itself seriously and, as such, become unintentionally hilarious like the rest of these kinds of movies, it's embracing the stupidity (I mean, shark tornadoes?) and thus won't be quite as fun to make fun of (plus the movie poster just says "Enough Said").  But then again, maybe it will be awesome in an awesome way instead of a stupid way.  In any case, I'm watching.  Join me here on another DWG Live Movie Blog.

-   We open with a giant school of sharks swimming in a rain storm.  Something tells me we're not going to be wasting any time here.

-  Oh yeah, and there's a tornado too now.  And it just sucked all the sharks up into it.  So yeah, no wasting time.  But answer me this - isn't a tornado in water a hurricane?  Shouldn't this be called "Sharkicane"?  And isn't that a cooler name anyway?  You know it is.

-  Oh no, we see dudes finning sharks.  If you don't know what that is it's something really evil unscrupulous fisherman can do where you catch sharks, cut off their fins, and then throw the sharks back to die, using the fins to make shark fin soup, a delicacy in Asian countries.  It's illegal and basically just a shitty thing to do.  Hopefully these guys, and all shark finners everywhere, die soon.  Especially this stupid french guy with really bad teeth.

-  This is one crazy storm.  And I know it's crazy because the camera man keeps bobbing up and down to similate waves while they show stock footage of storms.  Now the sharks on board thanks to the Sharknado.  They're all on board.  And they're hungry and crudely computer animated.

-  Ok wait like, some of them are just jumping into the boat to eat french people.  It's almost like sharks don't need a tornado at all to kill people.

-  Cut to credits as everyone died.  Requisite beach montage full of boobs and butts.  At least this movie got one thing right.

-  Ian Ziering is here now and he's going surfing.  You know what Wonderbaby answers if you ask her what sharks eat?  Surfers.

-  We just met a waitress who I think is probably going to be the hero.  Also we are now guaranteed Tara Reid won't be the hottest chick in this movie, because whoever this girl is rates a 10.

-  Another montage, this one of some broad and Ziering surfing.  Feels like filler.  Feels like that might be a good thing.

-  Montage mercifully interrupted by a shark attack.  That's good.  And that chick got eaten like crazy by like 10 sharks.  And, if you're wondering by the way, the shark footage is a big mish mash of a whole bunch of different types (all computer animated by the way) and now they're all hanging out together and just eating everybody they see, and none of them are in a tornado at all - not even a little bit.  This is all like, really fake and stuff.

-  That hot waitress's name is Cassie Scerbo.  Here she is:

Boobs

-  Ian Ziering and some old guy at the bar who looks familiar are convinced that the reason there are so many sharks and the reason why they're so aggressive is because of Hurricane David which is pushing all the sharks all up the coast, which, again, means this is a hurricane not a tornado.  Also, great theory, 90210 boy.  Makes tons of sense.

- Yes and there's Tara Reid.  Man I was so in love with her back in the American Pie/Urban Legend/Bodyshots days.  She was my #2 girl (nobody ever has or ever will pass Tiffani Thiessen for #1).  Sure, she's now the poster girl for wrecking her body and career thanks to bad plastic surgery, drinking, and drugs, and yeah she's aged but it's not like she's all rotten and gross or anything.  It's more like she's changed from a grape to a raisin.  She's not as smooth or round or shiny or firm anymore and she's spent a little too much time out in the sun and has a few too many wrinkles, but she's still delicious and I'd like to put it in her.

-  Steve Sanders and the beautiful Tara Reid are apparently ex-married people with a kid together, which means they'll end up together battling sharks in a hurricane for love.  Also, Tara Reid still can't act, but I'd still dry hump her in the back seat of a small car.

-  They keep cutting to aerial shots of this place that's supposedly experiencing this horrid storm, but in the aerial shots the water is completely calm.  I love you SyFy OH MY GOD SHARK IN THE BAR!  SHARK IN THE BAR!  So bizarre.  This is insane.  They aren't even bothering with a semblance of a plot, it's just sharks flying around the city and landing on stuff.  I guess that sort of sounds awesome but it's really not.

-  And now the Ferris Wheel broke free and is just rolling down the pier.  We're only 26 minutes from teh start of the movie and completely pandemonium has set in.

-  According to the Newslady on the day after, "the waves also brought several sharks in to shore."  I'm pretty certain that's not a thing.  

-  Somebody found this blog today by searching for "drunk girl puke" on google.  Somebody from Japan.  I feel so dirty.

-  Man the whole city has flooded.  I bet people are looting like fucking crazy.

-  There are sharks in the street.  SyFy isn't even trying anymore.  So the water is shallow enough for people to drive through, but deep enough for a shit ton of sharks to just cruise around in including big-ass Tiger Sharks, which, fun fact, are never found off California.  They are, however, found off Mexico so I guess the waves must have pushed them North.  Makes sense.

-  Holy shit that old guy is the dad from Home Alone.  Wow.  He looks terrible, but what can you expect when you live in a world where tiger sharks are just cruising around ignoring stop signs like some kind of toothsome bicyclists.

-  Ok, last time I'm going to complain about this, but they keep showing people standing/running in ankle deep water, then the cut to computer generated dorsal fins swimming in what would have to be much deeper water, then they show people dying by shark.  As dumb as this sounds considering I'm watching a movie called Sharknado, I feel like my intelligence is being insulted.  And Mr. McAllister just died.  RIP.

-  The computer animation of Ziering driving his car through a bunch of waves or whatever is reminiscent of Excitebike.  But hey, now they're on the freeway and there are no sharks around.  Probably should stay away from the shark infested areas and stuff.  Guess the movie's over.

-  Wait, no.  There's a shark on top of a building.  And now sharks are being belched out of whatever you call those things where water drains from.  Culvert, maybe?  Whatever it is.  And now one just came shooting out of a manhole cover.  There are more sharks in this damn town than at a surfing convention off the coast of South Africa during a bleeding competition.  Waiting for Grandpa to show up to say, "One thing about Santa Monica I never could stand....all the damn sharknados."

-  Now a shark jumped from Tara Reid's swimming pool into her living room and ate Tara Reid's boyfriends head off.  It's ok though because the good guys stopped it by crushing it with a book shelf.  Not joking.  This is the worst thing I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of guys naked.

-  After the guy died and the shark died the entire living room is flooded with red water because of the blood (and the water, of course).  Ziering's friend guy says, "must be that time of the month."  I may not be able to go on, I think this movie is giving me glaucoma.

-  And where is this Sharknado everybody keeps talking about?  I just see a bunch of lame flooded streets and Tara Reid's face which never moves, but which wouldn't stop me from making sweet love to her awkwardly.  And now the house just exploded.  It exploded.  I don't know either.  I need to drink A LOT faster.

-  I'll give them a little credit, at least they didn't try to shoehorn in some plot with villains and were content to just make the sharks the bad guys.  Unfortunately I'm rapidly losing interest.

-  There's a bus stranded in the middle of somewhere.  The sharks are circling even though the the water is either 2 feet or 200 feet deep depending on what camera angle they're using.  Ziering's answer?  Rappel down from the bridge and into the bus, of course, because who doesn't have a bunch of rappelling equipment in their car, along with like, 4000 rounds of ammo for several different weapons?  If you don't, what are you going to do when the street becomes the ocean?  Huh, pal?  You probably sit around on your couch eating range free cheetos and you don't even have a gun and you're just waiting for the King of England to show up and start pushing you around.  Thought so, pansy.

-  I wish this movie was over.

-  You're never going to believe this, but after saving all the kids Ziering is climbing back up and the rope STARTS TO FRAY!  DUN DUN DUN!  But don't worry, he just barely makes it back up in time.  Whew.  And they really need to stop showing wide shots of the city, because every time they do they just show a calm, normal city with zero sharks in the streets or bars.  Zero water too.

-  Sharks are now falling from the sky.  I have sat through some terrible movies, but this one truly takes the cake.  Not even that hot waitress chick can save it.  And their car just exploded for some reason.  It's possible they explained it when I wasn't paying attention, but I feel safe just assuming it was for no reason at all.

-  Awesome name for a shark movie:  Sharkpocalypse.  MONEY.

-  You know, Ian Ziering really isn't a terrible actor.

-  Now they have a Hummer.  Of course.  Makes me think about Tara Reid for some reason.

-  Now our heroes are being chased by the cops through dry land for some reason.  I think they're trying to get to Tara Reid's daughter's brother who's stranded at 31 Flavors or something.  All I know is it's not raining, it's not flooded, there's no tornadoes, and even less sharknadoes.  There's not even a Jarvis Varnado.  What a gyp.

