Gophers, Twins, Golf, all kinds of crap. Joe U says, "If Joe Posnanski wasn't blogging, you'd be the most entertaining person I read" and Patrick S. says
"Your blog is just about my favorite thing ever"
I had completely forgotten. Good thing I heard it on the radio. I, once again, don't have time for a real in depth preview, but I at least want to put a little something down.
As I'm sure you are aware, Michigan was a great story early in the season after knocking off both Duke and UCLA and rushing to a 13-3 record, but has since collapsed on itself going 2-7 after that start before winning in overtime at Northwestern on Sunday. They are now on the outside of the bubble at 16-10 and 6-7 in the conference. A very strong strength of schedule, 18th in the country, and an ok RPI (58th) say they still have a shot. With that SOS, a 9-9 finish in the conference might be enough to get them in. They'll have to go just 3-2 to get there, but with three road games and a home game against Purdue, tonight is an absolute must win.
Michigan leads the Big Ten in 3-pointers made and attempted, but are last in 3 point shooting percentage at just 31.7% and don't have a single player who hits more than 36%. Talk about your all-time failures. Hey Beilein, I don't want to tell you how to coach but you might want to at least consider waiting on breaking out your crazy Rick Rickert-esque West Virginia "everybody shoot a three pointer every time you touch it no matter where or who you are" offense until you, you know, get some guys who can actually shoot.
Interestingly, the Gophers defend the two point shot very well, and actually are the best in the country in blocking shots, but aren't particularly stout against the three pointer, allowing opponents to shoot 34% - about the nation's average.
They will also have to worry about Michigan's killer NBA Jam tandem, Manny Harris and DeShawn Sims, who score almost 50% of the team's points. Harris was defending well by Westbrook last season, but L-Dub seems to have inexplicably lost the fire he seemed to have for most of his Gopher career, and almost seems to be going through the motions at this point. Sims is about 1,000 times better this year than last, so it's irrelevant to even look at his past performance. He will be a good test for Ralph and Colton, although it wouldn't surprise me to see Damian on him at times.
Defensively, Michigan is pretty much an average team for the NCAA, which means they are a poor team to Big Ten standards. Their biggest weakness would be defending the two point shot, and they are slightly better than average against the three.
Talent-wise, this should be no contest. Outside of Manny and Sims, the Wolverines are pretty bare, while the Gophers can legitimately go 9.5 deep. Even so, Michigan does have the two best players in this game, home court advantage, and desperation on their side. I would love to pick the Gophers based on what I've seen, but their last three road games have been a blowout and two would be blowouts if not for huge, fluky shooting nights from the Hoff and then Devoe.
This team gives me zero reason to believe in them. I'm terrified Al Nolen is going to turn it over 7 times, and one (or more) of those three point chucking jackass sidekicks for Michigan is going to get hot. Michigan 73, Minnesota 60 (although Sampson should have a good game).
From the Barn did a nice Q&A collaboration with the Michigan blog UM Hoops, so go read it.
Yes, I am once again on the road, this time in the Greatest City in the World, the lovely Chicago. Unfortunately I am only here for tonight, and had no time to get together with Bogart (I'll see you in a month good buddy). Instead, we went to a Sports Bar called Mother Hubbards and ate some wings and played some Golden Tee. The Golden Tee was ok, I sucked the first game and rocked the second game, but the real issue I have is with the wings. Seriously, who wants their wings not separated? It's like doing minor surgery to get to any actual food. If I wanted to work this hard, I would go somewhere and get crab legs. Places that have non-separated wings seriously need to put that somewhere on the menu. Total BS. And also some weird dude next to us was playing the Tee, and he called himself "Da Govna" and tried to mack on all the waitresses and it was just brutal. I want to stab him in the face. Anyway, I have several other bones to pick with you people.
- The first thing I want to talk about is Bracket Busters, which happens this weekend. It is a pretty cool deal, there is no doubt, but in reality there is not much here that will impact the NCAA tournament. There are 51 games, and other than a few at the top, most are relatively meaningless. I mean, Georgia State (RPI rank 289) vs. Eastern Michigan (RPI #320)? What the bloody hell? There are only 343 teams in Division I. What bracket exactly is this supposed to be busting?
64 teams go to the NCAA tournament, 32 to the NIT, and 16 to the CBI. There would (theoretically, of course) have to be 3 other 64-team tournaments before either of these teams would be invited. I mean, jesus, South Dakota State is involved in this thing (RPI 275) playing the exciting 6-15 Cal Poly Schillings (RPI 285). The best though, is definitely the 6-16 Northern Illinois (RPI 323) traveling to the 2-22 Southeast Missouri State (RPI 336 - OUT OF 343!). I'm starting to think they just pick the teams out of a hat.
