7:17 - Furcal walks to start things up for St. Louis. Tonights' action: Rangers to win, over 7.5 total runs, David Freese no RBI, Adrian Beltre YES Hit, Nelson Cruz YES to strikeout, Mike Napoli to have more total bases than Yadier Molina, and Furcal no RBI. They all matter, but that Furcal no RBI is a monster wager. We need that one.
7:19 - I think Tim McCarver is watching a completely different game than everybody else. It's either that or he's completely insane.
7:24 - Michael Young weakly grounds to 2nd and I'm reminded that I hate him. Throughout the ALDS, which was not a bastion of profit, whatever I bet he did the opposite. Bet on him to K before he gets a hit, he gets a hit in the first inning. Bet on him to get a hit, and he goes 0-4. I think I was like 1-5 wagering on him. I hope he dies.
7:25 - Base knock for Beltre, a double down the line. I always like winning those bets on the guys first time up. Now maybe Nelson could whiff here for me.
7:27 - Joe Buck just said, "It's now 2-1 to a guy who is 31." What kind of weird ass sentence is that? What's next, "Here comes the pitch from a guy who really, really digs pine nuts in his salad."
7:28 - Cruz apparently didn't wear his chasing pants tonight because Cruz walks after completely refusing to chase Carpenter's slider which he threw low and away four times. I'm pretty sure Cuddyer took a swing at his TV there at least twice.
7:30 - That's the second time Carpenter's thrown one in the dirt and yelled "God damn it" loud enough for the camera mics to pick it up. Pretty sure little Joey Buck's ears are bleeding. Also DP by Napoli.
7:36 - Lance Berkman, fourth all-time in home runs amongst switch hitters. That seems odd for some reason. FUN FACT: Former Twin Chili Davis is fifth and former Twin Ruben Sierra is 8th, and right up until this very minute of my life I had completely forgotten Sierra played for the Twins.
7:41 - FUN FACT #2 - Roy Smalley holds five of the top 10 HR hitting seasons by a switch-hitter in Twins history. Of course, it's not a very distinguished list considering Bobby Kielty is in 6th place and Cris Guzman is top 10, but still.
7:45 - Uneventful inning. But that reminds me that you wanted to know why I was drinking Hamm's. It's because the local liquor store had it on sale for $11.99 for the 30-pack. How could I not buy it? I mean, it's from the land of sky blue waters (waters). And I have to admit, it is the beer refreshing.
7:47 - What a quaint little story by McCarver. Turns out C.J. Wilson, get this, even though he's a pitcher, you're not going to believe it, but he considers himself a hitter. OMG that's so crazy! He's such a unique snowflake with his California surfer attitude and his really unique necklace that every god damn pitcher in the league wears.
7:53 - Nick freaking Punto with a base hit to lead off the bottom of the third. Not only is this annoying because he's Nick Punto, but it sets up a sac bunt by Carpenter and then Furcal can get an RBI with a hit AND THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. Also I'm pretty sure Punto slid into first even though he lined it into center. They didn't show or anything, but I can just feel it.
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| God Damn that Punto gives me a boner |
7:57 - Furcal whiffs on a pitch that barely crossed the plate in the air and was missed by at least 2 feet. Now that reminded me of Twins baseball.
8:04 - Tim McCarver is interviewing Ron Washington. This is like Richard Dawkins interviewing Stephen Hawking, only the exact opposite.
8:06 - Another 1-2-3 inning. Glad Snacks convinced me to take the over.
8:13 - Punto hit by a pitch, Holliday double, and Berkman scores them both home by not being able to catch up to a pitch and fisting it into right. It counts, I know, it's just blah. I remember the last time these guys were in the Series (I think) and the Tigers should have smoked 'em but they have some kind of jedi mind shit over teams. It's happening again.
8:14 - I just realized I typed Punto when I meant Pujols. HE'S IN MY HEAD, MAN!!!
8:18 - With Berkman on 2nd and 2 outs they intentionally walk Punto, and yes this time it is Punto, and that has got to be the first time that's ever happened. Checking Baseball Reference, and Punto has actually been intentionally walked 9 times in his career (3 this year, 1 with the phils, and 5 with the Twins). How could he possibly have been IBB'd as a Twin? Gotta be interleague, right? I mean it has to be. I need to figure this out.
8:26 - Carpenter strikes out Cruz with Beltre on 2nd. The important thing is that that's another bet won.
8:28 - Napoli with a monster shot to right to make it a 2-2 game. That also gives him a 4-0 advantage in total bases over Molina.
8:30 - This infrared shit might be literally the gayest thing I've ever seen. McCarver, "This is weird to me, I don't know how you do that." With infrared cameras you dumb fucking hick. I swear to god I'm going to find out where he lives and stab him in the tongue with a crocodile.
8:31 - "That camera reminds me of The Thing." - Tim McCarver. I'm 99.9% sure he means Predator. It seems weird to hate someone you've never even met and who is mostly harmless, and yet here we are.
8:38 - A Furcal walk (with no RBI) and then a sac bunt and we have a fast runner on 2nd, representing the go-ahead run, with one out and Albert Pujols up. Looks like this is where we find out just how valuable he really is oh wait no I guess we don't because they're walking him. Damn it I wanted to see this. Now I'm going to have to watch Matt Holliday ground into a double play.
8:39 - McCarver, "Pitchers really struggle to pitch around batters because they're trained to throw strikes and when you ask them not to they can't make that adjustment." I'm now thinking some kind of garrotte. Or maybe just C.J. Wilson's cool hip California style necklace.
8:41 - I love it when I call things. Double play for Holliday. And that shit rhymes, homeslice.
