Swamp Donkey!

 I'm sitting here watching this stupid game, and I wasn't going to type anything up but I'm watching and my blood is boiling and I just can't take it.  Why can't they figure out Michigan's man-to-man?  Why are we still seeing the "line changes" at this point in the season?  Why won't Tubby shorten the rotation when it's clear Iverson can't guard Sims and Bostick, as much as it pains me, doesn't belong out on the floor?  Why does this team constantly refuse to get back on defense?  Why is Ralph so accurate with the lob pass from the high to the low post?  Anyway, we're at the 7 minute mark of the first half and the Gophers are down 19-15 and I'm ready to kill.  It also doesn't help that Snacks is in Vegas and I'm not.  I'd much rather start drinking at 9am and then gamble for 12 hours then go to work.  I hate that guy.

5:51 -  You really can't leave the Hoff open.  This guy is ridiculous.  He's like the white Larry Bird, only if Bird was more like Craig Hodges.

5:16 -  Possibly the best quote ever by Bob Knight "Westbrook gets a little anxious to dribble the ball."  Awesome.

5:16 - Please note:  Blake was a Ginger as a kid.

5:01 - Airball by Stu Douglass on a wide open shot.  And I mean wide-open.  This team really can't shoot.  If the Gophers lose here they should be beyond embarrassed.  Even worse than Northwestern losing to Iowa.  Seriously.

4:22 - Manny almost passes too much.  There was a turnover on a pass to Sims who couldn't handle it.  Although the more I see Harris, the more I'm not sure of him as a pro.  I can watch Werewolf Turner and see how he's going to be a good NBA player, but I don't see it as much in Harris.  He might be, but I bet it will take him a lot longer than Turner.  And Sims is a lock to dominate in Turkey.

2:47 - They are up to 13 Final Fantasys now?  Man, Dawger and I played the shit out of Final Fantasy 7 in college.  Between that, the Star Wars games, NCAA Football, and Hot Shots Golf it's amazing we ever got to class.  Well, maybe one of us didn't, but I still have a degree.  SCREW YOU FOR JUDGING.

1:26 - Picture it:  Breakaway.  1-on-1.  Paul Carter versus Manny Harris, Carter with the ball.  You're picturing disaster (well I was), and yet Carter takes it at him for the lay-in and the foul (and makes the foul shot).  I think it's clear, Carter > Harris.

0:00 -  Good foul Rodney. 

19:25 -  So Devoe can't shoot now?  Awesome trend.  By the way, I'm watching this on Tivo and am fairly drunk already, so that's why this is so retarded.  Like you. 

19:00 -  More missed layups.  Sweet Juniper berries this team can't score.  Just terrible. 

18:22 -  Westbrook goes right by some dumb white guy and two passes later it's a wide open three for the Hoff, which he of course makes.  I really wish they could do that every time.  Also, playing defense would be great.  Nice layup, Sims. 

17:50 -  Musberger just described a Sampson turnaround jumper as "uncomfortable."  As much as I'd like to argue, he was right.  Ralphie really not looking comfy tonight.  Must be the uncoordinated whitey on him.  Being from the south and all, I'm sure white dudes make him extra nervous.

16:46 - Johnson beaten off the dribble as badly as I've seen in his four years by Harris.  Luckily some good help defense creates a miss, but wow.

16:38 -  Every time one of these white dudes for Michigan scores it should probably count double.

16:25 -  Eight different Gophers have an assist tonight.  Wow.  Awesome.  I'm super excited about that stat.  Michigan leads 34-31.

15:09 - Joseph misses another three.  Am I crazy or is he just missing like, all the time these days?  I'm telling you, dude is a shooting guard and when he's forced to play point it messes with his mind and screws up his shot.  You know how there are some guys who can't DH because they need to play the field in order to hit?  And it's 100% in their head but it still seems to matter?  That's Joseph when he has to play point guard. 

14:51 -  Due to some switches, Harris ends up with the ball with Cobbs on him.  He ends up passing it away, and then gets it back, and passes it away again.  Dude, you need to recognize things.  I love Cobbsy and all, but no chance in hell can he stop Harris one-on-one.  I'm not exactly sure if I should blame Beilein, Harris, or just "the system" or what, but that was a huge opportunity.  Why am I worried about this team again?  Other than that they're up 3 right now?

13:21 - Westbrook scores on a nice follow off a Ralph miss, then pickes up a really stupid (and also really ticky-tack) foul 80 feet from the basket.  Since it's his third Tubby yanks him, which causes Westbrook to pretty demonstrately show that he doesn't agree with the decision.  I don't care if you love him or hate him, but Westbrook has got to be an absolute handful to try to coach.  Also a handful:  your sister's boobs.

