Guess who had Ruler on Ice to win the Belmont at 42-1? Yep. I know my only published pick (via Twitter) was Master of Hounds so you'll just have to take my word for it. That means I've nailed the winner in the last two triple crown races and my two picks finished 2nd and 3rd in the Kentucky (and I picked the winner of the derby last year). I think it's safe to say I'm awesome at handicapping horses. So I celebrated by cooking up some steaks, and I want to share the method here with you - the Alton Brown method. Simply salt and pepper your steak, then turn a burner on the stove up to high and preheat your oven at 500 degrees. Once everything is heated up, toss some olive oil in a cast iron pan and throw the steaks in there on the burner. 2-minutes each side to get a nice sear. Then throw them in the oven and go two minutes per side again (may have to adjust up or down for desired doneness). And that's it. Super simple and completely delicious, maybe even superior to using the grill. Give it a shot.
Now on to the boring part.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Francisco Liriano. He ended up losing the no-hitter and the shutout, but Franky's outing on Sunday against Texas was far, far more impressive than the actual no-hitter he threw earlier this year. He was actually hitting his spots (first time ever?), his fastball had some major tail action on it, his slider was basically unhittable, and he was even using his change-up effectively. He was perfect through six and didn't allow a hit until the 8th, which was almost inevitable after the Twins kept him on the bench for nearly a half-hour by battering a couple Texas pitchers for five runs in the bottom of the seventh in that rare occasion when you actually want your team to hurry up and get out. You could tell his rhythm was broken after that (that's on him, of course, you need to be able to adjust to that) but altogether his performance was nothing short of dominant. This version of Liriano is an ace, a game-changer, a slump stopper, and a potential playoff killer. It's just too bad we only see this version once a month or so.
2. Ben Revere. Snacks already claimed him as his new favorite player so I won't step on any toes, but man I really like Revere right now. He's not perfect or anything - he doesn't walk enough to be an elite leadoff guy, he has no power at all, and his arm would be better suited to playing second base - but what he does have is energy, speed, great center field instincts, and he's giving the team what they need - a jolt of energy. Infield hits, bunt hits, reaching base on a wild pitch after striking out, stealing bases, he's just really fun to watch. Now, I know this schtick will get old unless he learns to walk, learns to have a little power, or can hit .330, but for now you can put me in the "big fan" camp, and I think he has far more potential than Gomez. I don't know that he'll ever develop much power, but his plate discipline says he should learn to walk and he did hit over .300 at every minor league level, so I'm encouraged. Side note - I was going to sponsor his baseball-reference.com page, but some jackhole beat me to it.
3. Dallas Mavericks. It's tempting to give most of the credit for the big finals win to Dirk, but really there are a bunch of guys who carried this team at times. Terry had a monster game in the clinched and was their whole offense in the first half, Kidd was hitting his shots and running the offense as only an old man can, and Tyson Chandler had the kind of finals that makes guys millions, if only he was a free agent. Hell, even Deshawn Stevenson made a difference, both with his defense on baby soft Lebron and his 3 big 3-pointers in the first half tonight. I hate manufactured crap like "this is what happens when a real 'team' takes on 'superstars"", but for this series at least it was the truth. Miami had no answer for the fluid way Dallas played together and thank god. On a happiness scale I'm not sure if I'm happier that Dirk won or Lebron lost, but they both rank way up there.
4. Mike Leake. Welcome back, Mr. hippie surfer shoplifter, welcome back indeed. He had an insane rookie year that saw him skip the minor leagues entirely and get off to an absolutely blistering start (5-0, 2.22 ERA through early June), but since then things have been very rocky. He ended up burning out last year and was shut down in late August after he put up an ERA of almost six and a half in his next 10 starts and a disastrous move to the bullpen. This year has been rough as well with an injury, the whole shoplifting thing, his first ever minor league action, and a move to the bullpen, but things might be coming around now. Back-to-back 8 inning efforts with just two total runs allowed and and 11-to-2 strikeout to walk ratio this week. Love this guy, love everything about him, and very glad to see him back to makin' hitters look like fools, as well as seeing him back on our fantasy team.
5. Mike Moustakas. Yet another one of Kansas City's stud prospect, third baseman Mike Moustakas made his debut this past week and . Eric Hosmer looks like the real deal and Alcides Escobar is their SS of the future who is valuable even if his hitting doesn't come around, so they've got 3/4 of the infield covered. Now, Moustakas and Hosmer were generally ranked #1 and #2 in their system, so not everyone else has their pedigree, but it's notable that they have catcher covered (Wil Myers, #8 prospect in all of baseball by Keith Law) so if they can just find a few competent outfielders (I think Jarrod Dyson has a future similar to Escobar, but in CF) their future lineup should be pretty well set. The biggest question will be enough pitching will develop to make them competitive, but the minors are pretty heavily laden with big-time pitching prospects (including Danny Duffy, Jeremy Jeffress, Aaron Crow, and Tim Collins who are already up). Things better come together, because I have a $100 bet with Snacks that the Royals will win the AL Central before 2015, and god knows I can't afford to lose that kind of money. I would hate to have to choose between booze and feeding my kids. I think we all know which way that one is going to go.
WHO SUCKED
1. Colby Lewis. You remember good ole Colby, the dude who the Twins chased on Saturday after just more than an inning? You might remember him as the guy who gave up two hits each to Alexi Casilla and Delmon Young despite pitching just one and third innings. Not to mention giving up a sick number of hits/runs in between and getting run early with a final line of 1.1ip/7h/6er. Ouch. But what you might not know is that he also pitched against the Tigers earlier this week and might actually have pitched worse. Line: 3.1 ip/10 hits/9er/4 hr. Yes, that's nine earned runs and 4 homers allowed - two of which were to that piece of crap Brennan Boesch. So, in case your math skills are bad or you are a girl, that's 15 earned runs allowed in one week and that includes a game against the Twins triple A lineup. In all seriousness I really hope Mr. Lewis has been saving most of his money, because that paycheck might be drying up pretty quick here. Actually what do I care? Guy sucks. Get a real job, hippie!
2. Tim Lincecum. Since he's in the NL you probably have no idea he's been brutal. In fact, even if you're paying attention he doesn't look that bad - 3.41 ERA and 1.19 WHIP - but this week he's been completely brutal. He had two starts this week and in the longer outing he lasted five innings, and that was against the epically shitty Nationals. The Reds are at least good, but when you're Lincecum you just don't give up 7 hits and 7 runs in 4 innings to anybody - and he only struck out one guy. Very bad if you're a big fan of diminutive whirling dervish floppy haired pot-smoking hippy pitchers - or Wiley Wiggins. The good news is nerd stats (I'll spare you) don't point to anything that's significantly different that normal so this is more likely a blip on the radar rather than indicative of a Soria-style breakdown or anything, but god, getting ripped by the Nats is just freaking embarrassing. It'd be like getting busted by O'Bannion.
3. Oakland Athletics. Wow are these guys god damn awful. Look at that lineup and count the actual major league hitters. I see David DeJesus and Josh Willingham, both who would be good fourth outfielders for a team, and Coco Crisp who is a quality leadoff hitter. That's it. Their infield has to be the worst collection in the league - other contenders like Seattle and San Diego at least have one quality bat (Justin Smoak and Chase Headley), but Oakland has nothing. Throw in the injuries to starters Dallas Braden, Brett Anderson, Tyson Ross, and Brandon McCarthy and you can see why they've won just one of their last 14. Of note: they still have a better record than the Twins. FML.
4. Ryan Howard. No, not the mid-level executive from a mid-tier paper company in Pennsylvania who was addicted to cocaine and then committed fraud, I'm talking about the fat first baseman for the Phillies. You know, the guy who was inexplicably given a 5-year $125 million contract THAT DOESN'T EVEN START UNTIL NEXT SEASON despite the fact that his body type (fat to mostly fat) and playing style (high strikeout power hitter) mean that, at best, he's going to be a blacker Matt Stairs by the end of that contract. And this week was a preview, because he had three hits all week (not counting today where he had three hits and three rbi which kind of negates this point but I already typed all those words before I looked it up and saw he had a good day today). Any way the point is that Ryan Howard is fat and that was a stupid contract. Like, Mauer-stupid.
5. Lebron James. I almost feel like you could just call out the entire Heat team as sucking, but the difference is that there were games where Bosh played amazingly well (including tonight), Wade pretty much carried the team the entire series, and Lebron was straight up invisible way too often so you have to pick him as the goat. Not only did he handpick this team to win championships, but he hand picked this fucking team to win the championship. This shit was orchestrated with one goal in mind and they failed. And they didn't fail because of Wade (no surprise, the guy was nails in the playoffs and finals) and they didn't fail because of Bosh (surprisingly good this entire finals), they failed because Lebron was unable to carry the team for even small stretches and was about as valuable as that fat kid in Teen Wolf in the fourth quarter. God there is just an amazing psychology paper waiting to be written on Lebron. If I wasn't so dumb I would totally write it. That's not true. I'm too lazy. I just want to go fishing.
Lastly, just to brighten your week, here are WonderbabyTM's mad baseball skills on full display:
Showing posts with label Mike Leake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mike Leake. Show all posts
Monday, June 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
6 Very Important Things from Last Night
Remember last year there was that very exciting 2-week or so period where I was writing daily posts so you worker drones would have something to do while you drink your coffee at your desk every morning? And then my stupid second baby was born and that all went right out the window? Well, I'm bringing it back. Daily posts, either regular type posts or, if I don't have anything I'm thinking about writing about, I'll do it in this "6 things" list format. Starting today and going until I get bored or lazy.
1. Drew Butera is my hero. Mauer schmauer, who needs 'em? The Twinks won their second straight, beating the Orioles 5-3 last night and giving Francisco Liriano his first win of the season. Matt Capps tried to blow the game in the ninth by giving up a crushed home run to Luke Scott, but it turns out when you're up by three no matter how long of a home run you give up it's still only worth one point.
The real story of the game, however, was "no hit" Butera who went 2-4 with a career high three RBI, two coming on a big double in the second to give the Twins the lead, and the last one coming in the ninth, helping to give the Twins in a little insurance, something they will always need since they have the world's worst bullpen. So a multi-hit game with three RBI, clutch hits, zero stolen bases by Baltimore probably because they were too afraid to run on his cannon arm, and such an outstanding ability to all a game that he made Francisco Liriano, Jose Mijares, and Jim Hoey all good, and Matt Capps only allowed one run which I assume is a season best? I think this might be the Joe Mauer we always wanted, and without all the little baby injuries and "viruses." With the DH spot already locked up I think it's time we start exploring trading him before it's too late. I'll have to have a post later this week looking at what the Twins might be able to get for Mauer. Stay tuned.
2. Harrison Barnes is coming back. Yep, Barnes, a consensus top-3 pick in the NBA draft, will be returning to North Carolina for his sophomore hoops season. The effect of this is two-fold. First, with John Henson and Tyler Zeller also staying in school plus the additions of James McAdoo (Rivals #8 overall player nationally and a guy who is just going to be ridiculous), P.J. Hairston (#14 nationally), and Desmond Hubert(#15 Center), the Tar Heels are going to be the prohibitive favorite to win the National Title (although if Kendall Marshall gets hurt it's over for them - he's the single most important player in college basketball next year). The second, and more Minnesota-centric, effect is that this year's NBA draft is going to completely suck. With Barnes, Baylor's Perry Jones, and Ohio State's Jared Sullinger all staying in school the only real blue-chippers are Arizona's Derrick Williams and Duke's Kyrie Irving. We've all been here before. Pencil the Wolves in for the third pick. And of course with next year shaping up to be one of the deepest and best classes in recent memory the Wolves have already traded their pick. Oof.
3. This guy who was almost a Twin can really hit the ball. And he's a shortstop. You may remember the name Jed Lowrie, because he was part of the package the Red Sox offered the Twins for Johan Santana way back when. The full offer was Lowrie, Jon freaking Lester, Justin Masterson, and Coco Crisp. Lowrie is currently hitting .516 with 2 home runs after going 4-5 with a dinger today in the Red Sox 9-0 thumping of Toronto, and would be leading the league in average with just a few more plate appearances (not to mention he'd be tied for the team lead in homers if he was a Twin) and is starting to look like a potential franchise type shortstop.
Which means that with a different decision, Johan could have netted the Twins a possible franchise shortstop, a #1/#2 type starter, a potential #3/#4 type starter (depending on your opinion of Masterson), and another outfielder who could have been a trade chip, made someone else a trade chip, or at a minimum might have stopped the Twins from picking up Cuddy Bear's option which pays him $11 fucking million this year to hit singles. Instead, they ended up netting out with two crappy relievers the Orioles didn't want (yes Hoey looked ok last night) and a pitching prospect who lost velocity and can't get out of double-A. I know hindsight is 20/20, and I know that according to prospect rankings the trade with the Mets looked about on par with the Sox trade, but god damn it does it rankle me every time I see Lowrie or Lester do well. Imagine how much better this team would be if that was the trade they made. I'm going to go light something on fire.
