Game 1: I'm not Drinking. Well maybe a little.

I'm not drinking or anything, so you should probably stop reading right now, but since I love the World Series just so damn much I figured I might as well put down a thought or two.

- Seriously, I really love the World Series. I've been majorly looking forward to it all day, and not just because my boyfriend Cole Hamels is pitching. I think if the Twins ever get to another series in my lifetime (not bloody likely) I might not be able to take it. I could possibly, quite literally, explode.

- On the radio on the way home tonight, some doofus was talking about how this series is the talent of the Rays vs. the experience of the Phillies. What the hell does that even mean? The Phillies are just as talented as the Rays, and have just as much World Series experience. So I'd say it's the talent of the Phillies vs. the talent of the Rays. Kind of like every World Series/Playoff Series/regular season game.

- The Backstreet Boys? What year is it, 1983?

- Phillies to win tonight and to win the series, if you're curious.

- We have Utley here to not get a hit tonight, but I wouldn't mind a dinger donger right here.

- HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 2-0. That should be more than Hamels needs.

- First batter for the Rays, Ichiro-Lite, get's an infield hit because Ryan Howard is too fat to move. Guy is a perfect DH, too bad there's no DH in the NL. Wait, what's that you say? American League park tonight, thus there is a DH? Hmmm, perhaps whoever the Phillies manager is (is it Charlie Manuel, maybe?) is like Ron Gardenhire. Because you know damn well if he was in this situation no way Howard would DH. If he doesn't have the energy to move Redmond down in the order no way would he even begin to imagine something as radical as "move the fat guy to DH." Which reminds me, how is Matt Stairs in the NL at all? Where does he play? He has to be like a designated pinch hitter, right?

- Victorino was out there. Break for the Phils.

- Uh, nevermind. Why would you send him there on Upton? Upton has an absolute cannon, and that fly ball (nay, pop up) was barely beyond the infield, might have been shorter than the Griffey/Cuddyer play. I know Victorino is fast, I mean, they don't call him the Flyin' Hawaiian because he's high on crack cocaine like Jeff Dubay, but I don't even think Vince Coleman could have scored on that one.

- Garza backs up my assessment of Upton with the comment, "Don't test the Cannon! Don't test him!" Agreed.

- Hamels making people look silly, even my other boyfriend Evan Longoria who didn't even come close to making contact on that at bat. Watching Hamels pitch to Longoria is like watching my parents fight.

- God dammit, I really wish they'd stop pointing out the Rays/Twins trade. It makes my heart hurt.

- Upton v. Hamels with the bases loaded and one out. I don't feel too good.

- Double play hell to the yeah!! Hamels is like the white Johan Santana. (Ok, actually that ball was smashed and Pedro Feliz made an amazing play considering he's forty three years old).

- I just looked up Matt Stairs stats, and after coming to the NL in September he played in sixteen games and he had more than one at bat exactly once. And that time he had two. He started that game in RF, and it was the first game he was with the Phillies. I'm assuming they started him, and it took exactly four innings for them to realize he should be nowhere near the field of play unless he has a bat on his shoulder, and pinch hit Pat Burrell for him. Now that's funny.

- Back to back hits by Victorino (in serious danger of becoming Ecksteined by the media if the Phils win - except he's a lot better) and Feliz, and the Phillies have yet another scoring opportunity. They've been knocking Kazmir around in every inning, but except for the Utley homerun can't take advantage. I know Hamels is on the mound and what not, but it wouldn't hurt to grab a couple extra runs. You know, just in case.

- Well, they pick up one on a groundout, it's something at least. Phils making Kazmir throw a lot of pitches. Which Reusse would hate. I don't think I mentioned this anywhere, but the world's worst columnist wrote up an "article" which is pretty much nothing more than bitching about players who take walks. The title gives away the stupidity, "Games drag on in era that rewards the walk" and features bonus bitching about umpires by Tom Kelly. My favorite quote by Reusse: "Kelly played only briefly in the big leagues in the 1970s. He was around long enough to know that hitters were expected to swing the bat." Can't you just see him ranting and raving about how real men don't watch pitches go by. Real men swing at everything. If a real man had three balls and the next pitch was in the dirt, he'd swing just so he wouldn't embarrass himself by having to take a walk, which, as we all know, is worse than getting caught making sweet, sweet love to your third base coach. Homerun Carl Crawford. I should pay more attention. Also I just cracked a beer. Trader Joe's Oktoberfest.