12:40 - Hoff with another three.

11:50 -  Brutal turnover by Joseph, basically just throwing it right to a Michigan defender.  Michigan is now up six, 44-38.  We're running out of time here fellas.  Not really all that cute anymore.  You might want to go ahead and consider stopping with the suckness.  Please?  I'm mostly kidding about the NIT stuff.  Although the opportunity to see Dominique Jones live does put a little hop in my step, I'd still rather watch the Gophers lose by twenty in the first round of the NCAA tournament.  Come on, retards.  Michigan sucks.

11:20 -  Westbrook back in.  Probably had a good cry.  And we just got about the third or fourth offensive foul called against the Gophers, and they were all kind of brutal.  Sort of some anti-home cooking going on here.  I blame Obama.  Can't trust him, you know.  He's an arab.

11:00 - Hoff misses an open three.  Musberger seems shocked, but I figure that seems about right.  When things come crashing down, they always come crashing down in a big way.  Just ask Metallica.  Hoff just missed another one while I was typing.  Ugh.

9:38 -  Some big dumb guy hits a three for Michigan, and we're now at a 9-point Michigan lead.  This is really quite depressing.  I think I'm going to stop typing.

8:57 - Uh oh.  It's looking like Westbrook has switched into "F You" mode.  He passed that one off, but I could tell it caused him physical pain to do it.  Something good better happen, because it's still a nine point game.  And now they are in the bonus.  That can only help Michigan.

8:31 -  Douglass absolutely loses Westbrook for a wide open layup and the foul.  God this is pathetic.  I'm only posting in British slang the rest of the way.

7:49 -  Bloody Hell.

7:33 - Michigan is shooting 69% in the second half.  These bunch of billy-no-mates are getting rather cheeky with the bunch of blighters who make up the Gopher squad.

6:35 - Thus far these pillocks are at least making their free throws, which gives them a hard chance about it.  Michigan still up six, but they are a bunch of charva, so I haven't given up just yet. 

6:16 -  Harris with a monster three.  Might be the kick in the goonies that ends this one.  And then Rodney turns it over and stands there like a true piss-artist.  Just pathetic.  I'm so glad the second unit is in, especially since they just let Sims hit a wide fucking open layup to put Michigan up eleven.  ELEVEN.  It's fucking Michigan at fucking home.  You are playing for your god damned tournament life you fucking morons!  Honest to christ, somebody give me a reason to believe in Tubby.  I can't come up with one.  This whole year has been a god damned nightmare and he's the man at the helm.  I feel like I'm on the Titanic and Billy Zane has already crashed it into a iceberg and I'm stuck in the freezing water and Kate Winslet is too fat to let me sit on the floating door with her so now I have to die.  BOLLOCKS!

5:14 -  Another Michigan layup.  I'm done here.

2:12 -  I'm just popping back in to mention that Michigan just got another layup.  Seriously, these prats are the worst defensive team I've ever seen, and the fact that they have a good reputation defensively is nothing but piffle.

So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yarbles!

Seriously.  Tell me why I shouldn't be anti-Tubby.  Tell me.  I see no reason whatsoever to be on his side at this point.  What is the difference between him and Monson?  Minimal, at this point.  Minimal.  We were promised so much more, and I bought it.  I bought it hook, line, and sinker and I've ignored a lot of things that bothered me because "we got Tubby."  F that.  You can have him back.

Hello Manny.

Gopher Nation laid it out pretty simply in his post a couple of weeks ago:  there are three remaining absolute, no doubt about it, nothing else is acceptable must win games.  You need at least one and more likely two wins out of the remaining games, but there are three that if you lose you might as well just pack it in.  This is one of them.  And it's the most dangerous.

Michigan is just 11-12 and has lost to Indiana, Utah, and Boston College and been swept by Northwestern, but you really just can't sleep on this team.  This is essentially the same team that went 21-14 last year and advanced to the second round of the NCAA Tournament.  They also have Manny Harris, who is still incredible and still opened the season with a triple-double.  It's still mind-boggling how bad they are, although keep in mind they did beat UCONN last month.

Obviously, I'm a bit worried here.  Let's just get on to the five questions that I know you are so desperate to read

1.  What's wrong with Michigan?  Well I sort of broke this down a little bit with a post last week, but in a nutshell they are extremely reliant on the three point shot, but can't make it.  They are twelfth in the country in the % of their field goal attempts that come behind the line, with 43.5% of their attempts being three-pointers, but they shoot a terrible 28.9% from there.  How bad is that?  It's 324th in the country and last in the Big Ten.

