Gopher Hockey - Seapups (live blog)

Coming to you live from casa de The Todd. No foo-foo drinks here. Whiskey 7's for now. We'll see how the night progresses, this could be a whiskey...night.

7:17 - I just got here, mixed a drink, and finally got the laptop up and running. Gophers are up 1-0 on a Jay Barriball goal. It was a nice play by the Gophers to work it down low and crash the net.

7:25 - I went looking for a pic for this post. I searched for hot gopher girl. This is what I got. Nothing obvious but we are going to go ahead say that these are the top of the class UofM ladies. This is officially a jacuzzi party. The Swede, The Italian Stallion, and the The Todd can take I hike. I need to spend some time with the ladies.

Does someone mix drinks for WWWWWW while he does these things? Seriously. This is going to be almost like work, but with beer. Except for the fact that I did have beer at work today. It was awesome.

7:40 - The Gophers should win this game but I'm going to be honest. This team has looked absolutely terrible lately. Imagine "Hoffbauer", but on skates, and the fact that you have about 5 of them. They aren't bad, they aren't really good. You are just stuck with their lack of experience and overall talent. Or as Common would say, "the best out the lousiest and the lousiest of the best." This team is average. I really thought this team would have come together and progressed more than they have. They may have even become worse then when they started this season. Ya, I know. Debby Downer over here. Somebody mix me a drink.

Also note, The Todd does not have an iPod. WTF? Probably still has Zack Morris phone too. Let's welcome The Todd to the 20th century. He's not quite ready for "high tech".

Intermission Numero Uno:

FYI, Paul Carter and Dovoe Joseph are awesome and are the future studs for the Gophers. The III, not so much. "Suck it Trebek! Suck it long, suck it hard."

Thanks to OMW, Snacks, and WWWWWW I was able to go to the last Gopher hoops game. Snacks's review of their performance was right on. That is right, but I held something back. I see some real genius in your flying, Maverick, but I can't say that in there. I was afraid that everyone in the tax trailer would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you. Wait sorry. Sidetracked.

Would you rather?... Marny Gelnar in a 5 star hotel or Erin Andrews in the ladies room at the Metro Dome? Let the ferment for bit and get back to me.

The Todd just brought up an oldy but a goody from SNL, Uncle Jamima's Mash Liqour. "It gets you $*^^(= up for less money! Pancakes are ready!!!!" I realize that even in type, I'm a horrible story teller. Moving on.

Start of Period 2 - RJ Anderson just said that he sucked at bowling and then said he was like Fred Flinstone. Obviously the Flinstones were no longer on the air when these guys were growing up. Fred was awesome jackass! I'm pretty sure OMW and FF would have a tight, best of 3 match, with OMW taking the cash.

8:15 - Gophers still suck. It is still 1-0. We managed to draw a penalty. We better score on this power play. Wait...Stoa makes a bone head play takes a hooking penalty. Move your feet and get position.

Woogism-"The basketball court is just on the other side of the street." This was in regards to the weak ass penalty they called on Sacchetti. Lame. In 26 seconds we went from a 1 man advantage to 1 man disadvantage.

8:22 - Even though the Gophers suck, the Seapups suck waaaaaay more. They have had a few odd-man rushes on Kangas and they can't capitalize. I still fully expect them to tie the game at some point.

Woogism-"They've been missing them high, they've been missing them low." Mazzacco says, "How do you miss them low?" Apparently the Gophers are tricky enough to shoot it under the net. Woog must have taken some sort of advanced physics. He is smart, way smart.

The hits just keep on coming.

Woogism-Mazzacco says, "He slides into the zone on his knees." Woog-"Just like those drills they do at the end of practice." Hmm, no wonder the team took a "dive" at the end of his tenure. Thanks, I'll be here all night.

8:27-Thought you should know, I'm an awesome fantasy golf player. WWWWWW can take a back seat for a fricken change. He has dominated the last couple of years. Crazy. We decided to check in on some highlights from the tourney at Pebble Beach. The Todd just claimed that Kenny G plays a mean skin flute. I tend to agree.