4. Use up that $2.27 million signing bonus already? In what can only be described as "totally fucking bizarre", Cincinnati Reds second year pitcher Mike Leake was arrested for stealing $60 worth of shirts from Macy's. I totally don't get it because first of all Leake's signing bonus a year and a half ago was $2.27 million. Second, he is making $425 million this year. Third, he stole six shirts whose total cost was $59.98, or under 10 bucks a piece. Fourth, the guy is a total stud and is soon, within the next couple few years, going to end up signing a nice big contract. Fifth, what the fuck? And finally, these are apparently the brand of shirts he was stealing. What the hell? You're telling me you can't just go down to ragstock or the salvation army and get the same thing for like a buck a piece?
Only two possible explanations here. First, Leake must be a huge pothead and was just confused. like Smokey after he ate too much corn. If I may be allowed to generalize and stereotype, Leake has surfer hair and went to Arizona State, so I'll assume he's not unfamiliar with the herb. Plus he went straight to the pros from the minors so he hasn't really had any time to "grow-up" or "be poor", if you will. The second possibility is that Macy's is somehow infested with a demon that causes athletes to steal even when it's the dumbest thing they could possibly do. Is it possible that Royce White was really innocent and it was just some evil force that made him try to steal those pants and push that old man? Maybe Fred Hoiberg is a secret Choctaw shaman who was able to recognize that Royce was good at heart and was just possessed, cast out the demon, and is now ready to reap the rewards of an All-American season. Stupid Baptist Tubby. I bet if they had hired Archambeau he'd be all over this.
5. Look out, world. Here comes Pricey. Tampa's David Price burst onto the scene in the 2008 playoffs, had a decent rookie year, then last year finished second in the Cy Young balloting, so his slow start this year was a bit puzzling. Well you can stop worrying so much, because he completely shut down the Sox last night, going 8 shut-out innings, allowing just four hits and striking out nine. That's the Price I'm talkin' about. Plus he did it to the White Sox, the most evil team in the history of evil, even worse than the Nazis or Packers. Does this make David Price some kind of Angel or maybe God? But in November of 2007 the owner dude changed the team name from Devil Rays to Rays, just three short months after they drafted and signed Price. Coincidence? You tell me, Robert Stack. You tell me.
6. The Pacers almost did it again. For the second straight game the Pacers looked like they might be in position to steal a win in Chicago, and for the second straight game Derrick Rose said "No soup for you." Seriously, this guy is ridiculous and completely unguardable. When it gets down to it in the fourth Chicago justs shifts into the "give Rose the ball and everybody get out of the way" offense and he gets to the rim and either finishes, gets fouled, or finds an open teammate - and nobody on the Pacers can keep him out of the lane. Last night he scored 14 of his 36 in the fourth quarter, similar to Game 1 when he scored 9 of his 37 in the quarter and came up with the game's biggest play on an assist to Kyle Korver for a three to give the Bulls the lead. Completely ridiculous. This is just like watching me play at the Y - completely unstoppable.
1. Drew Butera is my hero. Mauer schmauer, who needs 'em? The Twinks won their second straight, beating the Orioles 5-3 last night and giving Francisco Liriano his first win of the season. Matt Capps tried to blow the game in the ninth by giving up a crushed home run to Luke Scott, but it turns out when you're up by three no matter how long of a home run you give up it's still only worth one point.
The real story of the game, however, was "no hit" Butera who went 2-4 with a career high three RBI, two coming on a big double in the second to give the Twins the lead, and the last one coming in the ninth, helping to give the Twins in a little insurance, something they will always need since they have the world's worst bullpen. So a multi-hit game with three RBI, clutch hits, zero stolen bases by Baltimore probably because they were too afraid to run on his cannon arm, and such an outstanding ability to all a game that he made Francisco Liriano, Jose Mijares, and Jim Hoey all good, and Matt Capps only allowed one run which I assume is a season best? I think this might be the Joe Mauer we always wanted, and without all the little baby injuries and "viruses." With the DH spot already locked up I think it's time we start exploring trading him before it's too late. I'll have to have a post later this week looking at what the Twins might be able to get for Mauer. Stay tuned.
2. Harrison Barnes is coming back. Yep, Barnes, a consensus top-3 pick in the NBA draft, will be returning to North Carolina for his sophomore hoops season. The effect of this is two-fold. First, with John Henson and Tyler Zeller also staying in school plus the additions of James McAdoo (Rivals #8 overall player nationally and a guy who is just going to be ridiculous), P.J. Hairston (#14 nationally), and Desmond Hubert(#15 Center), the Tar Heels are going to be the prohibitive favorite to win the National Title (although if Kendall Marshall gets hurt it's over for them - he's the single most important player in college basketball next year). The second, and more Minnesota-centric, effect is that this year's NBA draft is going to completely suck. With Barnes, Baylor's Perry Jones, and Ohio State's Jared Sullinger all staying in school the only real blue-chippers are Arizona's Derrick Williams and Duke's Kyrie Irving. We've all been here before. Pencil the Wolves in for the third pick. And of course with next year shaping up to be one of the deepest and best classes in recent memory the Wolves have already traded their pick. Oof.
3. This guy who was almost a Twin can really hit the ball. And he's a shortstop. You may remember the name Jed Lowrie, because he was part of the package the Red Sox offered the Twins for Johan Santana way back when. The full offer was Lowrie, Jon freaking Lester, Justin Masterson, and Coco Crisp. Lowrie is currently hitting .516 with 2 home runs after going 4-5 with a dinger today in the Red Sox 9-0 thumping of Toronto, and would be leading the league in average with just a few more plate appearances (not to mention he'd be tied for the team lead in homers if he was a Twin) and is starting to look like a potential franchise type shortstop.
Which means that with a different decision, Johan could have netted the Twins a possible franchise shortstop, a #1/#2 type starter, a potential #3/#4 type starter (depending on your opinion of Masterson), and another outfielder who could have been a trade chip, made someone else a trade chip, or at a minimum might have stopped the Twins from picking up Cuddy Bear's option which pays him $11 fucking million this year to hit singles. Instead, they ended up netting out with two crappy relievers the Orioles didn't want (yes Hoey looked ok last night) and a pitching prospect who lost velocity and can't get out of double-A. I know hindsight is 20/20, and I know that according to prospect rankings the trade with the Mets looked about on par with the Sox trade, but god damn it does it rankle me every time I see Lowrie or Lester do well. Imagine how much better this team would be if that was the trade they made. I'm going to go light something on fire.
4. Use up that $2.27 million signing bonus already? In what can only be described as "totally fucking bizarre", Cincinnati Reds second year pitcher Mike Leake was arrested for stealing $60 worth of shirts from Macy's. I totally don't get it because first of all Leake's signing bonus a year and a half ago was $2.27 million. Second, he is making $425 million this year. Third, he stole six shirts whose total cost was $59.98, or under 10 bucks a piece. Fourth, the guy is a total stud and is soon, within the next couple few years, going to end up signing a nice big contract. Fifth, what the fuck? And finally, these are apparently the brand of shirts he was stealing. What the hell? You're telling me you can't just go down to ragstock or the salvation army and get the same thing for like a buck a piece?
Only two possible explanations here. First, Leake must be a huge pothead and was just confused. like Smokey after he ate too much corn. If I may be allowed to generalize and stereotype, Leake has surfer hair and went to Arizona State, so I'll assume he's not unfamiliar with the herb. Plus he went straight to the pros from the minors so he hasn't really had any time to "grow-up" or "be poor", if you will. The second possibility is that Macy's is somehow infested with a demon that causes athletes to steal even when it's the dumbest thing they could possibly do. Is it possible that Royce White was really innocent and it was just some evil force that made him try to steal those pants and push that old man? Maybe Fred Hoiberg is a secret Choctaw shaman who was able to recognize that Royce was good at heart and was just possessed, cast out the demon, and is now ready to reap the rewards of an All-American season. Stupid Baptist Tubby. I bet if they had hired Archambeau he'd be all over this.
5. Look out, world. Here comes Pricey. Tampa's David Price burst onto the scene in the 2008 playoffs, had a decent rookie year, then last year finished second in the Cy Young balloting, so his slow start this year was a bit puzzling. Well you can stop worrying so much, because he completely shut down the Sox last night, going 8 shut-out innings, allowing just four hits and striking out nine. That's the Price I'm talkin' about. Plus he did it to the White Sox, the most evil team in the history of evil, even worse than the Nazis or Packers. Does this make David Price some kind of Angel or maybe God? But in November of 2007 the owner dude changed the team name from Devil Rays to Rays, just three short months after they drafted and signed Price. Coincidence? You tell me, Robert Stack. You tell me.
6. The Pacers almost did it again. For the second straight game the Pacers looked like they might be in position to steal a win in Chicago, and for the second straight game Derrick Rose said "No soup for you." Seriously, this guy is ridiculous and completely unguardable. When it gets down to it in the fourth Chicago justs shifts into the "give Rose the ball and everybody get out of the way" offense and he gets to the rim and either finishes, gets fouled, or finds an open teammate - and nobody on the Pacers can keep him out of the lane. Last night he scored 14 of his 36 in the fourth quarter, similar to Game 1 when he scored 9 of his 37 in the quarter and came up with the game's biggest play on an assist to Kyle Korver for a three to give the Bulls the lead. Completely ridiculous. This is just like watching me play at the Y - completely unstoppable.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Six Very Important Things this Morning - 8.3.2010
1. Jeremy Hellickson had an awfully good debut. Nice outing for the rookie, even against a Twins lineup that didn't have Morneau or Mauer, but at least had 9 guys who aren't gigantic pussies. Seriously, has there ever been a team whose two best players missed this many games? The real M&M boys would be ashamed. Mickey Mantle drank a fifth of whiskey on a slow night and would regularly knock back enough to kill Nicolas Cage, washed it down with a couple big ole stogies, followed that up with a roll in the hay with some random broad, and then got two hours of sleep before rolling out of bed and going 2-4 with a home run. And everybody knows Roger Maris was functionally retarded, as is everyone from North Dakota, but he managed to have some of the better seasons of his era (and no, he's not a hall of famer. Don't be an idiot). Yet Morneau gets bumped in the head and Mauer is a little sore and they can't be bothered to play despite the team being in the middle of a good ole fashioned pennant race. Seriously pathetic. I say they trade them both. Except for Morneau.
2. The Big Ten is gonna make bank. With the Big 10 (11) changing to the Big 10 (12) next season, it also gains a championship game for football. This is good, because it's an extra game, and it's an extra game between two good teams (at least for the conference, not necessarily nationally - zing), so that means extra money. I read somewhere else that it would be approximately $5 million more bucks to the already cash-stuffed conference, which will also get a boost from adding Nebraska TV sets. If you click on the link and read the article there's a bunch more in there, but to be honest I got really bored and then scrolled down and it was way too long to keep reading.
3. The Reds are loaded with young pitching. Seriously, this team is going to be a serious NL contender for years with all the young stud arms, the latest example of which is Travis Wood, who tossed 7 innings of 2-hit ball last night, which isn't even his best outing of his seven career starts because he nearly tossed a perfect game in his third career time out, ending up with a one hitter. With him, Mike Leake (7-2, 3.57 ERA), Johnny Cueto (10-2, 3.32) they already have three guys under 25 who have shown they can do it and they still have Homer Baily (super talented but constantly injured), Edinson Volquez (recovering from injury but awesome when pre-injury), Aroldis Chapman (famous foreigner) and Matt Maloney who has only made two starts but has been solid (3.09 ERA, 1.11 WHIP). If you want to go deeper they have four other guys on John Sickels' top 20. I predict them to become a dynasty, but based on my history of predicting they're probably going to become the next Pirates.
4. So much for the Smoak monster. This happened over the weekend, but I didn't get around to mentioning it ever and I figured I should since I've been blowing so much Smoak about him: Justin Smoak was sent down from Seattle to AAA. I guess these days a .198 batting average and .624 OPS don't get you anything these days, what with all the politics and all. Seriously though, he's been successful in the minors, he's just 23 and in his third professional season, and he still shows good plate discipline (39 walks in 340 big league plate appearances). He'll be fine. Or he's the next Scott Stahoviak.
5. So much for that trade. Carlos Santana, rookie catcher, super stud, future star, the next Joe Mauer but less of a girl, non-guitar player or Rob Thomas collaborator, guy who would lead the Majors in OPS for catchers if he had enough at-bats, and guy I just MOTHER FUCKING TRADED FOR in fantasy baseball on Sunday ended up leaving the Indians' game last night with an apparent leg injury after Ryan Kalish of the Red Sox, who doesn't matter now and will never matter, barreled into him on a play at the plate. The best part of that article is the end, where they make sure you know that "Television replays showed his left leg buckled." Awesome. He was on my team for less than 24 hours. Wait, no. I mean this is a terrible blow to baseball and Cleveland and this poor young man's career or something else less selfish.