-  Oh hey, there's a tornado.

-  Remember this?

Good Lord.

-  The son apparently lives in an airplane hanger.  I don't know.

-  Ziering, "A hurricane can pick up marine life and drop it hundreds of miles away."  Oh.  So there's your justification for this entire movie, although I suspect we're talking starfish and seahorses, not 1,000 lb. tiger sharks, but whatevs.  Also, there you go with all your hurricane talk again. Effing false advertising.

-  The new plan, rather than finding shelter since they could, with nothing happening right now, work on finding shelter or even driving further away from the coast, is to "stand and fight." A sharknado.  With things from the local hardware store like chainsaws and an axe and a weed wacker.  And everyone is just accepting that "when those tornadoes show up they're going to be dropping sharks down upon us."  This is so fucking stupid.  It's worse than Arby's. 

-  Now Daddy and Daughter are arguing about how "he's never there for her."  Ain't it just like a woman to bring up irrelevant shit at the worst possible time?

-  The plan is to take the helicopter (don't ask) and drop bombs into the tornadoes to kill the sharks.  Did nobody really see how stupid this was before we got to the "greenlight it" phase?  This is impossible to enjoy, on any level.  This might even be the worst shark movie ever.  And I'm including Jaws 4.  Yeah, I said it.

-  It appears SyFy made a movie called "Chupacabra vs. The Alamo."  I am damn pissed off I missed that one.

-  Nothing like taking a chopper into a tornado.  Full of sharks.  This movie is worse than Wisconsin.  And nobody has died in like 45 minutes.  In the movie, I mean.  I'm guessing several people in Wisconsin have died in the last 45 minutes from firework related accidents and farm animals alone.

-  So the bomb made the tornado disappear.  Why the F don't we just do that whenever there's a tornado here in Minnesota?  Seems like an easy solution.

-  At least people are dying now, as sharks randomly fall in areas which clearly are not being affected by the weather in any way.  Please just end.

-  If you dump gasoline in a pool and throw a match in what would happen?  Would it start on fire?  According to this movie it just straight up explodes.  Like that car that exploded earlier.  And that house.  Suspecting Michael Bay might be secretly involved here.  Or, more likely, his "special" cousin Tony.

-  Oh snap that hot chick fell out of the helicopter and right into the mouth of a shark.  That sucks.  Also we haven't seen Tara Reid in quite some time.  This is probably the part where they were filming but she was passed out because she took all the drugs so they just went ahead without her after drawing a shlong on her face and taking pictures.

-  Ziering (to his son):  "Take care of your mother and sister."
Son:  "Where are you going?"
Ziering (serious face):  "To finish this."

Fucking finish what?  It's a god damn tornado and you know what, when weather conditions change the stupid thing will go away.  Just go in your basement with a flashlight and read a book.  What the fuck?  And how in the holy hell do bombs make a tornado go away?  And where did these thousand of sharks come from that a fucking tornado picked them all up?  They didn't even try to make sense.

-  A shark swallowed Ziering.  Then he chainsawed his way out, no worse for wear.  And he rescued the hot girl at the same time when he pulled her out of the sharks stomach on his way out.  Fuck off.

A Super Early Big Ten Hoops Preview for 2013-2014

You know what it's way too early for?  College Basketball previews.  You know what I'm thinking about a lot lately?  College Basketball.  As such, here is a way, way, way too early preview of Big Ten Hoops next year, keeping in mind that there are no "official previews" or anything out there to work off of, so a lot of the player movement is only coming from my own research and as much as I tried to stay on top of it I'm sure there are some things I missed.  Sue me.  If you don't like it, don't read it, ass. 


1.  MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS
- LOSSES:  C Derrick Nix
- ADDS:  SG Alvin Ellis, C Gavin Schilling
- LINEUP:
PG - Keith Appling
SG - Gary Harris
SF - Denzel Valentine
PF - Branden Dawson,
C - Adreian Payne

- OVERVIEW:  That is simply not fair.  Not fair at all.  Look at that returnee lineup and consider none of those guys are freshman so they bring back a ton of experience to go along with all that talent.  About the only good news is they are pretty weak in terms of playing time behind the starters with only Travis Trice showing good production in quality minutes last year and the recruiting class isn't great (funny that they were both Tubby recruits and would have been considered "awesome gets") at least in so far as immediate impact goes.  Still, Izzo shouldn't need much from his bench looking at how good everybody else is.  An absolute National Title Contender right here.

2.  OHIO STATE BUCKEYES
- LOSSES:  F Deshaun Thomas, F Evan Ravenel
- ADDS:  SG Kameron Williams (ESPN #68), SF Marc Loving (ESPN #62)
- LINEUP:
PG - Aaron Craft
SG - Lenzelle Smith
SF - LaQuinton Ross
PF - Sam Thompson
 C - Amir Williams

- OVERVIEW:  Another absolutely loaded team, they may lack the individual star power of some of the Spartans but this team is extremely deep.  That lineup posted above is pretty much a guess, because they can also go smaller with Shannon Scott or one of the freshmen could slip in there - and Loving is a 6-8 small forward so they have even more flexibility.  They may have some issues earlier figuring out who is going to replace the huge amount of ball usage Thomas took up the last couple years, but I'm sure with Matta still in charge they'll get it figure out quickly. 

3.  MICHIGAN WOLVERINES
- LOSSES:  PG Trey Burke, SG Tim Hardaway
- ADDS:  PG Derrick Walton (ESPN #30), SF Zak Irvin (ESPN #22), PF Mark Donnal (ESPN #89), PG Andrew Dakich
- LINEUP:
PG - Derrick Walton
SG - Nik Stauskas
SF - Zak Irvin
PF - Glenn Robinson
C - Mitch McGary

- OVERVIEW:   Losing your starting backcourt, especially as talented one as Burke and Hardaway, would probably be a killer for most teams, but Michigan caught a break with both Glenn Robinson and Mitch McGary deciding to stay in school and have an awesome starting class coming in that could yield two starters in Walton and Irvin.  If things don't completely work out with the freshmen Michigan has the depth to absorb some of those issues as well, but more in the front court (Robinson can play PF or SF, Jordan Morgan and Jon Horford are still around) than in the back court where Caris LeVert and Final Four almost hero Spike Albrecht are your depth.  Really the biggest key to the season is Walton, but the Wolverines have enough talent to be in contention even if he struggles.

4.  IOWA HAWKEYES
- LOSSES:  SF Eric May (5.2ppg, 3.7rpg)
- ADDS:  SF Peter Jok, transfer F Jarrod Uthoff (from Wisconsin)
- LINEUP:
PG - Mike Gesell
SG - Roy Marble
SF - Aaron White
PF - Melsahn Basabe
C - Adam Woodbury

- OVERVIEW:   It kills me to think Iowa might be good this year as much as it kills you, but the ingredients are all there.  Almost the entire team is returning from last year's team that finished out both the regular and postseason on a nice run, finishing second in the NIT.  They are an experienced squad, but also have some nice young players who could seriously blossom, and they have two guys who are already poised to be stars.  Roy Marble lit it up at the end of the year and scored 20+ in four of the Hawkeyes' five NIT games, and Aaron White not only made Team USA for the World University Games but has played pretty well.  Add in the transfer of Uthoff and Iowa could even finish as high as third.  Kill me.


5.  INDIANA HOOSIERS
- LOSSES:  C Cody Zeller, PF Christian Watford, SG Victor Oladipo, PG Jordan Hulls, SG Maurice Creek, SG Remy Abell
- ADDS:  SG Evan Gordon (transfer from Ariz State), PF Noah Vonleh (ESPN #13), C Luke Fischer (ESPN #34), SF Troy Williams (ESPN #54), SF Stanford Robinson (ESPN #99), SF Devin Davis, SF Collin Hartman
- LINEUP:
PG - Yogi Ferrell
SG - Evan Gordon
SF - Will Sheehy
PF - Noah Vonleh
PF - Hanner Mosquera-Perea

- OVERVIEW:   Nobody else in the conference loses anywhere near what the Hoosiers do from last season, but they've been stockpiling talent long enough (and this year's class is no exception once again) that they should end up just fine, particularly by getting a well timed, and immediately eligible thanks to the grad school loophole, transfer in Evan Gordon.  Although Indiana has some good depth in the front court (Derek Elston, etc.) they were looking shaky on the perimeter (notice not a single guard in the much heralded recruiting class (though it sounds like Robinson is more SG/SF than pure SF) so Gordon's ability to handle both guard spots is going to be huge for Indiana.  Because they definitely deserve more breaks.  Tom Crean is an asshat.