8:30-There it is folks. The Wolves just scored with 1.4 fricken seconds left in the 2nd period. What is that garbage? That is a clear sign of terrible, inexperienced, lazy team. Unbelievable. Wait. No. Not at all.

8:36-Here we go. The Swede just said that he wants to quit his chemical engineering job and become a blimp pilot after seeing the MetLife blimp on the golf channel. He also wondered if they have a black box, and if a leak occurred on the blimp, would their voices would be really high as a result. That would be hilarious to hear that playback. Sick, but funny.

8:40-The Todd just creamed his pants. His favorite movie of all time is on FX, Cliffhanger. I'm not kidding. Not even for a second. He just rattled off several lines from the movies. John Lithgow is awesome though. Stallone, not so much. Outside of Rocky, all of his movies suck. Does anyone remember Judge Dred? Wow that was bad.

8:45-I think WWWWWW needs to do more reviews of cheap horror movies. Those reviews are a good read. I still don't understand his total obsession with these movies but I love the reviews. I don't think I could watch one of those movies myself. I could with play-by-play action by WWWWWW. Somebody sign him up for one of those fancy DVD things with the commentery. I would pay for that.

8:52-The Gophers just got jobbed by a bad no-goal call. They finally got a stoppage and went back to review. It is a goal. Put it on the board. The goal was completely ugly though. Schroeder fans on the puck but luckily it bounces off his skate and still goes in. Terrible, but I'll take it.

9:00-The Gophers just got worked and the Sea Wolves even it up at 2-2. Here we go. The Gophers are in danger of losing at home to Alaska Anchorage. Unbelievable.

9:06-There is 10 minutes left in the game. The Gophers need to turn it on. We need to see some big plays from Barribal and Stoa right now. Get the forecheck going and keep it in the offense zone.

9:07-The Gophers draw a penalty and go on the power play. Knock off the dump and chase. Holy crap. Take it into the zone and set it up. They can't complete a decent pass to save their life. Power play, dead.

9:16-"Man, this place is dead anyways."

Who would want to go to school at Alaska Anchorage? I thought Duluth was cold and crappy but wow. I've never been to Anchorage but I can't imagine it is that great in the winter time. What kind of ladies go to Alaska?

Woogism-"The goalie's legs were widely spread. That was unbelievable." -in regards to Schroeder missing 5-hole. Terrible.

9:21-Where is green guy? He must not be into hockey. He only digs basketball, figures.

9:22-Thank you Kangas! Big save there. Barribal on the rush, can't put it away. Fairchild and Ness totally blow an easy pass back to the blue line. Regroup. Brings it back in but nothing going. Back down into the Gophers end and time expires. I'm not sure we deserve to win this game with this effort.

Also note that the Seawolves have or had a player named Beaverson. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome that is. Sounds like a James Bond character. I think Beavermaster though would be a better fit for 007.

9:26-Overtime

Woog needs a drink. I do as well, a strong one.

So far so boring. Skate it into the zone, turn it over, repeat.

Wow, that was a close call. We are on a 4 game losing streak and that almost made it 5. I haven't seen that kind of slump since WWWWWW sophomore year of college.

Barribal has a wide open net and decides to keep the shot on the ice. Christenson makes an awesome glove save. Snacks could have scored that goal after having 13-14 beers and a blindfold. Bogart could have argued that puck into the goal. EASY!

9:33-OT is not good for Wooger. I think he works his drinks in just right and didn't account for the additional beverages that come with OT. When Mazzaaco says "Desperation is setting in", he was clearly referring to Woog. I agree.

9:36-Final 2-2. They better win tomorrow. This is a 5 game winless streak and is looking like 6.

Short Preview - Gophers/Penn State

I don't have a whole lot of time to get into a whole thing here, since I have to head up to Turtle Lake to make mad bank, but I still wanted to give at least a short little preview.

