WCHA Awards and Playoff Preview

The WCHA regular season ended last weekend. Some how the Gophers managed to finish in the top half of the league which really proves how mediocre the WCHA was this year. UND won the regular season title while still managing to suck, amazing! Here are the annual DWG WCHA Awards and a preview of the WCHA playoffs. Sadly Brian Schack did not make All Conference.

WCHA First Team

F- Ryan Stoa (UMN)- Leading scorer in conference play. Will be playing in the NHL next season.
F- Ryan Lasch (SCSU)- Natural goal scorer who once again is one of the top scoring forwards in the country.
F- Ryan Duncan (UND)- This pains me to write because this kid is one of the most overrated players to ever skate in the WCHA. He has had a solid season for the team that won the league.
D- Jamie McBain (UW)- Top player on the Wisco. Probably 1st team All American. Great player.
D- Patrick Wiercioch(DU)- Several players could end up here but this Frosh has been fantastic all season. 2nd best rookie in the league.
G- Mark Cheverie (DU)- Number 1 or 2 in nearly every statistical category in the league. Alex Stalock from UMD would have been here if it wasn’t for his last two weeks. Talk about a case of the Albany’s.

All Frosh Team

F- Jordan Schroeder (UMN)- 2nd leading scorer in the conference and led the league in assists. Will most likely be picked as national frosh of the year be all the media outlets. Great player. Hopefully he sticks around for another season. Will be a top 5 pick this summer.
F- Jason Gregoire (UND)- Scored some big goals for UND this season. Will be a force the next 2 or 3 years.
F- Joe Colborne (DU)- Really started to come on the 2nd half of the season. Will be a monster if he plays another year of college. 1st round draft pick by Boston.
D- Patrick Wiercioch- If it wasn’t for Schroeder he would be frosh of the year.
D- Aaron Ness (UMN)- Much like the all conference team, the second D spot could go to several players. Ness had a good second half of the season and looks to be a stud in the future. Coaches also tend to give the awards to highly touted players. Plus he plays for the Gophers.
G- Brad Eidness (UND)- Also has a crack and making one of the all conference teams. Good young goalie who will only get better in the next couple years.

Conference MVP- Ryan Stoa- I could see several other players winning this award, but there is really no clear cut favorite. Stoa led the league in goals and pts while playing for an average team. I also want to give it to a gopher!

ROY- Jordan Schroeder- Lived up to the hype from day 1. His stats would have been better if Barriball could put the puck in the net.

Coach of the Year- Dave Hakstol- This pains me more than putting Duncan on the all conference team. You can’t deny the success this twat has had. You also can’t deny the fact that classless Dave wins games. UND still sucks and their logo should be changed to a honkie with a white sheet over his head. F’ing racisits!

WCHA Playoffs

#1 North Dakota vs #10 Michigan Tech- Michigan Tech is really bad and really boring to watch. This will most likely be a low scoring series but UND should sweep. UND does have a history of giving away a game in the playoffs but I wouldn’t count on it. UND wins 3-1 and 4-1 for a 2-0 sweep.

#2 Denver vs #9 Alaska- I have heard some people say they feel bad for Denver because they have to play Alaska this weekend. Those people are idiots. Yes, Alaska is better this season. That isn’t saying much. There is also chatter about Denver getting Bozak back this weekend which will really help him during the playoffs. Denver wins 3-2 and 4-2 for the sweep.

#3 Wisconsin vs #8 Mankato- Not sure what to expect in this series. Mankato has been playing really good hockey lately while Wisconsin has kind of gone in the tank. Because Wisconsin stole Mankato’s NCAA bid last year I am going with the revenge factor and picking the Mavericks. Mankato wins 3-2 Friday, Wisco wins 3-2 Saturday and Mankato wins 2-1 Sunday.....book it.