6. Is Miami-Dade the new convict U? I'll assume you are all aware of Trevor Mbakwe and his legal woes, and if you're not I think you're in the wrong place (unless you like crappy SyFy movies, in which case stay tuned)), but his Miami-Dade teammate Darnell Dodson is now in a bit of a pickle at Kentucky. Well maybe not a pickle, since there doesn't seem to be any definitive information out there, but John Calipari announced that Dodson will not be playing for Kentucky this season, although he seems to be academically ineligible. Apparently there has been some friction between Calipari and Dodson, so this isn't a huge surprise, but it could hurt the Wildcats since Dodson was their #1 three-point shooter last year. Of course, since basically the entire team turned pro, we don't really have any idea what their strenghts and weaknesses are next season. Although I feel comfortable saying a strenth will be sliminess and a weakness will be ethics.
By the way, dickmittens, start paying attention. I've now had two people who I know read this blog regularly say something like, "oh, you're on Twitter?" Yes, idiots. Look at the text bar at the very top of the screen. And then go sign up.
2. The Big Ten is gonna make bank. With the Big 10 (11) changing to the Big 10 (12) next season, it also gains a championship game for football. This is good, because it's an extra game, and it's an extra game between two good teams (at least for the conference, not necessarily nationally - zing), so that means extra money. I read somewhere else that it would be approximately $5 million more bucks to the already cash-stuffed conference, which will also get a boost from adding Nebraska TV sets. If you click on the link and read the article there's a bunch more in there, but to be honest I got really bored and then scrolled down and it was way too long to keep reading.
3. The Reds are loaded with young pitching. Seriously, this team is going to be a serious NL contender for years with all the young stud arms, the latest example of which is Travis Wood, who tossed 7 innings of 2-hit ball last night, which isn't even his best outing of his seven career starts because he nearly tossed a perfect game in his third career time out, ending up with a one hitter. With him, Mike Leake (7-2, 3.57 ERA), Johnny Cueto (10-2, 3.32) they already have three guys under 25 who have shown they can do it and they still have Homer Baily (super talented but constantly injured), Edinson Volquez (recovering from injury but awesome when pre-injury), Aroldis Chapman (famous foreigner) and Matt Maloney who has only made two starts but has been solid (3.09 ERA, 1.11 WHIP). If you want to go deeper they have four other guys on John Sickels' top 20. I predict them to become a dynasty, but based on my history of predicting they're probably going to become the next Pirates.
4. So much for the Smoak monster. This happened over the weekend, but I didn't get around to mentioning it ever and I figured I should since I've been blowing so much Smoak about him: Justin Smoak was sent down from Seattle to AAA. I guess these days a .198 batting average and .624 OPS don't get you anything these days, what with all the politics and all. Seriously though, he's been successful in the minors, he's just 23 and in his third professional season, and he still shows good plate discipline (39 walks in 340 big league plate appearances). He'll be fine. Or he's the next Scott Stahoviak.
5. So much for that trade. Carlos Santana, rookie catcher, super stud, future star, the next Joe Mauer but less of a girl, non-guitar player or Rob Thomas collaborator, guy who would lead the Majors in OPS for catchers if he had enough at-bats, and guy I just MOTHER FUCKING TRADED FOR in fantasy baseball on Sunday ended up leaving the Indians' game last night with an apparent leg injury after Ryan Kalish of the Red Sox, who doesn't matter now and will never matter, barreled into him on a play at the plate. The best part of that article is the end, where they make sure you know that "Television replays showed his left leg buckled." Awesome. He was on my team for less than 24 hours. Wait, no. I mean this is a terrible blow to baseball and Cleveland and this poor young man's career or something else less selfish.
6. Is Miami-Dade the new convict U? I'll assume you are all aware of Trevor Mbakwe and his legal woes, and if you're not I think you're in the wrong place (unless you like crappy SyFy movies, in which case stay tuned)), but his Miami-Dade teammate Darnell Dodson is now in a bit of a pickle at Kentucky. Well maybe not a pickle, since there doesn't seem to be any definitive information out there, but John Calipari announced that Dodson will not be playing for Kentucky this season, although he seems to be academically ineligible. Apparently there has been some friction between Calipari and Dodson, so this isn't a huge surprise, but it could hurt the Wildcats since Dodson was their #1 three-point shooter last year. Of course, since basically the entire team turned pro, we don't really have any idea what their strenghts and weaknesses are next season. Although I feel comfortable saying a strenth will be sliminess and a weakness will be ethics.
By the way, dickmittens, start paying attention. I've now had two people who I know read this blog regularly say something like, "oh, you're on Twitter?" Yes, idiots. Look at the text bar at the very top of the screen. And then go sign up.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Week in Review - 5/17/2010
So I had this whole write up done for how the Twins suck and all that. But I wrote it during the 7th inning of the game yesterday, and one swing of Jason Kubel's ample bat off Mr. Sandman erased all the bad feelings about this weekend. We can now ignore Gardy's retarded use of Guerrier against A-Rod, Jesse Crain's inability to get anybody out (still), the fact that two of the spots in the lineup are going to be used by a combo of Brendan Harris, Nick Punto, Alexi Casilla, and Matt Tolbert, and the fact that the team is suddenly unable to get a big hit (save the Kubel slam). But none of that matters, because the Twins went 1-2 in New York. World Series, here we come.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Stephen Strasburg. Good lord, would you jerks just call this kid up to the bigs already? After tossing 6-innings of 1-hit ball at AAA this week, he now has an ERA of 1.06 and a WHIP of 0.65 in his 7 minor league starts between AAA and AA. He's faced a total of 125 batters, allowing just 22 to reach base on 14 hits and 8 walks, while striking out 40. He's whiffed 3 batters for each one who gets a hit. He's given up fewer hits than Jesse Crain in almost double the innings. He has nothing left to prove in the minors, they're just keeping him down to try to save money down the line by keeping his service clock off, but at this point it's embarrassing. They're just wasting his innings right now. Although mark my words, if the Nationals stay in contention they won't make a trade around the deadline, they'll use the classic Twins line, "Calling him up is as good as a trade." Classic Twins.
2. Mike Leake. Is it repetitive to put Leake in here week after week? Maybe. But do you know what else is repetitive? His ability to get people out. Again and again and again and again and again. They seemingly keep him on a pitch count of right around 100, which is good for the rest of the league because nobody can hit this guy. After a 6-inning, 4 hit, 2 run performance on Friday, he's now sitting at 4-0 with a 3.09 ERA, and he's just consistent as hell. In his 7 career starts (all this year), he's never last less than 6 innings, never given up more than 8 hits, and has only given up more than 3 runs once. And let's not forget this is a rookie who never played in the minors, just jumped straight to the Reds this year after being drafted last year. He doesn't strike out a ton of guys so I don't know that he'll ever reach "superstar" status, but he will certainly be a star, and maybe already is.
3. Shane Victorino. Thrust into the leadoff role for the Phils with Jimmy Rollins on the shelf, Victorino got off to a rough start this year. And then we traded for him in fantasy. And he is just destroying the ball. In his five games this week, he had multiple hits in four of them. And not just multiple hits, but a ton of extra bases as well. In his 10-23 week, he picked up a double, a home run, and three triples and also walked three times. He's always been a speed guy, thus the "Flyin' Hawaiian" nickname, but he's slugging the ball at an impressive .519 clip so far this year, which would be a career high, and already has 8 home runs against a career best of 14. Perhaps a new nickname is in order. This is where I'd put my suggestion but I can't come up with anything clever.
4. Adam Scott. Welcome back Mr. Scott. After being one of the best young golfers on the tour a few years ago, to the point where he was known as the best golfer who hadn't won a major, a surfing accident (shark attack?) completely derailed him like that train from the Fugitive. It got so bad at one point, that last season he missed the cut in 10 of his last 16 tournaments, and it was almost looking like he was basically done and might be heading towards David Duval land. He had been looking better this year, making 6 of 8 cuts, and finally broke back through with a win at the Texas Open this weekend. It wasn't exactly a top field, but there were enough good players there that this should be looked at as a huge positive step for Scott. And between him and Aaron Baddeley finishing in third, it was quite the weekend for washed up young golfers.
5. Young Pitchers. Too many to name individually (not counting Leake, who is just a straight pimp). Mat Latos tossed a one-hitter for the Padres. So did Johnny Cueto for the Reds. And speaking of Reds, the day after Cueto's gem Homer Bailey went the distance for a shut out. Ricky Romero threw a complete game shutout, striking out 12, while Tommy Hanson struck out 10 in 7 innings. Phil Hughes won his fifth game, as did David Price. And someone named John Ely pitched a gem for the Dodgers in just his third major league start. I don't know if it's a great era for young arms or just a weird week, but I've definitely noticed the youngsters this week. You probably have too, perv.
WHO SUCKED
1. LeBron. I'm not going to belabour the obvious here when you can read 26,500 articles just by searching google for "LeBron James lackluster", but that was brutal. Unless his elbow is far worse than anybody thinks, this was a shocking lack of effort and focus by someone who is thought as possibly the best player in the league. On the other hand, he's only 25 (for real, I looked it up) and 25 years are prone to petulance. I'm going to go ahead and not write him off just yet. Seriously, if he wants to sign with the Wolves, I'm on board. Smart money says the Nets, though. Book it.
2. Rich Harden. Rich Harden is from Canada. British Columbia, to be exact, the same province that gave us Kristin Kreuk (pictured), Jason Priestley, and Bryan Adams. So you'd think that when he gets to pitch in his home country, like when he goes to Toronto, he'd be all amped up and be lights out. Well, he might get amped up, but he sure as hell can't pitch for crap up in the great white north, and Friday's 2.2 inning, 4 hit, 6 walk, 7 run disaster in what has clearly become a trend at this point. His other two career starts in Canada were nearly as bad. In 2004, he went just 4 and 1/3 innings, giving up 7 hits and 7 runs, and in 2005 he gave up 5 hits and 6 walks in five innings, but escaped allowing just four runs. So that means in his career his ERA is 13.50 in Canada. Since Minnesota is basically Canada without the monopoly money and bigger fish, I'd say it's a good thing the Twins didn't sign him.
3. Jason Bartlett. Hey do you remember when Bartlett was thrown into the Delmon Young/Matt Garza trade and the only people who cared were the ladies who got all hot every time they looked at him because it looked like he was just going to be a mediocre shortstop? And then remember last year when he hit .320 and stole 30 bases and showed some power and everyone was all angsty about how the team could let him go and blah blah blah? Well, spaz, you can relax because he sucks again. After going 3-23 this week, he's now hitting .236 on the year and isn't bothering to slug the ball even a little bit. So it looks like the Twins got the better of the Harris/Bartlett part of that deal. Suck it, Rays.
4. Former Texas Open Winners. Zach Johnson and Justin Leonard had combined to win the last 3 Texas Opens. Back then it was played at La Cantera. This year, they moved it to TPC San Antonio, and these two clowns apparently couldn't handle the long course, because they both missed the cut spectacularly. Johnson fired an 80 in the first round that he couldn't recover from, which included a truly stunning six-putt after putting the ball on the green off the tee in one on 13, including three misses inside of three feet. Justin Leonard wasn't quite as bad, but he also shit the bed in the opening round, posting a 76, and wasn't able to recover, which including a triple bogey after doinking his drive into the wilderness. Excellent work, guys.
5. B.J. Upton. Remember two years ago when I predicted Upton would be the MVP? And remember this year, when I insisted that last year was just a down year and he'd be back and knocking the cover off the ball and all that? Well it turns out I'm an idiot, because Upton just keeps sucking and sucking and is suddenly in danger of being benched. He had a nice couple of games over the weekend after word came out that he was close to hitting the pine, including two doubles yesterday, but that still put him at just 4-18 for the week, and he's hitting just .119 in May and .225 for the year. He has also lost his power, not having homered since April 19th, and isn't walking anymore either. Last year he still had value even if he wasn't hitting because he would at least walk, so now that he's not hitting or walking, he's essentially worthless. Let's just say it's pretty easy to decide who to bench to put Kubel back in the lineup.
Because Kubel is back, folks. Hold on to your butts.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Stephen Strasburg. Good lord, would you jerks just call this kid up to the bigs already? After tossing 6-innings of 1-hit ball at AAA this week, he now has an ERA of 1.06 and a WHIP of 0.65 in his 7 minor league starts between AAA and AA. He's faced a total of 125 batters, allowing just 22 to reach base on 14 hits and 8 walks, while striking out 40. He's whiffed 3 batters for each one who gets a hit. He's given up fewer hits than Jesse Crain in almost double the innings. He has nothing left to prove in the minors, they're just keeping him down to try to save money down the line by keeping his service clock off, but at this point it's embarrassing. They're just wasting his innings right now. Although mark my words, if the Nationals stay in contention they won't make a trade around the deadline, they'll use the classic Twins line, "Calling him up is as good as a trade." Classic Twins.