Basically, Penn State can't afford to lose this game. They are in the midst of a 3-game losing streak, including at home against Wisconsin, since their huge win at Michigan State and have fallen to 6-6 in the Big Ten. With zero good wins outside of the conference, and road games at both Illinois and Ohio State still to come, the Nittany Lions can't afford to drop any of their home games if they want a shot at the NCAA Tournament. That makes them desperate, and that makes them extra dangerous.

Still, you don't lose three straight by being a good team. Penn State has really struggled shooting the ball during this skid, putting up FG percentages of 33%, 37%, and 37%. The poster child during all this has been Big Ten Player of the Year candidate Talor Battle. He torched the Spartans for 29, but has fallen off a cliff lately, shooting 3-16, 4-15, and 0-7 in the last three.

Now, just because he's been struggling doesn't mean it's going to continue. Luckily, the Gophers are still a very good defensive team, despite their continuing issues on the offensive end. Al Nolen may be a headache of a player to watch with the ball these days, but, as long as the effort is there, he should be able to stick with Battle. But if he loses him, and Battle gets hot, the Gophers have no chance.

Defensively, Penn State is not very good. They defend the three pointer well (12th in the country at 30.2%) but that's it. They don't turn teams over (299th), they don't steal the ball (290th), they don't block shots (323rd), and they get killed on 2-point shots (259th at 50.3%). The don't give up offensive boards either (8th) but the Gophers never get an o-board anyway, so who cares. Normally, I would say this teams defensive profile may be the perfect opportunity for the Gopher offense to get healthy, but considering the awful, awful, truly wretched performance they just put up against Indiana, a much worse defensive squad, who the hell knows.

Ken Pomeroy has this as a Penn State victory, giving them the slight edge with a 54% chance of victory. This should be close as predicted, and I think the desperation factor will give them the added boost they need: Penn State 66, Minnesota 63.


Stay tuned, I have inside info that there will be a live blog of tonight's Gopher/Alaska hockey match.

Random Thoughts from Super Sioux Fan

I suppose I better post this so I don't get stabbed in the eye at some point.

Random Thoughts by Mama Dawger...........

-What is with THAT guy at Bdubs that sits there in his leather jacket with a basket of wings and a pop watching ESPN highlights by himself for lunch? I mean I know said guy doesnt actually have a job...but does he have any idea how pathetic he looks? And he sits right in the middle of the long bar area so people who actually have friends have to sit awkwardly around him....I hate that guy.

-That one guy in every group of friends who feels it is his job to tell everyone how gay they are. "Dude you are soooo gay", "god your gay dude"
Unfortunetly I think I am this person.

-I hate passing out peoples mail at work...I mean I get that it is part of my job "duties" but it pisses me off none the less

-Asshole sales calls....If you are a cold call sales guy....I offically hate you. These jobs are designated to the biggest piles of shit this planet has to offer. Not only are they rude dicks they actually think I might be stupid enough to believe a thing they have to say. No sir you are not "friends" with the owner of my company, no sir you are not "returning" his phone call, no sir you didnt just speak to him last week and I know this because he has been out of the country and your an asshole. Lets just say I am these guys' worst enemy. I have been called a bitch by hundreds of these guys and it makes my day.

-So everyone remember "Epic Guy" well Epic Guy wore a tee shirt today that says "EPIC" on it.....shocking.

-When my boss creeps up on me and asks me some stupid question and just sits and stares at my tool bar to see what I am doing on my computer. Dude I can see you staring at my email. It is rude and weird.

-Everytime Snake gets off the elevator I mouth to him what a homo he is. I think he likes it and agrees.

-There is this really annoying sales girl that just laughs all day long for no Fing reason. She will say good bye to you as she is leaving and then just start 'ahhahhahhhaa' laughing. I am so confused.???? Not only do I want to punch her square in her mouth for being so obnoxious I want to slip a riddlen in her diet coke just to shut her the F up.

-Also Snake loves this girl...she is crazy and likes to kill animals so naturally he is infatuated with her. sad

-Also some douche wore a soccer jersey to work today. I am not sure I need to elaborate on that one. Bear might think it is cool though.

