Week in Review - 4/4/2010

Baseball baseball baseball baseball baseball.  Seriously, this NCAA hoops championship matchup really sucks, but at least we have baseball.  Hell, I even enjoyed the hell out of the Yankees/Red Sox last night, and usually I'd rather die than watch those two teams play.  Now, if some of their fans want to go at it, who am I to stand in the way?

God bless baseball.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Harrison Barnes.  Did you happen to check out any of the McDonald's All-Star festivities this week?  If you did, you would have definitely noticed Harrison Barnes.  First was all the goofy stuff, in which Mr. Barnes finished third in the three-point competition and third in the skills competition while eschewing the dunk contest because he was too pimp and knows that dunk contests are for the same people who love monster truck rallies and Big Buck Hunter.  Then he went out and dominated the actual all-star game, scoring 18 points and grabbing I think something like 40 rebounds.  He is going to be a beast.  Remember the part where I said he finished third in both the skills competition and the three-point contest?  Yeah, he's also 6-7.  And I read where somebody called him "the most competitive high-school player since Kobe Bryant."  I have no idea what that means since I never saw Kobe in high school, but I have to imagine it's some kind of compliment.  Should've picked the Gophers, Harrison.  Your bad.

I should also mention that soon to be Duke PG Kyrie Irving's favorite book is Catcher in the Rye, which automatically means I'm a big fan of his and he's now my second all-time favorite Dookie behind Ricky Price, who was god on Coach K for the Genesis.

2.  Missouri State/Virginia Commonwealth.  Congrats to these two teams for winning their tournaments, Mizz State the CIT and VCU the CBI.  Unlike the NIT you can actually take pride in winning these two tournaments (more on that below).  Your team sucked and wasn't worthy of an NCAA bid and probably had no shot since day one, but you get to keep playing against other semi-crappy teams and if you win you've proven you're the best of the lousiest.  Hey, it's something.  Better than being Iowa.

3.  Eric Hayes.  I know you don't know who this is, so I'll just tell you.  He's a graduating senior guard on Maryland who averaged 11 pts and 4 assists per game this season, but more importantly he took his 45% three-point shooting to the NCAA Three-point contest earlier this week and won the whole thing, and dominated while doing it.  He posted the best score in each of the three rounds while shooting his way past guys like Ryan Wittman, Jason Bohannon, and other assorted whities to grab the title and join the prestigious list of past winners which includes nobody who I can remember right now.  And that's really I have to say about Eric Hayes.  You can expect Blake to be in this thing next year.

4.  Butler.  I have no idea why I'm not solidly behind Butler.  I mean, I'll be rooting for them since they're playing Duke who are all gays or jerks or gay jerks, but I'm just not buying into the whole underdog thing.  Maybe it's too much of being shoved down my throat and all the retarded comparisons to Hoosiers.  I don't know.  I just know that I'm not a Butler fan.  Except for tonight.  Tonight I will be praying to god that Butler wins, and you know God cares about this one because everybody knows Duke is Satan's team.

5.  The Taco Hawks.  Seriously you guys, me and Snake's Fantasy Baseball team (named after former WKU star Orlando Mendez-Valdez) is just stacked.  Check this out:
C - Matt Wieters.  See here
1B - Justin Morneau - 30 homers + fun factor?  Perfect.
2B - Rickie Weeks - he walks often and has power, expect a big year after his injury last season
3B - Evan Longoria - you know you have a crush on him too
SS - Jason Bartlett - last year wasn't a fluke.  Nice trade, Twins.
OF - Matt Kemp - 30/30 is his downside
OF - BJ Upton - he's back, baby.
OF - Jason Kubel - yet another MVP candidate on our team
UT - Billy Butler - keeps getting better

SP - Zach Grienke - will probably win 20 even on that shitty team
SP - Cole Hamels - thanks for letting him slide, draft-mates
SP - Chad Billingsley - a lock for 20 wins
SP - Tommy Hansen - stud
SP - Matt Garza - yes, that's five Cy Young candidates on our team
RP - Rafael Soriano - plenty of chances for saves with the Rays
RP - Jon Rauch - Believe it.

And that's without even getting into the potential breakout pitchers on our bench - Stephen Strasburg, Homer Bailey, and Madison Bumgarner.