Now, there are some pretty solid matchups as well. The Butler/Davidson tilt is the marquee matchup, although with Curry hurt it loses some of the luster of watching Curry shoot 4-54 and still get praised. Both teams are likely already in the tournament, but this would have a good effect on seeding. Even better are the Utah State/St Mary's and Northern Iowa/Siena games. None of the four teams are a lock at this point, and all are squarely on the bubble. A win for any of them would go a long way - pretty much what I thought the point of this whole exercise was. George Mason vs. Creighton is another good one, although neither team is really on the bubble just yet, a win in this game would give that team a boost towards it - especially for Creighton. That's pretty much it for NCAA ramifications (although I find the NDSU/UW-Milwaukee game a bit intriguing).
Never fear, however, I have a solution. Open this baby up to all non-BCS conferences, bringing in the Mountain West, Conference USA, and the Atlantic 10. You know who really could use a big win? Temple (RPI 34), New Mexico (RPI 75), UAB (RPI 39), Houston (RPI 87), and Tulsa (RPI 70). According to Joe Lunardi at ESPN, none of those teams are in the tournament right now, and all are having pretty good seasons and could use a bigger chance to prove themselves against a team in a similar position rather than beating up on the dregs of their conference.
Also weird, there's not a single Sun Belt team involved here? Troy (RPI 126), Western Kentucky (RPI 65), and Little Rock (RPI 93) are all in a position where they could benefit from one of these games. Yet, there's nothing. Chalk me up as one who loves the idea, but doesn't get the execution of this event. And since I've already written 500 words on this, I'll just let it go for now.
- I'm almost positive Purdue has a direct line to the biggest floppers/can't stay on his feet ever kind of guys. First Brian Cardinal, now Chris Kramer. That has to the top two of all-time, with Greg Paulus coming in a distant third:
- Speaking of Paulus, what is it exactly that he does well? He doesn't score (6ppg), can't shoot (38%, 33% from three), and isn't a wizard with the ball (1.7 assists to 1.0 turnovers). He can't play defense, as I've more than once heard them reference "Duke having to play Nolan Smith here for defensive purposes). I mean, Wojo was annoying back in the day - as many dukie PG were, but at least he served a purpose, I think. This guy just straight up sucks. He's worse than Ron Powlus.
- Angry thing number 2 is how I heard on the radio the other day some jackass saying, "The Yankees hands down have the best rotation in baseball." What? For reals? I haven't even done any research but I bet that's not true, especially the "hands down" part. It's just more Yankee loving around the world. Makes me sick.
You have: Sabathia, Burnett, Wang, Pettitte, Chamberlain. I have no quibble with Sabathia. I still think he's heading for an injury after all the innings he's piled up, but I can't assume one, so he's definitely good. I will go ahead and assume an injury for Burnett, the Fred Taylor of MLB. No way in hell this guy stays healthy for another year, especially after getting all that fat cash. Seriously, you're going to give a 32 year old that kind of money after a season where he pitched a career high in innings and was barely above league average? No wonder the Yankees are down the shitter. Wang is fine, especially as a non-ace, but he's also coming off an injury. Pettitte is like, 45, and is actually fine as a number 4 - he'll give you 200 innings but he's coming off the worst three years of his career, I have no idea how you expect that to turn around. And Chamberlain is a hell of a set-up man who they are, again, going to try to shoehorn into a starter.
I'm not saying it's a bad rotation, it's actually quite good if Sabathia, Burnett, and Wang all stay healthy (not likely) and they keep Chamberlain out of the bullpen (slightly more likely), but it's no where near the best rotation - "HANDS DOWN."
I won't even try, let's just pick a team. I'll pick the Rays. How bout Shields, Kazmir, Garza, Price, Sonnastine. Plenty of questions, but which would you take, Rays or Yankees? Hell, even the Cubs shitty rotation is on the same level: Zambrano, Harden, Dempster, Lilly, and Marshall. I'm not sure I wouldn't take the Cubs. You want young? Even beyond the Twins? How about the Reds? Harang, Volquez, Arroyo, Cuerto, and Bailey? That's pretty solid. Indians? Royals? Angels?
Point being, the Yankees are in good shape but there are a lot of teams with a rotation I would call in the same class, if not better. Hell even the Padres and Phillies are in good shape, but with a total stud who doesn't have the injury question mark of Sabathia - who, yes, hasn't had injury issues but jesus look at the dude. Call me crazy, but I'm going to go ahead and say the national media are idiots.
- Did you see how the Curse of DWG hit Thabeet in the biggest way? You might also say it said something to do with DeJuan Blair, but I prefer to blame me.
- Did you know that Dominique Keller of Illinois full name is Dominique DePaul Keller? Like, his middle name comes from the school called "DePaul" in Chicago. And yet, he chose to go to Illinois over DePaul. Wow. Even still, Krys Faber chose that dumpster school over the gophers. Good job Krys.
- Jesus Christ, professional wrestling is on ESPN Classic right now.