-I ate 3 lunches today....this is the truth as sad as it may be.(left over thai food, Bdubs onion rings and pizza)

-I dont like when guys wear leather jackets in general but then when they accessorize it with the OJ Simpson leather gloves......??? WTF dude. haha

-Gina Maria's Pizza is SO salty. Anyone else ever notice that?

-Alot of people are wearing plaid today and not just one plaid clothing item but 2 mismatching plaid items....together. Did I miss something? Was I drunk for too long and missed a whole new fashion trend? Have I been watching too much Barney and not enough E channel?

-Do people actually listen to country music other then Alex Kangas? I dont think they do.....

-So the movie Taken was freaking amazing. Me and Dawger saw it last weekend and it was intense. I didnt even touch my pop or popcorn the whole movie.

-Baby Dawger runs our house.

-I found out that Dawger hides booze and chew in his upstairs bathroom. That is so fucked up......

-Dont EVER call me a Bitch to Dawgers face or he will punch you in yours. This is a fact.

-The gopher hockey team makes me smile. Epic guy told me he actually cried. This by no means surprises me.

-I think that vodka cran with lime is a super homo drink. I think it reaches into homo territory once you take the time to actually cut a lime and put it in your drink. My 20 year old brother once ordered a vodka cran at the bar cause it was his first time at a bar and the lead singer of Four Letter Lie told him to order one because that is his favorite drink. So maybe since he drinks it, it isnt as gay....????

Good times

Because WWWWWW is a complete degenerate and is at the bar right now (me, Optimator, OMW, and WWWWWW already spent a good two hours pounding pre-game drinks at Sgt. Prestions before the game) after the Gophers game despite it being 11:30 pm on a week night (yes, he actually has a job), it falls on me, WWWWWW's younger, more successful, handsomer brother Snacks to give a post-game recap of the Gophers v. Hoosiers tonight (WWWWWW drunkenly texted from Jimmy's NE that he is too drunk to do it). Here is my concise explanation of the game:

Stay with me here. This is my real world analogy for the game: It's like you got real drunk one night and you don't even remember what the hell you did, and you probably vomited profusely as in the picture. But, you still have your phone, your car keys, and your wallet, which actually still has money it it, and you apparently didn't sleep with any fat chicks. So all in all, the end result was fine, and whether or not you looked like an idiot, or any asshole, or really cool, along the way, it doesn't really matter at this point. All you know is something happened and you are in good shape now. Well, that was this Gopher game. It was terrible, cover your eyes awful, like when the Todd is real tuned up. But, when it comes to selection sunday, all that matters is that they won, so the fact that it was ugly is irrelevant and we should all just forget about it. Gophers won, end of story, that's all you need to know.

Well, hopefully this awful performance isn't a precursor to them completely screwing up the Penn. St. game on Saturday, like how the Todd screwed it up with the girl in yellow. But that's another story...

Ok i will admit it

Ok i will admit it carter would destroy fatbrook in a fight

Al nolen is OFFICIALLY a

Al nolen is OFFICIALLY a poor mans jacque vaughn

That son of a bitch

That son of a bitch gannon left at halftime

How do you not punch

How do you not punch that green guy in the face if you're next to him? Also rich gannon is sitting in our section. Holla.

Utah State is Great Great Great

I know I said I wouldn’t be blogging at all while I was in Utah, but, much like when I say I’m going to write something short and go on for paragraphs and paragraphs, this stupid blog is like some sort of drug to me. I’m like the Joker in that gay cowboy movie, “I don’t know how to quit you.”

I attended the big Utah State vs. LA Tech game on Saturday and it was a good ole time. I wrote about the game I attended last year, and most of that still stands. The arena is still really cool. It’s still like 50% students so it is still very loud and, especially compared to the exhibition I saw last year, very rowdy for a conference game. And the girls are still absolutely amazing looking. I seriously can’t get over it. Imagine that girl above and her like-level of hotness friends, and then imagine an entire arena full of them, and you’ll start to get the idea.