6.  WISCONSIN BADGERS
- LOSSES:  PF Mike Bruesewitz, C Jared Berggren, SF Ryan Evans
- ADDS:  PF Nigel Hayes (ESPN #83), PG Bronson Koenig, SG Riley Dearring, SG Jordan Hill, PF Vitto Brown
- LINEUP:
PG - Traevon Jackson
SG - Josh Gasser
SG - Ben Brust
 F - Sam Dekker
PF  - Frank Kaminsky

- OVERVIEW:  Same as it ever was.  Wisconsin loses enough from the prior year that you assume they'll struggle and they'll probably end up all good and stuff.  Really though, this year it won't surprise me if they outperform my expectations (again) because Gasser/Brust/Dekker are a pretty solid little nucleus, and I think Dekker has the kind of ability to be an All-Conference player this season already.  Once again, the bench looks empty and you'd think they'll struggle but whatever man, can we just stop talking about this?  I hate stupid Wisconsin and I hate the way they always overperform where every stupid Minnesota sport underachieves over and over again.  I'm sick of it.  They don't even deserve it.  They don't do anything over there.  Have you ever been to Wisconsin outside of Madison or Milwaukee?  It's fucking terrible, man.  Just terrible.  Their idea of culture is cheese curds which are admittedly delicious but still, erect a museum or something.  The more time I spend over there the more I think Carl Gerbschmidt is real.  If it wasn't for Minnesota's stupid no buying alcohol on Sunday thing I'd seriously start looking into one of those domes from Under the Dome to drop on that state.

7.  MINNESOTA GOPHERS
- LOSSES:  PF Trevor Mbakwe, PF Rodney Williams, G Joe Coleman
- ADDS:  PG Dre Mathieu (JuCo), PG Daquein McNeil, SG Malik Smith (transfer from FIU), PF Joey King (transfer from Drake, probably will be eligible this year), PF Rakeem Buckles (rumored)
- LINEUP:
PG - Dre Hollins
SG - Malik Smith
SF - Austin Hollins
PF - Joey King
C  - Elliot Eliason
  
- OVERVIEW:   If you're reading this you're either hopelessly lost (just click the red X, man) or you already know plenty about the Gophers.  Actually, despite being the team I know the most about this was the hardest team to peg including the starting lineup (or maybe because I know them so well).  Will Charles Buggs start at the 4?  Where will Dre Mathieu fit in?  Mo Walker?  Just so many questions right now, including who will even be on the roster come season start (King/Buckles questions).  With this many questions, including a new coach with a new style and a new system, it's hard to figure where to peg this team, but the rest of the conference should be pretty weak this year (I'd put the Gophers in this tier with Penn State, Purdue, and Wisconsin) so somewhere in this neighborhood feels right, although I have to admit I can't seem them finishing any higher than here, but I can certainly see them going lower. 

8.  PENN STATE NITTANY LIONS
- LOSSES:  F Jermaine Marshall, G Nick Colella, PF Jon Graham, PF Sasha Borovnjak, PF Patrick Ackerman
- ADDS:  PG Tim Frazier (back from injury), PG Graham Woodward, PG Geno Thorpe, C Julian Moore, SF Payton Banks, SG John Johnson (transfer from Pitt), SG Allen Roberts (transfer from Miami-OH)
- LINEUP:
PG - Tim Frazier
SG - Allen Roberts
SF -  D.J. Newbill
PF -  Brandon Taylor
PF  - Ross Travis
  
- OVERVIEW:   It's really too bad Jermaine Marshall transferred out because otherwise Penn State might be really interesting.  Frazier is one of the best players in the league, Newbill got valuable experience helping carry the offense without Frazier last year, Roberts averaged double digit points per game last year at Miami (OH), and Brandon Taylor and Ross Travis form a surprisingly effective inside duo.  Even John Johnson, the transfer from Pitt, should help off the bench quite a bit once eligible in February - he shot 38% from deep while with the Panthers, which would have been tops on the Nittany Lions last year.  It's a collection of intriguing parts led by a star, assuming Frazier is back at 100% this season.  Talor Battle was able to drag a similarly constructed team to the NCAA Tournament in his final year at PSU - can Frazier do the same?  I don't think so, but they're a lot closer than you think they are.  Trust me, I'm smarter than you.

9.  PURDUE BOILERMAKERS
- LOSSES:  F D.J. Byrd, PF Sandi Marcius, G Anthony Johnson
- ADDS:  SG Kendall Stephens (ESPN #65), SF Basil Smotherman, SG Bryson Scott, SG Sterling Carter (transfer from Seattle), PF Errick Peck (transfer from Cornell)
- LINEUP:
PG - Ronnie Johnson
SG - Terone Johnson
 F -  Travis Carroll
 F -  Donnie Hale
C  - A.J. Hammons
  
- OVERVIEW:   Purdue may have a ton of question marks, and they do, but they also have one of the biggest upside players in the conference in sophomore A.J. Hammons, who at seven feet tall and 280 pounds is already a complete monster.  He averaged 11 points, 6 boards, and 2 blocks per game despite playing just 23 minutes, and as his conditioning improves and his minutes go up those numbers will continue to climb (top block % in the conference among returning players and #3 in offensive rebounding % and #6 in Def. rebounding %).  Purdue's biggest problem is everybody else, and they have zero shooters to surround Hammons with (their only reliable one last year was Byrd) so he can expect plenty of double teams, although Seattle transfer Sterling Carter (39% last year) could be the guy.  Where have you gone, Ryne Smith?

10.  NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS
- LOSSES:  G Jaren Sina (highly rated freshman this year who opted out after the coaching change), G Reggie Hearn, G Alex Marcotullio, F Jared Swopshire
- ADDS:  SF Nate Taphorn
- LINEUP:
PG - Dave Sobolewski
SG - Tre Demps
SF -  Drew Crawford
PF -  Mike Turner
C  - Alex Olah
  
- OVERVIEW:   Drew Crawford is back for Northwestern, and that's awesome for them, but these days instead of his running mates being Michael "Juice" Thompson and John Shurna he has Dave "Lesbian" Sobolewski and Alex Olah and that's just not enough help.  Chris Collins is, in my opinion, a great hire for them and it's already paying off with the Wildcats nabbing their first ESPN Top 100 recruit in history (SF Victor Law, #66 in the class of 2014), but it's going to be a long road ahead.  Still, between Crawford and the outside shooting of Sobolewski and Kale Abrahamson they'll no doubt end up with a nice upset or two, especially if Collins decides to stick with their stupid passive 1-3-1 which he absolutely, positively, should not do.

11.  ILLINOIS FIGHTING ILLINI
- LOSSES:  SG Brandon Paul, SF D.J. Richardson, PF Tyler Griffey, PF Mike Shaw, PF Sam McLaurin, SF Devin Langford
- ADDS:  PF Jon Ekey (transfer from Illinois State), SG Rayvonte Rice (transfer from Drake), G Ahmad Starks (transfer from Oregon State, may or may not be eligible next year), SG Kendrick Nunn (ESPN #61), SG Malcolm Hill (ESPN #66), PF Austin Colbert, C Maverick Morgan, PG Jaylon Tate
- LINEUP:
PG - Tracy Abrams
SG - Rayvonte Rice
SF -  Joseph Bertrand
PF -  Jon Ekey
C  - Nnanna Egwu
  
- OVERVIEW:  I'm always extra hard on the Illinois for some reason (probably Demetri McCamey's stupid face) but it's because the teams are always so stupidly constructed or play really really dumb.  I'm sure Groce will get it figured out eventually because he's too good not two, but the whole Bruce Weber (a top 3 worst coach of all-time) dug him is going to take some time to get out of.  He's going with the transfer route here which is a tried and true method to aspire to mediocrity, and that's probably where the Illini's ceiling lies this year.  Simply put - I don't think Abrams is a good enough point guard to lift this team, I don't think Egwu is a quality Big 10 center, and I have a feeling Bertrand is going to go straight up chucker this year.  So yeah, not optimistic.