2. Mike Leake. Is it repetitive to put Leake in here week after week? Maybe. But do you know what else is repetitive? His ability to get people out. Again and again and again and again and again. They seemingly keep him on a pitch count of right around 100, which is good for the rest of the league because nobody can hit this guy. After a 6-inning, 4 hit, 2 run performance on Friday, he's now sitting at 4-0 with a 3.09 ERA, and he's just consistent as hell. In his 7 career starts (all this year), he's never last less than 6 innings, never given up more than 8 hits, and has only given up more than 3 runs once. And let's not forget this is a rookie who never played in the minors, just jumped straight to the Reds this year after being drafted last year. He doesn't strike out a ton of guys so I don't know that he'll ever reach "superstar" status, but he will certainly be a star, and maybe already is.
3. Shane Victorino. Thrust into the leadoff role for the Phils with Jimmy Rollins on the shelf, Victorino got off to a rough start this year. And then we traded for him in fantasy. And he is just destroying the ball. In his five games this week, he had multiple hits in four of them. And not just multiple hits, but a ton of extra bases as well. In his 10-23 week, he picked up a double, a home run, and three triples and also walked three times. He's always been a speed guy, thus the "Flyin' Hawaiian" nickname, but he's slugging the ball at an impressive .519 clip so far this year, which would be a career high, and already has 8 home runs against a career best of 14. Perhaps a new nickname is in order. This is where I'd put my suggestion but I can't come up with anything clever.
4. Adam Scott. Welcome back Mr. Scott. After being one of the best young golfers on the tour a few years ago, to the point where he was known as the best golfer who hadn't won a major, a surfing accident (shark attack?) completely derailed him like that train from the Fugitive. It got so bad at one point, that last season he missed the cut in 10 of his last 16 tournaments, and it was almost looking like he was basically done and might be heading towards David Duval land. He had been looking better this year, making 6 of 8 cuts, and finally broke back through with a win at the Texas Open this weekend. It wasn't exactly a top field, but there were enough good players there that this should be looked at as a huge positive step for Scott. And between him and Aaron Baddeley finishing in third, it was quite the weekend for washed up young golfers.
5. Young Pitchers. Too many to name individually (not counting Leake, who is just a straight pimp). Mat Latos tossed a one-hitter for the Padres. So did Johnny Cueto for the Reds. And speaking of Reds, the day after Cueto's gem Homer Bailey went the distance for a shut out. Ricky Romero threw a complete game shutout, striking out 12, while Tommy Hanson struck out 10 in 7 innings. Phil Hughes won his fifth game, as did David Price. And someone named John Ely pitched a gem for the Dodgers in just his third major league start. I don't know if it's a great era for young arms or just a weird week, but I've definitely noticed the youngsters this week. You probably have too, perv.
WHO SUCKED
1. LeBron. I'm not going to belabour the obvious here when you can read 26,500 articles just by searching google for "LeBron James lackluster", but that was brutal. Unless his elbow is far worse than anybody thinks, this was a shocking lack of effort and focus by someone who is thought as possibly the best player in the league. On the other hand, he's only 25 (for real, I looked it up) and 25 years are prone to petulance. I'm going to go ahead and not write him off just yet. Seriously, if he wants to sign with the Wolves, I'm on board. Smart money says the Nets, though. Book it.
2. Rich Harden. Rich Harden is from Canada. British Columbia, to be exact, the same province that gave us Kristin Kreuk (pictured), Jason Priestley, and Bryan Adams. So you'd think that when he gets to pitch in his home country, like when he goes to Toronto, he'd be all amped up and be lights out. Well, he might get amped up, but he sure as hell can't pitch for crap up in the great white north, and Friday's 2.2 inning, 4 hit, 6 walk, 7 run disaster in what has clearly become a trend at this point. His other two career starts in Canada were nearly as bad. In 2004, he went just 4 and 1/3 innings, giving up 7 hits and 7 runs, and in 2005 he gave up 5 hits and 6 walks in five innings, but escaped allowing just four runs. So that means in his career his ERA is 13.50 in Canada. Since Minnesota is basically Canada without the monopoly money and bigger fish, I'd say it's a good thing the Twins didn't sign him.
3. Jason Bartlett. Hey do you remember when Bartlett was thrown into the Delmon Young/Matt Garza trade and the only people who cared were the ladies who got all hot every time they looked at him because it looked like he was just going to be a mediocre shortstop? And then remember last year when he hit .320 and stole 30 bases and showed some power and everyone was all angsty about how the team could let him go and blah blah blah? Well, spaz, you can relax because he sucks again. After going 3-23 this week, he's now hitting .236 on the year and isn't bothering to slug the ball even a little bit. So it looks like the Twins got the better of the Harris/Bartlett part of that deal. Suck it, Rays.
4. Former Texas Open Winners. Zach Johnson and Justin Leonard had combined to win the last 3 Texas Opens. Back then it was played at La Cantera. This year, they moved it to TPC San Antonio, and these two clowns apparently couldn't handle the long course, because they both missed the cut spectacularly. Johnson fired an 80 in the first round that he couldn't recover from, which included a truly stunning six-putt after putting the ball on the green off the tee in one on 13, including three misses inside of three feet. Justin Leonard wasn't quite as bad, but he also shit the bed in the opening round, posting a 76, and wasn't able to recover, which including a triple bogey after doinking his drive into the wilderness. Excellent work, guys.
5. B.J. Upton. Remember two years ago when I predicted Upton would be the MVP? And remember this year, when I insisted that last year was just a down year and he'd be back and knocking the cover off the ball and all that? Well it turns out I'm an idiot, because Upton just keeps sucking and sucking and is suddenly in danger of being benched. He had a nice couple of games over the weekend after word came out that he was close to hitting the pine, including two doubles yesterday, but that still put him at just 4-18 for the week, and he's hitting just .119 in May and .225 for the year. He has also lost his power, not having homered since April 19th, and isn't walking anymore either. Last year he still had value even if he wasn't hitting because he would at least walk, so now that he's not hitting or walking, he's essentially worthless. Let's just say it's pretty easy to decide who to bench to put Kubel back in the lineup.
Because Kubel is back, folks. Hold on to your butts.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I Think We're Alone Now (Live Movie Blog)
Alright, it's time. I know I haven't done a live movie blog in a while, and I figure it's time to break it out again. I'm sitting here with some Red Stripe and looking for something to watch and it's time to break out the big gun. Yep, we're going with "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus." I've been sitting on this since I Tivo'd it in January because the title is just too perfect and I'm afraid I'm going to be let down. Then again, with a title like that it might also be the type of flick that doesn't take itself seriously, and that would suck too. I don't want to rip on self-aware crap movies, I want ones that actually think they're good. Let's find out what we have here together.
- Looks like we're getting started in the great frozen north which is where I'm guessing someone is going to thaw out a giant prehistoric shark. But more importantly, the opening credits inform me that our leads are Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Yes, that Debbie Gibson. Also yes, that Lorenzo Lamas, but you probably knew that part.
- They just showed a giant sheath of ice sliding off a glacial wall, which basically guarantees that they are going to end up blaming global warming in some way for this. Great. Nothing like getting a political statement from a crappy B movie, especially considering the science they usually use in these is less accurate than your average Delmon Young throw to the plate.
- On on mother effing cue, they show us a school of Hammerheads allegedly swimming around in Alaskan waters. God damn it, people. Hammerheads are tropical. I'm almost positive they only shark you'd find in Alaskan waters is the Greenland Shark. Why not just show some Greenland sharks? Lazy stupid morons. At least attempt to get it right. I know I'm a nerd, but even a minimum amount of research would tell you that you would never, ever, ever find a hammerhead anywhere near Alaska. It just makes me so mad.
- We're two minutes in. Two minutes. And now they show us reef sharks and manta rays. In Alaska. Frozen Alaskan waters. Reef sharks, manta rays, and hammerheads. How about you just toss in a tropical coral reef or the Loch Ness monster. At this point you've already destroyed your credibility. This is almost as bad as that goblin shark movie.
- Huh, Debbie Gibson is actually a halfway decent actress. She doesn't have much to work with here already. For example, some army guy dropped some kind of sonar bomb into the alaskan ocean and it's forcing this bunch of whales to start ramming glaciers. Uh oh and oh noes they rammed so much ice so effectively that they freed both a mega-shark and a giant octopus who were frozen in their endless struggle through eternity. I am going to go ahead and assume these are the titular creatures. Heh, titular.
- Oooh, and right away the giant octopus attacks an oil drilling platform and crushes it to death. That is a really, really big octopus. Also to the best of my knowledge no giant octopus like that ever existed. I can't confirm for sure since I'm just a shark nerd and not an octopus nerd, but based on this movie's complete disregard for factual scientific science I'm going to assume they made that all up.
- They just found a dead whale basically bitten in half and the guy who is going to turn out to be the stuffy professor who never believes there's a giant shark says it was killed by a boat propeller. Based on the size of half of the whale, the boat would have had to the size of Rhode Island to have propellers that big. Also, the whole "it wasn't a shark it was a boating accident" thing was already done by Jaws, and every other shark-related movie since. At least be original in your crappiness.
- Debbie Gibson just jedi mind-tricked some security guard so she could get into some random giant tent and examine the dead whale body. Damn what the rules say! She's a rebel. She's also singing to the whale "I Think We're Alone Now."
- Some asian with glasses is yelling at some other asian with a goatee.
- Oh for the love of god. The giant shark just lept out of the ocean to grab and eat a plane. I don't even know where to start with this. First, the plane had just broken cloud cover which means the shark jumped a minimum of 5,000 feet in the air. Second, the shark was at least 5 times longer than the plane, despite the fact that the biggest estimate for a Megalodon would put it at about a quarter of the length of a 747. Finally, why the hell would a just de-frozen shark jump up in the air and grab a plane when it has had no learnings that plane = food. Plus, a shark that size wouldn't be interested in people because sharks need to eat high amounts of fat from like whales and seals and stuff, and I am pretty sure metal isn't high in fat content.
- I take it back. Debbie Gibson is not a good actress. She should stick to posing in playboy. Google is your friend.
- Now the asian guy with glasses is meeting with Debbie and her mentor science guy who is being played by a guy who reminds me of the guy from Cocktail and has the same accent. Remember in that movie when Elisabeth Shue took her top off? She was awesome.
- So Asian guy thinks the thing killing stuff is an Octopus, while Debbie and Cocktail guy think it's a shark. OMG THEY'RE BOTH RIGHT! TWO PRESHISTORIC CREATURES UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD SIMULTANEOUSLY!!
- I was going to write about something else that just happened but then, just now as predicted, Debbie gives us this "The Polar Ice Caps are melting so rapidly, maybe this is our comeuppance." THANK YOU MOVIE! I WILL NOW REPENT MY LIFE AND BUY AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER AND COOK MEALS OVER AN OPEN FLAME! YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!
- This is a really god-damned stupid movie.
- The shark just killed a navy battle ship, but they couldn't be bothered to show anything to us because they're stupid and cheap. Instead it would show the shark swimming, kind of, in some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (comparable to Etch-A-Sketch) and then cut to some army guys in a room that was shaking. Do that three times, then cut to head army guy yelling "noooooooooooooo" and then fade to black. Thanks a lot. That was super entertaining. I hope Aquaman shows up and kills everybody dead.
- Asian guy with glasses just now compared the two creatures to Hurricane Katrina. I can't decide if that's offensive, and since I'm not affiliated with and really wasn't affected by the hurricane, I'm just going to chalk it up as being unfunny instead. Which once again proves that asians aren't funny.
- Shocking. Military guy wants to destroy the creatures, while the Sciencey people want to study them. Just like every animal destruction movie ever. And did I really say Debbie Gibson was a good actor, earlier? I need to be gut-punched.
- Do you think Wilson Ramos is more like the next Johnny Bench or the next Mickey Cochrane? Nevermind, I'm being silly. He's the next Matt Wieters. Who, by the way, has 3x the home runs of your precious Joe Mauer. Since HRs are the only really viable way to evaluate a hitter, I'd say it's clear Wieters is tops. Other than Ramos.
- Asian guy is now telling some sob story about how he has always wanted to be a marine biologist ever since he saw a dolphin get killed in a net when he was a kid but his family all wanted him to follow in his footsteps. I didn't catch what it was they wanted him to be, but I'm going to assume ping-pong player. And now he's humping Debbie Gibson. Clearly she's pretty easy if that story worked. Eww Debbie.
- Since we're talking about studs, guess how many AL third-basemen have a better batting average than Evan Longoria? Zero. Guess how many have a better OBP. Zero. Guess how many have a better SLG. Zero. Plus, he'll steal your girlfriend. Such a pimp.