- So I never really gave a breakdown of my casino visit at Turtle Lake. I finished up 52 dollars, the only one to win money. Mainly thanks to stellar craps rollers like Skip to My Bones, the Golden Bear, the Milwaukee Kid, and Joe the Attorney, as well as myself and Snacks. We all did fairly well rolling, and it feels like I (we) should have been up way more, but there were a lot of really bad rollers who killed it. Especially the blonde fonzi who slid in at the very end and starting betting $100+ on the don't pass and killed the whole vibe. I bet Bogart bets the don't pass. What a dick. Yet in his defense some crazy Indian lady was there in a wheelchair and had a Cade McNown jersey on, and Bogart owns a McNown jersey, so I'm no really sure of the proper protocol here.
- You know what sucks? When you get in your cab at the airport and say "Marriott Magnificent Mile" and the dude's like, "address?" and you're like, "the Marriott on Michigan Avenue" and he's like, "I need the address" so you have to take a bunch of shit out of your bag to get the paper with the address. So you tell him and he's like, "oh yeah" and you're like "no shit, the only Marriott on Michigan ave" and then you finally get there and want to pay by credit card - which their sign says you can - and you try and he's like, "Man it will take ten minutes" so you go ahead and pay by cash and hope to god you don't lose the receipt. Then when you get to the room you realize you took your book out of your bag to get your papers you shouldn't have needed and managed to leave it in the cab. Especially when you were half way through it and even though it was a shitty stupid book "Clive cussler - shock wave" you still want to finish it and now you're going to have to re-buy it. Damn it. I mean, I have an extra book with me, of course, "Children of Hurin - Tolkein" but still.
- This basketball season seems exceptionally weird, no? BC beats Duke AND UNC, yet loses to Harvard. Arkansas beats Oklahoma and Texas, yet loses pretty much every SEC game. Michigan beats Duke and UCLA, yet is struggling in the Big Ten. And Michigan State rolls through everybody in conference, unless it's Northwestern or Penn State. And suddenly Wisconsin is relevant again and in contention for an NCAA bid, but they lost to Minnesota at home. Dogs and cats living together, I tells ya.
- I really hope Devron Bostick doesn't transfer, but hell, I can't blame him if he does. He's shown some serious talent, at least in the Wisconsin game, and I really think he needs more of a chance. I mean, seriously, we're playing Shamala and Busch over him? I don't get it. Why recruit him then? I'm not saying he's some sort of savior, but I really think he should get more time. I've seen a bit of a defensive deficiency in there, but that's kind of par for the course when it comes to JuCos, so I would assume Tubby has seen that and/or knew about it. I don't get it. I mean, the dude hasn't played more than 10 minutes since the game at Wisconsin when he played 21 and dominated. That was also the only time he played more than 19 minutes this year. He's hit double digit minutes in less than half of the games this year, and that's got to be frustrating. Wouldn't you transfer if you were him?
- I really hate to question Tubby, but at this point, I kind of have to, don't I? Since that genius weave at Wisconsin (which I was there for) I can't remember any other time I've been particularly impressed with anything he's done - save recruiting. I mean, Busch played 28 minutes against Penn State. 28 minutes. More than Bostick has played in a single game this year. MORE THAN PAUL CARTER HAS PLAYED IN A GAME THIS YEAR. I'm having trouble coming up with any situation where Busch should play over Carter, and yet, here we are. I OFFICIALLY don't get it.
- I'm depressed and I have to go to bed. Here is a picture of Wonderbaby to make it up to you: And just in case that's not what you're looking for here's some random LSU fan for you (I still reserve the right to use this later)
- [ ed. note: ah crap, I stepped on the rare sidler post. Please still read. he's much smarter and less drunk than me. And smarter.]
I am ambivalent when it comes to the Twins signing Joe Crede. W seems fired up about it though and it would be nice to know that Bill Smith didn't spend the off-season ice fishing at McHale's cabin up north. I decided to look at some numbers and despite often being wrong, I figured why the hell not, let's type.
Powered by New Belgium beer, not some pansy vodka/cran...
Here are six reasons why it is a good idea to sign Crede:
1. Sideburns. He'll fit right in. 2. The Twins are under budget, so who gives an F if they overspend on a one-year deal for a small improvement. 3. It'll shut fans up for a little bit. 4. He's a different kind of hitter than pretty much everyone else in the lineup. 5. His .460 SLG would have been third on the 2008 Twins and 55 points higher than the top RH hitter, Delmon-strocity. 6. No more Buscher defense at 3B.
But here are six reasons to temper the excitement
1. The dude hits into a lot of outs--his best on-base percentage from the last four years is worse than all 2008 Twins regulars other than Carlos Gomez 2. He has back problems and has played 144 games over the last two seasons. 3. Even though it was only 47 games, his 2007 season counts and it was awful. 4. This is his age 31 season, he's going to have a hard time matching last year's numbers 5. The Harris/Buscher platoon isn't a bad option and could put up .360 OBP/.440 SLG/ .800 OPS. Crede's OPS has been over .800 once in the last four years. 6. You might still have to platoon with Crede; oddly, he has sucked against LHP the last 3 years.