12.  NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS
- LOSSES:  C Andre Almeida, PF Brandon Ubel, SG Dylan Talley
- ADDS:  PF Walter Pitchford (transfer from Florida), SF Terran Petteway (transfer from Texas Tech), PG Deverell Biggs (Juco), SF Nick Fuller, PG Tai Webster, SG Nathan Hawkins, PF Leslee Smith (Juco)
- LINEUP:
PG - Deverell Biggs (suspended indefinitely)/Benny Parker
SG - Ray Gallegos
SF -  Shavon Shields
PF - David Rivers
PF - Walter Pitchford
  
- OVERVIEW:   I have no doubt Nebraska will at least spend some time being a factor in the middle of the league at some point, it's just not going to be this year.  There are some good signs as both Nick Fuller and Tai Webster are a better class of recruit than Nebraska usually gets and the transfer from Florida, Pitchford, obviously has significant upside if Billy Donovan signed him on.  Overall though, the talent level just isn't there yet, especially considering the Huskers lost three starters off of last year's squad.  Deverell Biggs should be a big upgrade over Benny Parker at the point, but he's suspended indefinitely after a DUI this December, and I suspect Tim Miles is smart enough to keep the missed games to a minimum.  The good news for Nebraska is that Rutgers joins the Big Ten next year (2014-15) and they'll likely be a good ways ahead of the Scarlet Knights by then.


Well there you have it.  Michigan State and Ohio State look to be on a whole different level than the rest of the conference, with Michigan a small step behind.  There seems to be a pretty clear bottom three as well with Northwestern, Illinois, and Nebraska with everybody else jumbled in the middle.  It really seems wide open to beyond #3, and I really wouldn't be surprised to see just about anybody at #4 and #5 - can you imagine Iowa and Penn State finishing 4th and 5th?  It could happen.  It would kind of suck for everyone because Iowa smells like poop, but it could happen.  Seriously I'm already excited for next year.  I'm such a dork.

The Best Rule 5 Picks of All Time

I've been pretty impressed with Ryan Pressly this year.  He has a sub 3.00 ERA in more than 40 innings pitched in middle relief this year.  As you may recall, he was a Rule 5 draft pick by the Twins last year and per league rules must be on the major league roster all year.  This rule was created as an opportunity for minor leaguers that are not on the 40 man roster and have been with the team for either 5 (18 year olds) or 4 (19 and up) years.  Basically this rule gives some players an opportunity to play when they might otherwise continue toiling away in the minors.  By the way, the Rule 4 draft is just the regular June amateur draft.  The most often discussed Rule 5 star that you may know is Johan Santana.  Unless you stumbled upon this blog searching for a Pirahnaconda review. However, there are many other notable Rule 5 selections.

Here's a countdown of my top 20 rule 5 picks of all time:

20.  Alexi Ogando, 8.3 WAR:  2011 All-Star has a 3.09 career ERA bouncing between starting and the bullpen for the Rangers.  The Rangers took him from the A's in the 2005 Rule 5 Draft. 

19. Scott Podsednik, 6.9 WAR:  Podsednik was a .281 career hitter and stolen base monster.  He stole 309 bases over his 11 year career, stealing more than 40 on four separate occasions and once stealing 70 for the Brewers.  He was an All-Star in 2005, his first season with the White Sox.  He was a Rule 5er only in name as he was signed and released a billion times in his career.  The dude still made almost $10MM and is (was?) married to Lisa Dergan, so don't feel bad.

18.  Everth Cabrera, 5.8 WAR:  Drafted in 2004 by the Rockies and then selected in 2008 by the Padres via Rule 5.  Everth is just 26 and is really coming into his own as the starting shortstop for the Padres.  He's an elite base stealer, with 75 steals over the last year and a half.  He was recently named to his first All-Star team in 2013 by hitting 291/371/397 with 31 steals in the first half.

"Ok Shane, give me sexy"

17.  Shane Mack, 21.6 WAR: The only player on this list that wasn't an all-star.  Mack was the 11th overall pick in 1984 and a member of that year's silver medal Olympic squad.  In 1990 he was selected by the Twins and went on to hit .326 over 125 games that year.  Mack was a career .299 hitter and great outfielder; his best years were his 5 with the Twins where he hit 309/375/479.  His best single season was 1992 where he hit 315/394/467 with 16 homers, 75 RBI, 101 runs and 26 steals.  He led the league in HBP (15) and was 4th in hits with 189.

16.  Joakim Soria, 12.7 WAR:  Soria only has 2 innings pitched so far this year after coming off of Tommy John surgery, but in his five prior years he amassed 160 saves for the Royals.  Like Mack, Soria was selected from the Padres' system in 2006.  The Mexicutioner has a career 2.38 ERA and 1.037 WHIP and is a two time All-Star. 

Who is the crappiest pitcher to win a game in 4 decades?

15.  Mike Morgan, 28.9 WAR:  Morgan played baseball from age 18 to age 42 starting in 1978.  He played for 12 different teams and while he was often effective; he never stayed with one team for more than four years in a row.  He was 141-186 over his career with a 4.23 ERA and a 1.40 WHIP.  Morgan was selected 4th overall in 1978 by the A's in the June draft and immediately made his first appearance on June 11th at age 18.  In 1980 he was traded to the Yankees and in 1982 he was traded to the Blue Jays along with Dave Collins and Fred McGriff for Tom Dodd and Dale Murray.  Oops, Yankees.  In December of 1984 he was removed from the 40 man roster and the Mariners selected him in the Rule 5 draft.  Morgan threw 200+ inning 6 different times and was an All-Star in 1991 when he went 14-10 with a 2.78 ERA for the Dodgers.  His best season may have been 1992 when he went 16-8 with a 2.55 ERA for the Cubs.

14.  Dave Hollins, 17.7 WAR:  Yet another player that was taken from the Padres via Rule 5, Hollins played his first 6 seasons in the majors with the Phillies.  Hollins was oft-injured and only played over 100 games 6 times in his career, which ended at age 36 due to SPIDER BITES!  Apparently the bites caused complications with his diabetes (die-a-BEE-tus).   The switch hitter was a part of the 1993 Phillies softball team that lost to the Blue Jays in the World Series.  Hollins was a career 260/358/420 hitter, but his best season was in 1992 when he hit 270/369/469 with 27 homers, 93 RBI and 104 runs.

13.  Kelly Gruber, 16.5 WAR: Drafted 10th overall in 1980 by the Indians and subsequently selected by the Blue Jays in 1983.  Gruber played in parts of 10 seasons; 9 of which with the Jays.  He was a two time All-Star and was considered a good defensive third baseman.  His best year as a pro was 1990 where he hit 274/330/512 with 31 homers and 118 RBI.  He was fourth in MVP voting that season and also won the Gold Glove and Silver Slugger awards.

Look at those pecs!

12.  Jody Davis, 15.8 WAR: Selected by the Cubs in the 1980 Rule 5 draft, Davis was the Cubbies' signal caller for parts of 9 straight seasons.  He was around during the WGN hey-day and was kind of a masher -- or was the wind blowing out?  Davis hit 17+ homers in 5 straight seasons, clearing 20 twice.  He was a two time All-Star and received one gold glove award.  He was in even in the MVP voting twice, including a 10th place finish in 1984 when the Cubs won the eastern division title.  1983 was probably his best year; he hit 271/315/480 with 24 homers and 84 RBI.  Although he did have a whopping 21 passed balls that year.  WTF, Jody?  He was 8th in extra base hits that year and caught 150 games; and probably a boatload of them were under the Chicago sun.

11.  R.A. Dickey, 14.4 WAR:  This was the hardest guy to place on the list as he's really only had 2 or 3 good seasons, but one of them was fantastic and he earned the Cy Young for it; becoming the first knuckleballer to win the award.  In 2012 he went 20-6 with a 2.73 ERA, 1.053 WHIP and 230 strikeouts.  After his fantastic 2012, he has since been traded to the Blue Jays where he's 8-9 with a 4.77 ERA.  Dickey flopped as a conventional pitcher over several season with the Rangers and was actually selected via Rule 5 by the Mariners after signing a minor league deal with the Twins in November.  Dickey is kind of an interesting character.  His at-bat walk-up music is the theme from the Game of Thrones.  In 2011 he climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and raised $100,000 to fight human trafficking in India.  He released an autobiography in 2012 and has a deal for more books on the horizon.

5'9", 6'2" with the tall hat.

10.  Bip Roberts, WAR 20.5:  Leon Joseph Roberts was a Pirates 1st round selection in 1982, but was later drafted in the 1985 Rule 5 draft by the Padres.  Finally, the Padres are on the other end of this thing!  Bip played for 12 seasons in the majors, hitting 294/358/380.  He hit over .300 (100 game min) 5 times.  His best season was 1992 when he hit 323/393/432 with 44 steals.  He was an All-Star that year and was also 8th in MVP voting.  Bip currently is the head coach of the Skyline High School baseball team and is a co-host on the Giants pre-game shows.