The best team in the country is Marquette at 42.4%, which means if the two teams played and only shot three-pointers and each got exactly 60 possessions and there were no turnovers or offensive rebounds, Marquette would win 76-52.  That's bad.  And since Beilein is apparently incapable of altering his offensive strategies to fit his players, they lose.  And lose.  And lose.

2.  But Manny Harris and DeShawn Sims were going to be the Big Ten's answer to the Shaq & Penny from NBA Jam.  What happened?  Actually those two have been excellent.  His scoring is up a bit while his rebounding and assists are down slightly, but his turnovers are down as well and he's really upped his steals.  He has also improved his overall shooting, and outside of his three-point accuracy going from below average to "god awful", he's been every bit as good as expected and ranks in the top 10 in points, rebounds, assists, and steals.

Sims has increased his production in pretty much every metric and kept his shooting percentages nearly identical to last year, and ranks in the top six in the conference in both scoring and rebounding.  He's not the problem either.

Stu Douglass is shooting less than 32% from the floor this year.  Laval Lucas-Perry is playing 25% more minutes this year compared to last year, but is scoring less and turning it over more.  Zack Novak, maybe the most likely candidate to jump into third banana status, has stagnated/regressed, and is shooting just 28% from three.  Freshman Darius Morris has proven to be almost zero offensive threat, with more turnovers so far this year than made field goals.

Harris and Sims are going to be major handfuls, but if one of these clowns gets off and has a big game, it could be a long, long night. 

3.  So are the Wolverines the most disappointing team this year?  If it wasn't for the baby blues down in Chapel Hill, I'd say yes for sure, but it's hard to beat a Carolina team that was expected to be a sweet 16 type team but is struggling to even make the NIT for disappointment.  Using my handy-dandy Athlon preview magazine as a guide, we could put Oklahoma up in that range as well, since they were also picked as a sweet 16 team but are going to be lucky to make it to the NIT.  Toss in UCLA and (for me at least) Cincinnati and you have a hell of a starting five of disappointment.

4.  Gopher pick to click?  Which Gopher(s) can we expect to come up big?  Other than none of them, you mean?  Well, if I have to pick somebody I'm going with Hoffarber.  Although the Wolverines season-long numbers don't show them particularly deficient at defending the three, they've been shredded lately, allowing 52% to Wisconsin and 50% to Northwestern last week.  They allowed Jason Bohannon of all people to go off for 18, and he's a poor man's Hoffarber, so I'd expect the real deal (not J.D. Durbin) to have an even bigger night.  The Wolverines are not a deep team, and it takes a lot of effort and energy to keep defending the perimeter when you're playing 35+ minutes.  

5.  So what do we think?  Normally I'm pretty pessimistic, and normally I'd probably pick a Michigan win here.  In fact, I was pretty sure I was going to be predicting a Wolverine win.  Yet instead, I believe I will listen to the words written oh so elegantly on the ample rumps of the lovely young lasses below:  F Michigan.

Minnesota 67, Michigan 66.

In any case, I predict the Gophers control the game most of the way and collapse in the last five minutes.  In this case, I think they manage to pull it out.

Fantasy College Basketball Update

I laid the rules and some initial strategy out in this post.

Here is where the draft currently stands:


1.1 DWG - Luke Harangody, F, Notre Dame
1.2 TLEF - Craig Brackins, F/C, Iowa State
1.3 NotoriousTREJetBrit - Cole Aldrich, C, Kansas
1.4 Saintfool - Grievis Vasquez, G, Maryland
1.5 Aerial Assault - Kyle Singler, F, Duke
1.6 WuBanger - John Wall, G, Kentucky
1.7 Truck - Jarvis Varnado, F/C, Mississippi St.
1.8 Jeter23 - Patrick Patterson, F, Kentucky
1.9 Tar Heel Boy - Damion James, G/F, Texas
1.10 BasketballCoach - Michael Washington, F/C, Arkansas
1.11 Tobias Funke - Evan Turner, G/F, Ohio State
1.12 Balco - Greg Monroe, F/C, Georgetown

2.1 Balco - Lazar Hayward, F, Marquette
2.2 Tobias Funke - James Anderson, G, Oklahoma St.
2.3 Basketball Coach - Tasmin Mitchell, F, LSU
2.4 Tar Heel Boy - Trevor Booker. F. Clemson
2.5 Jeter23 - Devan Downey, G, South Carolina
2.6 Truck - Dominique Jones, G, South Florida
2.7 WuBanger - Jeremy Hazell, G, Seton Hall
2.8 Aerial Assault -
2.9 Saintfool -
2.10 NotoriousTREJetBrit -
2.11 TLEF -
2.12  DWG - 

So I am five picks away, and wil have two in a row.  I'm hoping to get Manny Harris from Michigan and JaJuan Johnson from Purdue right here.  Harris I think would be a steal, and while it seems a little early for Johnson, it turns out there is actually quite a shortage of centers in college hoops, and since we have to start two of them, it feels like it's time. 