Fans and media are clamoring for Crede, but I just don't see him as a difference maker. He's not going to hurt the team's chances, though, and that's more than you can about most recent Twins free agent signings. Spending $7mil or so on a one-year deal isn't going to hurt the team's finances, so why not go for it and sign a someone-significant free agent for a change.
Besides, if all goes well with Danny Valencia at AA/AAA this year--not that he's going to be a star or anything, but he looks solid so far--the 2009 3B is likely just keeping the spot warm.
1. Hasheem Thabeet. Have you ever seen that movie called, “The Hot Chick” with the hilarious Rob Schneider, the super hot Rachel McAdams, and the even hotter Ana Faris? Well, in it, through the use of magical African Tribal earrings Schneider and McAdams switch bodies although keep their same minds. I think what happened one time was Dikembe Mutombo got a hold of these earrings, went and found some 16 year old kid named Hasheem Thabeet who had never played basketball, and took over his body. Seriously, exact same game – beast on defense, no real skill on offense other than brute force.
Thabeet joins Mutombo and Antoine Broxsie as the only guys I’ve seen be able to completely control a game with their defense alone, as he did in Wednesday’s 63-49 UCONN win over Syracuse, going for 16 rebounds and 7 blocks, while scoring just 8 points. But, just in case you wanted a little offense, he damn near got a triple double in the Huskies 62-54 win at the Hall, putting up 25 points (10-13), 20 rebounds, and 9 blocks and almost picking up his second triple double of the season after a 15/11/10 performance against Providence earlier. Even with Jerome Dyson out for the year, I still think UCONN is the favorite to win the whole thing, and Thabeet is a big part of that.
2. Blake Griffin. If you read this blog often, and god bless you, you may remember my earlier post from this year that mentioned Blake Griffin. In said post, I called him overrated and a “more talented Dusty Rychart.” Wow. Much like with JP Losman, I was WAY off. He now has something like 22 double-doubles out of the Sooners 26 games while leading Oklahoma to a 11-0 Big 12 record, the first team since Kansas in 2002 to start off that hot in the Big 12. Of course, he went and saved the best for this weekend, leading his team to a 95-74 victory over Texas Tech with a ridiculous 40 points on 23 rebounds, adding to his season averages of 23 points and 14 rebounds. Did you know his brother Taylor is actually the older one? And the crappy one too. He should probably grab Robin Lopez and they could go get a beer and drown their sorrows.
3. Devoe Joseph. Single handedly kept the Gophers in the game, although his one poor pass and poor decision on the foul helped lose it. I’m considering the incredible shooting display to be more impressive than an ill-timed pass, and one freshman (and plenty of sophomores – I’m looking at you Al Nolen), make all the time. He hit seven out of eight from beyond the arc, and his only miss was a fadeaway with a man in his face heat check – and I always support the heat check.
This isn’t the first glimpse we’ve seen, but certainly the most definitive look at why he was such a highly regarded recruit coming out of dirty Canada. Add in him being one of the few who played fairly well against Indiana, and he’s definitely this week’s most awesome Gopher, with apologies to Jesus Sampson.
4. Arizona. The Wildcats were a perfect bubble team going into this week, but after sweeping the LA schools at home they have moved themselves into pretty good position. First was an 83-76 win over USC on Thursday, a game they almost lost after coughing up an 18 point lead in the first half. They followed that up by knocking off the much better UCLA Bruins by the score of 84-72 on Saturday. The star for Arizona wasn’t inside terror Jordan Hill or silky smooth scorer Chase Budinger (although they both played well) but little 5-10 junior point guard Nic Wise.
Overlooked even last year (thanks to Jerryd Bayless), Wise was ranked #120 coming into Arizona and has played well this season despite struggling with his shot a bit. That was not a concern this week, with Wise scoring 27 on 8-11 shooting against the Trojans and 26 on 9-13 shooting against the Bruins. Arizona is certainly not off the bubble by any means, but they solidified there position in a big way, and Nic Wise might be the next Jerryd Bayless.
5. Daequan Cook. Cook won the NBAs three point contest, and that’s good enough for me since the dunk contest is for retards who like car crashes and hockey fights. I’ve always enjoyed the 3-point contest, and although Cook didn’t go out like Craig Hodges, he did outlast two time winner Jason Kapono and noted chucker Rashard Lewis for the title.
Him even being involved made me wonder what was up with Cook, since I figured by grower pro last year he had doomed himself to a few years on the bench, rather than being a star at OSU and becoming a lottery pick the next season. Well, after not doing much in his rookie year, he’s found himself a role for the Heat in year 2, playing 26 minutes a game and averaging 10 points and 3 rebounds per game, in a gunner’s role (60% of his attempts this year are from three). And winning the 3-point contest, you can’t forget that.