I told you - we're stacked..  And we did it without a single Yankee, Red Sock, or White Sock, so there are no dirty feelings.  Although you should know Snake was pushing to take Jeter around the fourth or fifth round.  Ick.


WHO SUCKED

1.  J'mison Morgan.  No, he's not here for that horrendous spelling of his name, but because he seems like he might be following the Jaron Rush school of squandering your talent.  Morgan was the #25 recruit coming out two years ago and the #4 center in his class.  Since signing with UCLA, however, he hasn't done much and was dismissed from the team earlier this week.  Morgan was suspended for a game in early March for missing a meeting and didn't play in either of the Bruins Pac-10 Tournament games, and pretty much struggled with being fat all season long.  When he did play he didn't do much, averaging just 2.1 points and 1.1 rebounds per game over his two years, with career highs of 8 points and 4 rebounds.  UCLA has now lost Morgan and Drew Gordon this season, but honestly they're probably better off.  Howland really needs to recalibrate his recruitilizer before he ends up without a team.  I hear Monson is gunning for the UCLA job.  Also nice name, jackass.

2.  Dayton.  I know that I've ever said anything good about Dayton, and I'm not going to start now just because they won the NIT.  Hey morons, how about you play like this during the season, actually live up to expectations and make the NCAA Tournament instead of winning something that almost ten people in the whole world even know is going on.  Chris Wright, Marcus Johnson, and Chris Johnson all had a couple of really nice games in Madison Square Garden in the Flyers' wins over Ole Miss and UNC, but where were you all season long?  If you were a little more consistent you wouldn't have lost to St. Louis.  Or Duquesne.  Or St. Joe's.  I swear winning the NIT is nothing more than a reminder that your team shit the bed and way underachieved all season long.

3.  West Virginia.  Da'Sean Butler didn't bother to show up until the game was mostly out of hand, the Mountaineers played basically zero defense and little offense, they couldn't keep Zoubek off the glass, and for some unfathomable reason Bobby Huggins never went with the 1-3-1, despite the fact that it was the team's go-to defense all year long and that man-to-man was doing nothing but giving Duke wide open looks.  If you were worried about going zone against a team with shooters like Duke, trust me, they couldn't have gotten more open.  Just an ugly, crappy, shitty game by a Mountaineer team that on Saturday didn't come close to resembling the team they were all season long.  Ugly. 

4.  Chicago Cubs.  Guess who the Cubbies' fourth starter is this year?  Come on, guess.  You'll never get it.  It's Carlos Silva.  It seems he's not only still in baseball, which seemed unlikely enough, but also beat out Jeff Samardzjia and Sean Marshall, which means those two should probably start considering killing themselves - or, failing that obvious move, retire.  I can't even come up with anything else to say here.  Carlos Silva won the fourth spot in the Cubs' rotation really just speaks for itself.

5.  Red Sox.  They actually allowed the Yankees to pull off the double steal, first and third thing.  Seriously, what is this, little league?


Finally, I leave you with the following:

"The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and what could be again."

National SemiFinal #2

I'm still basking in the glow of the world's greatest fantasy baseball draft, but I'm also basking in sitting in my bed with a Michelob Golden Draft Light 12 oz. can and watching the basketball game on a 19 inch television and since I'm here I see no reason why I should hide my most intimate thoughts with you, dear friend.  Keep in mind that I have made my biggest bet ever on this game, a 15-unit wager on WVU +2, so I care more than I probably should.  I also know that Snacks is "All in" on West Virginia.  I don't know how much money that actually encompasses after the Michigan State loss left him a broken man who stopped watching at the ten minute mark, but at least he's on my side.  I also know that Bogart has 5 units on WVU scoring first.  Let's get to it.

20:00 - Oh, I also have 5-to-win-15 that the first basket of the game is a 3-pointer.  Had the same bet in the first game and it hit, so if it hit here it would just be gravy.

20:00 - I hate Duke so much.  Other than this chick, I mean;

20:00 - Stay with me now, perv.  Eyes up top.

20:00 - You realize the Gophers beat Butler, right?

20:00 - I just read something where the guy was saying that Butler winning is terrible for CBS.  What?  That's the best thing that could have happened.  The only people who care about Michigan State are their own fans, die-hard college hoop junkies who were going to watch anyway, and gamblers.  Causal fans are going to be interested in the Butler story.  Hell, I told Mrs. W about Butler and even she's interested.  And I can tell you this month, like every March, she is so sick of college basketball right now she's probably strongly considered taking a croquet mallet to my cubes.  And yet, she perked up a bit when I told her about Butler and all the blah blah crap.  So, in conclusion, that guy who wrote that thing is an idiot.

