Monday's Musings (Twins, British Open, Tomlin, TV, Noodle Arms, etc.)

Well it's begun already.  I suppose it was inevitable.  I was listening to the telecast of the Twins first game and they were talking about the Twins possibly making any moves at the trade deadline.  You probably already know where this is going.  So Bert says, he says, "You know, with Span and Kubel about to come off the DL and Morneau down the road (ED:  yeah right) the Twins don't really need to make a move, getting those guys back is already better than making a trade.

Yes.  It's true.  You knew it was coming.  I'm pretty sure you'll hear that same sentiment at least three more times from various announcers/coaches/scribes/radio dudes, and every time you should know it makes me die a little inside.

Speaking of the Twins and dying how freaking bad is Matt Capps?   Meanwhile, in case you're curious, Wilson Ramos is hitting .257/.333/.442 with 9 homers for the Nationals and has thrown out 36% of would-be base stealers.  What that essentially means is he's a Drew Butera who can hit.  I'm not exactly sure of the wording yet, but I'm pretty sure if I end up killing myself in the next month or so I want that on my tombstone.  That or sausage and pepperoni and green pepper.

-  The British Open was kind of interesting in a boring way.  Once again it proved itself to be nearly impossible to predict.  I mean, look how many top guys missed the cut here:  #1 Luke Donald, #2 Lee Westwood, #8 Matt Kuchar, #10 Nick Watney., #11 Graeme McDowell  I guess in retrospect it shouldn't have been surprising that Donald missed it because he's a bit of a dandy, but the other three were definite surprises.  But it makes sense.  Look at who has won this thing lately:  Darren Clarke, Louis Oosthuizen, Stewart "gayest golfer on the tour" Cink.  Before that were two for Paddy and two for Tiger, but this tournament is definitely most likely to be won by a stunner.  Tom Watson's almost win.  Todd Hamilton who I could have sworn was a figure skater.  Ben Curtis.  John Daly.

I'm not even sure it's real golf over there.  But there's no doubt that there are a few guys who you can never count out in a major no matter how badly they look like they're playing in the previous weeks:  Phil, Dustin Johnson, Anthony Kim, Y.E. Yang - always a threat in majors.  Just like guys like Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald, and Ian Poulter have proven it doesn't matter how they're playing or how they're trending or what they're course history is - they can miss a cut at any time.

And the saddest thing of all?  Jim Furyk and Retief Goosen used to be in group 1, but now I think you gotta put them in group 2.  Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

-  As I pointed out last week, Indians' starter Josh Tomlin has a chance to become just the 16th pitcher to qualify for the batting title and finish the season with more home runs allowed than walks allowed.  He took another step towards history on Friday when he allowed 3 home runs to the Orioles against just 1 walk, bringing his season totals to 18 HR allowed and 15 BB allowed.  Additionally, with 11 wins so far he has a chance to become the second most winning pitcher who gave up more homers than walks behind Robin Roberts 19 wins in 1956.  He won't catch Roberts but if he can get to 17 wins he'll pass Greg Maddux, Jose Lima, and Rick Reed to hold the solo second position.  I dunno.  Seems significant.

- Speaking of dominant pitching did you see Jeff Karstens threw a 83-pitch 5-hit shutout for the suddenly playoff-contending Pirates on Friday?  I don't know which part is weirder - that somebody actually only needed 83 pitches to finish a game or that it was Karstens who has thrown a complete game since 2008 because he's usually too busy getting schellacked.  Since I know you're wondering I looked it up and this is the 15th time since 2000 that somebody has thrown a 9-inning complete game using 83 pitches or less.  So I guess it's not as unbelievable as I thought, especially since included in that group are Carlos Silva (74 pitches in 2005) and Scott Baker (79 pitches in 2007) and I don't remember either of them.  I guess my whole equilibrium is just off since the Pirates are in contention.

-  I don't think I've mentioned this before, but the kids' show Phineas and Ferb is one of the five best shows on TV.  Parks and Rec, Community, Game of Thrones, Curb, and Phineas and Ferb.  If you have kids, get them hooked on this immediately.  Whereas I want to stab my own face off after more than one episode of most kids' shows - especially Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - I could sit and watch Phineas and Ferb by myself for hours, so it's actually not torture to sit and watch with Wonderbaby^TM.   The Bear got a few episodes with us a few weeks back and he laughed out loud a couple of times, and he hates everything, so you know it's good.

-  Honestly, if you grabbed 100 random people from local softball leagues how many of them do you think would have a better arm than Ben Revere?  I wouldn't - I'm a kick-ass infielder - but how many out of 100?  I know Snacks has a better arm and a couple other guys I play/played softball with do.  I'm willing to bet it's at least 25%.  I love Ben Revere and all - he's 10x the center fielder Span was and twice Gomez - but that arm is terrifyingly bad.

-  I just bought these shoes because I need something for casual Fridays at work.  Thoughts?

- Joe Mauer, as of this second, has six hits in this doubleheader.  That's pretty impressive, but what really stands out to me is that one of those hits is a double.  I mean, do you know how rare that is for the "Singles King of Minnesota?" (he's like Abe Froman but different). 

-  I don't like this new Eric on True Blood.  I also don't understand what's up with these "faeries. And Pam is way less hot now. "  I also don't think Anna Paquin has gotten naked yet this season, which is stupid because it's probably 25% of why I watch this show.  Another 25% is hoping Jessica will do a nude scene already. 

The remaining 50% is because Mrs. W is hoping to see some Alcide wang.  True story.

-  Pretty good debut by Scott Diamond here (Twins trailing 2-1 in bottom 6), and it damn well better be since he cost them Billy Bullock.  You know, the same Billy Bullock who was a 2nd round pick and was a rare minor league arm in the system who could strike people out from the bullpen.  In case you're curious in AA for Atlanta this year he's pitched 37 innings, allowed 29 hits, walked 19, and struck out fucking 53.  Good thing they don't need him though.

-  Looks like while I was taking out the trash/slicing some celery/making a drink the Twins tied it up and then left Diamond in for too long, brought in Phil Dumacrap, and now they're about to get swept in this double-header, the exact double header they could have used to basically slingshot start into a second half pennant run.  Nice.

-  Speaking of Wonderbaby^TM back whenever I mentioned her she's now somehow gotten to the age where going to bed is equivalent in terribleness to the holocaust.   Honest to god I think she's insane.  She will completely agree to "Ok, one more Phineas and Ferb and then it's bedtime.  No whining, no crying, no fighting" and say those exact words and everything but the minute that show is over and I tell her it's really bedtime we're looking at meltdown city.  This one time she actually grabbed the scimitar I keep on the counter and took a swipe at me.  True story.

-  Requisite picture of my idiot kids:

And here's a picture of my kick-ass son trying to house a chicken wing despite being significantly tooth-challenged:

-  Is it insensitive to say that Chuck James looks like he has either the AIDS or the cancer?  Because if it is then I totally didn't say that, it was a friend of mine who wanted to know.

-  Pitches like one too.

-  Freakin' Babe Plouffe indeed.  Too bad everyone else on the team sucks more balls than your mom.

-  I hate the Twins and I hate all of you.