WHO SUCKED
1. Gopher Basketball. It’s getting ugly folks. The team is now 1-3 in their last four, which includes an embarrassing blowout loss (Mich State), two other losses that were only close at all due to an incredible shooting percentage (Ohio State, Penn State), and a horribly played win by just 8 over the worst team in Big Ten history (Indiana). Still a quality defensive team, but it’s become clearer and clearer and the Gopher offense is just brutally bad. What had looked like a strength earlier in the season, the Gopher guards, has become a liability, as Nolen continues to surround his few moments of brilliance with a plethora of horrible decisions and Westbrook has seemingly disappeared and lost interest in playing at all, putting up 6, 4, 4, and 4 points during this slide. They’ve stopped with the ball movement (7 total assists against Penn State) and started turning it over like they were the Hoosiers (17 turnovers in each of the last three games).
They are still on track for a NCAA berth if they don’t trip over themselves, and that should still be considered a success this early in the Tubby era, but things are getting ugly. Something needs to change, and an easier schedule could be all that’s needed with four of the final five very winnable, but the Gophers need to be careful – there’s still time to play their way into the NIT.
2. Northwestern. Going into this week the Wildcats’ at large hopes might have already been dead, and if not they were certainly on life support, but after blowing two huge opportunities for big wins they can cross “2008-2009” off the list of potential first NW teams in the NCAA tournament. On Thursday they had Illinois on the ropes in Evanston, leading by 14 with five minutes before scoring just two points the rest of the way and pissed the lead away before falling by 2 after Demetri McCamey hit a jumper with 2 seconds left. They then completed their 0-2 week by losing to Michigan in overtime, again at home. After a reversal of fortune – NW erased a five point deficit late to push to overtime – the Wildcats ended up losing 70-67, due in part to coming out in a man defense to begin the OT despite forcing three late turnovers with that hellish 1-3-1 and also to getting the ball with five seconds left in regulation and being unable to get a shot off. Seriously, between the players and the coach this is the stupidest bunch of smart kids I’ve ever seen.
3. Florida. The Gators have a decent shot at still making the NCAA tournament, but this week won’t help after they let two winnable road games slip through their fingers at the last moment. First they lost to a reeling Kentucky Wildcat team 68-65 on a last second three pointer by Jodie Meeks, and then followed it up losing to a putrid Georgia team in the midst of an 11-game losing streak 88-86, despite both Walter Hodge and Erving Walker having makeable looks at the end that could have, at the very least, brought the game to overtime. The Kentucky game won’t make that big a mark, but the loss to Georgia will definitely hurt the profile (the Bulldogs are barely in the top 200 right now). Nick Calathes is a hell of a player and a great passer, but he’s not a point guard, yet is the only player on the roster averaging more than 2.5 assists per game (he’s at an SEC-leading 6.6). In fact, with both Hodge and Walker struggling and possibly not even being true points, the Gators have almost no hope of getting out of the first round of the tournament – if they even make it.
4. DePaul. Since there arena is without question the worst one I’ve ever seen, it gives me great pleasure to say that this team could give Indiana a run for their money as the worst major college team in the country, sitting at 8-18 overall and 0-13 in the Big East. The difference between DePaul and the Hoosiers is that DePaul actually has a couple of decent players. Dar Tucker is fifth in the Big East in scoring, Mac Koswal is fifth in rebounding, and Will Walker is a pretty decent all around player. So what’s wrong? Other than their stadium being a complete garbage dump, the suck on offense (202nd in offensive efficiency) and defense (210th), as well as not being able to shoot 27% from three (339th in the country) or defend shooting (243rd in defensive effective Field Goal percentage). Other than though, pretty good team. I hear their law school sucks though.
5. Minnesota Twins. Catchers and pitchers have reported, Spring Training officially starts tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more excited for all the changes the Twins have made to the roster this season in an attempt to keep up with Chicago and Cleveland. My favorite move so far has been how they haven’t even come close to addressing any of their holes from last season. Upgrade at third? Nope. Better shortstop? Nope. Sign a quality reliever? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Shortstop will be manned by Nick Punto, an excellent utility player and great fielder but not a hitter by any stretch. Third base is looking more and more like it will be manned by the same underwhelming platoon of Brendan Harris and Brian Buscher. And the team’s answer to the bullpen issue was to sign the middle reliever versions of Adam Everett and Mike Lamb in R.A. Dickey and Luis Ayala – who will probably end up working out just as well.
Every other team in the division is making an effort to get better and/or younger, but the Twins just sit there with their finger up their ass, refusing to take a chance on Eric Gagne, Mark DeRosa, Juan Cruz, and, currently, Joe Crede. Hell, the Indians signed Tony Graffanino to a minor league deal and it’s basically meaningless to their offseason but would have been the highlight of the winter for the Twins, and even the Royals are more exciting, trading for Mike Jacobs and Coco Crisp among others, and are currently supposedly considering signing Orlando Hudson.
Joe Crede is not only what the team needs from a talent and position stand point, but he’s what the fans need to cut the apathy that has settled over not only them, but seems to have settled over the front office as well. In the immortal words of Teddy KGB, “Pay that man. Pay that man his money.”