- Some fighter guy like Maverick or Goose just got slapped out of the air by an octopus tentacle, which means I guess nobody learned anything from the plane that got eaten by the shark earlier. Also, since I'm sure you want to know how awesome it looked, it was a screen of a plane, then a shot of a tentacle, then the guy inside the plane with red flights flashing and him yelling. Then they cut to the people in the big ship running this whole operation and they were all sad. This movie rocks.
- Nice pony-tail, Lamas.
- I still don't get the switch from Sci Fi Channel to SyFy Channel. I mean, you're basically going to get two reactions - either irritation or indifference, so what's the point? Not really seeing an upside here. This is the worst marketing decision since they eliminated Crystal Pepsi.
- For a movie about a giant shark and a giant octopus (which doesn't and never has existed) there has been a stunning lack of footage of said monsters. And not the good kind of tension building keeping the monster hidden like in Jaws, the bad kind. Like that one time I accidentally watched a male model show - The girls never came! The girls never came!
- They're doing something with pheremones to attract the monsters or something, but for some reason these pheremones are a glowing fluorescent green, like the ooze from TMNT. Oh my god! Maybe it is the ooze, and when the octo and shark meet up and fight they'll break the container and the ooze will spill everywhere and create a giant Shark/Octopus hybrid! That would be the greatest thing ever! Please let this happen. Or at least turn Lamas into some human/shark creature. He'd probably be more articulate.
- I've never watched a movie that utilized shaky camerawork more often. It's worse than the Blair Witch Project. More like if the Blair Witch Project was filmed by Michael J Fox. Or any movie, really.
- Sweet jesus. The shark somehow disappeared from the radar of the navy battleship which is currently attempting to shoot it with torpedos. We've already established this thing is at least 200 feet long. Nice radar. Must be american-made. Oh, there is is. It ate the ship, and then it ate the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm assuming we're not in Alaska anymore, but with the fact-finding and accuracy we've seen in this movie who the hell knows. I'm guessing it'll go after Big Ben next. Not Roethlisberger. He'd probably hump it while it tried to get away.
- The new plan is to drop nukes into San Francisco Bay (the shark) and somewhere in Tokyo that I don't remember (the octopus) in order to "avoid a global catastrophe." I don't even know where to begin.
- Awesome. Now they are going to try to get them to fight and kill each other instead, because "Sharks and Octopi are natural enemies." Good lord. This seriously puts every other one of these movies to shame, even that one with the Baldwin brother. Don't worry, I'll be back with another one after this. I have something called "Mega Piranha" waiting for me. Hard to get a better title than that.
- I'm really sick of fantasy baseball. Our pitchers just keep getting Greinke'd. First off, we have Greinke, who has a 2.27 ERA and zero wins. Then tonight, Cole Hamels goes 8 innings, gives up 1 run, no win. Last night Mike Leake pitched a gem and got nothing. It's not fair. We have the best team by far (Wieters AND Longoria) by are just 2-2 because of cheaters and cheating and bad luck. We should be 5-0, even though it's only been four weeks. Yep, we're that good.
- By the way, I really wanted to like V, but I just couldn't get into it. I feel like I'm insulting my childhood. Then again, a certain recent remake of a certain awesome classic kind of destroyed it already. Unfortunately, I can't elaborate.
- I see Wilson Ramos is 0-3 with a K right now tonight. I know a little bit of regression to the mean is inevitable, but if he doesn't end up hitting at least .500 this year, I think you have to consider his season a failure.
- I'm thinking Gardy should have stuck with his unbreakable routine and brought in Rauch to finish the game. Oops. (I'm getting back to the movie, I swear).
- $20 says this movie ends with another message about the evils of global warming.
- Debbie and Asian guy just had a really touching conversation via video computer phone. He's apparently in Asian now which I guess makes sense, but they're in love or something which doesn't. And their romantic talk involved some quote from my guy Julius Caesar, but it was a pretty gay one. The whole thing was awful. Kind of gave me a hankerin' for watching Anakin and Padme.
- Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....Padme. Remember in the second movie how the somehow manages to rip her shirt just perfectly to get some nice mid-riff action? I couldn't decide if that was awesome or stupid, and I still can't decide. I know I didn't complain though.
- I quite literally have no idea what is going on anymore, but Debbie Gibson just punched some dude out (unfortunately not Lamas. or the Asian guy) and then somebody said "Ice Wall! Right Ahead!" which I think was supposed to be an homage to Titanic. This is pretty surreal. But not in a good way in the least.
- So the Shark and Octopus are fighting, just like in Debbie's master plan (as natural enemies are wont to do), and they're actually showing the fight. Sort of. They're also using the shaking camera manuever, and when they do show them it looks like something I could create in the bathtub using Wonderbaby's toys pretty easily. And she doesn't even have an octopus.
- How do they keep losing the creatures on their radar? This is about the fourth or fifth time. Way to keep going back to the same plot device over and over again. And, speaking of, we now have more shaking cameras. I really can't stress enough how prevalent this has been. This movie is as predictable as a Jesse Crain outing. As shaky, too.
- The octopus from Super Mario just squeezed the asian guy in half, but $50 says he shows up again because he and Debbie are in love and we need a happy ending to get us all through the day and our pathetic lives. Also I'm betting we aren't getting any TMNT ooze ending, which is a total bummer.
- I think they're looping the footage from the octo/shark fight.
- And the two creatures actually managed to kill each other, which is obviously super realistic. And there's asian guy to give us a little more Anakin-level banter in case you needed a little more. Just fantastic. I've seen a lot of crappy movies, but this is the worst. Other than Jumper.
- And we're set up for a sequel, because some old guy just gave our heros a file and said "here's something else" or some similar line. They better not be in Piranha. I can't take it again.
- Well there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this, because I sure as hell didn't, and I'm once again questioning why I keep doing this to myself. It must be for you, because I love you. Seriously, though, if I have to choose between a Giant Shark and a Giant Octopus, I'm going with crab juice.
- And just so this night isn't a total loss, here is a picture Snake snapped of a guy who was sitting near us at the Twins game we went to on Monday. I'm not even going to go with any commentary, I think it speaks for itself.
- Looks like we're getting started in the great frozen north which is where I'm guessing someone is going to thaw out a giant prehistoric shark. But more importantly, the opening credits inform me that our leads are Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Yes, that Debbie Gibson. Also yes, that Lorenzo Lamas, but you probably knew that part.
- They just showed a giant sheath of ice sliding off a glacial wall, which basically guarantees that they are going to end up blaming global warming in some way for this. Great. Nothing like getting a political statement from a crappy B movie, especially considering the science they usually use in these is less accurate than your average Delmon Young throw to the plate.
- On on mother effing cue, they show us a school of Hammerheads allegedly swimming around in Alaskan waters. God damn it, people. Hammerheads are tropical. I'm almost positive they only shark you'd find in Alaskan waters is the Greenland Shark. Why not just show some Greenland sharks? Lazy stupid morons. At least attempt to get it right. I know I'm a nerd, but even a minimum amount of research would tell you that you would never, ever, ever find a hammerhead anywhere near Alaska. It just makes me so mad.
- We're two minutes in. Two minutes. And now they show us reef sharks and manta rays. In Alaska. Frozen Alaskan waters. Reef sharks, manta rays, and hammerheads. How about you just toss in a tropical coral reef or the Loch Ness monster. At this point you've already destroyed your credibility. This is almost as bad as that goblin shark movie.
- Huh, Debbie Gibson is actually a halfway decent actress. She doesn't have much to work with here already. For example, some army guy dropped some kind of sonar bomb into the alaskan ocean and it's forcing this bunch of whales to start ramming glaciers. Uh oh and oh noes they rammed so much ice so effectively that they freed both a mega-shark and a giant octopus who were frozen in their endless struggle through eternity. I am going to go ahead and assume these are the titular creatures. Heh, titular.
- Oooh, and right away the giant octopus attacks an oil drilling platform and crushes it to death. That is a really, really big octopus. Also to the best of my knowledge no giant octopus like that ever existed. I can't confirm for sure since I'm just a shark nerd and not an octopus nerd, but based on this movie's complete disregard for factual scientific science I'm going to assume they made that all up.
- They just found a dead whale basically bitten in half and the guy who is going to turn out to be the stuffy professor who never believes there's a giant shark says it was killed by a boat propeller. Based on the size of half of the whale, the boat would have had to the size of Rhode Island to have propellers that big. Also, the whole "it wasn't a shark it was a boating accident" thing was already done by Jaws, and every other shark-related movie since. At least be original in your crappiness.
- Debbie Gibson just jedi mind-tricked some security guard so she could get into some random giant tent and examine the dead whale body. Damn what the rules say! She's a rebel. She's also singing to the whale "I Think We're Alone Now."
- Some asian with glasses is yelling at some other asian with a goatee.
- Oh for the love of god. The giant shark just lept out of the ocean to grab and eat a plane. I don't even know where to start with this. First, the plane had just broken cloud cover which means the shark jumped a minimum of 5,000 feet in the air. Second, the shark was at least 5 times longer than the plane, despite the fact that the biggest estimate for a Megalodon would put it at about a quarter of the length of a 747. Finally, why the hell would a just de-frozen shark jump up in the air and grab a plane when it has had no learnings that plane = food. Plus, a shark that size wouldn't be interested in people because sharks need to eat high amounts of fat from like whales and seals and stuff, and I am pretty sure metal isn't high in fat content.
- I take it back. Debbie Gibson is not a good actress. She should stick to posing in playboy. Google is your friend.
- Now the asian guy with glasses is meeting with Debbie and her mentor science guy who is being played by a guy who reminds me of the guy from Cocktail and has the same accent. Remember in that movie when Elisabeth Shue took her top off? She was awesome.
- So Asian guy thinks the thing killing stuff is an Octopus, while Debbie and Cocktail guy think it's a shark. OMG THEY'RE BOTH RIGHT! TWO PRESHISTORIC CREATURES UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD SIMULTANEOUSLY!!
- I was going to write about something else that just happened but then, just now as predicted, Debbie gives us this "The Polar Ice Caps are melting so rapidly, maybe this is our comeuppance." THANK YOU MOVIE! I WILL NOW REPENT MY LIFE AND BUY AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER AND COOK MEALS OVER AN OPEN FLAME! YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!
- This is a really god-damned stupid movie.
- The shark just killed a navy battle ship, but they couldn't be bothered to show anything to us because they're stupid and cheap. Instead it would show the shark swimming, kind of, in some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (comparable to Etch-A-Sketch) and then cut to some army guys in a room that was shaking. Do that three times, then cut to head army guy yelling "noooooooooooooo" and then fade to black. Thanks a lot. That was super entertaining. I hope Aquaman shows up and kills everybody dead.
- Asian guy with glasses just now compared the two creatures to Hurricane Katrina. I can't decide if that's offensive, and since I'm not affiliated with and really wasn't affected by the hurricane, I'm just going to chalk it up as being unfunny instead. Which once again proves that asians aren't funny.
- Shocking. Military guy wants to destroy the creatures, while the Sciencey people want to study them. Just like every animal destruction movie ever. And did I really say Debbie Gibson was a good actor, earlier? I need to be gut-punched.
- Do you think Wilson Ramos is more like the next Johnny Bench or the next Mickey Cochrane? Nevermind, I'm being silly. He's the next Matt Wieters. Who, by the way, has 3x the home runs of your precious Joe Mauer. Since HRs are the only really viable way to evaluate a hitter, I'd say it's clear Wieters is tops. Other than Ramos.
- Asian guy is now telling some sob story about how he has always wanted to be a marine biologist ever since he saw a dolphin get killed in a net when he was a kid but his family all wanted him to follow in his footsteps. I didn't catch what it was they wanted him to be, but I'm going to assume ping-pong player. And now he's humping Debbie Gibson. Clearly she's pretty easy if that story worked. Eww Debbie.
- Since we're talking about studs, guess how many AL third-basemen have a better batting average than Evan Longoria? Zero. Guess how many have a better OBP. Zero. Guess how many have a better SLG. Zero. Plus, he'll steal your girlfriend. Such a pimp.
- Some fighter guy like Maverick or Goose just got slapped out of the air by an octopus tentacle, which means I guess nobody learned anything from the plane that got eaten by the shark earlier. Also, since I'm sure you want to know how awesome it looked, it was a screen of a plane, then a shot of a tentacle, then the guy inside the plane with red flights flashing and him yelling. Then they cut to the people in the big ship running this whole operation and they were all sad. This movie rocks.
- Nice pony-tail, Lamas.
- I still don't get the switch from Sci Fi Channel to SyFy Channel. I mean, you're basically going to get two reactions - either irritation or indifference, so what's the point? Not really seeing an upside here. This is the worst marketing decision since they eliminated Crystal Pepsi.
- For a movie about a giant shark and a giant octopus (which doesn't and never has existed) there has been a stunning lack of footage of said monsters. And not the good kind of tension building keeping the monster hidden like in Jaws, the bad kind. Like that one time I accidentally watched a male model show - The girls never came! The girls never came!