- FYI: Darius Miles was cut by the Celtics, paving the way for Bill "Sky" Walker to dominate.

- Pena dropping Kazmir's girl-like throw at first here reminds me: Did you know that in adapted softball, if you hit someone in a wheelchair with the ball it's considered a caught ball? So all the adapted softball teams put a player in a wheelchair at first base, and the infielders just chuck the ball at them. True story.

- Man that Japanese guy is pesky. Foul ball, foul ball, foul ball, base hit - in this case a double to knock in Bartlett and make it 3-2. Let's see, he fouls pitches off and takes a lot of balls - Reusse must hate him. I know I hate him. And is there a scarier #2 hitter than BJ Upton? Yamma hamma, it's fright night.

- Upton fouls out to first as the fat guy I said should be a DH reaches into the stands to make the catch. That doesn't mean he can field, don't be foold. But let's not worry about that now, instead let's concentrate on how awesome Cole Hamels is. I wonder if there's any way the Twins could get him. He's still under salary control, as in he made only $500K this year (less than Nick Punto or 1/10th of what Livan Hernandez made) but I don't know how long that would last. Maybe they should offer Liriano, Delmon Young, and Scott Baker. And Joe Mauer. And whatever else the Phillies want. Throw in Adrian Peterson for the Eagles.

- Ryan "I'm a fat pig who can't play in the field but I can hit like a mofo" just played juggly ball with a grounder, and now Pena is on for Longoria with nobody down.

- Never mind, Pena picked off first. Why would you run there? With Longoria up? Don't think he can get an extra base hit? That makes no sense. Seriously people, the stolen base is an extremely overrated weapon. And that's a classic example of why. That's why Gardy loves it.

- Yet another wasted opportunity by the Phillies, leaving two on thanks to strikeouts of Howard and Victorecksteinino. That is an assload of runners left on base, and that usually doesn't work out particularly well for that team.

- If Toronto was in the World Series, would they still sing "God Bless America?"

- Hamels still dealing like Koufax, getting two week grounders and a strikeout, basically making most of the Rays look like fools - although definitely not the Japanese guy who is 3-3. Pretty much everybody else though. That should do it for him tonight, 7ip/5h/2bb/5k/2er. Pretty damn good. The Phillies should have him pitch 3 games in the series, even though that's so ten twenty years ago - like jean jackets and cocaine.

- I freakin' love the internet. Did I mention I'm watching the game on an internet feed? Go to www.justin.tv and click on sports, and there it is. Or any football game. Or any sporting event pretty much. Very cool stuff.

- With one out, following a Jayson Werth double, the Rays decide to walk Utley to pitch to Ryan Howard. Risky? Not really, he's looked absolutely lost up there. And now he's going to be facing a lefty in Trever Miller, who I could have sworn was a former Twin but it turns out he isn't.

- Well, it worked. Howard strikes out. AGAIN. On an absolute gem of a pitch. Howard has to act all like, "dude, ump, you screwed me, probably because I'm black you racist son of a bitch" because he's embarrassed at being such a shitty hitter to go along with being a terrible fielder. A dual threat, if you will.

- It works, and we go to the bottom of the ninth at 3-2 Phils. Hopefully Brad Lidge doesn't turn into that one version of Brad Lidge from a few years ago where he sucked. He's got Pena/Longoria/Crawford in a one run game, so it's gonna be a toughie.

- Lidge's slider is nasty. Almost as nasty as that gigantic mole on his face. I want to give him a quarter and have him go down to the docks and have a rat gnaw that thing off his face. MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!!!!!!!!!

- That'll do it. And without a hit from Rollins or Howard.