Coming to you live from casa de The Todd. No foo-foo drinks here. Whiskey 7's for now. We'll see how the night progresses, this could be a whiskey...night.
7:17 - I just got here, mixed a drink, and finally got the laptop up and running. Gophers are up 1-0 on a Jay Barriball goal. It was a nice play by the Gophers to work it down low and crash the net.
7:25 - I went looking for a pic for this post. I searched for hot gopher girl. This is what I got. Nothing obvious but we are going to go ahead say that these are the top of the class UofM ladies. This is officially a jacuzzi party. The Swede, The Italian Stallion, and the The Todd can take I hike. I need to spend some time with the ladies.
Does someone mix drinks for WWWWWW while he does these things? Seriously. This is going to be almost like work, but with beer. Except for the fact that I did have beer at work today. It was awesome.
7:40 - The Gophers should win this game but I'm going to be honest. This team has looked absolutely terrible lately. Imagine "Hoffbauer", but on skates, and the fact that you have about 5 of them. They aren't bad, they aren't really good. You are just stuck with their lack of experience and overall talent. Or as Common would say, "the best out the lousiest and the lousiest of the best." This team is average. I really thought this team would have come together and progressed more than they have. They may have even become worse then when they started this season. Ya, I know. Debby Downer over here. Somebody mix me a drink.
Also note, The Todd does not have an iPod. WTF? Probably still has Zack Morris phone too. Let's welcome The Todd to the 20th century. He's not quite ready for "high tech".
Intermission Numero Uno:
FYI, Paul Carter and Dovoe Joseph are awesome and are the future studs for the Gophers. The III, not so much. "Suck it Trebek! Suck it long, suck it hard."
Thanks to OMW, Snacks, and WWWWWW I was able to go to the last Gopher hoops game. Snacks's review of their performance was right on. That is right, but I held something back. I see some real genius in your flying, Maverick, but I can't say that in there. I was afraid that everyone in the tax trailer would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you. Wait sorry. Sidetracked.
Would you rather?... Marny Gelnar in a 5 star hotel or Erin Andrews in the ladies room at the Metro Dome? Let the ferment for bit and get back to me.
The Todd just brought up an oldy but a goody from SNL, Uncle Jamima's Mash Liqour. "It gets you $*^^(= up for less money! Pancakes are ready!!!!" I realize that even in type, I'm a horrible story teller. Moving on.
Start of Period 2 - RJ Anderson just said that he sucked at bowling and then said he was like Fred Flinstone. Obviously the Flinstones were no longer on the air when these guys were growing up. Fred was awesome jackass! I'm pretty sure OMW and FF would have a tight, best of 3 match, with OMW taking the cash.
8:15 - Gophers still suck. It is still 1-0. We managed to draw a penalty. We better score on this power play. Wait...Stoa makes a bone head play takes a hooking penalty. Move your feet and get position.
Woogism-"The basketball court is just on the other side of the street." This was in regards to the weak ass penalty they called on Sacchetti. Lame. In 26 seconds we went from a 1 man advantage to 1 man disadvantage.
8:22 - Even though the Gophers suck, the Seapups suck waaaaaay more. They have had a few odd-man rushes on Kangas and they can't capitalize. I still fully expect them to tie the game at some point.
Woogism-"They've been missing them high, they've been missing them low." Mazzacco says, "How do you miss them low?" Apparently the Gophers are tricky enough to shoot it under the net. Woog must have taken some sort of advanced physics. He is smart, way smart.
The hits just keep on coming.
Woogism-Mazzacco says, "He slides into the zone on his knees." Woog-"Just like those drills they do at the end of practice." Hmm, no wonder the team took a "dive" at the end of his tenure. Thanks, I'll be here all night.
8:27-Thought you should know, I'm an awesome fantasy golf player. WWWWWW can take a back seat for a fricken change. He has dominated the last couple of years. Crazy. We decided to check in on some highlights from the tourney at Pebble Beach. The Todd just claimed that Kenny G plays a mean skin flute. I tend to agree.
8:30-There it is folks. The Wolves just scored with 1.4 fricken seconds left in the 2nd period. What is that garbage? That is a clear sign of terrible, inexperienced, lazy team. Unbelievable. Wait. No. Not at all.
8:36-Here we go. The Swede just said that he wants to quit his chemical engineering job and become a blimp pilot after seeing the MetLife blimp on the golf channel. He also wondered if they have a black box, and if a leak occurred on the blimp, would their voices would be really high as a result. That would be hilarious to hear that playback. Sick, but funny.
8:40-The Todd just creamed his pants. His favorite movie of all time is on FX, Cliffhanger. I'm not kidding. Not even for a second. He just rattled off several lines from the movies. John Lithgow is awesome though. Stallone, not so much. Outside of Rocky, all of his movies suck. Does anyone remember Judge Dred? Wow that was bad.
