Saturday, December 2, 2017

10 Things I Like and Don't Like About the Gopher Season So far.

Ok first off, for the six of you who are excited about this calm down.  This is probably my only post this year but I'm on a sweet mix of beer and vodka and a killer crocodile movie so here goes nothing.

1.  Jordan Murphy.  Duh, right?  Dude is amazing.  I went to the exhibition game against somebody all by myself not because I'm a loser with no friends but because everyone else was too smart to waste their time is what I tell myself and he looked hugely strong man big kill guy.  And it's continued.  In that game he showed a nice jump hook and a refined free throw stroke that didn't look like a high school wrestler trying to shoot.  I was like uh oh Big 10.  And yeah.  He can do it all.  I've been checking all the mock drafts these days to make sure he's not on the NBA radar.  He's not!  Two more years! (One more?  One and a half?).

2.  Isaiah Washington.  Did he mostly look like garbage against Miami?  Yes.  Is he pretty god damned out of control?  Yes.  Does he clearly believe his own hype and fame because of that Jelly stuff?  Yes.  Am i optimistic anyway?  Yes.  Look dummies, that Miami game is going to be huge because he, I hope, learned what a real big time game is.  The moment was too big, and he tried to do to much.  I believe this because I have to, but I actually do.  But I have to also.

3.  Nate Mason's hair.  Why?  No.  Keep the fro thingy.  Then I'm at the game and I was like "hey my stupid brother who is that tall black guy" and he's like "that's Eric Curry" and I'm like Eric no what happened to your hair.

4.  Nate Mason.  Oh yeah him too.  I love this guy.  He's got that sorta outa control but also sorta totes in control thing mastered.  I love when they play him off the ball now that we have Jelly to handle the ball and only turn it over half the time because Mason can shoot and can thrive sometimes.  Also man did he hate that little wiener dude on Miami who guarded him.  That guy was annoying.

5. Three point defense.  Other than last year for whatever reason the Gopher's three point defense is always awful and I swear it's bad luck. Like when that fat wiener for Miami banked in that three.  There are just so many terrible shots that go in against this team.  But it's a consistent year over year trend that they suck at defending the three.  But I watch the games and it seems like it's a lot of luck.  I don't know what it is.  It's like Schroedinger's 3-pointer.  Ok not really but I wanted to sound smart for once.

6.  Flo Rida.  Low is running through my head right now so I guess that's a feather in my cap.  Speaking of feathers in your cap, you ever meet someone who says that don't like Seinfeld?  What is the deal with these people?  And I don't mean old people who don't find anything funny (hi dad), I mean like people who should have grown up with this show.  When someone admits this I just stare at them the whole night like they're a monkey masturbating at the zoo.  And how awesome is Silicon Valley by the way?  I've watched every episode like 4 times.  This is relevant because Flo Rida plays at Peter Gregory's toga party in season 1.

7.  Reggie fucking Lynch.  If you don't love this guy we can't be friends.  He's just a monster and he's staying out of foul trouble now and it's amazing.  I mean he's not as good as what I wanted Antoine Broxsie to be, but he's amazing.  And I love watching him post up.  He looks like a giant man who was recently introduced to basketball going against children.  He's not really sure what to do, but he's going to do that weird half hook shot thing that is both ugly and beautiful and throw it at the rim area.  It might go in, it might not, but he's trying.  That dumb guy from Miami (Huell) kinda did a great job against him and scored a lot when he shouldn't have but I'm going to assume that was an abberration.  Also Miami is really good.  Also I can't spell abberration.

8.  Still Got Hope.  If you're looking for more regular basketball postings in the vein of sports are stupid but also sports are awesome you should hit up Still Got Hope which I would link if I wasn't so lazy.  Just do  I think.  West Coast Jack post their basketball stuff when he sometimes feels like it, but the football stuff is quiet good.  I think they have like 17 writes too so it's non stop.  I've also met many of them and destroyed several at bags one time.  I'm sure if you're here you're already aware of them, but just in case and also I wanted to mention them so they will be nice to me.

9.  Dupree McBrayer.  I have loved this guy since day 1, and the Miami showed just how important he is.  Not neccessarly because he's amazing, even though he's quite good at sports, but because Mason needs someone he can play off.  Washington will probably be that guy eventually, but McBrayer is just perfect.  He's smooth, he's capable, he's confident and unflappable, and he's left-handed.  If anyone doesn't appreciate this guy make them watch the Miami game.  He is exactly what they needed and I hope his injury isn't some kind of flesh eating bacteria that starts a global epidemic.  I'm just saying leg infection sounds like something that starts a zombie thing.  And I don't own a gun or a bunker.

10.  Season outlook. I'm happy I haven't seen many people too down on the Miami result.  That team is really good, and the undermanned Gophers really didn't do much wrong (other than Washington).  Remember those two shots almost Gopher JaQuan Newton hit late in the second half?  Perfect defense, he just hit a couple of turnaround jumpers with a hand in his face.  Yeah, that guy is like the fourth option on this team, a team who also has a possible future lottery pick who is barely involved in the offense.  That team is great and a Final Four contender.  While so are the Gophers.  They can hang with anybody, Miami just had their number.  If the Gophers don't start 2-0 in the Big Ten, well, then we can talk.  For now, they should be 2nd or 3rd in the conference.  That's good!

Ok bye.  This fucking crocodile movie is really stupid.  Also, I'll probably post again in like 11 months. There are a lot of typos here.

1 comment:

rghrbek said...

wwww....glad you posted

Gophers have looked, well not good since that Miami game. The blow out against NE was awful. Losing to AK would have been acceptable if not blown out. Barely beating Drake...ugh.

I know Pitino can recruit, but I still think the coaching things is up in the air. Why run pick and rolls when the bigs roll and nobody, and I mean nobody will find them...wide open...for a lay up or dunk?

Defense in general has been pretty shitty.

Here is to hoping you post some more, and here is to hoping the gophers don't piss away this season.