#4 CC vs #7 UMD— UMD couldn’t have got a better match up for the first round. After completely crapping down their leg the past two weekends they have dropped from a top 5 WCHA team looking to make the NCAA’s to this. The one thing they have going for them is CC is the most peace loving arena and team in the WCHA. You will be able to count the number of checks CC throws this weekend on your hands. Both teams have goalies that could potentially be red hot and steal the series. Although all signs are Stalock is in the toilet worse than WWWWWW’s life. CC wins in 3. UMD wins 3-2 Friday, CC 4-1 Saturday and CC 4-2 Sunday.

#5 Gophers vs #6 St. Cloud- Even though the Gophers are 4-0-0 vs St.Cloud this season I am worried. There is no possible way a team can get owned by this version of Gopher hockey. All St. Cloud has to do is sell the farm to shut down the Gophers top line and MN will score maybe 1 goal all weekend. You also have to factor in Kangas to this mess. He hit an all time low last Friday but did bounce back and pitch a shut out on Saturday. Which Kangas shows up this weekend will determine the series. If Jesus returns the Gophers win in two games. If Kangas 2009 shows up St. Cloud wins in 3. Gophers win 4-2 Friday, St. Cloud wins 3-2 on Saturday and who the hell knows on Sunday. I will pick the Gophers just because.

That will give us a final Five of UND, Denver, Mankato, Colorado College and MN. The only teams that should be allowed to play are UND and Denver. Vegas Tip of The Week= Denver wins the Final 5!

I have to go shower after putting Duncan and Hakstol on my awards list.

Plunger may be needed. Sioux are a huge turd.

After washing out my own mouth with soup as a result of the previous post, I figured that one needed to move down the line.

Let me some up the Fighting Sioux's season for you by highlighting a few points.

Summary:
1. Open season against Boston University and get killed 1-5.
2. Proceed to get owned by lowly Minnesotat State Mankato and give up a natural hat trick in the process.
3. Lose the series to Duluth.
4. Inexplicably lose to Cornel the night after posting a 7-3 win.
5. Get swept in a holiday invitational.


Next steps:
1. Place season directly into toilet.
2. Flush.

3. Get swept by the Gophers at home.

First of all, could UND be any more blatently racist? You tell me. This weekend's series up in Grand Forks is a scheduled "White out". You don't exactly have to read between the lines, that is if Sioux fans could read for starters. Was it necessary to schedule that? I thought that was a taboo thing up there that didn't need mentioning every weekend but whatever.

I fully expect that both of this weekends games will be close. There will be plenty of passionate play from the Gophers this weekend. Other than the simple fact that the Gophers love to make the Sioux their bitch a few times a year I think there a couple of other story lines.

First off is the mystery illness of coach Don Lucia. He will be sidelined as a result and assistant coach John Hill will run things from the bench. I can't imagine that there are any players on this Gopher team that feel like letting down their coach down while he is out. No one knows if the guy has twenty days or twenty years to live. The fact that he is out says that it must be something fairly major.

This weekends matchup will be extremely chippy right from the first face-off. I expect plenty of physical play and a ton of penalty minutes. Let's face it. This is biggest rivalry in college hockey, period. These two teams have faced off against each other more than any other matchup in the history of college hockey. The Gophers have had a more effective power play and penalty kill than the Sioux have thus far through the season.

Our defensemen sometimes get a bit too offensive minded on the power play as well as 5 on 5 so it will be key that they stay tight on the blue line and not let anyone in behind them. Other than that our defense should be complete shut-down.

Things are looking up on the offensive side of things. We will be getting a few of our goal scorers back this weekend from injury and from the world junior champships. This includes frosh stud Jordan Schroeder who had good numbers in that tournament. I see him picking up his play for the gophers after gaining some extra confidence in his game while abroad.

Gophers sweep. Dave Hakstol puts his middle finger where it belongs, most likely Super Sioux fan's butt. Sioux fans, feel free to shut dirty whorish mouths.