8:45-I think WWWWWW needs to do more reviews of cheap horror movies. Those reviews are a good read. I still don't understand his total obsession with these movies but I love the reviews. I don't think I could watch one of those movies myself. I could with play-by-play action by WWWWWW. Somebody sign him up for one of those fancy DVD things with the commentery. I would pay for that.
8:52-The Gophers just got jobbed by a bad no-goal call. They finally got a stoppage and went back to review. It is a goal. Put it on the board. The goal was completely ugly though. Schroeder fans on the puck but luckily it bounces off his skate and still goes in. Terrible, but I'll take it.
9:00-The Gophers just got worked and the Sea Wolves even it up at 2-2. Here we go. The Gophers are in danger of losing at home to Alaska Anchorage. Unbelievable.
9:06-There is 10 minutes left in the game. The Gophers need to turn it on. We need to see some big plays from Barribal and Stoa right now. Get the forecheck going and keep it in the offense zone.
9:07-The Gophers draw a penalty and go on the power play. Knock off the dump and chase. Holy crap. Take it into the zone and set it up. They can't complete a decent pass to save their life. Power play, dead.
9:16-"Man, this place is dead anyways."
Who would want to go to school at Alaska Anchorage? I thought Duluth was cold and crappy but wow. I've never been to Anchorage but I can't imagine it is that great in the winter time. What kind of ladies go to Alaska?
Woogism-"The goalie's legs were widely spread. That was unbelievable." -in regards to Schroeder missing 5-hole. Terrible.
9:21-Where is green guy? He must not be into hockey. He only digs basketball, figures.
9:22-Thank you Kangas! Big save there. Barribal on the rush, can't put it away. Fairchild and Ness totally blow an easy pass back to the blue line. Regroup. Brings it back in but nothing going. Back down into the Gophers end and time expires. I'm not sure we deserve to win this game with this effort.
Also note that the Seawolves have or had a player named Beaverson. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome that is. Sounds like a James Bond character. I think Beavermaster though would be a better fit for 007.
9:26-Overtime
Woog needs a drink. I do as well, a strong one.
So far so boring. Skate it into the zone, turn it over, repeat.
Wow, that was a close call. We are on a 4 game losing streak and that almost made it 5. I haven't seen that kind of slump since WWWWWW sophomore year of college.
Barribal has a wide open net and decides to keep the shot on the ice. Christenson makes an awesome glove save. Snacks could have scored that goal after having 13-14 beers and a blindfold. Bogart could have argued that puck into the goal. EASY!
9:33-OT is not good for Wooger. I think he works his drinks in just right and didn't account for the additional beverages that come with OT. When Mazzaaco says "Desperation is setting in", he was clearly referring to Woog. I agree.
9:36-Final 2-2. They better win tomorrow. This is a 5 game winless streak and is looking like 6.
I don't have a whole lot of time to get into a whole thing here, since I have to head up to Turtle Lake to make mad bank, but I still wanted to give at least a short little preview.
Basically, Penn State can't afford to lose this game. They are in the midst of a 3-game losing streak, including at home against Wisconsin, since their huge win at Michigan State and have fallen to 6-6 in the Big Ten. With zero good wins outside of the conference, and road games at both Illinois and Ohio State still to come, the Nittany Lions can't afford to drop any of their home games if they want a shot at the NCAA Tournament. That makes them desperate, and that makes them extra dangerous.
Still, you don't lose three straight by being a good team. Penn State has really struggled shooting the ball during this skid, putting up FG percentages of 33%, 37%, and 37%. The poster child during all this has been Big Ten Player of the Year candidate Talor Battle. He torched the Spartans for 29, but has fallen off a cliff lately, shooting 3-16, 4-15, and 0-7 in the last three.
Now, just because he's been struggling doesn't mean it's going to continue. Luckily, the Gophers are still a very good defensive team, despite their continuing issues on the offensive end. Al Nolen may be a headache of a player to watch with the ball these days, but, as long as the effort is there, he should be able to stick with Battle. But if he loses him, and Battle gets hot, the Gophers have no chance.
Defensively, Penn State is not very good. They defend the three pointer well (12th in the country at 30.2%) but that's it. They don't turn teams over (299th), they don't steal the ball (290th), they don't block shots (323rd), and they get killed on 2-point shots (259th at 50.3%). The don't give up offensive boards either (8th) but the Gophers never get an o-board anyway, so who cares. Normally, I would say this teams defensive profile may be the perfect opportunity for the Gopher offense to get healthy, but considering the awful, awful, truly wretched performance they just put up against Indiana, a much worse defensive squad, who the hell knows.
Ken Pomeroy has this as a Penn State victory, giving them the slight edge with a 54% chance of victory. This should be close as predicted, and I think the desperation factor will give them the added boost they need: Penn State 66, Minnesota 63.
Stay tuned, I have inside info that there will be a live blog of tonight's Gopher/Alaska hockey match.