9.  Shane Victorino, 26.9 WAR:  The Flyin' Hawaiian was a long time Phillie and is now a member of the Red Sox.  Originally drafted by the Dodgers, he was actually selected two separate times in the Rule 5 draft.  He was taken in 2002 by the Padres, but was returned in May to the Dodgers, but then he was selected by the Phillies in 2004.  From 2006 to 2012 he was a part of the Phillies' outfield.  He is a career 276/340/428 hitter and has 210 career steals and 93 career homers.  He has three gold gloves, two All-Star appearances and has led the league in triples twice.   

Just incredible.

8.  Willie Hernandez 16.6 WAR: Three time All-Star and 1984 Cy Young award winner.  He was drafted in 1973 and taken by the Cubs in the 1976 Rule 5 Draft.  He played 13 years and had 744 appearances, compiling a 3.38 career ERA and 1.25 WHIP.  He had the fro, the stache, the glasses...awesome.

7.  Darrell Evans, 58.5 WAR:  This one feels kind of like cheating because it was the 1968 Rule 5 draft which I don't think is much like today's version, so I'll just have Darrell here at #7.  414 career homeruns, including eclipsing 40 twice.  He and Reggie Jackson are the only players with 100+ homers for 3 different teams.  At age 38 he was the oldest player ever to lead the league in homers with 40. 
 
6.  Dan Uggla, 20.5 WAR:  Last season was the first year that Uggla didn't hit 20 homers as a pro.  Sure, he's a stone hands at 2B and strikes out like he gets a dollar for each one, but he is one of the most prolific home run hitters among second baseman.  He's a three time All-Star, and he's led the league in errors at 2B three times.  He also lifts. 

Best. Contract. Ever.

5.  Bobby Bonilla, 30.1 WAR: Bobby-Bo was a 6 time All-Star and a part of the Pittsburgh Pirates teams with Barry Bonds that were so successful, but never won a title.  Although he did win a ring in 1997 with the Marlins.  Bonilla is still getting paid by the Mets in one of the weirdest contracts ever.  Bonilla was actually originally drafted by the Pirates, but then the White Sox took him in the 1985 Rule 5 Draft.  Pittsburgh ended up trading Jose DeLeon to the White Sox to get Bonilla back.  For four straight seasons Bonilla was in MVP voting, finishing second to Bonds in 1990 and third in 1991 (Pendleton, Bonds).  He hit 20+ homers 7 times, and was a career 279/358/472 hitter.  

4.  George Bell, 20.1 WAR:  Nabbed by the Jays from the Phillies in 1980.  Bell was a 3 time All-Star and won the 1987 MVP award by hitting 47 homers and driving in 134 runs..  He gets a massive WAR downgrade because of his defense (-9.8), which kind of sucks.  Bell was a career 278/316/469 hitter and walloped 265 home runs.  His career went in the toilet fast as he was out of the league at age 33 -- makes you wonder if the Dominican born Bell was really 21 when he got his start. 

3.  Jose Bautista  22 WAR:  Let's face it, nobody wanted Joey Bats early in his career.  He was drafted by the Pirates in 2000, then taken by the Orioles in the 2003 Rule 5 draft.  Then he was waived in 2004 by the O's and the Rays picked him up.  The Royals purchased him after that, then traded him to the Mets for something called Justin Huber.  Then in 2004 the Mets traded him and Ty Wigginton to the Pirates for Kris Benson and Jeff Keppinger.  In 2008 the Pirates traded him to the Blue Jays for a player to be named later.  That player, Robinzon Diaz is now a 29 year old minor leaguer for the Brewers.

Since joining the Blue Jays, Bautista has been an All-Star each of the past 4 seasons (including this year).  He led the league in homers in 2010 and 2011, hitting a combined 97 homers over that span.  After dealing with a wrist sheath injury in 2012, he's back for more in 2013 with 20 homers and counting nearing the All-Star break.

Who wants body shots?

2.  Josh Hamilton  24.8 WAR: The 1999 #1 overall pick of the Rays was destined for stardom until he fell in love with crack rocks.  In 2006, the Cubs took Hamilton for the Cincinnati Reds in exchange for cash (not crack).  In 2007 Hamilton was every bit the superstar that many expected, hitting 292/368/554 in half a season.  The Reds promptly flipped him to the Rangers for Edinson Volquez.  Volquez had a great first year for the Reds, but ended up winning just 30 games over parts of 4 years for them.

Hamilton really took off for the Rangers with All-Star appearance in all five of his years in Arlington.  He led them to the World Series in 2010 and 2011.  He also was MVP in 2010 with a 359/411/633 line and 32 homers and 100 RBI.  In 2012, his last year as a Ranger, he hit 285/354/477 with 43 homers and 128 RBI.

1.  Johan Santana, 50.7 WAR:  Johan tops the list...for now.  I think Bautista and maybe Hamilton could potentially get the top spot as their careers progress as it seems Johan has nothing left in the tank.  In 1999, the Marlins took Santana from the Astros in the Rule 5 draft and traded him for Jared Camp to the Twins.  Johan didn't do well in his first season with the Twins, posting a 1.82 WHIP and 6.49 ERA in 86 innings.  In fact, it wasn't until 2002 that he started coming into his own.  In '02 and '03 he split time between the bullpen and the rotation and had 306 Ks in 266 innings with good peripherals.  By the end of 2003 he was already on his way to being the best starter in baseball and was actually 7th in Cy Young voting for going 12-3 over 158 innings.  Over the next 4 years Santana collected two Cy Young Awards and went 70-32.  As a Twin, Johan was 93-44 with a 3.22 ERA and 1.04 WHIP.  He had one great year with the Mets and earned his 4th All-Star appearance.  Ever since then he's been like a '70 Gremlin.


There are other players from a prior versions of the Rule 5 or the first year player draft that occurred in the winter such as: Paul Blair, Rudy May and Reggie Smith that would make this list.  The rule seems to have evolved some though and players weren't nearly as well protected as they are in recent history.  Even Hall of Famer Roberto Clemente was selected in a version of this Winter draft in 1954.

Aaron Hicks Future Potential Stats Grid

I know that using batting average is not the best way to evaluate a player.  I know it 100%.  Yet I still care about batting average because I can't shake that part of old schoolness I apparently keep in my hip pocket.  I try to beat it down with booze but like herpes I just can't get rid of it.  Many others are in this same boat, and since Aaron Hicks just passed the .205 mark and he's either my favorite or second favorite current Twin (can't decide between him and Oswaldo Arcia yet) I find myself very interested in where he might be able to get that average to by the end of the year, because that's how many will evaluate him.

So assuming he gets the same number of At-Bats the rest of the way that he's already gotten this year (a pretty reasonable assumption), here is what he would need to hit the rest of the way to hit certain markers:

So there you go.

NBA Free Agent Action is Hot!

Take a few days off to catch some fish at the cabin and you miss like, 1 million free agent signings in the NBA.  I'm going to hit a few of the highlights.  Or lowlights.

1.  Might as well start with your precious T-Wolves, who signed Kevin Martin and Chase Budinger in a move to try to surround the Ricky Rubio/Kevin Love nucleus with as many poorly defending shooters as possible.  You take those two, J.J. Barea, Rubio, Love, Luke Ridnour, and Derrick Williams and add Shabazz Muhammad to the mix and the Wolves might end up being the worst defensive team in the league next year, especially if Kirilenko isn't back.  Nikola Pekovic, who it sounds like they're going to do everything to keep, is a decent post defender but not a rim protector in the slightest, which taken all together means that Giorgui Dieng is the only true paint defensive presence on the entire team.  You know, the guy whose job it is to discourage guys like Lebron and Tony Parker and Russell Westbrook from driving past all those white guards over and over again.  Sounds like a recipe for success!

2.  Dwight Howard is going to Houston.  Howard turned down more years and more money to stay with the Lakers and play with two (possibly 3) other future Hall-of-Famers, which is a stunningly good decision given Howard's track record the last three years.

Apparently the Howard signing isn't loved by everyone, as incumbent starting center Omer Asik has said he doesn't want Howard there, doesn't want to back him up, and doesn't want to play next to him and might want out of Houston.  Well guess what Omer?  I got news for you: I'm pretty sure they were exploring trades for you already.  Outside of free throw shooting his entire skill set is Dwight Howard extra lite, he offers nothing complimentary to Howard's game, and he's good enough where they can get something nice back for him most likely.  Sorry Omer, but you're not Dwight.