UND Eats Shit Sandwiches

Its Gopher vs. Sioux weekend so I thought this would be a good time to revive this blog with some sports chatter people actually care about. Both games this weekend will be played in Hitler’s palace (Engelstad Arena) up in lovely Grand Forks, ND. The Gophers enter the weekend ranked #3 in the country with a 10-3-5 record. UND is crawling into the weekend with a 11-10-1 record.

We have been told for years now that UND doesn’t care about the first half of the regular season. That is a good way for UND fans to try and justify a home loss to Alaska and getting 1 pt up in Duluth. The issue with that excuse this year is Coach Hakstol finally has a roster made up of players from his recruiting classes. This means no more high end talent and no second half surge in the standings. This also explains UND starting the second half getting swept at the GL Invite by Michigan St and Michigan Tech “wha-wha-whaaaaa” before rallying for two 4-3 (including OT win at Home) victories over powerful Bemidji State. It has got so bad at UND this year that their Super Fans are calling for Hakstol’s head.

UND is led in scoring this year by Chay Genoway and something called Brad Miller (not the NBA player). Chay Genoway is a very good Offensive defenseman while Brad Miller is, well, Brad Miller. UND also has Ryan Duncan back for his senior season. If you forgot Ryan Duncan stole the Hoby Baker Award from John Toews two years ago. Since winning the award Duncan has become arguably the worst Hoby Baker Award winner in the history of the award. Duncan will now be forever linked to Gino Torretta as the worst major college award winners in the history of college awards. I have a sneaky suspicion the Dawger is secretly a Duncan fan. How else can you explain his complete lack of production.

I do like UND’s frosh goalie Brad Eidness. He is having a bit of a rough year, but guys like Kangas only come every 2008 years. You can’t expect a human frosh goalie to hold up a team, especially a very average team like UND.

I should also mention players Chris Vandevelde and Joe Finley but both players suck and I am tired of talking about UND. Plus the only time anyone will notice Finley is when he cheap shots someone after the whistle or in the handshake line. You might also notice him if an actual fight breaks out. Finley will be the 6-7 blur leaving the screen once the gloves actually drop. Finley is the undisputed king of pussy’s when it comes to fighting. What do you expect, he is from Edina.

The last thing I have to get off my chest is Mario Lamoureux’s name. Mario’s dad needs to be drug outside and have his ass kicked. Not only did he raise his older son to be a complete twat but he tried getting cute with his kids name so it sounds like Mario Lemiuex. An ass kicking is definitely in order here.

Here is a picture of some real women. I am sick of the dirty rags WWWWW keeps giving us.


The Gophers will be led this weekend be our lord and savior Alex Kangas. Alex is undefeated in Englestad Arena and will most likely stay that way after this weekend. Alex’s numbers haven’t been quite as heavenly as last spring but who can complain with a .921 Save% and 2.19 GAA when a player hasn’t been completely on his game. Plus Alex has been busy dealing with everyone’s prayers and other crap god has to deal with.

The Gophers will be in Grand Forks this weekend without their head coach Don Lucia who is suffering from some unknown illness. Coach Lucia has to take some more medical tests on Friday of this week and doctors should know what is effecting him at that time. Plus Lucia figures his team can play without a head coach since UND is basically playing without one also. Rumor has it Lucia also hates the smell of Grand Forks and is looking for any excuse to stay away from stench of sugar beet factories.

The Gophers will finally have their entire roster back. Jay Barriball and Mike Carman are back from injury and Hoeffel, Fairchild and Schroeder are back from the world Jr. Tournament. The only player not available is Taylor Matson. Matson is out the rest of the year with a torn ACL. Did you know Dawger pronounced Matson his favorite player back in October and two weeks later he tore his ACL. I am not kidding. The Dawger curse is for real.

The biggest key for the Gophers this weekend will be the play of their top line. Jordan Schroeder is back which will get Ryan Stoa back on the wing. Stoa has got to start scoring goals again. Jay Barriball also has to find a way to tip in the pesky open net goals he constantly misses. Barriball should honestly have 12 goals this season. Barriball’s shite shooting is also costing Schroeder any chance of being All-American. Patricia White also needs to play on the third line and stay away from either power play unit. This kid has the heart of an interior decorator.