I suppose I better post this so I don't get stabbed in the eye at some point.
Random Thoughts by Mama Dawger...........
-What is with THAT guy at Bdubs that sits there in his leather jacket with a basket of wings and a pop watching ESPN highlights by himself for lunch? I mean I know said guy doesnt actually have a job...but does he have any idea how pathetic he looks? And he sits right in the middle of the long bar area so people who actually have friends have to sit awkwardly around him....I hate that guy.
-That one guy in every group of friends who feels it is his job to tell everyone how gay they are. "Dude you are soooo gay", "god your gay dude" Unfortunetly I think I am this person.
-I hate passing out peoples mail at work...I mean I get that it is part of my job "duties" but it pisses me off none the less
-Asshole sales calls....If you are a cold call sales guy....I offically hate you. These jobs are designated to the biggest piles of shit this planet has to offer. Not only are they rude dicks they actually think I might be stupid enough to believe a thing they have to say. No sir you are not "friends" with the owner of my company, no sir you are not "returning" his phone call, no sir you didnt just speak to him last week and I know this because he has been out of the country and your an asshole. Lets just say I am these guys' worst enemy. I have been called a bitch by hundreds of these guys and it makes my day.
-So everyone remember "Epic Guy" well Epic Guy wore a tee shirt today that says "EPIC" on it.....shocking.
-When my boss creeps up on me and asks me some stupid question and just sits and stares at my tool bar to see what I am doing on my computer. Dude I can see you staring at my email. It is rude and weird.
-Everytime Snake gets off the elevator I mouth to him what a homo he is. I think he likes it and agrees.
-There is this really annoying sales girl that just laughs all day long for no Fing reason. She will say good bye to you as she is leaving and then just start 'ahhahhahhhaa' laughing. I am so confused.???? Not only do I want to punch her square in her mouth for being so obnoxious I want to slip a riddlen in her diet coke just to shut her the F up.
-Also Snake loves this girl...she is crazy and likes to kill animals so naturally he is infatuated with her. sad
-Also some douche wore a soccer jersey to work today. I am not sure I need to elaborate on that one. Bear might think it is cool though.
-I ate 3 lunches today....this is the truth as sad as it may be.(left over thai food, Bdubs onion rings and pizza)
-I dont like when guys wear leather jackets in general but then when they accessorize it with the OJ Simpson leather gloves......??? WTF dude. haha
-Gina Maria's Pizza is SO salty. Anyone else ever notice that?
-Alot of people are wearing plaid today and not just one plaid clothing item but 2 mismatching plaid items....together. Did I miss something? Was I drunk for too long and missed a whole new fashion trend? Have I been watching too much Barney and not enough E channel?
-Do people actually listen to country music other then Alex Kangas? I dont think they do.....
-So the movie Taken was freaking amazing. Me and Dawger saw it last weekend and it was intense. I didnt even touch my pop or popcorn the whole movie.
-Baby Dawger runs our house.
-I found out that Dawger hides booze and chew in his upstairs bathroom. That is so fucked up......
-Dont EVER call me a Bitch to Dawgers face or he will punch you in yours. This is a fact.
-The gopher hockey team makes me smile. Epic guy told me he actually cried. This by no means surprises me.
-I think that vodka cran with lime is a super homo drink. I think it reaches into homo territory once you take the time to actually cut a lime and put it in your drink. My 20 year old brother once ordered a vodka cran at the bar cause it was his first time at a bar and the lead singer of Four Letter Lie told him to order one because that is his favorite drink. So maybe since he drinks it, it isnt as gay....????
Because WWWWWW is a complete degenerate and is at the bar right now (me, Optimator, OMW, and WWWWWW already spent a good two hours pounding pre-game drinks at Sgt. Prestions before the game) after the Gophers game despite it being 11:30 pm on a week night (yes, he actually has a job), it falls on me, WWWWWW's younger, more successful, handsomer brother Snacks to give a post-game recap of the Gophers v. Hoosiers tonight (WWWWWW drunkenly texted from Jimmy's NE that he is too drunk to do it). Here is my concise explanation of the game:
Stay with me here. This is my real world analogy for the game: It's like you got real drunk one night and you don't even remember what the hell you did, and you probably vomited profusely as in the picture. But, you still have your phone, your car keys, and your wallet, which actually still has money it it, and you apparently didn't sleep with any fat chicks. So all in all, the end result was fine, and whether or not you looked like an idiot, or any asshole, or really cool, along the way, it doesn't really matter at this point. All you know is something happened and you are in good shape now. Well, that was this Gopher game. It was terrible, cover your eyes awful, like when the Todd is real tuned up. But, when it comes to selection sunday, all that matters is that they won, so the fact that it was ugly is irrelevant and we should all just forget about it. Gophers won, end of story, that's all you need to know.
Well, hopefully this awful performance isn't a precursor to them completely screwing up the Penn. St. game on Saturday, like how the Todd screwed it up with the girl in yellow. But that's another story...
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