And make no mistake - Dwight Howard is still really, really good and it seems like everyone is forgetting that.  Last year was horrible, yes, but

1.  He was returning from a back injury, which for a player like him who relies on his athleticism and specifically his ability to jump quickly that is a tough one to play through.
2. The system he was playing in last year sucked for him, and playing with Kobe Bryant made him miserable which, because he's an immature person, made him sulk and affected his play.
3. People around the country hated, or at least had a strong dislike for Howard and the way he got Orlando's coach fired, then pushed his way out,then got Mike Brown fired with the Lakers.  Dwight is an immature person, and being disliked made him extra miserable and see #2.

Basically Howard is an immature baby who is mentally weak and who is going to sulk and suck when he's not happy.  He still averaged 17 & 12 with nearly 3 blocks per game while being only half engaged.  You don't think he's going to be better next year with his co-super star as James Harden, who knows about deferring when it's time to defer? He's still just 28 years old.  What if he actually realizes he has an amazing opportunity to learn from two of the best big men in history (Hakeem and McHale) and embraces it?  He could be a monster.  Going to be a big year for Houston.  Big.

3.  Sticking with the Rockets, they also traded your best friend Royce White to the 76ers.  Clearly Philly succeeded so well with one troubled but talented young big man in Andrew Bynum that they were super excited to try it again. Since Royce is pretty much afraid of everything, he's started walking to Philly from Houston and expects to be there by time training camps begin. Also, I really think trading Jrue Holiday is going to end up being a mistake for Philly.

4.  In what was, to me, the most shocking development of this period Brad Stevens (formerly of Butler) has agreed to become coach of the Celtics.  I was up at the cabin with Snacks and news was on in the background because we only get one channel up there and when the banner "Stevens to Boston" came up we had to yell and shush everybody else up and do you know how hard it is to shush up three women and one old man who've been hammering wine since mid-day?  It ain't Ninja Gaiden hard, but it's hard.

I'm just totally blown away because I assumed Stevens was going to be at Butler until he was lured away by Indiana or Duke or Kentucky or one of the other big-time college programs - I never ever thought he'd be going to the NBA for some reason.  I think part of it is because I thought we were done poaching college coaches and trying to make them NBA coaches since basically everybody has been a failure (seriously who is the best coach to make the switch?  I think it's P.J. Carlesimo which is like whoa).  Also this surprises me because Stevens is only 36 and has zero NBA experience.  People threw enough of a fit over Rich Pitino getting hired to coach kids at 30, but now Stevens is going to handle grown ass millionaires at 36?  I know it's a young team after trading Garnett and Pierce, but their best player is a total head case in Rajon Rondo.  There's almost no way Rondo spaz out by midseason. I'm not saying Stevens won't work out for sure, I'm just saying he won't with Rondo around.  FACT.

5.  The Hawks and Bucks got into a big fight over Kyle Korver.  Looking at the teams involved, you'd probably guess that this was an idiotic fight to get in to, and as usual you're right.  There were no winners in this fight, except of course Korver who ended up with a 4-year, $26 million contract which, considering he's going to be 37 at the end of that deal and he has exactly one discernible skill seems like a bit of an overpay, but then again J.J. Redick got 4/$27 and Jose Calderon got 4/$28 apparently that's the running rate for a one dimensional player who is really good at that one dimension and terrible at everything else.  For some reason, this seems terribly unfair.

6.  The Warriors are getting interesting.  First, because Dawger will point it out anyway, despite all my misgivings Steph Curry has completely proven me wrong and is a very, very good NBA player.  He's not as good as Bill Simmons thought he was during the play-offs, but he's an all-star, I will admit, and there's no doubt that he and Klay Thompson are a pretty dynamic duo.   Next season Harrison Barnes will be a year older and a year better, and he started to show some pretty dramatic growth in the playoffs and he gives the Warriors three pretty good wing players who can score in bunches. 

Now, via free agency, they've added Andre Iguodala, who doesn't score in bunches the way the other three do but is still averages 15 ppg for his carrer, is an absolutely outstanding defender, and can handle the ball and create well enough the Curry will get more chances to run off the ball, which will only help.  The plan seems to be to go with all four in the lineup at a time quite often, which will work if Barnes can defend and rebound at the 4 (remains to be seen), but even if not that's a pretty potent lineup, and Andrew Bogut (if healthy) is a good enough interior defender to make up for some defensive mistakes.  Really though, having four players who can all dribble, create, and shoot is something few teams have, and any time all four of those guys are on the floor it should be fun to watch.  Possibly on both ends.

7.  Milwaukee, oh Milwaukee.  First they made a trade towards the end of last season to acquire J.J. Redick, giving Tobias Harris to Orlando.  Harris, who averaged less than 12 minutes per game with the Bucks, was given starter's minutes in Orlando and went on to average 17 pts and 9 rebounds per game.  The Bucks just traded Redick (in a sign and trade) and received two second-round picks in return.  Then Monta Ellis opted out of his deal, which might actually be a good thing, but also means the Bucks have to find a way to replace some production all while with the handicap of selling Milwaukee to free agents.

Their big moves so far have been to sign O.J. Mayo, Zaza Pachulia, and Carlos Delfino - essentially a sixth man and two back-ups.  Brandon Jennings, Monta Ellis (he gone), and Mike Dunleavey (he gone) were the team's top 3 scorers last year and now all three may be gone depending on what Jennings ends up doing.  Essentially the team is a bunch of so-so big men (John Henson is probably the best or at least has the most potential depending on what you think of Larry Sanders whose name does not actually have to be capitalized nerds) and Ish Smith.  This is either completely pathetic, or a genius realization that they're never going to be able to build a contending team through free agency and are in full on tank mode.  Given that we're talking Wisconsin, they're probably just drunk.

8.  We all know that the Lakers are somehow going to end up with Andrew Wiggins in next year's draft, right?  That's just how it happens.  If their smart they'll amnesty Kobe (since he is taking up nearly half of their cap room) trade Nash to Dallas for the heart warming Dirk/Nash reunion, trade Gasol and World Peace for whatever they can get and completely bottom out and hope for Wiggins.  What they will do is continue trotting out a lineup completely mismatched to D'Antoni's system which will be mismatched because Kobe will rush himself back by the season opener and they'll end up missing the playoffs by just a couple games and then win the lottery anyway because the NBA is rigged and everybody knows it.  Fact.

Who could say no to this?

So Who Did the Twins Actually Get in the Draft?

As a follow-up to my preview where I said the Twins would land Kohl Stewart at #4 (nailed it), here's a look at the rest of the players the Twins selected.  Looking at the early rounds, the Twins continued to pursue pitching and nabbed a bunch of catchers, which is definitely a weak spot in the system.  After that they went all over the board grabbing some outfielders and even more pitching.  They took a number of players near the end that are either high-schoolers that will go on to college or college juniors that might choose to go back for a final year of college ball to improve their draft status.

#4 Kohl Stewart - RHP - R/R - 6'3", 205 - St. Pius X HS (TX)

Texas A&M QB recruit that can already hit 95mph on the radar gun was the top high school pitcher selected in the draft.  The Twins have already signed Stewart, so unless he flops in the minors there is no heading back for football.  Stewart signed for the slot amount of $4,544,400. Stewart also sports a power slider to go with that heater and has some room to add on some weight to his 6'3" frame.  As a high school starter Kohl pitched 40 innings, struck out 59 and had a 0.18 ERA.  Opponents hit .099 off of him. 

Stewart is also a type 1 diabetic which I think means he needs insulin shots and lots of Quaker Oats. 

Looking at the video below you can see the mechanics need a lot of work.  He's sometimes falling off to the first base side, sometimes not.  He also sometimes over-rotates his hips; especially out of the wind-up.  And he's throwing with a lot of arm as it really whips through on pitches.  Even his front foot landing spot isn't consistent.  He doesn't tip the slider very much at all that I can see, which really makes it effective.  And holy crap does he pop the mitt on that fastball.  He's wild, but better mechanics should improve that quite a bit. 

#43 Ryan Eades - RHP- S/R - 6'3", 200 - LSU (LA)

As a Junior, Eades was LSU's Saturday starter in 2013.  Eades uses three pitches: a curve, a change and a fastball that can run up to the mid-90s.  He had 78 Ks in 100 innings and a 2.79 ERA last season.  Some have concerns about his injury history - he had a labrum tear in high school.  I'm more in the camp that everyone tears something eventually and he already got the labrum out of the way. 