20:00 - I hate it when they don't tell you the major of the players when they do the intros.  I bet at least 4 out of 5 WVU starters are majoring in African American Studies and the other guy is in Communication.  And what do the Dukies major in?  Like, is Singler majoring in Bio-Chem and Nolan Smith in Genetic Engineering?  Or are they in Communication too?  I seriously want to know this.  Someone go look it up.

20:00 - AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGgghhhhhhhhhh!  Sorry, I thought there was a gigantic female chicken running lose.  It was just Singler.  My bad.

19:49 - 5 second call on Mazzulla to open the game.  They already miss Bryant.

19:12 - WVU with a blocked shot on Singler and a offensive rebound already in the first minute.  They're going to athletic Duke to death. 

18:54 - And Mazzulla throws his layup attempt over the backboard.  It might be time to sit him down for a few minutes, ask him why exactly he's attempting to take over the game when he averages like 6 points per game.

18:10 - Easy lay-up for Wellington Smith to tie the game at 2.  If Huggins doesn't melt down WVU could end up running away with this, they look far better than Duke.  And there's a third blocked shot by the Mountaineers.  This is like that scene in Rushmore where Bill Murray rejects that dumb kids shot.

16:39 - Well somehow Duke is up 7-4 after a Scheyer three.  And since I know you're wondering, no, Scheyer didn't close his mouth at any point, and he's seriously threatening Tyler Hansbrough's NCAA record streaking of never ever closing his mouth. 

15:12 - Between this Robin Hood movie and Clash of the Titans I am as amped for movies as I have ever been.  I think the only times I've been more exited were when Lord of the Rings were coming out (happy about the result), the Star Wars prequels (so-so), and Jurassic Park 3 (kill me in the neck).

14:41 - Shot clock violation on Duke for being gay.  Time for WVU to get after it.  And there you go, they go inside and get a foul.  Kevin Jones misses both, of course, but at least they got the ball inside.

13:57 - Jesus Duke is just shredding the WVU defense at this point.  They can't stop penetration (like your mom) and can't seem to figure out a high pick-and-roll.  This does not bode well.

13:26 - At least Singler is still shooting like that guy at the Y who sucks but thinks he's good so he always shoots no matter what even though he hasn't hit a shot in a month.  And as I say that WVU throws up an airball from 15.  You can tell they're feeling a lot more pressure than the Dukies right now, even though the pressure should be the other way around.  Because all of the media really want to give the Duke players handies if they win, and the Duke players really want handies, so that's why.  Feel free to re-arrange that sentence into something more coherent.

12:30 - That perimeter handoff is not supposed to result in any easy layup for Duke.  Everybody runs that play, and unless you are the Gophers and you're playing Wisconsin it doesn't ever work.  Until tonight.  It's only 13-9 Duke but I think this one is over, and I'm going to have to root for freaking Butler.

11:05 - And the big giant chicken hits a three.  18-11 Duke.  The Blue Devils are hitting everything, and it's not luck, it's just piss poor defense.  Huggy Bear needs to do something here (he called timeout), but I think we're in trouble folks.  Huggins isn't exactly what I consider a great good mediocre adequate fair in-game coach.  God I hate Duke.  More like Puke, am i right?

10:55 - You know one thing I hate about summer?  Those people who are a little too into grilling, you know what I mean?

7:50 - A second three of the game for WVU's Flowers and it's 23-21 Duke.  Flower si s aguy who was something like 6-20 from three on the season, but that makes both Duke and Kentucky who basically played defense on him by backing off in the lane and daring him to shoot, and he hit a huge one against Kentucky and like I said that's now two tonight.  I don't get it.  He's 6-20, not 0-0.  It's obviously not a huge weapon of his, but he's not worthless out there as if he was Al Nolen or something either.

6:16 - This is the worst game I've seen WVU play all year.  Poor defense, tentative offense, just sick.  Duke now up 31-21, and Huggins is barking at his players which means this one is done.  Almost not even worth watching.  I'm going to try to hedge my bet a bit with a live bet on Duke.

