Oh Come On!

Obviously even the most casual and rational sports fan knows the NBA Lottery is occasionally rigged - Ewing to the Knicks, Webber (Penny) to the Magic, Duncan to the Spurs, and LeBron to the Cavs are all pretty obvious examples - but I've never seen a more obvious case of rigging than tonight.  I mean really?  In a draft with one of the most obvious number one picks in recent memory the Cleveland Cavaliers snagged the #1 pick, moving up from the 8th spot (a pick they acquired from the Clippers), just one year after their previous savior, franchise identity, city identity, and generally Mr. Cleveland personified ripped the city's heart out in the most public and humiliating way possible.

I mean come on.  It's hard to feel too pissed because what LeBron did was a legitimate cold blooded move that brought the city to it's knees, not to mention Cleveland is such a moribund sports town that they could use some good fortune, but what the hell about us?  The Gophers suck at everything and the one time they were good was only because they were cheating so badly that it's still the scandal against which all academic fraud is measured.  The Vikings cycle in high/low spurts where the highs culminate in pure heartbreak.  The Wolves haven't had a winning season since 1957.  The Twins, the tough little engine that could until it ran into a big bad engine in the playoffs every year, have finally run out of gas and are sliding back down the hill into a canyon of doom.  And the Wild, well, I don't actually know anything about them because hockey is for douchebags.

Sure, the Wolves got the #2 pick, which normally would be great.  However this is a 1-player draft, even if I like Derrick Williams.  Just like when they had the #3 pick in a two-player draft and were stuck with Laettner, or the #4 in a 3-player draft and got Donyell Marshall, or the #3 in a two-player draft and took OJ Mayo (ok that one worked out with the Love trade).  Like I said I like Derrick Williams and think he'll be a solid pro, borderline all-star, and a good pick, but he's just non-consensus enough that the Wolves could end up talking themselves into some foreign dork or Tweener McGee (Kawhi Leonard).  This just opens the door, again, for a chronically mismanaged franchise to get mismanaged again.  Honest to god, if they ever wanted to contract a couple of teams in the NBA can you come up with a single possible argument against getting rid of the Wolves?  I sure as hell can't.

God I hate sports.  Even our one great shining hope year after year is now dead, with the Twins sucking worse than your mom.  I don't even know where it ends.  1998 NFC Championship game.  41-donut.  Swept by the Yankees every year.  Final Four berth stripped.  Monson.  McHale.  Brewster.  David Ortiz winning a championship.  Kevin Garnett winning a championship.  Randy Moss breaking every receiving record with the Patriots.  The Joe Smith debacle.  Isaiah Junior J.R. Jay Rider.  Sex boat.  Favre throwing across his body.  The Randy Moss trade.  Marty Cordova.  The Johan Santana trade.  Troy Williamson.  Ndudi Ebi.  Marbury forcing his way out and killing the future.  Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau's constant injuries.  Olowokandi and the taser.  Gopher basketball players fleeing the program.  The mismanagement of Rico Tucker.  Malik Sealy.  Gopher basketball rapists.  Gopher football rapists.    Darko's contract.  Baseball from 1993-2000.  Gopher basketball since 2000.  Gopher football since the 40s.  Latrell Sprewell and feeding his family.  Sid Hartman.  Patrick Reusse.  Paul Allen.  Jeff Dubay.  Alexi Casilla.

I am sure I could go on, but after Casilla I just can't do it anymore.  I was planning on writing more but what's the point.  I think I'm going to start watching SyFy movies again.  They don't break my heart.  As much.