Looking at his mechanics from 2012 it seemed like he got a little tangled with arms and knees when he goes with a full windup.  There's also a lot of up and down action with this hands in both the windup and stretch position.  He's since corrected that quite a bit, which is nice to see.  Today, he's pretty smooth and repeatable.  Keith Law mentions in the video below that he expected Eades to go between 21-30, so this seems like good value.  Eades has already signed with the Twins for $1.29MM.

#78 Stuart Turner - C- R/R - 6'2", 220 - Ole Miss (MS)

Turner was the Johnny Bench Award winner for the best catcher in college baseball this year.  He hit .374 with 20 extra base hits and threw out 51% of would-be base stealers.  He's considered a good to great defender with just an ok bat at this point.  The one vid I found out him showed him getting fooled badly on sliders and change-ups, so I'll just post a pic instead.

#110 Stephen Gonsalves - LHP - L/L - 6'5", 190 - Cathedral Catholic HS (CA)

Fastball has been clocked anywhere from 88-93.  He also throws a solid change and has a slurve thing.  He went 10-0 with a 1.91 ERA last year.  He's got an old school split hand pump type of windup that will have to go.  He's long and lanky and has an easy stride and arm action.  He could definitely add some weight. 

#140 Aaron Slegers - RHP - R/R - 6'10", 250 - Indiana (IN)

6'10" staff ace at Indiana.  Throws around 90, but can get it up higher on occasion.  Deron Johnson describes him as a sinkerballer and lord knows we love those guys.  Slegers was the Big 10 pitcher of the year and will be joined by fellow Hoosier roommates Dustin Demuth and Ryan Halstead.  Slegers threw 106 innings, striking 59 and had a 2.04 ERA.  Opposing hitters hit .260 off of him.

#170 Brian Navarreto - C - R/R - 6'2", 200 - Arlington Country Day School (FL)

Navarretto projects to be a good hitter with a big arm behind the plate.  His defense may need some work as evidenced by his passed ball, error and 2 stolen bases in his only game at catcher in the Gulf Coast League.  Four teammates of Navarreto's were also drafted in 2013...not bad!  Navarreto was also involved in a brawl with a Norman, Oklahoma team that was using racial slurs.

Arlington coach Ron Dickerson told the Pensacola News-Journal that he asked the umpires to address racial slurs earlier in the game. Dickerson claimed the taunts were targeted at his players, many of whom are of Dominican heritage. When the umps warned the Norman bench in the fourth inning, Dickerson claimed someone from the opposing bench said “‘Whiny. Whiny. You’re too big of a black guy to whine like that.’ “

Two innings later, Norman’s D.J. Gasso attempted to score from third base after Arlington pitcher Jonathan Rodriguez threw a wild pitch. Arlington catcher Brian Navarreto tossed the ball back to Rodriguez, who slapped a late tag on Gasso even though the runner had easily beaten the play. After the home plate umpire ejected Rodriguez for the emphatic tag, Navarreto punched Gasso in the face, which caused both benches to empty and more punches to be thrown.

That's Navaretto in the middle with the grimace I think.

#200 Brian Gilbert - RHP - R/R - 6'1", 215 - Seton Hall (NJ)

After starting in prior seasons for the Pirates, Gilbert was converted to closer for this year.  Gilbert logged 48.2 innings, striking out 49.  The walks were a bit high (22), but he only allowed 1 homerun and a .198 opposing batting average. He also hit 8 dudes.

Deron Johnson says that he was up to 96mph in the Big East tournament.  He has good size and I like the delivery for a reliever.

#230 Dustin DeMuth - 3B - L/R - 6'2", 190 - Indiana (IN)

DeMuth was the only third baseman that the Twins took in the draft.  DeMuth hit .377 for the Hoosiers and hit 5 homers and 24 doubles in 65 games.  He had his worst season of the three as a fielder, committing 19 errors playing 2B, 3B and SS. 

Here's a video of Demuth playing the Cape Cod league.

#260 Mitchell Garver - C - L/R - 6'1", 200 - New Mexico (NM)

Senior Garver was an all-american as a Junior, but was not drafted.  He's another guy that is a better hitter than he is a catcher at this point.  Garver was a finalist for the Johnny Bench award won by Turner.  Posted a 377/438/612 with 10 homeruns in 61 games. Threw out 39.6% of baserunners from behind the plate.  The video below is a year old.  His swing doesn't blow me away as he flies open too early, but you can see he has some pop.

#290 Charles Irby - RHP - R/R - 6'1", 200 - Samford University (AL)
Brings it in the mid-90s as a reliever and has a good curveball.  In 91 innings he struck out 90 and walked 33.  He allowed a .241 opponents' average.  He also hit .383 as a DH. 

#320 Nelson Molina - SS - L/R - 6'3", 175 - Antonio Lucchetti HS (Puerto Rico)
Puerto-rican left-handed hitting shortstop.  Deron Johnson says, "He's got a nice body."  He's 0-14 in the GCL so far. 

#350 Ethan Mildren - RHP - R/R - 6'4", 215 - Pitt (PA)
Fastball sits around 90.  Struck out 76 in 114 innings at Pitt.

#380 Brandon Peterson - RHP - R/R - 6'1", 190 - Wichita State (KS)
Shockers' closer has a low 90s fastball and a slider.  Peterson is originally from Savage, MN.

#410 Zack Granite - CF - L/L - 6'0", 175 - Seton Hall (NJ)
Lead-off man started all 156 games in his career at The Hall.  Stole 35 bases, hit .304 and led the team with 32 walks. Height ranges from 5'9" to 6' depending on where you look.  Weird.

#440 Derrick Penilla  - LHP - L/L - 6'2", 180 - Mt San Antonio Col (CA)
Penilla, hee hee.  Lefty throwing in the high 80s to 90mph.  Ruled at his community college, though.

#470 Brandon Bixler - LHP - R/L - 5'11", 170 - Florida Gulf Coast University (FL)

#500 Tanner Mendonca - RHP - R/R - 6'4", 215 - Sacramento State (CA)
Sucky 4.75 ERA last year, but has a big body and throws hard.

#530 Ryan Walker - SS - L/R - 6'0", 165 - University of Texas - Arlington (TX)Hit .304 for the Mustangs and hit .360 a year prior.

#560 Jared Wilson - RHP - R/R - 6'4", 210 - University of California - Santa Barbara (CA)Drafted by MN two years in a row.  Reliever has a fastball that gets up to the mid-90s. Struck out 10.72 per 9 innings last year.

#590 Jason Kanzler - CF - R/R - 6'0", 190 - University of Buffalo (NY)Mid-American Conference player of the year.  Hit .330 with 12 homers and 53 RBI in 57 games that year.  Also a good defender in CF.

#620 Tyler Stirewalt - RHP - R/R - 6'3", 210 - Fresno State (CA)The fourth of five Fresno State Bulldogs selected in the draft.  Also was a QB for the Bulldogs.

#650 Alex Swim - C - L/R - 6'0", 185 - Elon University (NC)Led team to Southern Conf championship. Hit .303 in 4 years at Elon.  Struck out 8 times in two years in HS varsity level.

#680 Zach Hayden - RHP - R/R - 6'1", 220 - U South Carolina Aiken (SC)
RP with a 6.00 ERA, but had 41 K in 21 IP and has a good breaking ball and fastball.

#710 Brandon Easton - 1B - L/L - 6'4", 200 - Lakeland CC (OH)MLB lists him as a 1B, but my research shows he's a hard-throwing lefty pitcher that had 78 Ks last year. 

#740 Chad Christiansen - OF - R/R - 6'3", 190 - Nebraska (NE)
Chad is from Cedar Rapids, so he could be playing in his home town next year in low A.  Hit .364 and has had time at short and in the OF.

#770 Ryan Halstead - RHP - L/R - 6'4", 215 - Indiana (IN)The third Indiana roommate selected by the Twins.  Deron Johnson says the reliever has a "big fastball".  That doesn't sound legal.

#800 Taylor Blatch - RHP - R/R - 5'11", 165 - Jensen Beach HS (FL)FSU signee has 3 pitches including a 95mph fastball.  Unlikely to sign with the Twins.

#830 Chris Erwin - LHP - L/L - 6'0", 167 - Grayson HS (GA)
Kennesaw State signee.  High 80s fastball.

#860 Logan Shore - RHP - R/R - 6'2", 200 - Coon Rapids Sr HS (MN)
Coon Rapids star is unlikely to sign and will opt to go to Florida.