5:47 - God Mazzulla is basically Al Nolen without the defense.  He can drive, but he just jump stops and picks up his dribble with no idea what he's doing.  And then Duke misses, offensive rebounds, and hits a three.  Ugh.  Can't this at least be entertaining?  37-24 Duke. 

3:44 - Alright let's move on to 2011.  I'm predicting Michigan State to win it all.  And speaking of winning it all, have you heard about me and Snake's fantasy baseball team?  Wow, just crazy good.  Want to hear our starting pitching staff?  Greinke, Hamels, Billingsley, Tommy Hanson, and Matt Garza.  Wow.  And waiting in the wings we have have Strasburg, Homer Bailey, and Madison Bumgarner.  Yeah, we're loaded.

3:40 - 5 seconds on Duke trying to inbound.  This is the break we need.  LET'S GO MOUNTAINEERS.

3:22 - Ebanks with a nice move for two, 37-28 Duke.  I feel a run coming except then instead Nolan Smith found a wide open layup.  I can't get over this suddenly shitty WVU defense.  It's just awful.  Duke currently shooting 59%.  Ridiculous. 

2:54 - Ebanks with another nice move and a three-point play.  He's single-handedly keeping this from being a blowout.  Where the hell is Butler?  1-4 for two points.  Nice job assface.  You're telling me he can't score on Lance freaking Thomas?  Disgusting.

0:47 - Christ, Zoubek must have 10 rebounds already.  I have no idea what is going on.  This West Virginia team is not the same team I saw all year and bet on.  Huggins you killed yet another talented team somehow.  This guy is a bigger choker than Darius Washington.


0:00 - 39-31 Duke at half.  I'm no so much worried about the score, but the defense of WVU is just crap right now.  CRAP I SAY!!!

20:00 - Ok I'm back.  Took a short break there to watch an episode of the Office ("Frame Toby", hysterical) and grab a couple of Stroh's Lights out of the fridge.  Yep, Stroh's Lights.  WVU doesn't deserve better right now.

19:49 - Da'Sean Butler and Nolan Smith are basically complete opposites of each other right now. 

19"17 - Mazzulla hits from 17.  I guess he's not like Nolen after all.

18:59 - Wide open jumper for Singler.  And I mean WIDE open.  This is baffling.

17:27 - I can't quite give up on WVU as Wellington hits a three to make it 36-43, but they need to get their defensive scheme figured out in a hurry because Duke is one short run away from blowing them out.

16:04 - Duke just not missing.  This is like the opposite of watching Trajan Langdon in a Final Four.  WVU hanging in, but right now if feels like when the Gophers played Xavier and you knew they were basically just holding on for dear life and any moment they were going to be out of it.  WVU just hanging on by a thread.

15:21 - Another open Sheyer three wins me my OVER 14 threes for the game bet, but that is pretty meaningless considering I have 15 units on WVU.  This sucks.

13:43 - Another Duke layup and it's 51-42.  This is like watching the Gophers play defense.  I probably won't post anything else.  Game over.  I suck.

12:41 - Huggins completely melting down and just started screaming at Flowers.  If it wasn't over already (it was) it's over now.  Guy is really not a very good coach.  I have no idea why I was backing him so hard.  Pretty sure it was nothing but anti-Duke bias coming through. 

11:44 - Looks like Nolan Smith took a nice shot to the nads.  Of course it would happen to the only duke dick that I don't hate.  I would pay good money for somebody to take a shot at Singler's giblets.

11:44 - Technical on Duke for hanging on the rim after dunking back a miss.  Butler shoots the free-throws and makes both, which is one more field goal than he has on the night.  That should tell you what kind of night it is.

10:35 - I just took the Yankees to win tomorrow night for a unit, just to make me feel better. 

10:02 - I'm sad.

8:59 - I'm almost positive Huggins is trying to make out with Da'Sean Butler who is down after some kind of knee injury.  This probably actually a good coach/player moment but it looks really creepy on TV.  Also Duke is up 63-48 and I'm guessing with Butler now out and being carried off that takes whatever energy/motivation WVU might have had left and kills it.  Duke's going to win by 25.

6:37 - It upsets me greatly that Duke is going to win the National Championship.

0:00 - Well that ended up being pretty boring.  At least they hit the over.  I can't believe I'm going to be rooting for Butler.