8:44 - Kinsler with a nice texas leaguer into right for a knock to lead off the sixth. Hopefully the Rangers don't do any kind of running here. I could accept a sac bunt from Andrus, if need be.
8:46 - Sac bunt down, now time to see if Hamilton can be a hero or if he's really just a fan murderer. McCarver, "This is a really evenly matched World Series." Well, Tim, actually the Rangers are fairly heavy favorite and would likely be almost 1-2 to win if they had home field advantage, so once again you're wrong. I'm not entirely certain McCarver could outwit a briefcase full of crackers.
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| The battle of wits has begun |
8:56 - Freese with a double with one out (which is fine because there was nobody on base). With Molina up followed by Punto and pitcher why not just walk Molina? Punto is terrible and since he already has a hit tonight you know he can't possibly get another one, then the pitcher in which case you force the Cards to pinch hit and get Carpenter out of the game. Win win win.
8:58 - Wild pitch moves Freese to third. Looks like Wilson can't trust Napoli. Probably because he's Sicilian. I kind of wish I hadn't used my Vezzini picture already.
9:00 - Wilson whiffs Molina on a huge, huge pitch. All he had to do was put that ball in play and St. Louis takes the lead, instead there are 2 outs and it's up to Nick Punto to get the runner home. Watch, that little dick is going to get a hit now too, just to eff with me.
9:03 - They walk Punto non-intentionally but intentionally to get Carpenter out of the game. Makes sense, but now you're facing a legit major league hitter when you could have faced Punto, one of the worst hitters in the history of the game. Tecas countering with Ogando. Good move here. Good game for Wilson, but it's time go get the Ogandonator in there. I just made that up.
9:08 - And THAT's why you pitch to a shitty hitter like Punto when you have a chance. Craig, the pinch-hitter for Carpenter, singles to right to score the go-ahead run.
9:09 - Oh shit that means Furcal is up with a runner on third. God please just bean him or something.
9:11 - Furcal hits the shit out of it but thankfully he's a little noodle-armed weiner and it dies at the warning track. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty sure I just made some pants chocolate.
9:12 - These Chili-Lime almonds are really the cat's pajamas.
9:15 - I wonder if this Fernando Salas character is at all related to former Twin Mark Salas. I kind of doubt it because he's not a big fat pile of goo. Still, I'll always have a soft spot in my hard for Mark Salas because his was the first autograph I ever got. It looked like M-scribble S-scribble, but it's a nice memory. Not like that fuckface Jeff Reardon.
9:20 - I stopped paying attention for a minute but now the Rangers have 2 on and 1 out and Mark Salas is out and the guy with the weird polish name is in.
9:26 - Polish guy strikes out Dennis Nedry in a huge spot, which once again validates the Colby Rasmus trade because polish guy was one of a couple of relievers they picked up. Rangers have one more shot, but they're pinch hitting with Esteban German so they might as well not have pinch hit.
9:29 - Polish guy whiffs German, which is no surprise. Slightly more surprising is after that when McCarver says, "It's a five-letter word, S-T-R-I-K-E." Now, the fact that it's a six letter word isn't even the least bit surprising at this point because it seems like exactly the kind of thing McCarver would say. Better, though, is that he never follows up on it. That's his entire point. He says nothing else, there's awkward silence, and then we cut to some army dude singing. So bizarre. I assume twitter must be blowing up about this. I'd check it, but I'm about 20 minutes behind due to tape delay so I don't want to spoil anything.
9:34 - McCarver, "By the way, I figured out between innings that strike has six letters, not five." I'll give it to him, I never expected a classic doucher like McCarver to admit his own error.
9:43 - No runs scored, and we go to the 8th. I seem to be getting a bit sleepy. Damn Hamm's.
9:45 - So I went to the Gopher tip-off deal last Friday night with WonderbabyTM, and it really didn't go all that well. They started late, I assume because the autograph part of it went long, the intros took forever since they introduced like 30 alumni who were there, and then they ended up skipping the skills competiton for current players (although we did get to see Abdul-Shamala and Brent Lawson win for the alumni). Then they went to the halfcourt shot thing, which was really stupid because nobody made one so it was really boring. Then my lovely daughter had finished her popcorn and mello yello and was pretty bored because "nobody's even playing, daddy" and it was almost 2 hours past her bedtime so we left. Which means other than the half-court shot I didn't see any current players do anything outside of warmup. Still kind of excited for the year though. I'm kinda dumb that way.
9:53 - no runs again, despite the Rangers getting a shot at the world's oldest lefty Arthur Lee Rhodes. We go bottom 8, still 3-2 National League.
9:57 - I miss Derek Holland's mustache.
9:58 - Berkman with an infield hit to open the bottom of the 8th, which seems weird when you think about how he's 800 years old and kind of fat. The good part of this is, by the way, is that it seems David Freese is out of the lineup and I didn't even know it. His replacement tosses down a nice sac bunt, setting things up for Molina, Punto, and pitcher's spot. A true murderer's row. Although compared to Repko, Butera, Tolbert......I'm just sayin'.
10:01 - IT'S ALL UP TO PUNTO
10:03 - There's not a lot of meat in these gym mats.
10:04 - Punto whiffs. I laugh.
10:07 - Looks like Jason Motte is the closer tonight. I can't keep up. I do know that I don't like him because I took him like 2-3 years ago late in a fantasy baseball draft because a friend of mine told me he was a "great sleeper" because nobody really knew him and he was assured to win the closer role. Which he did, but then he pitched as if he was throwing BP and lost the job and my heart.
10:09 - Tim McCarver is definitely retarded.
10:12 - they get all the outs and the Cardinals win. This game got kind of boring. Needed more Punto.
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