- They're doing something with pheremones to attract the monsters or something, but for some reason these pheremones are a glowing fluorescent green, like the ooze from TMNT. Oh my god! Maybe it is the ooze, and when the octo and shark meet up and fight they'll break the container and the ooze will spill everywhere and create a giant Shark/Octopus hybrid! That would be the greatest thing ever! Please let this happen. Or at least turn Lamas into some human/shark creature. He'd probably be more articulate.
- I've never watched a movie that utilized shaky camerawork more often. It's worse than the Blair Witch Project. More like if the Blair Witch Project was filmed by Michael J Fox. Or any movie, really.
- Sweet jesus. The shark somehow disappeared from the radar of the navy battleship which is currently attempting to shoot it with torpedos. We've already established this thing is at least 200 feet long. Nice radar. Must be american-made. Oh, there is is. It ate the ship, and then it ate the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm assuming we're not in Alaska anymore, but with the fact-finding and accuracy we've seen in this movie who the hell knows. I'm guessing it'll go after Big Ben next. Not Roethlisberger. He'd probably hump it while it tried to get away.
- The new plan is to drop nukes into San Francisco Bay (the shark) and somewhere in Tokyo that I don't remember (the octopus) in order to "avoid a global catastrophe." I don't even know where to begin.
- Awesome. Now they are going to try to get them to fight and kill each other instead, because "Sharks and Octopi are natural enemies." Good lord. This seriously puts every other one of these movies to shame, even that one with the Baldwin brother. Don't worry, I'll be back with another one after this. I have something called "Mega Piranha" waiting for me. Hard to get a better title than that.
- I'm really sick of fantasy baseball. Our pitchers just keep getting Greinke'd. First off, we have Greinke, who has a 2.27 ERA and zero wins. Then tonight, Cole Hamels goes 8 innings, gives up 1 run, no win. Last night Mike Leake pitched a gem and got nothing. It's not fair. We have the best team by far (Wieters AND Longoria) by are just 2-2 because of cheaters and cheating and bad luck. We should be 5-0, even though it's only been four weeks. Yep, we're that good.
- By the way, I really wanted to like V, but I just couldn't get into it. I feel like I'm insulting my childhood. Then again, a certain recent remake of a certain awesome classic kind of destroyed it already. Unfortunately, I can't elaborate.
- I see Wilson Ramos is 0-3 with a K right now tonight. I know a little bit of regression to the mean is inevitable, but if he doesn't end up hitting at least .500 this year, I think you have to consider his season a failure.
- I'm thinking Gardy should have stuck with his unbreakable routine and brought in Rauch to finish the game. Oops. (I'm getting back to the movie, I swear).
- $20 says this movie ends with another message about the evils of global warming.
- Debbie and Asian guy just had a really touching conversation via video computer phone. He's apparently in Asian now which I guess makes sense, but they're in love or something which doesn't. And their romantic talk involved some quote from my guy Julius Caesar, but it was a pretty gay one. The whole thing was awful. Kind of gave me a hankerin' for watching Anakin and Padme.
- Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....Padme. Remember in the second movie how the somehow manages to rip her shirt just perfectly to get some nice mid-riff action? I couldn't decide if that was awesome or stupid, and I still can't decide. I know I didn't complain though.
- Ok, so if you're going to make a movie with two giant sea creatures, and advertise in your title that you have two giant sea creatures, do me a favor and have some kind of a special effects budget so most of the time you can show the creature instead of just shake a camera and when you do show it it doesn't look like it's out of Super Mario Brothers. Seriously, the octopus looks just like this:
- I quite literally have no idea what is going on anymore, but Debbie Gibson just punched some dude out (unfortunately not Lamas. or the Asian guy) and then somebody said "Ice Wall! Right Ahead!" which I think was supposed to be an homage to Titanic. This is pretty surreal. But not in a good way in the least.
- So the Shark and Octopus are fighting, just like in Debbie's master plan (as natural enemies are wont to do), and they're actually showing the fight. Sort of. They're also using the shaking camera manuever, and when they do show them it looks like something I could create in the bathtub using Wonderbaby's toys pretty easily. And she doesn't even have an octopus.
- How do they keep losing the creatures on their radar? This is about the fourth or fifth time. Way to keep going back to the same plot device over and over again. And, speaking of, we now have more shaking cameras. I really can't stress enough how prevalent this has been. This movie is as predictable as a Jesse Crain outing. As shaky, too.
- The octopus from Super Mario just squeezed the asian guy in half, but $50 says he shows up again because he and Debbie are in love and we need a happy ending to get us all through the day and our pathetic lives. Also I'm betting we aren't getting any TMNT ooze ending, which is a total bummer.
- I think they're looping the footage from the octo/shark fight.
- And the two creatures actually managed to kill each other, which is obviously super realistic. And there's asian guy to give us a little more Anakin-level banter in case you needed a little more. Just fantastic. I've seen a lot of crappy movies, but this is the worst. Other than Jumper.
- And we're set up for a sequel, because some old guy just gave our heros a file and said "here's something else" or some similar line. They better not be in Piranha. I can't take it again.
- Well there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this, because I sure as hell didn't, and I'm once again questioning why I keep doing this to myself. It must be for you, because I love you. Seriously, though, if I have to choose between a Giant Shark and a Giant Octopus, I'm going with crab juice.
- And just so this night isn't a total loss, here is a picture Snake snapped of a guy who was sitting near us at the Twins game we went to on Monday. I'm not even going to go with any commentary, I think it speaks for itself.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Week in Review - 4/26/2010
Obviously the big news of the weekend was Cory Joseph signing on with the Texas Longhorns for next season. I'm disappointed, of course, but not surprised. When every article discussing him and his possibilities only talked about Villanova and Texas, I started to think that maybe Gopher fans were fooling themselves, much the way Iowa State fans acted about Harrison Barnes - the rest of the world knew they were just in as a finalist as a courtesy. I don't know if that is the case with Joseph and the Gophers or not, but he's going to Texas and should do well. Of course, the delusions are already coming, as I read from one Gopher fan that "Cory isn't as good as Devoe" and expect a lot more to come, as well as quite a bit of reveling in any Texas misery that may come their way this year.
I say good luck to Cory, and I have no real issue with his decision. Texas is a far better program than Minnesota, and I don't know how anybody could argue otherwise. Despite cries that Rick Barnes underachieves with the talent he gets, and he probably does, he still makes the tournament every single year and puts players in the NBA. Really the only thing the Gophers had going for them were that Cory's friend and his brother were here, but Texas had two of his former teammates as well - one of which who was a pretty good friend. I'm pretty sure if I were in the same spot (and didn't have my homegrown Gopher bias) I would have made the same decision. It would have been a hell of a get if Tubby could have pulled this one off. It's time to close up shop and go into next year with what's already in the holster - I don't really like anything that's still out there for 2010. This team should be around a 6-7 seed this year, and hopefully good enough to finally win a first round game.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Justin Morneau. I'm guessing you haven't realized this because you really aren't all that bright, but guess who leads the major league in on-base percentage; yep, the giant-headed Canadian. He's currently reaching base at a .511 clip (including .607 this week), which combined with his .368 average and .647 slugging means he is straight up mashing the ball right now. Even when he's not lacing base hits he's walking like crazy - 20 times already this year, leading the major leagues. That actually brings me to another point, which is that the Twins are actually leading the majors in walks as a team. They're leading the league. Doesn't that just seem bizarre? Did you ever think you'd see the day? Morneau obviously leads at his position, while Mauer is fourth, Hudson fifth, Hardy 7th, Brendan Harris is 12th in limited playing time, and amongst outfielders Span is second and Kubel is fourth. Really out of the important batters only Cuddyer and Delmon don't walk (Thome has more than either of them), and it's just fun to watch a bunch of guys on the same time who know how to get the pitch they want and know how to work the pitcher to get it - and it's effective to, as seen by them having the AL Central basically locked up already.
2. Mike Leake. He didn't have two wins this week and wasn't especially dominant, but he did pick up his first career win so it's time to recognize him a bit. Snake is the one who tipped me off to the Cincinnati rookie, so of course he's on our fantasy team, and he's looking really solid this year - just one year removed from Arizona State. He was picked by the Reds ninth overall last season, and made his debut this season with no minor league ball in between - something the Nationals are too stupid or too cheap to due with Strasburg. He's gone at least 6 and 2/3 innings in each of his three starts this year, and his overall numbers are a 1.55 WHIP, 3.92 ERA, and a 13/13 K/BB ratio. None of those are especially impressive, but remember those are through just three professional starts at any level. Once this kid makes the adjustment he's going to be very, very good. Think Mike Mussina-like.
3. San Diego Padres. I suppose it's time to recognize that the Padres have a good team. There's still a chance it's all a fluke, and a good chance at that, but with a - record it's time to at least consider the possibility that the Padres have turned it around and are a quality team again. They're 11-7 now after losing to the Reds on Sunday, but before that they had won 8 in a row, and still sit atop the NL West, ahead of the Giants, Rockies, and Dodgers. And, as you would probably guess, they are doing it with pitching. Their team ERA is just 2.73 - tops in the majors - and both the starters and the bullpen and having great years thus far. They'll most likely fade by the all-star break, but there are enough good young arms here that if they get any offense at all they might be able to play the spoiler. In any case, it's a lot of fun having the Padres be a good team.
4. Ike Davis. The Mets promoted Ike to the majors a bit early in order to jump start their offense and fan interest, and so far Mr. Davis has responded well and done exactly what they needed him to. He has hit .318 since he was called up on Monday, has reached base in every game except last night's shortened game, and the Mets have gone 6-1. They're still a crappy team, but they are playing quite a bit better in the last week. Clearly, it's all because of Ike Davis. This guy must be the next David Eckstein - you know, how he makes everybody else on the team better. Or he's the Mets answer to Jeter, but far less gay and annoying. Looking like a Twins vs. Mets World Series. Book your tickets now.
5. Doug Fister. You've probably never heard of this guy, I know I certainly hadn't, but he's a second-year starter for the Mariners and he's putting up some pretty impressive numbers so far this year. He'd be sitting at 3-1 right now if the world's worst closer other than Bobby Jenks, David Aardsma, hadn't blown his win on Saturday. Fister went 8 strong innings, giving up just 2 runs on 8 hits, which followed up his earlier outing on Monday, when he went seven solid against the Orioles, allowing just 1 run on 3 hits. He's currently at just a 1.67 ERA with a WHIP of 0.93. His lack of strikeouts (just 4.5 per 9) and a sickly-low BABIP against (.212) say that he's not the kind of ace who is going to be able to keep this up, but for now at least he's looking like a pretty solid middle-of-the-rotation type starter. And also "Fister? I hardly knew 'er!"
WHO SUCKED
1. Royals' Bullpen. Seriously, how many games of Greinke's are these guys going to blow? Zach's struggled a bit out of the gate, but on Wednesday he left the game after the 7th with a lead after giving up just two hits (of course, one of the was a 2-run home run) and then people named Josh Rupe and John Parrish take just three batters to blow the lead. And I guess I just answered my own question. Look at these names before you get to Soria: Josh Rupe, John Parrish, Dusty Hughes, Robinson Tejeda, Juan Cruz, and Kyle Farnsworth (and we saw most of these guys melt-down to varying degrees in the Twins series over the weekend). Pretty much all these guys have already failed elsewhere, and I don't mean failed as starters I mean they've already failed at being middle relievers. The only guy who was every good was Farnsworth, but along with the weird perm and nerd glasses he's lost the ability to pitch as well. Just brutal. And I know you don't care about mine and Snake's fantasy team, except that really you do if you just admit it to yourself, but we need those wins from Greinke. It looks like he's going to have to go 8 innings to get to Soria or just finish it out himself if he's ever going to win again. And if he keeps not throwing enough strikes he's never going to get there. Nobody can hit you Zacky, just toss that pill over the plate. And win, baby. Win.
2. Carlos Zambrano. There really isn't a good way to spin getting demoted from #1 starter to bullpen set-up guy into a positive. So, uh. I guess that's it then.
3. Pittsburgh Pirates. So much for the great Pirate resurgence. They started out pretty well, but unlike the Padres have been unable to sustain it, going - this week, and man, the fall has been spectacular. They started the week 7-6 and are finishing it 7-12 after getting swept by the Brewers and the piss-poor Astros. And that Brewer series was especially horrible, with the Pirates losing 8-1, 8-0, and 20-0. Overall for the week they were outscored 55-9. Special shout-out to their pathetic offense, by the way. Akinori Iwamura 1-18. Ronny Cedeno 2-17. Lastings Milledge 2-14. Delwyn Young 1-14. Just a really spectacular effort all around.