If Harris is gone, an intriguing prospect would be Derrick Favors, the freshman from Georgia Tech who qualifies as both a forward and a center.  He's called "the favorite to win ACC Rookie of the Year", but is that enough to draft him this early?  Guards Cory Higgins of Colorado and Talor Battle of Penn State are also possibilities.  Last year, Battle put up 16.7 points, 5.3 rebounds, 5 assists, and 1.2 steals per game with just 2.4 turnovers.  With less help around him, I could see him pushing those numbers to 20/7/5/2, which would be elite level production. 

I may have to take him.

Gophers vs. Wolverines

The not so mighty Gophers head to Ann Arbor to take on the bottom of the barrel Wolverines on Thursday evening, and I'm terrified. If the Gophers lose this game, and there's no reason they should except that they're the Gophers, it's time to pack it in for the season.

I don't even know why I'm terrified. Michigan is horrible, with their lone conference win coming against Northwestern. They even lost by 8 at home to Iowa, so really, there's no reason to be nervous. Except that they are an athletic team, and the Gophers have struggled with that.

The three scariest players for Michigan are DeShawn Sims, Manny Harris, and Ekpe Udoh. Sims is 6-8, very athletic, and can score inside or out. He's like Dan Coleman with more athleticism and less scared of contact. I am guessing these two will guard each other, and may be one of the biggest keys to the game tomorrow night.

Harris is the superstar freshman who has burst onto the scene to lead Michigan in scoring, assists, and steals (and turnovers), and has put up 20+ points in three big ten games already. He's tough to stop, particularly for a team like Minnesota who doesn't have a small forward capable of playing defense, unless you count Damian Johnson. Expect to see a healthy dose of DJ on Harris tomorrow, as there's no way Blake or Shamala can handle him, and he's too tall (6-5) for any of the three guards.

The final guy who scares me is Udoh, and although he doesn't score much, only 6.0 per game, he's a tall, long, athletic center who could get Tollackson/Williams in foul trouble if they look to get him the ball. The team overall is deep as well, as they play 11 guys 10 or more minutes per game. Look out for Kelvin Grady or Anthony Wright getting hot from three and ruining this trip.

Of course, all that being said, the Wolverines are 1-7 for a reason. They aren't very good. At all. They rank 317th in the country in defensive efficiency, as well as 313th in preventing offensive rebounds, 329th against the three, and 209th against 2-point shots. Simply put, Minnesota should have plenty of open looks, and even if they miss, they should have opportunities for offensive rebounds and second or third chances. Basically, they're trying to run the system Beilein ran at West Virginia, but they don't have the players. They love to shoot the three (38.1% of attempts are three pointers) but can't make it (32.1% is 277th in the country). They don't rebound (10th in Big Ten), but don't score enough to make up for it (9th in Big Ten).

Minnesota is a good enough offensive team to be able to take advantage of Michigan's poor defense, and a good enough defensive team that they should be able to force Michigan into plenty of turnovers and bad shots, and should win this one easily. Westbrook, McKenzie, Nolen, and Hoffarber should have open shots on the perimeter all day, Coleman should be able to get to the rim whenever he wants, and Tollackson should be able to get great position deep on Udoh.

So why am I terrified?

Ken Pomeroy predicts a 73-67 Gopher victory, and he's smart. I'll say Minnesota 65, Michigan 62, and a lot of frustration and terrifying moments before the end.

Purdue -11 vs. Iowa (L)
Virginia +6.5 @ Maryland (L)
Dayton -8 vs. St Louis (W)
Cincy +13.5 @ West Virginia (W)
St Joe's -6.5 @ George Washington (L)
UNLV -3 @ TCU (W)
Drake -4 vs. Creighton (W)
Missouri -5 vs. Nebraska (L)
Memphis -10 @ Houston (W)
Arkansas -2.5 vs. Mississippi State (W)
Michigan St -9.5 vs. Illinois
Texas +3.5 @ Texas A&M
Kansas -7 @ Kansas State (L)

Yesterday: 3-0
Season: 261-242