Next, the Gophers have to limit dumb mistakes by their D. Last weekend they gave up way to many 2-1’s by jumping deep into the offensive zone. Fairchild and Fischer should be allowed to make rushes up the ice but the rest of them need to stay put. Especially Wehrs. Ness can get involved on the Power play but he needs to stay home on 5 v 5. He caused way to many odd man rushes last weekend. Plus Ness shoots like a High School JV player. Dawger also continues to talk about Ness being his “Next Guy” but for the benefit of the program I won’t let it happen. Ness has to much talent for Dawger to flush his career down the toilet.

The Todd, rumor has it Schack will be playing this weekend so get your game worn #27 jersey out of the closet.

This is the first weekend in years that the Gophers should enter a weekend with UND and expect to win both games. The Gophers own Engelstad Arena to the tune of a 7-4-0 lifetime record in that dump. The Gophers are very good and the Sioux are down this year. The Gophers have high end talent and the Sioux average talent. The Gophers have the top special teams unit in the nation and the Sioux are average at best in special teams. All this adds up to a split. Gophers win 4-2 on Friday and lose 3-2 on Saturday . Either way UND still sucks .

Did you know Dawger has extremely small nipples? I just found that out yesterday and for some reason it fascinates me.

Gerbe, Gerbe, Gerbe!!!

The 2008 Frozen Four Championship game is all set. The Final will match Boston College against Notre Dame. Boston College will be playing in their 3rd consecutive championship game (they lost the last two) while Notre Dame will be playing in their 1st championship game in school history.

So how did they get here? Boston College got to the championship game be completely, and I do mean completely dominating the University of North Dakota. If this was a high school game they would have started running time about halfway through the 2nd period. The two big difference makers in this game where Nathan Gerbe and Philly Lamerioux. Gerbe completely dominated the game and was so impressive that a gitty Bear called my just before the first intermission and was almost giggling uncontrollably as he described the Sioux ass raping Gerbe was administering. Gerbe finished the game (actually the first two periods) with three goals and 1 assist.

The other star of the game was Lamerioux, North Dakota's buffoon goalie. He was so remarkably bad in this game that USCHO.com wrote an article last night titled "sieve, sieve, sieve." http://www.uscho.com/news/college-hockey/id,15683/SieveSieveSieve.html. I can't think of a better way for one of the biggest pricks in all of college hockey to end his career. Thanks for the lasting memory frenchy! One last Lamerioux note, in his last two frozen four games Lamerioux has allowed 12 goals...ouch. Briggs was better than that!

This game also places the great coach Hakstol right up on top of the list of greatest choke jobs of all time. 4 straight trips to the frozen four and nothing but participation medals for his efforts. Don't forget this was also suppose to be "the greatest" Sioux team in 25 years and the mouth breather still couldn't get it done. Banners hung in Mariucci the last four years =4. Banners hung in the Nazi bunker the last four years =1. Hakstol equals Doug Woog without the class and personality. And the answer is yes, I do take pleasure in others misery!

On a sad note, this will most likely be the last time sexy TJ Oshie laces up his skates in a college hockey game. God I am going to miss watching that sexy son of a bitch glide up and down the ice!

The other semi-final game pitted #1 ranked Michigan against Notre Dame. Notre Dame raced out to a 3 goal lead before Michigan battled back and tied the game 4-4. The game went into overtime before Frosh Calle Ridderwall scored the game winner. To be brutally honest, I could really careless about this game. I woke this morning and felt like a million dollars because of the gift Boston College gave me last night. If your interested the Championship game will be played tomorrow night on ESPN. My National Championship came last night so I don't really care what happens Saturday. I am going to pick Boston College to beat Notre Dame 4-2. I just can't see Gerbe being stopped. Go Eagles...Caw-Caw-Caw!