4. Seattle Seahawks. I suppose on the weekend of the NFL draft it's inevitable that I'd have to comment on something football related, and the Seahawks are the lucky team to draw my considerable wrath. This is about their draft, which based on my limited knowledge actually looks like a really good one, but it's based on their brand new stable of running backs. The returners are Julius Jones and someone named Justin Forsett, and they actually traded for LenDale White and Leon Washington this weekend. Like, actually traded for them, not just signed them to a minor-league deal or whatever. Look at those four running backs. You know, you can keep throwing turds in a bowl, it doesn't make it a salad. And, more importantly, you don't win friends with salad.
5. Jason Kubel. You know I frickin' love the guy, but what in the holy hell is going on? This week was just a complete nightmare (1-19, 1 single, 8 Ks), which dropped his season average to .169 and his slugging to a Punto-esque .288. He's still walking (13 this year) so even when he isn't hitting he brings value to the team, but he needs to stop being so crappy or I will totally break up with him. I still have faith, but I'm pretty sure he's getting benched for this fantasy week.
I feel like I should have had some kind of NBA playoffs thing in here somewhere, but so far they've been pretty boring. Also, in my defense,
"FISTER? I damn near killed 'er!"
I say good luck to Cory, and I have no real issue with his decision. Texas is a far better program than Minnesota, and I don't know how anybody could argue otherwise. Despite cries that Rick Barnes underachieves with the talent he gets, and he probably does, he still makes the tournament every single year and puts players in the NBA. Really the only thing the Gophers had going for them were that Cory's friend and his brother were here, but Texas had two of his former teammates as well - one of which who was a pretty good friend. I'm pretty sure if I were in the same spot (and didn't have my homegrown Gopher bias) I would have made the same decision. It would have been a hell of a get if Tubby could have pulled this one off. It's time to close up shop and go into next year with what's already in the holster - I don't really like anything that's still out there for 2010. This team should be around a 6-7 seed this year, and hopefully good enough to finally win a first round game.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Justin Morneau. I'm guessing you haven't realized this because you really aren't all that bright, but guess who leads the major league in on-base percentage; yep, the giant-headed Canadian. He's currently reaching base at a .511 clip (including .607 this week), which combined with his .368 average and .647 slugging means he is straight up mashing the ball right now. Even when he's not lacing base hits he's walking like crazy - 20 times already this year, leading the major leagues. That actually brings me to another point, which is that the Twins are actually leading the majors in walks as a team. They're leading the league. Doesn't that just seem bizarre? Did you ever think you'd see the day? Morneau obviously leads at his position, while Mauer is fourth, Hudson fifth, Hardy 7th, Brendan Harris is 12th in limited playing time, and amongst outfielders Span is second and Kubel is fourth. Really out of the important batters only Cuddyer and Delmon don't walk (Thome has more than either of them), and it's just fun to watch a bunch of guys on the same time who know how to get the pitch they want and know how to work the pitcher to get it - and it's effective to, as seen by them having the AL Central basically locked up already.
2. Mike Leake. He didn't have two wins this week and wasn't especially dominant, but he did pick up his first career win so it's time to recognize him a bit. Snake is the one who tipped me off to the Cincinnati rookie, so of course he's on our fantasy team, and he's looking really solid this year - just one year removed from Arizona State. He was picked by the Reds ninth overall last season, and made his debut this season with no minor league ball in between - something the Nationals are too stupid or too cheap to due with Strasburg. He's gone at least 6 and 2/3 innings in each of his three starts this year, and his overall numbers are a 1.55 WHIP, 3.92 ERA, and a 13/13 K/BB ratio. None of those are especially impressive, but remember those are through just three professional starts at any level. Once this kid makes the adjustment he's going to be very, very good. Think Mike Mussina-like.
3. San Diego Padres. I suppose it's time to recognize that the Padres have a good team. There's still a chance it's all a fluke, and a good chance at that, but with a - record it's time to at least consider the possibility that the Padres have turned it around and are a quality team again. They're 11-7 now after losing to the Reds on Sunday, but before that they had won 8 in a row, and still sit atop the NL West, ahead of the Giants, Rockies, and Dodgers. And, as you would probably guess, they are doing it with pitching. Their team ERA is just 2.73 - tops in the majors - and both the starters and the bullpen and having great years thus far. They'll most likely fade by the all-star break, but there are enough good young arms here that if they get any offense at all they might be able to play the spoiler. In any case, it's a lot of fun having the Padres be a good team.
4. Ike Davis. The Mets promoted Ike to the majors a bit early in order to jump start their offense and fan interest, and so far Mr. Davis has responded well and done exactly what they needed him to. He has hit .318 since he was called up on Monday, has reached base in every game except last night's shortened game, and the Mets have gone 6-1. They're still a crappy team, but they are playing quite a bit better in the last week. Clearly, it's all because of Ike Davis. This guy must be the next David Eckstein - you know, how he makes everybody else on the team better. Or he's the Mets answer to Jeter, but far less gay and annoying. Looking like a Twins vs. Mets World Series. Book your tickets now.
5. Doug Fister. You've probably never heard of this guy, I know I certainly hadn't, but he's a second-year starter for the Mariners and he's putting up some pretty impressive numbers so far this year. He'd be sitting at 3-1 right now if the world's worst closer other than Bobby Jenks, David Aardsma, hadn't blown his win on Saturday. Fister went 8 strong innings, giving up just 2 runs on 8 hits, which followed up his earlier outing on Monday, when he went seven solid against the Orioles, allowing just 1 run on 3 hits. He's currently at just a 1.67 ERA with a WHIP of 0.93. His lack of strikeouts (just 4.5 per 9) and a sickly-low BABIP against (.212) say that he's not the kind of ace who is going to be able to keep this up, but for now at least he's looking like a pretty solid middle-of-the-rotation type starter. And also "Fister? I hardly knew 'er!"
WHO SUCKED
1. Royals' Bullpen. Seriously, how many games of Greinke's are these guys going to blow? Zach's struggled a bit out of the gate, but on Wednesday he left the game after the 7th with a lead after giving up just two hits (of course, one of the was a 2-run home run) and then people named Josh Rupe and John Parrish take just three batters to blow the lead. And I guess I just answered my own question. Look at these names before you get to Soria: Josh Rupe, John Parrish, Dusty Hughes, Robinson Tejeda, Juan Cruz, and Kyle Farnsworth (and we saw most of these guys melt-down to varying degrees in the Twins series over the weekend). Pretty much all these guys have already failed elsewhere, and I don't mean failed as starters I mean they've already failed at being middle relievers. The only guy who was every good was Farnsworth, but along with the weird perm and nerd glasses he's lost the ability to pitch as well. Just brutal. And I know you don't care about mine and Snake's fantasy team, except that really you do if you just admit it to yourself, but we need those wins from Greinke. It looks like he's going to have to go 8 innings to get to Soria or just finish it out himself if he's ever going to win again. And if he keeps not throwing enough strikes he's never going to get there. Nobody can hit you Zacky, just toss that pill over the plate. And win, baby. Win.
2. Carlos Zambrano. There really isn't a good way to spin getting demoted from #1 starter to bullpen set-up guy into a positive. So, uh. I guess that's it then.
3. Pittsburgh Pirates. So much for the great Pirate resurgence. They started out pretty well, but unlike the Padres have been unable to sustain it, going - this week, and man, the fall has been spectacular. They started the week 7-6 and are finishing it 7-12 after getting swept by the Brewers and the piss-poor Astros. And that Brewer series was especially horrible, with the Pirates losing 8-1, 8-0, and 20-0. Overall for the week they were outscored 55-9. Special shout-out to their pathetic offense, by the way. Akinori Iwamura 1-18. Ronny Cedeno 2-17. Lastings Milledge 2-14. Delwyn Young 1-14. Just a really spectacular effort all around.
4. Seattle Seahawks. I suppose on the weekend of the NFL draft it's inevitable that I'd have to comment on something football related, and the Seahawks are the lucky team to draw my considerable wrath. This is about their draft, which based on my limited knowledge actually looks like a really good one, but it's based on their brand new stable of running backs. The returners are Julius Jones and someone named Justin Forsett, and they actually traded for LenDale White and Leon Washington this weekend. Like, actually traded for them, not just signed them to a minor-league deal or whatever. Look at those four running backs. You know, you can keep throwing turds in a bowl, it doesn't make it a salad. And, more importantly, you don't win friends with salad.
5. Jason Kubel. You know I frickin' love the guy, but what in the holy hell is going on? This week was just a complete nightmare (1-19, 1 single, 8 Ks), which dropped his season average to .169 and his slugging to a Punto-esque .288. He's still walking (13 this year) so even when he isn't hitting he brings value to the team, but he needs to stop being so crappy or I will totally break up with him. I still have faith, but I'm pretty sure he's getting benched for this fantasy week.
I feel like I should have had some kind of NBA playoffs thing in here somewhere, but so far they've been pretty boring. Also, in my defense,
"FISTER? I damn near killed 'er!"
Monday, April 19, 2010
Week in Review - 4/19/2009
I was really hoping to be able to write up how Cory Joseph decided to sign with the Gophers on Saturday since he had said he'd make his decision after the Jordan Brand game, but apparently "after" didn't mean right after like it did for Josh Selby and Doron Lamb, but instead means "eventually." The good news is that at least he didn't declare for somebody else yet, so the Gophers are still alive. The latest rumor is that he's already made up his mind and it's been a three team race for quite some time, which probably means it was down to Minnesota, Texas, and Villanova. I'm still guessing he ends up at Texas, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The final date to sign is May 19th, so I guess we'll know by then.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Francisco Liriano. I'm not ready to go with the whole "he's back" thing or anything, but Thursday's outing against the Gay Sox was a very good sign. Looking a bit deeper into the numbers, Liriano seems to be closer to the 2006 version of himself than last year's. After the injury, he was too reliant on his fastball, throwing the pitch over 50% of the time (54% in 2008 and 56% in 2009) compared to 44% in 2006 despite having lost velocity (90.9mph average in 2008 and 91.7 in 2009 compared to 94.7 in 2006). The good news is he's very close to recapturing his 2006 numbers so far this season. He has thrown his fastball just 46% of the time and the velocity is back up at 93.6mph on average). He's also throwing more strikes, with 64% of his pitches going for strikes compared to just 60% last year (and he was at 66% in 2006). He's also working the change up more often, throwing it 24% of the time, a career high by 4% thus far. Like I said, I'm not saying he's back, but to be able to thrown 7 shutout innings with 8 Ks and to do it throwing just 96 pitches is huge for Liriano. Backing it up with the numbers above is a good sign. Now, his overall K/9 are down, his BB/9 is up, and his BABIP is a fluky low .238 right now so I'm not jumping into the bandwagon with both feet just yet, but things are heading in the right direction.
2. Chase Utley. Hey guy. Small white second-basemen aren't supposed to rake like this, just ask Steve Lombardozzi or Wally Backman. But instead, Utley just does his own thing and continually hits the ball out of the park, something he did five times this week in six games, including four in his three games against the Nationals. This guy is just an absolute stud. If you look at his last five years, and take the worst year he had in each statistic and combined them, he still ends up at .282-22-93. Those are his worst numbers, and don't forget we''re talking about a second basemen, something that of course means nothing to Dawger who probably thinks Utley is no better than Michael Cuddyer. That is if Dawger has even heard of Utley. That guy's knowledge of national league players is on par with my cat. Oh, and I looked up Utley's height and he's actually 6-1 so he's not really all that small, just seems like it because he's so white.
3. Matt Garza. Two weeks into the season, and two weeks that Garza has made this list. On Sunday all he did was shut down the Red Sox, giving up no runs and just four hits in 8 innings of work, and that followed up his outing on Monday, where he shut down the Orioles giving up just one run and six hits in 8 more spectacular innings. That runs his season totals now to 3-0 with a 0.75 ERA and a 0.88 WHIP, and he's struck out more batters than he's allowed hits. Sigh. At least Delmon is starting to hit the ball - the numbers might not show it but he's raking the ball, just not getting hits out of it - but I think this trade goes down as a suck no matter what. Ignoring the peripheral players and just look at the main pieces, Delmon would basically have to end up hitting like Albert Pujols or A-Rod to make this into a fair deal. Seriously Garza has become a top shelf stud. He has a fastball that reaches the mid-90s and has a foot of tail, a mid-80s slider that breaks two feet, a killer slow curve and has finally developed that change-up that caused all the drama back in the day. Plus he has a cute little beard. Sigh.
4. Livan Hernandez. I'm trying to think of things that are less likely than Livan throwing a complete game shutout, which he did on Saturday against the Brewers. So far all I've come up with is a threesome with Brad Pitt, Rosie O'Donnell, and Roseanne, Al Nolen leading the conference in three point percentage, Colt Iverson hitting a shot from further than 8 feet out, and Snacks becoming a big fan of Mike Cuddyer. There are a whole lot Brewers who need to be embarrassed. Not Rickie Weeks though. That guy is the shit.