#890 Tanner Vavra - 2B - R/R - 5'11", 190 - Valparaiso (IN)
Joe Vavra's kid has no vision in his right eye, but still hit .333. 

#920 AJ Bogucki - RHP - R/R - 6'3", 187 - Boyertown Senior HS (PA)
UNC commit has a low 90s heater.

#950 Carlos Avila - SS - R/R - 5'11", 172 - Cal State - Dominguez Hills (CA)
Hit .287 last year with one homer.

#980 Steven Sensley - OF - L/L - 6'1", 205 - University HS (LA)
Louisiana State-Eunice signee.  Has projectable power.

#1010 Ivory Thomas - CF - R/R - 5'9", 180 - Cal State - Dominguez Hills (CA)
Avila's teammate hit .388 and led the conference.  Stole 19 bases as well.

#1040 Nick Lemoncelli - LHP - L/L - 6'4", 210 - Lower Columbia College (WA)

#1070 Joseph Greenfield - RHP - R/R - 6'4", 220 - Eastern Illinois (IL)
Posted a 3.66 ERA in 93 IP.

#1100 Julien Service - OF - R/R - 6'3", 190 - Northeast Texas CC (TX)

#1130 Javier Salas - RHP - R/R - 6'4", 225 - Miami (FL)

#1160 Seth Wagner - LHP - L/L - 6'8", 220 - Mifflin County HS (PA)
Penn State signee.  He's tall.

#1190 Kelly Starnes - CF - R/R - 6'1", 190 - Los Medanos Col (CA)

Twins/Gophers/Wolves Pre-July 4th Round-Up

Before the Super-long holiday weekend when everyone disappears for five days, I figured I should do a quick round-up of the three Minnesota sports teams I know about and touch on the biggest story right now.  See, I know (and love) both Gopher Hoops and the Twins, and I'm pretty knowledgeable about the Wolves and the NBA.  I watch the Vikings every Sunday and play fantasy football, but I don't really cover them because I don't consider myself an expert unlike the others I mentioned.  See, unlike some local folks who actually get paid around here, I stick to what I know so I don't end up saying things like whenever Paul Allen and Paul Charchian get together to talk baseball.  Actually that'd be a pretty sweet live blog each week.  I might quit my job and do just that.  Soon I'll be richer than astronauts.  

-  Most importantly, and keep in mind we're still very early in the rumor stage here, but Rich Pitino may already have the wheels turning in a big way on some very good recruits for 2014.  First, there was this:

Me & My Bro @J_Newton20 Thinking Of A Master Plan All Imma Say Is #StayTuned 👌😎
— Isaiah Whitehead (@Isaiah_W15) June 28, 2013

For those who don't know, the Tweeter is Isaiah Whitehead, a 6-4 shooting guard out of Brooklyn who ranks as the #10 SG and #35 overall player by ESPN.  He has offers from Minnesota, Arizona, Kansas, Louisville, Maryland, St. John's, Syracuse, and UCLA.  The re-Tweeter is Ja'Quan Newton, a 6-2 point guard from Philly who ranks as the #13 PG and #67 overall.  He holds offers from Georgetown, Miami, Minnesota, Oregon State, Rutgers, St. Joe's, Syracuse, Temple, Xavier, and Villanova.

If you notice, the only two schools to have offered both are Minnesota and Syracuse.  That would probably be enough to spazz everybody out (myself included), but next came this tweet:

Based on a tweet, a hunch and a little more, changed Crystal Ball picks for JaQuan Newton & Isaiah Whitehead. http://t.co/9AYj29zATo
— Jerry Meyer (@jerrymeyer247) June 28, 2013

From recruiting expert Jerry Meyer who has gotten 13 of 14 commits for 2014 correct, and if you click on the link you'd see he had updated his predictions page to forecast Whitehead and Newton heading to Minnesota.

To add a little more fuel to the fire, Newton and Gopher target Reid Travis were on the Celtics together at the NBPA Top 100 Camp (no, I have no idea what this is) this year, and Newton then sent Travis this tweet

@Reid_Travis_22 follow back Bro
— Ja'Quan Newton (@J_Newton20) June 29, 2013

Does this mean the Gophers should be expected a trio of big-time commits soon?  Yes of course.


-  In the most anticipated arrival of a Twins' pitcher since Les Straker, Kyle Gibson made his debut on Saturday and was inevitably called Gibby by Gardenhire.  He was also pretty solid, going 6 innings and allowing 8 hits, no walks, 2 runs, and striking out 5 while picking up the win which we all know is the real key to evaluating a pitcher so way to go Gibby.  It's super exciting for all us Twins fans because we've been hearing about Gibson forever, he truly has #1-#2 stuff which looks even more better when your team is full of #4 guys, and he struck out five which is actually more than any other Twin on the staff averages in nine innings so yeah and stuff.

Just remember, one start does not a career make.  Using Game Score, Gibson's debut was on par with Liam Hendriks and Pat Mahomes when they made their first starts, and we know how that turned out (ok Hendriks isn't done yet, probably, but the train isn't currently pointed towards Cooperstown or even Decentville.  Actually the best debut by a Twins pitcher since 1970 belongs to Anthony Swarzak in 2009 when he went seven innings and allowed just 5 hits and zero runs.  Do I think Gibson will go the way of Hendriks or Mahomes or Swarzak?  No, not at all.  He put up a good game and has the pedigree and scouting reports behind him that none of those other guys did.  Then again, so did Rick Ankiel, Ben McDonald, and a whole mess of Met's prospects.  This year alone Cardinals stud prospect Michael Wacha pitched a gem his first time out, then got bombed the next time and is back in the minors.  Dan Straily had an awesome debut for the A's last season, but has jumped back and forth from the rotation and AAA since.

Ok, now I'm just depressing myself and realizing I'm preparing myself for disappointment because being a fan of Minnesota sports means being disappointed.  Let's just agree to stop now.

-  When the T-Wolves chose Shabazz Muhammad I wrote on the Twitter, "Yes! Shabazz!" and I was immediately and almost completely savaged (JB of Late Night Hoops was one of the few who agreed with me).  Frankly I was stunned people would hate the pick.  Who else are you going to take at 14?  The afro dude?  There wasn't a single other player available who was remotely interesting.  And looking at the draft there were only a handful of guys with the potential to be all-stars some day:  Bennett, Oladipo, Porter, McLemore, Caldwell-Pope, Carter-Williams (if he learns to shoot), Shabazz (with the right coach), and maybe Shane Larkin.  Once Pope went at 8 the entire draft was in shambles already, trading back and getting a possible future star in Muhammad and an immediate defensive presence in Dieng was a great move.  Seriously, who would you have taken at 14?  If it's anybody other than Shabazz you're really dumb, FYI.

Oh, I get it, you wanted them to keep Burke.  I get it, I really do.  I mean he's so smooth out there.  He looks like he's moving at half speed but is just as fast as everybody else, and he's just got such a good head for the game he's mentally a step ahead.  I know there are some questions about his athleticism and his jump shot, but he's battle tested in the best conference in the land, I'm sure he'll be fine in the NBA.  That's what you're telling yourself, right?  That's what you think?  Well guess what?  Guess who else that describes?

































EVAN TURNER!

Hello exactly.  You could have written the exact same thing about Turner before he was drafted #2 overall by the Sixers three years ago and he's been bust city.  He's been so bad Philly tried to trade him to Phoenix before the draft for the Suns late 1st rounder AND THEY WERE DENIED even though the Suns wing players right now are Jared Dudley, Wes Johnson, P.J. Tucker, and Shannon Brown.  Oh my!  Burke is such a sure thing that a team in desperate need of a PG, the Pistons whose current PGs are Jose Calderon and Brandon Knight and Knight is so bad they're moving him to the 2 next year, who also had a significant home town angle with him chose a shooting guard over him instead.

I'm sorry, but when Caldwell-Pope was taken (over Burke) by the Pistons the Wolves' draft was all fucked up.  Literally the only acceptable answer to the question, "what could have better than what the Wolves did" was "draft C.J. McCollum."  I don't like him as an NBAer and Flip has come out and said that he and the team viewed McCollum as a point guard so they weren't all that interested but I can see where somebody would think he could be a Steph Curry type with less gay.  That's your only answer.  If you have a different one feel free to leave it in the comments but just know that chances are you're a pretty big moron.

- Lastly, Joe Coleman announced he's transferring to St. Mary's.  Other than the Gaels total reliance on the three and commitment to defense it's a perfect marriage.