As for the game, it was a good one which is really all I wanted. The Aggies pulled it out 60-52 to go to 23-1 on the season, and gave me a pretty good idea of what they are capable of - and they are definitely able to pull an upset come March. Right now the Aggies are projected as an 11 seed by ESPN, and with a pretty easy schedule left - the only game remaining that Ken Pomeroy gives them less than a 68% chance of winning is their Bracket Buster game against St Marys, and now the Gaels are without Pat Mills - I don't see them falling too far from there. They are an extremely efficient team (26th in offensive efficiency and 4th in effective field goal percentage) and use the three pointer to their advantage, shooting 39% as a team (21st nationally) and have four or five different guys who can hit.

Additionally, the have some good size up front, with three guys 6-7 or bigger playing regularly, a luxury a lot of smaller conference teams don't have. What this all means is pretty much that they are a very real danger to a team who doesn't defend the three pointer well and relies on their size a lot. Oklahoma would do well to hope the Aggies aren't in their bracket. The Sooners are horrible against the three pointer (231st in the country) and rely a lot on Blake Griffin. Not saying Utah State could stop him, but they at least have the size and ability to make him work hard, and if he's off they can score points with anybody and could knock them off. It could happen.

The other interesting thing I saw in the game was deserving of the rare, "Unknown Awesome Player Alert" and goes to LA Tech forward/center Magnum Rolle. Rolle was #18 on the Rivals 150 when he came out in 2005, but ended up transferring to Louisiana Tech due to playing time concerns. He's averaging 12 and 7 with two blocks per game this year, his first at LA Tech, and throws in two blocks a game to go with it. He is incredibly athletic, and was definitely the best player on the court during the game I attended, even after getting hurt going for a crazy dunk the likes of which hasn't been seen since Rico Tucker hurt his knee, getting hit in the head and falling hard on the floor.

After a brief trip to the locker room he returned to the game and helped the Bulldogs get back into it. He has a very nice touch out to about fifteen feet, has an excellent touch passing for a big man, and is a commanding presence in the paint, both on offense or defense. He actually didn't put up great numbers in the last game, just eight points and five boards with four blocks, but it was easy to see why he was ranked as the 18th best player in his high school class. He has one season left, so if they can get some talent in to put around him, next season could be a good one.

I'm back tomorrow evening, and will be in attendance at the Gopher game, hopefully witnessing a twenty point destruction of the hated Hoosiers.

The return of The Hoff....

WWWWWWW is in Mormonville searching for a 2nd wife so I was asked to write a recap of the game. The gophers kept it close all game but they weren't able to break the game open due to Nolen's abortion of a game. He had several horrendous turnovers and missed the front end of a crucial 1 an 1 down the stretch.

We dominated in the paint and from beyond the arc. We also got to witness The Return of the Hoff. That brilliant bastard hit 6 from downtown including an and 1 when Turner hacked him after release. This is a picture of the Hoff after the game. As you can see he has a smile on his face and a hottie under his arm. He no longer has that nervous anxious I'm dying of cancer look. Congrats to the Hoff for getting off the snide. Hopefully he is able to tap into that hot shooting for the rest of the year.

Moving on... The gophs ended up losing on the road by 6. They were 3 pt underdogs so this wasn't all that suprising. They seemed to recover well after the terrible MSU performance. Overall they played well and as expected(except for Nolen). DJ had 12 pts, 10 rebs, 2 stls and 3 blks. If you had a player of the game award for the losing team it would be a split decision between Hoff and DJ.

Fortunately for the gophers the schedule eases up a bit and they should have 3 fairly winnable games out of the next four. IU comes to the Barn (W), at PSU (W), at MU (toss up) and NU at home (W). Winning 3 of the next 4 would be huge and gurantee at least a .500 league winning percentage. I also think 9 wins gets us in to the tourney. If we don't get 3 wins in that stretch the final 3 games does not present a lot of opportunity. We play Sconi and Mich at home and travel to Ill. Lets hope we knock out 3 wins in the next 4 games.

WWWWWW good luck wife hunting.