Classless Ass Suspended 2 Games. More to Follow?

GRAND FORKS, N.D. -
University of North Dakota men's hockey coach Dave Hakstol has been suspended for two games for his actions during a heated Saturday night game with Minnesota.

During the second period of game, which ended in a 1-1 tie, a television camera showed Hakstol sticking up his middle finger at referee Don Adam after the two discussed a penalty call.
Acting UND athletic directors Betty Ralston and Steve Brekke announced the suspension on Monday.

"We expect our coaches to keep themselves and their teams in control at all times," Ralston said. "Profane language and poor behavior on the part of our coaches and student-athletes is unacceptable."

The Sioux have this week off before playing host to Denver on Feb. 15-16. Hakstol will not coach the two-game series, UND said.

Western Collegiate Hockey Association Commissioner Bruce McLeod said Hakstol violated the league's code of sportsmanlike conduct. Possible punishments include private apologies, a public reprimand from the league, a fine and a suspension.

Information from: Grand Forks Herald, http://www.grandforksherald.com/

UND Wins and Ties, Yet Still Finds A Way To Suck!

Thoughts from this weekends series vs the university of No class. Warning this is going to sound like something right out of Sid Hartman's column.....but unlike Sid this is gospel!

First, Dave Hak-stool (WWWWWW, see what I did there, just like you boss) is a complete clown and his behavior on the bench this weekend reminds me of a crazy little league mom who can't control herself. He is a complete classless ass! Really, giving a ref the finger during a game? I am sure the people of the Sioux tribe really appreciate the way the school represented their name and likeness this weekend. Nice apology also www.startribune.com/sports/gophers/15168841.html. ""I have evaluated and feel terrible about my actions", Hakstol sounds like a complete pussy! This guy needs his ass kicked.

Second, WWWWWWWWW when you steal my material and butcher it like Tubby's Offence please have the decency to give me credit. Plagiarist! I will forgive you because of the Sconny girls. Although one of those girls is really ugly and her friends should burn her face so she never wrecks another one of their photos. Still, A+ work.

Third, North Dakota is by far and away the largest collection of Douche Bags ever collected on one roster. Anyone who watched Saturdays game can see why everyone outside of North Dakota hates that team. I didn't even think it was possible to get thrown out of a game in the first 7 seconds. Now Ryan Duncan holds the record for quickest DQ and the title of worst Hoby Baker winner of all time. Duncans Hoby award makes Gino Torretta's Heisman selection look good.

4th, Joe Finley is a fairy trapped inside a 6-7 mouth breathers body. Honestly, starting a fight in the hand shake line? I don't care if someone said they wanted to mount his mother from behind, you don't do that. Starting a fight in the hand shake line is like booing during the national anthem or not applauding when someone gets hit number 3000. Once the post game scuffle broke out Finley skated around with his gloves and helmet on playing grab ass? What a tough guy! Note to Finley, "If you want to be a real goon you need to take off your gloves and helmet and actually fight. Blake Wheeler made you look like a fool." I can't wait for Finley to pull the shite in the Minor Leagues so someone caves in his neanderthal face. What a twat!

5th, What is the deal with the idiot Sioux fans who wear white jerseys to Friday nights games? I thought that was green out night? If your going to have ridiculous themes like "green out" and "white out" then make sure you follows those simple instructions. Nice fans....idiots!

The highlight of the weekend was Malone getting thrown like a rag doll into the penalty box by a 5-8 ref. Only a ginger would get treated like that.

Lastly, Kangas is Jesus on skates. The only way Frazee should touch the ice again this season is if Frazee spikes Kangas's water bottle. Unless Kangas is so drunk he can't stand on his skates he should never leave the ice. Nice career Frazee, hope you enjoy selling cars!

In conclusion, everything about North Dakota Hockey sucks. Fire Hakstol and bring back Blais! At least Blais's team had goons that knew what it meant to be a goon. Guys who are not proper goons suck.