5. Ubaldo Jimenez. The funny thing about Jimenez tossing a no-hitter on Saturday against the Braves is that my co-worker, Elk, was just telling me about how he was coming around and looking really good this year. Since Elk has him on his fantasy team, I was pretty sure he was just talking up his own player, like how Gardy tries to keep telling us all that Matt Tolbert is awesome. Turns out, the guy can sling the pill. I caught the last inning of the game, and Ubaldo was still hitting 98 on the gun in the 9th. That's pretty impressive. So maybe this guy is pretty good. If only a regular reader and commenter on this blog was a Rockies' season ticket holder, maybe we could get some real insight. Oh, and you better hope Huston Street comes back quick, because Morales is freakin' terrible. You can't trust a left-handed closer, everybody knows that.
(what the holy hell is the point of this stupid thing?)
WHO SUCKED
1. Jose Mijares. If there is a dark lining to this silver cloud of a Twins season thus far, it was been the struggles of Jose Mijares to get anybody out, now culminating in a trip to the DL in what I suspect is as much of a "figure this thing out" kind of move as it is an injury move. Mijares has thrown a total of 3 innings over five appearances, and is allowing nearly three base-runners per inning (6 hits, 2 walks) and currently sports a 6.00 ERA and has struck out just two batters so far this year - not exactly the kind of numbers you want to see from an eighth inning guy. I don't know if it means anything, but his fastball is down about 1.5 mph compared to last year and he's throwing his changeup about twice as often this year as he used to. Has he lost something off his fastball and subsequently lost faith in it? I don't know, but I do hope whatever is going on this little DL trip can fix it, because as much as I like Duensing him and Mahay as the lefties out of the bullpen doesn't fill me with confidence.
2. Jason Marquis. Hey, remember when the Nationals signed Marquis to a 2-year/$15 million deal this offseason coming off a 15-win season for the Rockies? And remember how Rockies' fans were like, "take him" and everyone else was kind of like, "whoa, really? $15 million for Marquis?" Well, his living up to that this week. In his two starts this week he managed just 4 and 1/3 innings, allowing thirteen base-runners - every single one of which scored. Yes, that's 13 earned runs in 4 and 1/3 innings. His season numbers right now are and 0-3 record with a 20.52 ERA and a 2.88 WHIP. Yes, and ERA over 20. He's certainly earning that $7.5 million this year. My favorite part was when he pitched against the Brewers on Saturday and it went single-single-single-hit by pitch-walk-hit by pitch-single-Marquis yanked. Quality outing.
3. Jason Frasor. You wanted him to be a Twin, which once again proves you don't know what the holy hell you're talking about. You're also probably really impressed that he has three saves, paying little attention to the fact that he's blown two also and is currently rocking a 5.68 ERA, which is already improved from the 6+ number he was carrying at the beginning of the week. At least the Blue Jays are paying attention, and they've yanked the closer role away from Frasor and given it to the decidedly average Kevin Gregg. What this all means is that the guy you wanted to the Twins to trade precious prospects for to close games for them was beaten out for the role on a crappy Blue Jay team by a guy who put up an ERA north of 4.70 the last time he was closing games. Good call, genius.
4. Cincinnati Reds. The Reds were so awesome this week they were actually swept by the Pirates, in what was the first Pirate sweep since 1987, or so I assume without looking anything up. And it wasn't just during that series that the Reds sucked, they've been pretty rough so far this year and sit at 5-8. Out of their players who qualify for the batting title, Joey Votto is the only one hitting over .250 - Jay Bruce and Drew Stubbs are hitting under .200. And it's not just the hitters. Aaron Harang looks to have fallen off the cliff, Johnny Cueto isn't developing, and speaking of not developing Homer Bailey is starting to look like the type of prospect who has all the tools on paper but can't ever pull it together - like David West but with more talent. They have yet another new little youngster arm in Mike Leake who has looked really good so far, but if the rest of the youngins' don't start playing and stay just "potentially good", it's going to be yet another losing season in Cincy.
5. Chef Boyardee. Can someone please tell me why the Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs has a different sauce than every other Chef Boyardee? The Ravioli is top notch, and the peripheral spinoffs like Beef-a-roni and Lasagna are basically the same thing, but then you get to the spaghetti and meatballs and it's like WTF, Mr. B? We shove this at WonderbabyTM every so often and she likes most of it (as do I, if we're being honest here - try the mini raviolis, top notch) but we tried the spaghetti the other day and it seriously made her angry, like an old man sending back soup at a deli. So I tried it, and it was like eating evil. Why would you use the exact same, deliciously sodium-filled sauce on the majority of your project and then detour into some sort of unholy combination of what I can only assume is fire and brimstone on what should probably be your flagship pasta variation? For shame. And did you know there isn't even an actual Chef Boyardee? So nobody actually has to answer for this abomination. Except for the sham executives. You know who you are. Between this and all the dead hookers, I bet you can't even sleep at night.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Francisco Liriano. I'm not ready to go with the whole "he's back" thing or anything, but Thursday's outing against the Gay Sox was a very good sign. Looking a bit deeper into the numbers, Liriano seems to be closer to the 2006 version of himself than last year's. After the injury, he was too reliant on his fastball, throwing the pitch over 50% of the time (54% in 2008 and 56% in 2009) compared to 44% in 2006 despite having lost velocity (90.9mph average in 2008 and 91.7 in 2009 compared to 94.7 in 2006). The good news is he's very close to recapturing his 2006 numbers so far this season. He has thrown his fastball just 46% of the time and the velocity is back up at 93.6mph on average). He's also throwing more strikes, with 64% of his pitches going for strikes compared to just 60% last year (and he was at 66% in 2006). He's also working the change up more often, throwing it 24% of the time, a career high by 4% thus far. Like I said, I'm not saying he's back, but to be able to thrown 7 shutout innings with 8 Ks and to do it throwing just 96 pitches is huge for Liriano. Backing it up with the numbers above is a good sign. Now, his overall K/9 are down, his BB/9 is up, and his BABIP is a fluky low .238 right now so I'm not jumping into the bandwagon with both feet just yet, but things are heading in the right direction.
2. Chase Utley. Hey guy. Small white second-basemen aren't supposed to rake like this, just ask Steve Lombardozzi or Wally Backman. But instead, Utley just does his own thing and continually hits the ball out of the park, something he did five times this week in six games, including four in his three games against the Nationals. This guy is just an absolute stud. If you look at his last five years, and take the worst year he had in each statistic and combined them, he still ends up at .282-22-93. Those are his worst numbers, and don't forget we''re talking about a second basemen, something that of course means nothing to Dawger who probably thinks Utley is no better than Michael Cuddyer. That is if Dawger has even heard of Utley. That guy's knowledge of national league players is on par with my cat. Oh, and I looked up Utley's height and he's actually 6-1 so he's not really all that small, just seems like it because he's so white.
3. Matt Garza. Two weeks into the season, and two weeks that Garza has made this list. On Sunday all he did was shut down the Red Sox, giving up no runs and just four hits in 8 innings of work, and that followed up his outing on Monday, where he shut down the Orioles giving up just one run and six hits in 8 more spectacular innings. That runs his season totals now to 3-0 with a 0.75 ERA and a 0.88 WHIP, and he's struck out more batters than he's allowed hits. Sigh. At least Delmon is starting to hit the ball - the numbers might not show it but he's raking the ball, just not getting hits out of it - but I think this trade goes down as a suck no matter what. Ignoring the peripheral players and just look at the main pieces, Delmon would basically have to end up hitting like Albert Pujols or A-Rod to make this into a fair deal. Seriously Garza has become a top shelf stud. He has a fastball that reaches the mid-90s and has a foot of tail, a mid-80s slider that breaks two feet, a killer slow curve and has finally developed that change-up that caused all the drama back in the day. Plus he has a cute little beard. Sigh.
4. Livan Hernandez. I'm trying to think of things that are less likely than Livan throwing a complete game shutout, which he did on Saturday against the Brewers. So far all I've come up with is a threesome with Brad Pitt, Rosie O'Donnell, and Roseanne, Al Nolen leading the conference in three point percentage, Colt Iverson hitting a shot from further than 8 feet out, and Snacks becoming a big fan of Mike Cuddyer. There are a whole lot Brewers who need to be embarrassed. Not Rickie Weeks though. That guy is the shit.
5. Ubaldo Jimenez. The funny thing about Jimenez tossing a no-hitter on Saturday against the Braves is that my co-worker, Elk, was just telling me about how he was coming around and looking really good this year. Since Elk has him on his fantasy team, I was pretty sure he was just talking up his own player, like how Gardy tries to keep telling us all that Matt Tolbert is awesome. Turns out, the guy can sling the pill. I caught the last inning of the game, and Ubaldo was still hitting 98 on the gun in the 9th. That's pretty impressive. So maybe this guy is pretty good. If only a regular reader and commenter on this blog was a Rockies' season ticket holder, maybe we could get some real insight. Oh, and you better hope Huston Street comes back quick, because Morales is freakin' terrible. You can't trust a left-handed closer, everybody knows that.
WHO SUCKED
1. Jose Mijares. If there is a dark lining to this silver cloud of a Twins season thus far, it was been the struggles of Jose Mijares to get anybody out, now culminating in a trip to the DL in what I suspect is as much of a "figure this thing out" kind of move as it is an injury move. Mijares has thrown a total of 3 innings over five appearances, and is allowing nearly three base-runners per inning (6 hits, 2 walks) and currently sports a 6.00 ERA and has struck out just two batters so far this year - not exactly the kind of numbers you want to see from an eighth inning guy. I don't know if it means anything, but his fastball is down about 1.5 mph compared to last year and he's throwing his changeup about twice as often this year as he used to. Has he lost something off his fastball and subsequently lost faith in it? I don't know, but I do hope whatever is going on this little DL trip can fix it, because as much as I like Duensing him and Mahay as the lefties out of the bullpen doesn't fill me with confidence.
2. Jason Marquis. Hey, remember when the Nationals signed Marquis to a 2-year/$15 million deal this offseason coming off a 15-win season for the Rockies? And remember how Rockies' fans were like, "take him" and everyone else was kind of like, "whoa, really? $15 million for Marquis?" Well, his living up to that this week. In his two starts this week he managed just 4 and 1/3 innings, allowing thirteen base-runners - every single one of which scored. Yes, that's 13 earned runs in 4 and 1/3 innings. His season numbers right now are and 0-3 record with a 20.52 ERA and a 2.88 WHIP. Yes, and ERA over 20. He's certainly earning that $7.5 million this year. My favorite part was when he pitched against the Brewers on Saturday and it went single-single-single-hit by pitch-walk-hit by pitch-single-Marquis yanked. Quality outing.
3. Jason Frasor. You wanted him to be a Twin, which once again proves you don't know what the holy hell you're talking about. You're also probably really impressed that he has three saves, paying little attention to the fact that he's blown two also and is currently rocking a 5.68 ERA, which is already improved from the 6+ number he was carrying at the beginning of the week. At least the Blue Jays are paying attention, and they've yanked the closer role away from Frasor and given it to the decidedly average Kevin Gregg. What this all means is that the guy you wanted to the Twins to trade precious prospects for to close games for them was beaten out for the role on a crappy Blue Jay team by a guy who put up an ERA north of 4.70 the last time he was closing games. Good call, genius.
4. Cincinnati Reds. The Reds were so awesome this week they were actually swept by the Pirates, in what was the first Pirate sweep since 1987, or so I assume without looking anything up. And it wasn't just during that series that the Reds sucked, they've been pretty rough so far this year and sit at 5-8. Out of their players who qualify for the batting title, Joey Votto is the only one hitting over .250 - Jay Bruce and Drew Stubbs are hitting under .200. And it's not just the hitters. Aaron Harang looks to have fallen off the cliff, Johnny Cueto isn't developing, and speaking of not developing Homer Bailey is starting to look like the type of prospect who has all the tools on paper but can't ever pull it together - like David West but with more talent. They have yet another new little youngster arm in Mike Leake who has looked really good so far, but if the rest of the youngins' don't start playing and stay just "potentially good", it's going to be yet another losing season in Cincy.
5. Chef Boyardee. Can someone please tell me why the Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs has a different sauce than every other Chef Boyardee? The Ravioli is top notch, and the peripheral spinoffs like Beef-a-roni and Lasagna are basically the same thing, but then you get to the spaghetti and meatballs and it's like WTF, Mr. B? We shove this at WonderbabyTM every so often and she likes most of it (as do I, if we're being honest here - try the mini raviolis, top notch) but we tried the spaghetti the other day and it seriously made her angry, like an old man sending back soup at a deli. So I tried it, and it was like eating evil. Why would you use the exact same, deliciously sodium-filled sauce on the majority of your project and then detour into some sort of unholy combination of what I can only assume is fire and brimstone on what should probably be your flagship pasta variation? For shame. And did you know there isn't even an actual Chef Boyardee? So nobody actually has to answer for this abomination. Except for the sham executives. You know who you are. Between this and all the dead hookers, I bet you can't even sleep at night.
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